game journalism is a joke

How To Write a Sonic Related Article Or Video In Gaming Journalism

- Make a remark that goes along the lines of something like, “Sonic has seen better days.”, or “Times have been rough for Sonic”.

- Bring up Sonic 06, or negatively mention Sonic’s relationship with Princess Elise in the game, even if it has absolutely nothing to do with what your article or video is supposed to be covering. The Sonic Boom games are also acceptable targets.

- Make mention of “Sonic’s shitty friends” as supposed detractors of the modern games.

- Mention the official Sonic Twitter and how it’s apparently God’s gift to mankind because it posts memes or some shit.

- Nitpick the slightest flaws in modern Sonic games, or the franchise, at every single corner.

- Make some jab towards Big the Cat.

- Bring up the “Sonic Cycle” as proof that Sonic is dead.

- Claim that the Sonic franchise was never good.

- Criticize the franchise doing something that other franchises get praise for.

- Never bring up games like Sonic Colors, Generations, or any of the games released on the Game Boy Advanced or DS. Actually, just pretend like they never even happened, and keep your eyes focused on all of the “bad” games that have been released during the 2000’s period. If someone brings up Unleashed to you, pull your “Werehog” card to try and instantly invalidate them. If that doesn’t work, then pull your “Storybook games” card. If someone says Sonic Adventure 1 & 2, or Heroes, then use the “Sonic’s shitty friends” card. If all else fails, then resort back to 06 and the Shadow the Hedgehog game.

- Say something pertaining to, “Ow, the edge!”.

- Say some overused to death memes in general.

- Talk down to, or even insult, the fandom, or the very notion that the franchise even has fans.

- Give it a very click-bait title, normally in a negative fashion like swearing that it’s the end for Sonic, or something to that degree. Do whatever you can to get those views and ad revenue!

- Make a claim that Sega just needs to retire Sonic already, despite the franchise still being a pretty big money maker for Sega.

- In the true tradition of journalism, spew as much lies and misinformation as possible regarding the franchise, it’s games, and even it’s characters. Don’t do any research, and don’t check any scources at all. Make sure to have as much of a biased slant as possible, and excerise absolutely no neutrality and objectivity!

Add onto this, if I missed anything.