game for the cure

Okay guys, I know we’re all upset that this time, Steam screwed over the release of DDADDS, and who knows if the game will be released tonight because of it. But let’s appreciate the fact the devs learned from last time to keep us posted. Let’s appreciate that they’re doing their best to release this game they’re so ready to share with us.

And let’s appreciate the fact that, while the game to most folks hasn’t been unlocked, the review copies of the game HAVE been for reviewers. Which gives us such an amazing screenshot as this.

Guys. We can choose our wife to be our HUSBAND instead!!! I’m living!!! I’m so happy!!!

Basically, This is Basically What Every Dr. Phil Episode is Basically Like Basically
  • Dr. Phil: Hello, I am Doctor Philip, and today we'll be tackling an issue that is very widespread, but rarely spoken about. Gaming addiction. Now, I know many of you know at least one person in your life who plays video games, whether that be a child or, in some cases, a spouse.
  • Audience: *laughs*
  • Dr. Phil: But, when unregulated, gaming can lead to serious addiction. Today I have with me a mother who's home life has been torn apart as her very own son descended into gaming addiction.
  • Mother: *sniffing and wiping tears away* Hello, doctor. Will you cure my son?
  • Dr. Phil: Well, dear, that's... uhh. Let's just bring the boy out already.
  • *dramatic music plays*
  • Gamer: My name is Gregg, I'm 19 years old, I'm a gaming addict, and I don't give a f*ck.
  • Audience: *gasps*
  • Gamer: Yeah, I game for 19 to 20 hours a day and the other four hours I use for looking up sick gaming strats or beating it to anime porn. I once sucked off a dude because he offered me minecraft diamonds. I don't give a sh*t, I would've sucked him off even if he didn't have the diamonds.
  • Audience: *gasps louder*
  • Gamer: Do I hate women? Yes, I hate women. I've emailed Anita Sarkeesian my address. She knows where I am if she wants to fight me. Feminists, square the fuck up. People always ask why I don't do anything other than gaming. I ask them why don't they mind their own f*cking business. I don't think I have a problem. Dr. Phil can honestly eat my whole an*s.
  • Gamer: *walks out onto the stage*
  • Audience: *boos*
  • Gamer: F*ck all y'all! I don't give a f*ck! *flips off the audience*
  • Dr. Phil: Please take a seat, son.
  • Gamer: *sits very disrespectfully*
  • Mother: *starts bawling*
  • Dr. Phil: Son, do you think that was acceptable behavior?
  • Gamer: The only behavior I care about is the behavioral patterns for enemies in the S.T.A.L.K.E.R. series. I love video games: Master chief, Mario, uhm, Blinx the Cat... Blasto. Love those guys!
  • Audience: *boos*
  • Gamer: I don't care! You think I care! F*ck all y'all!
  • Dr. Phil: All these people are booing you, doesn't that make you feel bad?
  • Gamer: Are you deaf? Have I not articulated the fact that I absolutely 100% do not care about anything except for video games? I. DON'T. GIVE. A. F*CK.
  • Mother: He's always like this, there's no changing him. It didn't used to be this way... just *starts bawling harder*
  • Dr. Phil: I think there is a way to change him, and we'll find out more about that after these messages.
  • *Dr. Phil theme plays*
  • *The lights dim and every goes empty eyed and slack-jawed*
  • Gamer: Heh, this is weird. *nudges mom and whispers to her* Hey, we're getting paid for this, right. Hey, mom? ...Mom?
  • Mother: *completely unresponsive*
  • Dr. Phil: *completely unresponsive*
  • Audience: *completely unresponsive*
  • Gamer: Heh... this is REALLY weird. *looks around nervously*
  • Audience member: Hey!
  • Gamer: Huh?
  • Audience Member: I'm in the audience! Over here! My arms are strapped to the chair! You have to help me!
  • Gamer: *runs to the audience member*
  • Audience Member: Thank god, I thought I was the only one here left with any brains.
  • Gamer: *hastily undoing the straps* What the fuck is going on?
  • Audience Member: I don't know, but this definitely isn't Dr. Phil's show.
  • Gamer: Then what is it?
  • Audience Member: No clue, but we have to get out of here before the commercial breaks ends.
  • Gamer: *successfully undoes the straps*
  • Audience Member: C'mon! Let's go. *grabs the gamer by the arm*
  • Gamer: *resists* Wait a fucking minute. Why am I supposed to trust you?
  • Audience Member: Because I'm normal and everyone else is braindead if you haven't noticed.
  • Gamer: Yeah, but I'm not going anywhere until I know what's going on. Being on Dr. Phil is a huge opportunity for me to, y'know, advertise my brand. I'm a gamer if you haven't noticed.
  • Audience Member: Are you insane? Have you had a look around you? Does this anything happening right now seem normal to you? Who cares about your "brand". Do you even remember how you got here?
  • Gamer: Well... now that you mention, I can't really remember exactly.
  • Audience Member: Yeah, now let's get the fuck out of here.
  • *the gamer and audience member run through the back exit into the hallways*
  • *the Dr. Phil theme blares as the show returns from commercial break*
  • Gamer: My ears!
  • Audience Member: Move it! *jerks gamer's arm*
  • Gamer: Okay, calm down.
  • *the entire audience screams in unison*
  • Gamer: What the fuck is that!?
  • Audience Member: It's the reason we're running! Quick, in here!
  • *the duo duck into a cramped broom closest*
  • Gamer: Listen, you have to tell me what the fuck is going on right now!
  • Audience Member: Shh.
  • Gamer: Don't shush me!
  • Audience Member: *covers the gamer's mouth*
  • *agonized screaming and violently rumbling passes by the broom closest*
  • Gamer: Holy shit!
  • Audience Member: Stop yelling.
  • Gamer: How can I not yell when it sounds the gates of hell just passed by us!
  • Audience Member: You want it to turn back around and find us?
  • Gamer: Alright. I'll calm down... I'll. *start sobbing*
  • Audience Member: Please, please stop crying. You're too loud.
  • Gamer: I can't! I'm under a lot of stress!
  • Audience Member: You'll be dead if you don't shut the fuck.
  • Gamer: I never wanted any of this, I just wanted to go on Dr. Phil so people would recognize me on YouTube and I could become a popular Let's Player!
  • Audience Member: If you don't shut up right now, I'll-
  • *a snake bites the audience member's neck*
  • Audience Member: *eyes roll up*
  • Gamer: *screams like a baby*
  • *snakes slither under the closet door*
  • Gamer: *stumbles out of the closet and falls into hallway covered with snakes* Fuck me! Fuck me!
  • Gamer: *attempts to run away but falls beneath the snakes and into and empty void*
  • *agonized screaming echoes from all around*
  • Gamer: Am I in hell? I have to be in hell. You don't fall through a pool of snakes and wind up anywhere else but hell.
  • Dr. Phil: THERE IS NO HELL.
  • Gamer: Doc, is that you? If this isn't hell then where am I?
  • Dr. Phil: YOU'RE IN MY REALM SON. *Dr. Phil's face appears glowing in the distance, his eyes are empty sockets and his mouth hangs open*
  • Gamer: What the fuck are you?
  • Dr. Phil: I'M DOCTOR PHILIP.
  • Gamer: You're not Dr. Phil!
  • Dr. Phil: I NEVER SAID I WAS, SON. *a wall of gray human bodies lights up surrounding Dr. Phil's massive head, dr. phil's giant snake body slithers towards the gamer and opens its third eye* I'M DOCTOR PHILIP.
  • *the wall of bodies screams in unison as Dr. Phil devours the gamer*
  • *Dr. Phil theme plays loudly*
  • Dr. Phil: THE NEXT EPISODE IS STARTING. I'M LATE. *slithers into the wall of bodies and his snake body slowly transforms into a normal Dr. Phil's body*
  • Dr. Phil: *crawls onto the stage*
  • Dr. Phil: *dusts himself off* Woo, I went on quite an adventure.
  • Audience: *laughs*
  • Dr. Phil: I'm glad we can all find some time in our lives to laugh, but today's episode is covering something that is most certainly not a laughing matter. It's one of the most serious addictions striking America today and it's rarely talked about. I'm talking about people who love to pee on their mattresses and then pay people exorbitant amounts of money to suck their disgusting mattresses clean.
  • Audience: ... *someone clears their throat*
  • Dr. Phil: What's the matter?
  • Cameraguy: Spsss, Doc. That's not what the episode is about. It's about people with terrible gambling issues.
  • Dr. Phil: Oh, ah, fuck! Cut to commercial!

Felmar’s potion of Cure Disease

I fell sick with dengue fever (damn skeevers!) recently and dear friend Felmar from the College of Winterhold very generously sent me this recipe. Having tested it myself, it’s simple and delicious and thankfully does not require standard Cure Disease potion ingredients like vampire dust which are not known to taste very nice! All credit to @fokkentaad (thank you for helping me get well!)

“Although this may be better for a sore throat than a fever, here’s a recipe for a potion of cure disease that I’ve picked up over the years, not a lot of precise measurement involved, but I’ll throw some estimates”

You’ll need:
- One pint fresh strawberries
- equal amount black or white cherries, pitted
- equal amount blueberries or blackberries, up to your personal preference
- one lemon
- 1 cup of sugar
- a heaping tablespoon of honey

Simply toss all the fruit into a large pot, and fill most of the way with water
Boil, occasionally stirring and skimming off the foam that comes to the surface, until the fruits have blistered and blanched, and the solution has taken on a deep red color
Add the sugar, honey, and the juice from the lemon (zest too if you want it to actually taste of lemon), then continue stirring over the heat until the sugar and honey are dissolved
Filter (or don’t) into a large pitcher to cool, or ladle straight into a mug if you want it hot

Best of luck, and a quick recovery to you Dovahkiin
~Felmar, professor of alchemy at the College of Winterhold

I once saw a space australia post that aliens would freak out about our current way to treat people with medicine, surgeries and stuff. Lets say, transplant an organ from a dead person into a not so healthy, still living person, but this is, in my eyes, pretty humane and we can ensure that everything is sterile and the patient will survive at this point in time.

Aliens could freak about it, I’m not saying they couldn’t do that, but they would really lose their minds when they found out about our medical history of treating patients. Lets say they ask a doctor about medical history or found earth shows about this topic and end up aghast and nauseated at what humans done to themselves in earlier times.

I’ve been listening a lot to Sawbones, a podcast about medical history, lately and boy howdy am I glad that the medical field isn’t a giant guessing game anymore and we can cure a lot of things, if not all, but at least the doctors now know what they’re doing for most things.

I’m not even talking about when we blamed a sickness on the supernatural, but when we would do stuff like trepanation or lobotomies. Or patent medicines, that weren’t patented at all, but cure alls that cured absolutely nothing and tobacco, alcohol and opium much like some pretty poisonous things, like mercury, arsenic and radiation, were also in this category.
There was also the four humors system, were humans thought that there were four fluids in your body that you had to keep in balance to be in perfect health, were most likely the trend to go to your local barber surgeon for bloodletting came from, you’d also go there to get your rotten teeth removed.
Or how we treated woman and mentally ill people in the past. Or dead humans that were used in medical cannibalism.

Medical history on earth would be the biggest horror story for aliens.

Then there are always humans who romanticize almost every part of history. I don’t get this at all, like we still have milk shakes and racism, why would anyone want to live in the 1950’s? And if you would go back even further down in history, health conditions and everything else would just get worse and worse. Aliens would be flabbergasted at this.

youtube

THIS. IVE BEEN LAUGHING MY ASS OFF AT THIS FOR OVER AN HOUR.