galahad the pure

list of things impossible to hate:

  • loretta cristiano amodio 
  • loretta cristiano amodio
  • loretta cristiano amodio
  • loretta cristiano amodio
  • loretta cristiano amodio
  • loretta cristiano amodio

Lancelot’s appearance makes me want to talk about the knights’ abilities for a bit. So we all know Shadow’s baus and what-not, but making him Lancelot was a good choice not just from a rivalry-with-Arthur kind of standpoint, but because Lancelot was known for performing miracles.

As the father of Galahad, the only knight pure enough to behold the Holy Grail, Lancelot strove all his life for spiritual purity. God had blessed him with the gift of being able to perform miracles—sometimes this gift was predicated on his physical virtue (his virginity and swearing off physical pursuits—ahem), which was a problem because he loved Guinevere and the thought that he’d lost God’s favor because of this “sin” caused him anguish. 

For a while he was driven mad because he thought that his “virtue” had been robbed of him by Elaine of Corbenic (who later gave birth to Galahad), and spent a year (or maybe more, I can’t remember) in the woods in a stupor until he was brought back. (Sonic stumbles across this Lancelot in the woods, too. Just sayin’.)

Parallels? Need I explain?

Shadow, too, was gifted by his creator with special powers, until he was “driven mad” by his creator’s reprogramming robbing him of his virtue. He, too, wandered in a stupor until someone brought him back.

It’s also to note, that even for as hard as Lancelot angsted (seriously, he’s the ultimate woobie), his powers never truly left him. It was the weight of guilt that crushed him. According to Malory, only he of all of Arthur’s knights could heal the wounds of Sir Urre, and when Lancelot successfully pulled it off, instead of rejoicing with his friends, he wept like a small child.

Lastly, Lancelot’s final miracle was to make his dead body emit a heavenly fragrance, signifying his soul had ascended.

Premise: Because I rose to the challenge of speaking entirely in limericks, the GM decided to put me in more and more positions wherein I would have to perform, just to mess with me. We were at a royal ball for this particular instance.

GM: *steepling his fingers like an anime villain* You have been asked to perform. Remember your restrictions.

Me (OOC): Like you would ever make me forget. I take the stage and begin to play my lute.

GM: Roll for Perform


Me: Now I tell you a tale
       Of some Pythons and a Grail
       We start in Anthrax,
       A castle, true facts,
       With virgins begging to be nailed.

GM: Are you seriously doing Monty Python and the Holy Grail right now?

Wizard (OOC): I cast Amplify Voice on him. I want the entire kingdom to hear this.

Me: Galahad was a knight quite pure
       His leanings, indeed, demure.
       Anthrax ladies seemed querulous,
       His position, quite perilous,
       Indeed he needed a rescuer.

       Enter Lancelot to the fray!
       He kept the horny ladies at bay.
       Galahad was dragged
       And Lancelot bragged
       About how he saved him that day.

       Yet still, Galahad groaned,
       for, if about Lancelot he had known
       he wouldn’t consider it sin
       if he decided to put in
       to eight score ladies, his bone.

*the entire table starts laughing, with the obvious exception of the GM*

GM: I’m going to give you 500 points of RP experience for that, but only because of the appropriate use of the word “querulous”.

Okay but A Kid in King Arthur’s Court. 

Eggsy steals the car and is knocked out in the crash.

Eggsy ends up time traveling to King Arthur’s Court and wicked right?

Only goddamn does he miss proper toilets and he doesn’t even know what is going on with the food.

And it turns out Arthur is a super dick.

But magic is real and Merlin is fucking aces so Eggsy spends all his time with him as Merlin can see that he’s clearly from another time. And Merlin tries to gain all the knowledge he can from the traveler.

And then Galahad shows up returned from a quest and he is as beautiful and noble as the stories always suggested.

So colour Eggsy surprised as hell, when he walks in on the pure Galahad sitting on Merlin’s lap and them kissing desperately. They are terrified at being caught, but Eggsy being 21st century is all chill, my time that’s totally cool, you guys can even get married now.

They look at each other and then Eggsy and ask if relationship with 3 are treated similarly.

“Nah, I mean they happen, and people are supposed to be cool, but judgmental wankers everywhere. But you ain’t going to be like in trouble or nofing for it. Why?”

And Eggsy ends up in bed with them. They fall in love and Eggsy learns to sword fight and he teaches Galahad to Parkour and then the final battle happens and just as they are about to reach him, Merlin and Galahad watch as Eggsy fades away.

Eggsy wakes back up in his life in that car like no time has passed. He’s taken to lock up and demands his one phone call. But he realizes he has no one to call. So he orders a pizza.

The cop comes in furious and lets Eggsy go. Eggsy has no idea what is going on, until he sees a posh man in a suit paying for his pizza.

And it’s fucking Galahad.

“I go by Harry now.” He says before Eggsy can talk. “Merlin, is of course still Merlin. Here is your food. Now come along.”

Eggsy follows all the way to the tailor shop, holding the pizza.

They sink through the floor and eventually make it to Merlin, who is now bald.

“Sorry lad, I know ye liked the hair. But making us immortal until we could find you again has some costs. Used almost all of my magic.”

“Do you know how frightfully boring the Victorians were?” Harry grumbled.

“I dreamed you. All of it was just a fucking dream?”

“Or magic used to be real, and we used the last of it to make it to you. Oh and become super spies who save the world.” Harry grinned. “Want to join?”

“Hell yes.” Eggsy said, and pulled his two fairy tale heroes close and didn’t let go.

Holy Grail

Which Knights of the round table would the gang be from Monty Python and The Holy Grail?

Hux: King Arthur (because they are both ginger!).

Phasma: Sir Bedevere the Wise.

Poe: Sir Lancelot the Brave.

Rey: Sir Galahad the Pure.

Finn: Sir Robin the-not-so-brave-as-Sir-Lancelot.

Kylo: The Black knight.

Luke: Sir Not-appearing-in-this-film.

Eggsy is fucking me up if only because he’s 100% a portrait of negative stereotypes of poor working class Britain on the surface but that’s never TREATED as a negative, not except by stuck up snobs, every choice Eggsy has made has been related to his family, everything he does is an effort to do the right thing, of course he couldn’t possible be Lancelot, of COURSE he’s Galahad, the pure hearted.

I just

Eggsy Unwin!!