galahad the pure

When students leave my class on the first day

They’re like:

(or any day, really)

list of things impossible to hate:

  • loretta cristiano amodio 
  • loretta cristiano amodio
  • loretta cristiano amodio
  • loretta cristiano amodio
  • loretta cristiano amodio
  • loretta cristiano amodio

Premise: Because I rose to the challenge of speaking entirely in limericks, the GM decided to put me in more and more positions wherein I would have to perform, just to mess with me. We were at a royal ball for this particular instance.

GM: *steepling his fingers like an anime villain* You have been asked to perform. Remember your restrictions.

Me (OOC): Like you would ever make me forget. I take the stage and begin to play my lute.

GM: Roll for Perform


Me: Now I tell you a tale
       Of some Pythons and a Grail
       We start in Anthrax,
       A castle, true facts,
       With virgins begging to be nailed.

GM: Are you seriously doing Monty Python and the Holy Grail right now?

Wizard (OOC): I cast Amplify Voice on him. I want the entire kingdom to hear this.

Me: Galahad was a knight quite pure
       His leanings, indeed, demure.
       Anthrax ladies seemed querulous,
       His position, quite perilous,
       Indeed he needed a rescuer.

       Enter Lancelot to the fray!
       He kept the horny ladies at bay.
       Galahad was dragged
       And Lancelot bragged
       About how he saved him that day.

       Yet still, Galahad groaned,
       for, if about Lancelot he had known
       he wouldn’t consider it sin
       if he decided to put in
       to eight score ladies, his bone.

*the entire table starts laughing, with the obvious exception of the GM*

GM: I’m going to give you 500 points of RP experience for that, but only because of the appropriate use of the word “querulous”.


Galahad and Lancelot

I’m sure I’m going to make some people miffed with this portrayal of these two, but whatever.

Instead of the absentee father, I went with Lancelot being an awkward single dad raising Galahad while juggling a career as a warrior. I’ve been inspired by Corvo and Emily (Dishonored) and Bobby and Hank Hill. Actually, if I had one way to describe them, they’re both like Bobby and Hank Hill, just because Lancelot sometimes has the emotional depth of a teaspoon and raising a girl is extremely awkward when you’re a general of some army and the best friend of a king.

Galahad is still a cute, happy child and rather make emphasis on chastity or whatever as a part of Galahad’s purity, I place an emphasis on Galahad being, well, pure of heart because she’s a kid and this goes back to the idea that Galahad is connected to the paranormal Cauldron of Rebirth because of her being a child and kids are believed to have more a connection the spiritual world. Galahad will become a very bad ass knight one day thanks to her dad. While Lancelot isn’t the most affectionate father, you bet he is a papa bear with his kid.


Anyway, Lancelot and his family are Sarmatians that settled in Gaul! I borrowed this idea from the 2004 King Arthur movie. But it says that the Sarmatians were Iranian people so I felt like it would be more fitting to, uh, you know, make them look like that. The armor is really hard to find, let alone a child’s clothing. Galahad’s clothing is a hosh posh of things but the armor for both of them is taken from Sarmatians/Scythian/Alan armor.

All of these things are a pain in the ass researching, fyi.


In Arthurian legend, Sir Lancelot is “The Brave” and Sir Galahad is “The Pure.” Therefore, it is fitting that Eggsy does not earn the title of Lancelot and instead goes on to take Harry’s place as Galahad, as Eggsy demonstrates repeatedly in the film that he is pure of heart, and Roxy earns the Lancelot title by conquering her fear.- (x)

Okay but A Kid in King Arthur’s Court. 

Eggsy steals the car and is knocked out in the crash.

Eggsy ends up time traveling to King Arthur’s Court and wicked right?

Only goddamn does he miss proper toilets and he doesn’t even know what is going on with the food.

And it turns out Arthur is a super dick.

But magic is real and Merlin is fucking aces so Eggsy spends all his time with him as Merlin can see that he’s clearly from another time. And Merlin tries to gain all the knowledge he can from the traveler.

And then Galahad shows up returned from a quest and he is as beautiful and noble as the stories always suggested.

So colour Eggsy surprised as hell, when he walks in on the pure Galahad sitting on Merlin’s lap and them kissing desperately. They are terrified at being caught, but Eggsy being 21st century is all chill, my time that’s totally cool, you guys can even get married now.

They look at each other and then Eggsy and ask if relationship with 3 are treated similarly.

“Nah, I mean they happen, and people are supposed to be cool, but judgmental wankers everywhere. But you ain’t going to be like in trouble or nofing for it. Why?”

And Eggsy ends up in bed with them. They fall in love and Eggsy learns to sword fight and he teaches Galahad to Parkour and then the final battle happens and just as they are about to reach him, Merlin and Galahad watch as Eggsy fades away.

Eggsy wakes back up in his life in that car like no time has passed. He’s taken to lock up and demands his one phone call. But he realizes he has no one to call. So he orders a pizza.

The cop comes in furious and lets Eggsy go. Eggsy has no idea what is going on, until he sees a posh man in a suit paying for his pizza.

And it’s fucking Galahad.

“I go by Harry now.” He says before Eggsy can talk. “Merlin, is of course still Merlin. Here is your food. Now come along.”

Eggsy follows all the way to the tailor shop, holding the pizza.

They sink through the floor and eventually make it to Merlin, who is now bald.

“Sorry lad, I know ye liked the hair. But making us immortal until we could find you again has some costs. Used almost all of my magic.”

“Do you know how frightfully boring the Victorians were?” Harry grumbled.

“I dreamed you. All of it was just a fucking dream?”

“Or magic used to be real, and we used the last of it to make it to you. Oh and become super spies who save the world.” Harry grinned. “Want to join?”

“Hell yes.” Eggsy said, and pulled his two fairy tale heroes close and didn’t let go.

Holy Grail

Which Knights of the round table would the gang be from Monty Python and The Holy Grail?

Hux: King Arthur (because they are both ginger!).

Phasma: Sir Bedevere the Wise.

Poe: Sir Lancelot the Brave.

Rey: Sir Galahad the Pure.

Finn: Sir Robin the-not-so-brave-as-Sir-Lancelot.

Kylo: The Black knight.

Luke: Sir Not-appearing-in-this-film.

Nerd Moment: OUAT & the Holy Grail of Excalibur.

The wonderful and incredible writer of @mgcircles @wedlakeserenities asked me to Nerd Moment the Holy Grail and I couldn’t say no. If you are not 

The idea of the Holy Grail has been around for thousands of years. We have seen in it everything from Arthurian Legend, Templar history, Indiana Jones & the Last Crusade and Dan Brown’s writing. During Nimue OUAT took it’s turn in creating it’s very own version of not only the Grail legend but Excalibur and even the Spear of Destiny. 

In every version of the Grail legend the cup,which is the most common image of it, can give life. In Indiana Jones, Indy brings the cup to his father so he can drink and heal his wound. In some Templar legend the Grail is not a cup but the Gospel of Jesus Christ but in most it is the Holy cup. The Templar’s searching for the Grail is a story that became popular during the height of their existence. Some even have written that the Grail is the womb of the woman who birthed Christ children because after all he was a Jewish Rabbi and would have followed his traditions. The most notable Grail legends of all are the ones that come from Arthurian legend. Coming from Arthurian legend the idea of Excalibur being forged from the Grail makes complete sense. 

Keep reading

Eggsy is fucking me up if only because he’s 100% a portrait of negative stereotypes of poor working class Britain on the surface but that’s never TREATED as a negative, not except by stuck up snobs, every choice Eggsy has made has been related to his family, everything he does is an effort to do the right thing, of course he couldn’t possible be Lancelot, of COURSE he’s Galahad, the pure hearted.

I just

Eggsy Unwin!!