gabriel's dumb things

What if McCree in the Junkenstein Verse was like. Habitually had his loved ones become monsters. Like his original parents and family became monsters that he had to kill for his own survival. The Reaper took him in when he was 17 and the Gunslinger earned his name. Then his new dad betrayed his friends and made a deal with the Witch and forced to serve her, undying, forever, until he is “slain by the one who loves him the most” and the Gunslinger just. HAS to put a bullet between his eyes and Reaper begs for it to end his slavery to the Witch and then he’s dead.

And that’s when he later finds out that the Oni he was hired to destroy is actually his old buddy The Archer from when he defended the door of Adlersbrun and he breaks down and can’t BELIEVE the Archer LIED TO HIM

A lot of friends are sad or angry or just not feeling good tonight. If I didn’t have the charisma of a lukewarm baked potato, I would try to help, but I know I would only make things worse. :(

Instead the only thing I know how to do is post some random, amusing gifs. They won’t solve your problems, but they might make you smile a little.


“also look at my shoulderpads!!”

“phil are u sure this is part of the show”

“ow, fuck–”

pope john paul 2: pope harder

hot men of Genesis are waiting to take your call! Dial 1-800-SEX-TONY


geddy stop trying to seduce me or not

the wild booty man strikes again (someone stop him)

Phil finally had enough of the dumb interview questions

“and then I realized how OLD I really am…”

butt dance in ur pants

the dinner party was a shameful disaster

and finally, hugs for mr grumpybutt (and for everyone else tonight. Hang in there, friends, it’ll be ok).

I was feeling bad about not writing a lot recently when I realized that @smergrl3495​ and I have pretty much been trading ficlets over chat so I’m going to post a few of them to make myself feel better

this appears almost exactly as I had written it in chat, with a few minor additions and better grammar lol

Summary: Jesse takes care of Gabe during a panic attack.

fucking hell I just thought about Gabe having a panic attack

fuck like

fuck ok just

Gabe’s having a hell of a week, he’s got too much fucking shit to do and he’s been awake too fucking long and he needs to sit down and eat a fucking vegetable like holy christ and he’s got it, he’s got it under control, he can do this he’s just gotta keep doing it, just gotta keep going, one foot infront of the other, buckle down, pull up by your bootstraps kinda work. He does it all the damn time, he’s got this.

So he’s got his list of shit to do, he’s going through it in his mind, the steps to getting everything done, if things just go exactly right he can go to sleep at an reasonable hour that night even if he’s gotta get up at an unreasonable hour the next morning to start this shit all over again and he runs into a minor hiccup, some little thing which requires his immediate attention. No problem. Adjust the list. He’s got this he can do this. He fantasizes about the sleep he’s going to have.

He buckles down after that, nose the the grindstone, he’s got this he can do it. He gets a call from an angry diplomat, a call Jack was supposed to field, not him, and deals with it as judiciously as he can, as quickly as he can.

It does not go well.

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“We thought you died!” roars Sam, and his hands shake where they’re pinning Gabriel to the wall of the bunker, a forearm across his throat and palm on his chest. “We saw your corpse, saw the wings- we thought you were dead!”

Several emotions grace Gabriel’s face in quick succession - shock, confusion, a brief flicker of fear that morphs into something like guilt and is gone in a heartbeat. “Can’t take the trick out of trickster, kiddo,” he says, a bright grin pasted onto his face, but it’s hollow, the amusement behind it fake.

“We thought you died,” repeated Sam, and his arms fall, slowly, no longer pressing bruises into Gabriel’s slightly-closer-to-human skin. The anger fades from his face, replaced by the exhaustion that has graven lines into it over the past year or two, ages him beyond his years and left his eyes hollow, red-rimmed. His hand catches on Gabriel’s shoulder, squeezes briefly as if he’s checking the archangel in front of him is still real.

And then it falls, drops to his side with the other - and Sam’s dropping, too.

His knees hit the floor with a crack that makes Gabriel wince, makes Dean start forward from where he’s been watching. He stops only at Castiel’s fingers on the sleeve of his jacket, pulling him backwards. This is not Dean’s fight; he will have his chance to air his grievances later, as Castiel had done earlier.

This, though. This is Sam’s turn.

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Disclaimer: before we start I am not a gogo dancer/cage dancer, sadly, and I’ve only been to a club once. When I was 15 for an all ages rave. If you know more about how these things go, please feel free to tell me, otherwise in the AU have misinformation and a whole lot of speculation. 

Jack as a cage dancer AU burlesque au anyone

You might be asking, why Jack and not Gabriel? BECAUSE I WANTED BANANA WHITE BREAD TO SHAKE IT. Also this is just really self indulgent. Thats my honest answer. 

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