gabby's-life

I overheard this woman complaining to her friend about how she can’t take birth control hormones because it makes her feel sick so she has the IUD (or whatever it’s called) which she said is the most effective but she’s still scared that Trump will ban abortion and I was just sitting there thinking “well, it sounds to me like if you’re going to use abortion as a backup form of birth control maybe you shouldn’t be having sex in the first place.”

Important Update!

I have been thinking about this for weeks, really.  I can’t stand the name Gabrielle that I have initially chosen as a new name.  It reminds me waaaaay too much of my dead name.  So I’ve been thinking of a new name!!  I needed a name that I love and want to go forward with my life with.  

Was thinking of a bunch of names, and today my mom helped me narrow it down to three different names!  Ultimately, out of those three, I chose the name Isabelle, with the middle name Rose.

So please, call me Isabelle!!  Im super excited and happy to start my new life where I am finally myself and happy as Isabelle Rose Saksik~ <3

I’m not saying JJ Project’s album with their title song “Today, Tomorrow” is going to save my life, but JJ Project’s album with their title song “Today, Tomorrow” is going to save my life.

td;lr: My Marxist Professor said some wild things

So I have quite a long story for y’all regarding my Marxist professor. In fact, he’s such an interesting person that I’m not going to give him his own tag (#adventures with my marxist professor)… so if you wanna track my wild stories about him, you know where to look lmao.

So on Thursday night, he had scheduled a pub outing with he and our class. I wanted to go because the pub was located about 10 minutes (on foot) from my internship, plus I want good grades in his class and I believe that part of getting a good grade entails getting to know your professor a little better by going to his office hours and seeing him outside of class to discuss class work). 

So anyways, I show up at the pub and he’s sitting at one of the tables so I join him. What ended up happening is that nobody else in my class showed up to his pub outing invitation. It was just me and him. Me, a 21-year old American Republican, and this 32 year-old Greek Marxist. I knew it was going to be an interesting night and quite frankly, I was far from disappointed; it’s made for a great story to tell at parties and to tell anyone, really. I will certainly never forget it!

He buys me a pint of cider. I insisted on paying but he wouldn’t let me! It was really nice of him to do that. The cider tasted great. He ordered a beer. 

Anyways, we get to talking. He notices the Republican elephant necklace I’m wearing and points to it with a furrowed brow and half smile. My reflex was to tuck it back underneath my collar because I was full aware of his political views. Then he goes all “DOn’t worry, I’m not going to give you a bad grade or hate you for your political views! But I do have a question for you… why do you hate poor people?” His blunt question kind of threw me off guard so I asked him if he was being serious or sarcasm… hint: he was completely serious. So I told him that I don’t hate poor people at all. I went on to explain to him about my beliefs in low taxes and a free market, and how I don’t believe in government handouts to those who don’t want to work. 

So we end up in a heated debate. He starts telling me that he hates Capitalism and that he hates the rich because as a direct result, other people suffer. He continues to talk about wealth privilege and how Capitalism promotes that. I acknowledged his argument by saying that I felt fortunate that I was born into a well-off family, but I told him that they haven’t always been well-off. He then exclaimed, “A Republican acknowledging her privilege? That’s unusual! Not only do you benefit from wealth privilege but you also benefit from white privilege! The fact that you have blonde hair allows you to benefit from white privilege even more!” I told him I wasn’t a real blonde and he responded with “Yeah, but you look like a natural blonde so others don’t know it’s fake. If I dyed my hair blonde, everyone would know it’s fake.” 

He then went on to say that he doesn’t like Obama because he benefits from wealth privilege and he also said that Obama is still half white so benefits from white privilege too. He also claimed that Obama is more white than he is, which confused me because he’s full blood greek and I’m fairly certain that the Greeks are more white than a biracial white/black man is… unless I’m completely missing something?

Next he asks me about my views on abortion. i tell him I believe it’s morally wrong and he expresses is bafflement on how I could possibly be female AND pro life. I told him that it’s not a matter of gender, it’s matter of ethics and I believe that abortion is ethically wrong.

We discuss the Second Amendment next. He believes that people should not be allowed to own guns, I firmly disagree with that. That was the gist of that discussion. He tells me that he used guns when he fought in two wars. Which is why he has a cane – he injured his knee in war and had to get it replaced. He told me that I must love the fact that he fought in wars considering I’m a Republican and all. To be honest, I don’t automatically love someone just because they fought in a war and I’m Republican.

After our brief abortion and guns discussion, I ask him his views on Marx, Lenin, and Stalin. He was born in Moscow originally, because his parents were diplomats. He says he grew up with a lot of Communist influence so that’s sort of how he learned about Marxism and began to identify with it. He claims he is a Marxist, Leninist, and a Stalinist. I ask him how he justifies being a Stalinist even though Stalin killed millions of people, even more than Hitler did. I was worried that maybe he would deny Stalin’s atrocities like a Neo Nazi denies HItler’s atrocities, but he didn’t deny them whatsoever. He said in response that “individual life is not worth much” along with a weirdly explained, jumbled answer surrounding that explanation. I felt I may have put him in the spotlight. It made me a bit uncomfortable to be honest. 

He tells me that religion is the “opiate of the people”, as Marx said. I found it funny that he hated religion and capitalism so much considering that he teaches at a private Catholic university.

We go back to talking about Capitalism. I tell him that a person deserves money for their labor and he tells me he disagrees because every person should just willingly help out in society so no one is poor. He says he hates the rich with a passion because it isn’t fair. I retort with saying “So what you’re saying is that if one person is poor and miserable, then we should all be poor and miserable?” He says yes, and his blunt honesty shocked me but I still appreciated his honesty instead of straight up lying about it. 

Later on, things get personal. He tells me about the things that he’s gone through in the past (and boy has he had to go through A LOT OF HORRIBLE things). I’m not going to talk about them here because that stuff is real private and I promised him I wouldn’t tell anyone. 

He then tells me that I am extremely unlikeable because I come off as arrogant, standoffish, and socially… different. I ask him why and he tells me that I’m a really intense person in that my preferred topics of conversation tend to be heavy. I’m also not super bubbly and I don’t act friendly just for the sake of being friendly. He says that it’s a result of me being highly intelligent. Every time he complimented me, he would say “I can’t believe I’m actually saying this to a Republican but you’re very intelligent.” He said it was too late for me to change others’ minds of me and I said that I thought that was unfortunate because I always give people second and third chances in making impressions on me. He tells me that I’m extremely open minded as a person and again, he can’t believe he’s saying that to a Republican. 

He told me that we’re a lot alike in that we’re both really intense and intelligent people and that most people don’t like that and so they don’t want to talk to us that much. I was complimented when he told me I was highly intelligent but kinda sad when he explained how I came across to people. On the contrary, I was so relieved by is brute honesty. I knew I was having trouble socializing with people and I kept trying to figure out why. He didn’t brush things over and I appreciated that. 

We sat in the pub and talked for 4 hours. He told me that, and he can’t believe he’s saying this, but I, a Republican, held his interest and attention for 4 hours and apparently, people rarely hold his interest and attention. 

Ultimately, I have extremely mixed feelings about him. I HATE his views with a burning passion. Sometimes he hurt my feelings. But he was honest and he liked to engage in debate and he’s, although politically stupid in my opinion, generally highly intelligent. The man speaks 8 languages fluently after all! I don’t know what to think, honestly. I’m so confused!

Happier

‘Mommy, you look so beautiful.’ My 8-year-old daughter, Gabbi said while she was looking at me holding her favorite teddy bear.

‘Aw. Thank you, baby!’ I said while I kneel down at her.

‘I mean you always look good, mom!’ She said and hugged me.

I was so lucky to have Gabbi in my life, she changed everything in a good and better way.

‘So I have to go, Nana and Papa will take care of you while mommy is going out with some friends ok?’ I said.

‘Okay.’ She said with a big smile.

‘Promise me you will behave and you will follow Nana and Papa ok?’ I said.

‘I promise.’ She said and we pinky promise.

I hugged and kissed Gabbi and hugged both my mom and dad before I leave. My friends decided to have lunch at Brian’s house since he’s engaged. All of our friends are there, including the only guy I love, Shawn.

I arrived at Brian’s house and everyone is there already.

‘Wow! You’re not that late huh!’ Samantha hugged me and dissed me at the same time.

‘Hey, I have a little one!’ I defend myself.

‘Yeah, whatever!’ Maine said and hugged me as well.

I hugged them while they tease me because I’m late. I’m the one in our group who’s pet peeve is late people and here I am late. And my eye caught Shawn, smiling at me while I’m mingling with our friends.

‘Hi!’ I said while smiling.

‘Hi, how are you?’ He asked then hugged me so tight. I missed this, he’s hug, he’s perfume, he’s voice. I miss everything about him.

‘Good, I mean great. You, I mean wow, you’re so huge now!’ I said. Admiring he’s achievements.

‘Thank you.’ he said.

‘Okay, people! Let’s now sit and eat because I’m now a professional chef you guys should taste my cooking!’ Brian announced while everyone just bash his cooking skills.

The table is full of laughter, no awkwardness thank goodness. I mean even though they’re teasing me and Shawn but it was a fun dinner for our friends and for Brian and his fiancée. It was full of great stories. Hearing my friends stories makes my heart so happy knowing when we were just little kids we dream of these and now we’re doing what we love.

‘How’s Gabbi, you didn’t bring her tonight!’ Alice, Brian’s fiancée opened up. I can feel the awkwardness now as everyone looked at me and Shawn.

‘Uh, she’s fine.’ I said. And smiled awkwardly.

I mean Shawn and I  didn’t get a chance to talk after our break up which is like a long long long time ago. A lot of things changed.

‘Who’s Gabbi?’ Shawn asked. And I can feel the tension now in the table.

‘My daughter.’ I simply said and smiled at him.

The table went quiet, even our friends are not mentioning it to him because I asked them not to. I still love Shawn, I never unloved him, he’s my first and I thought he’s going to be my last. And even how many years had passed, I still want him to mine, I want him to be Gabbi’s father figure. I will always choose him. And it hurts because I know that’s not going to happen anymore.

The dinner went well, although there’s an awkward part. I was about to join Ian because he told me that he’s going to drive me home but then Shawn insisted to drive me home. I don’t know why but there’s a lot of things going on in my mind while there’s a awkward silence inside the car.

‘How old is she?’ He asked while looking at the road. ‘I mean, Gabbi.’

‘She’s 8.’ I answered.

‘Where’s her dad?’ He asked.

‘He left us.’ I said while looking down.

‘I’m sorry.’ He said.

‘No, don’t be. I mean I’m happy right now with just me and Gabbi.’ I said.

He didn’t answer. And just like that I’m home. I asked him to come in and he didn’t refuse, by that time my mom and dad went home already and left Gabbi with her babysitter since Gabbi’s babysitter is still in school before I left that’s why my parents took care of her.

‘Claire. Thank you for tonight.’ I thanked her. She’s the sweetest babysitter.

‘No problem, Ms. Y/N. I’ll see you again tomorrow.’ She said while catching a glimpse of Shawn. ‘She’s upstairs already sleeping.’ She continued and waved goodbye to me and Shawn.

‘Shawn, take a sit.’ I said.

‘Thank you.’ He said and he sat down.

‘This is a great house, just like your dream house.’ He said and I smiled. He still remember my dream house.

‘Yeah.’ I simply said.

‘Can I see her?’ He said and I’m surprised.

‘Yeah sure, but she’s already sleeping so-‘ He cuts me off and said ‘I’ll be quiet. I just want to see her.’ And I nod at him.

When we went upstairs and I opened the door of Gabbi’s bedroom there she is sleeping peacefully. Shawn sat down at the chair beside Gabbi while I stand beside Shawn.

‘She just looks like you.’ Shawn said while smiling and staring down at Gabbi.

I just smiled.

‘She’s perfect, Y/N.’ He said. ‘Like you’ He continued as he looked at me.

He stayed there looking at Gabbi, admiring Gabbi while sleeping peacefully. There’s a lot of things going on in my mind. There’s a lot of what if’s.

‘It’s actually getting really late.’ I said.

‘Yeah.’ He said and stood up and we went downstairs.

‘Thank you for giving me a ride.’ I said.

‘No problem.’ He said. We looked at each other for a while and in just a moment our lips met and it was the most beautiful and magical kiss I’ve ever had. I missed it. I missed his kiss, those lips that I’ve been craving for, for years.

I can feel that we both don’t want to pull away. But I did.

‘That was-‘ I said.

‘Amazing.’ He continued. And smiled.

I smiled. ‘I missed you, Shawn.’ I said. While holding both of his hands which is on both of my cheeks.

‘I missed you more, Y/N.’ He said and we kissed again.

That kiss was magical.

‘You make me happier, Shawn.’ I said.

‘And you make me the happiest.’ Shawn said.

That night we created another chapter of our lives.

Here, @soar319 I made a doodle for this one. Ahaha! Happy New Year, you made Gabe cry, thanks and you’re welcome! >x’DDD


Soar319: This shit i thought of while listening to shelter by porter robinson & madeon, both the original and cover by Juby and lemme tell you I probably cried a little inside. It’s sad but has a happy ending I promise bro I mean one is happier than the other but still HAPPY ENDING PROMISE

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Perfect Only Lasts So Long- Tyler Joseph Part Twenty

This is all you wanted. You didn’t want it to happen this way, but you had him again. You never realized how lost you felt in your own body until this moment. Tyler rocked you, soothed you, talked you through your tears. It had been hours since that first tear slipped from your eye. You now sat next to Tyler on the rock watching the sun slowly fall under the night’s sky. Your breathing was steadied, your vision was clear, and your thoughts were together.

“Tyler?” you spoke for the first time in hours of crying, your voice raspy.

“Yeah?” he said looking down at you still in his arms.

“C-can I see Gabby?” you asked tears in your voice fearing his response.

“Of course you can, but I think we need to talk before it all goes back to normal. She’s missed you a lot and I don’t want to confuse her with you just coming back out of the blue.” he told you.

You nodded and concentrated on the sun as it finally set. You and Tyler spent the past 6 hours up here. You didn’t even bother talking, the presence of one another was enough, but he needed to hear what you had to say. You had practiced this, what you were going to say to him.

“I never meant any harm.” you started. “Before I met you, I was broken, at a low. Something about you wanted me to see the light again and I did. I loved every second I got to spent with you. I’ve only ever wanted what was best for you, so when I found out I was pregnant I wanted to leave before you did. I was scared you would realize how fucked up I was and try and take the baby. Or that you wouldn’t want the baby and leave. I moved to California and started my new life, or my old one. I was broken again. I tried my best with Gabby, but I was scared. Nobody asks to be a single mom at such a young age and no child asks to be born into a messed up life.” you took a minute to breath before continuing. “When I came into the photography studio that day and saw you again, I wanted to give you the chance to be with Gabby. She needs a Father. Every phone call we had late at night, every dinner me, you, and Gabby had. It made me realize that we could be a family, that I could give Gabby the life she deserves. Then you told me about Jenna.” you bit your lip to fight back tears. “My heart shattered. I felt so dumb for thinking you liked me, or that we could go back to normal, or even that we could be a family for Gabby. I drank and I drank and I cried until my days and nights were all the same, until I was so numb even saying good morning to Gabby was a chore. I knew that it wasn’t me and I knew Gabby didn’t deserve to see me like that. When I dropped Gabby off the day before her birthday party I went home and drank until I blacked out. I didn’t even care if I stopped breathing at the point.”

“Y/N you don’t have to-” Tyler tried to stop you from continuing but you cut him off.

“You need to know.” you looked at him and he nodded for you to continue. “When you came by and said I missed her birthday party I felt like shit. You hated me and I hated myself. I wanted to torture myself even more so I went onto Instagram and saw how happy Gabby was with Jenna and you. You looked like a perfect happy little family. Just what I always wanted. Gabby found her home. She was mine and I told myself that you took her, but I realized you didn’t, I did this and I gave her up. I packed up her things wrote you those letters and dropped it off in the middle of the night. It was cold, and early, and the tears wouldn’t stop. I never felt anything though. I packed up the things I needed, gave my keys to my neighbor, and left. I was confused, lost, and needed nothing more than you at that moment, but I guess I gave up on you too.” you started to cry again and Tyler held you close.

“Please stop. I don’t want to hear you talk about this right now. Y/N I know you never believed me, but I loved you and I still do. I was angry at first but it soon faded when I realized how much you mean to me. You are the only one I’ve ever wanted. I was trying to break it off with Jenna, but I wasn’t sure how. I was trying to get over you, but I just couldn’t. When I saw you in the photography studio, seeing you smile, I died inside. I saw this girl that I fell in love with happy and I thought you were happy. We’ve all made mistakes and we can’t take them back. You’re going to blame yourself and say you raised Gabby wrong, but you didn’t. She’s bright, happy, polite and you did that. You raised this beautiful little girl who needs you.” he told you.

You took in every word, letting yourself finally believe him.

“Let’s go.” Tyler stood holding a hand out for you to take.

You looked at him scared, not knowing what future held. Then you realized you never know the future. You have to take it one day at a time. You took his hand but he didn’t move, he instead turned around.

“I’ll carry you down.” Tyler said helping you onto his back.

He carried you all the way down and when you got to your cars he put you down.

“Remember when you use to fake being tired so I would do that?” he laughed making you smile. “The first time we came here is when I knew I loved you. The second time we came here I told you that I loved you. Now this time I’m going to tell you again, but differently. Y/N I’m in love with you and nothing will ever change that.” he said before connecting your lips with his.

You were shocked for a moment before you gave in. The feeling was unexplained. You broke the kiss and looked into his eyes. The eyes that you missed for years, but you had right in front of you the whole time.

“Can I see Gabby?”

Negan’s Heart

Pairing: Negan x Reader
Word count: 1,116
Warnings: Swearing

Part 4 of Runaway


For the first month of Gabby’s life, Negan stayed in your room. It was a bit awkward, but he was adamant. Not like you slept much anyway. You were up with her a lot of the night. After that, he was back to sleeping in other rooms. You’d never admit that it stung. He’d still check in on the two of you, but he never stayed long. It was clear by the way that he looked at her that he did indeed love her, it was just something he wasn’t used to showing.

You walked around the halls with her, humming, as soon as you felt okay to walk. You’d been extremely sore for the first week or so, but that was to be expected. Considering the circumstances, you had no choice but to go completely natural.

Walking in your room from one of your walks, you froze. It looked like a baby section exploded in your room. “Like it?” Came Negan’s voice from behind you, making you jump slightly. “Had a few of my men, and a couple of the tougher ladies out gettin’ all this stuff the past couple weeks.” He told you, that shit eating grin on his face.

“She’s an infant, she doesn’t need this much, Negan.” You glanced at him.

He chuckled. “Oh, she’s set until she walks, sweetheart.” Your eyes scanned the room. “Any piece of girl’s clothing they could find is in here.” He crossed his arms over his chest, proud. “There’s also some diapers in another room. Toys, too.”

Your turned and stared at him. “You did all this?” You breathed. “I thought you’d been avoiding us. We barely see you.”

Shit no.” He told you. “Been keepin’ in contact with them. Had them bring all this in when we knew you were out.”

You had no idea what the hell to say. Thanks wouldn’t even be close to enough. Swallowing, you moved over and kissed his cheek. “Thanks.”

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anonymous asked:

I'm actually seeing a lot of people making it seem like what KF did to Cisco and Barry abandoning everyone in his grief are the same and I'm just like ??? because if there's an instance where it's understandable that Barry pulled away from everyone I think losing the love of his life should count. It's weird though because I'm also seeing some say that Future!Barry obviously didn't care about Iris because he decided to be the flash again instead of staying locked away. The man really cant win.

It is literally not the same because Barry isolated himself out of grief, self-loathing, and feeling like a failure who did not deserve to be a hero. He gave up EVERYTHING and everyone to sit in his misery and not move on from what happened. Apparently, he stopped Savitar in 2020/2021 and then completely gave up. He had enough fight left in him to finish off Savitar and then he was done being a hero, too.

And like….Iris would not want him to give up everything, anyone who thinks she would be okay with him not being The Flash and not moving forward with his life is delusional and does not know Iris as a character AT ALL. 

Iris Ann Westallen would be heartbroken and devastated and disappointed that Barry let himself fall apart and not be The Flash over her. She never wanted him to give up being The Flash, never wanted him to stop being a hero for her sake.

It is ENTIRELY possible for Barry to be mourning her, but accept he has to do what he has to do to be The Flash and take a step forward. He won’t be the same hero, he could never without her, but Iris would WANT him to try!!!! SHE WOULD NOT WANT HIM STUCK GRIEVING HER SHE WOULD WANT HIM TO LIVE HIS LIFE.