Red is the color of the scratches on your back,
The fresh handprints on your backside, and the love bites on your neck.
It is the color of your cheeks as he slips his hands between your thighs, up your chest and right back down again.
Red is the color of the breath caught in your throat as he tugs at your clothes while he begs and begs and begs and says
“Let me teach you what adults do when they are in love.”
Red is the color of his voice as he coaches you through your first blowjob and French kiss.
Orange is the color of the butterflies in your stomach when his name pops up on your screen and he calls you baby.
It is the color of the warmth in your heart as he holds you in his arms and pushes his face into yours.
Orange is the color of the hunger in his eyes when he slides his hand up your thigh
And asks for permission.
Orange is the color of skin and sweat and screams; the color of satisfaction.
It is the color of the bubbling magma in your volcano of a heart as he makes you promise that you’ll never again put a blade to your skin because
“You are my princess and I will fix you.”
Orange is the color of letting yourself fall deeper deeper deeper into what you think is love.
Yellow is the color of the moonlight filtering through the blinds of his best friend’s living room as he touches the parts of you that he says are his favorite.
Yellow is the color of the doubt that peeks out from the shadows of your mind as you begin to notice that he only touches you when it’s late and when no one else is home.
Yellow is the feeling of the churning in your stomach during your first fight.
It is the color of the stress you feel and the vomit in the toilet after your drink yourself senseless because he said
“You’ll have to learn to love the taste of my favorite liquor.”
Yellow is the color of your wilted spirit as you begin to think that you’re losing him so you try harder harder harder, but you only make things worse.
It is the color of the venom of his words as he tells you that he’s sorry that he even got involved because
“You’re fifteen for fuck’s sake, you shouldn’t be so clueless. Everyone has done this by now.”
Yellow is the color of the bags hanging from your eyes because you stay up every night wondering what the fuck you did to make him act this way.
Green is the color of addiction.
It is the color of the carton of cigarettes you start to chain smoke because they calm your nerves more than your best friend can manage to.
It is the color of malnutrition.
You stop eating because he said that your clothes are too snug and that
“No girl of mine will be caught dead looking like that in public. It makes me look bad.”
You make him look bad.
Green is the color of the drug you inhale every four hours to force yourself into stupor.
It is the color of the realization that maybe this isn’t healthy anymore and maybe you should tell someone. Or maybe you should just
“Stop complaining so much about everything you’re so fucking annoying.”
Blue is the only color you see anymore.
It is the color of your bedroom walls and the pain you feel because
“You’re fucking worthless I don’t know why I ever wasted my time on you.”
Blue is the color of the worry in your mother’s eyes as she has to force feed you soup because you haven’t had an appetite in weeks and you’re too drained to stand.
It is the color of the bottle that you drown your sorrows in every night when your parents go to sleep.
Blue is the color of the midnight sky as you scream to the heavens and demand to know why.
Why why why.
Blue is color of the towel you use to mop up the blood gushing from your thighs.
It is the color of a broken promise.
It is the temperature of the blade.
It is the bitter taste of an ending you weren’t prepared for.
Violet is the color of the cheap Elmer’s glue in your pencil case from fifth grade that you used in an attempt to stick together the newly shattered pieces of your heart.
It is the color of your favorite blanket.
The one you threw out because it still smelled like him.
Violet is the color of the bruises on your arms that you got from holding yourself too tight at night to keep the hole in your chest from widening further.
It is the color of the shirt you wear your first time out of the house in a month.
It is the color of the flowers that you see on the side of the road when you’re sitting in the passenger seat of your oldest friend’s car as you explore new back roads.
It is the color of your favorite lighter.
Violet is the color of bubbly laughter and the veins in your wrists.
It is the color of the soft tones of the sky just before the sun begins to rise. The color of budding flowers in the spring.
Violet is the color of new beginnings.
Violet was the color of my second chance.
My first love, explained in colors