He sits in front of you, shoveling his take out into his face like everything is normal. Like nothing is wrong. Like he hadn’t just selfishly dropped a bomb on you; a weight so heavy upon your shoulders that you couldn’t gather the strength to life your fork to your lips.
You stare at him, studying the way he ate without a care in the world, his long legs folded as he watches colorful images flicker across your TV screen.
“Yeol.” You murmur.
“I know.” He glances over at you for a moment, gesturing to your food, growing cold in the tray on your lap, before looking back at the television. “Eat.”
You glance down at your food, the food that your stomach had grumbled relentlessly for less than an hour ago and can’t find even a sliver of that appetite in you, all of it replaced by anxiety and other feelings that you can’t quite put a name on.
“Yeol.” You try again.
“I know.” He repeats himself. “Just drop it.”
“But nothing. I didn’t tell you so things would change. I told you to get the weight off of my shoulders.” The aggravation in his voice tells you that the weight is still there, despite his reassurance. The weight is heavier than ever.
“Sungyeol.” You whisper one last time. “Did it really make you feel better?”
He doesn’t even look at you as he puts his plate down and walks out of the room, those words that changed everything echoing in your head louder then the slam of the front door.
“I love you.”
He doesn’t come back that night, nor does he return the following night or the night after that. It’s a week before you see him again, and each passing day makes you feel lonelier and lonelier.
He shows up again on Sunday evening, your usual movie night, a bag of take out in his hand.
“Did you start up the movie?” He asks, setting the food down on your kitchen counter.
As you watch him move like he hasn’t been missing for a week, like he hadn’t said three words that had the potential to change your entire relationship just a week ago, tears spring to your eyes.
It doesn’t matter that things are different now, it matters that he is here. Your goofy best friend, your Yeolie Pop, the man who has done any and everything for you. With him back in your apartment, you realize how much you’ve missed him and how much you will do to keep him with you.
He looks over at you, and his always expressive face drops at the sight of the tears in your eyes. “Aisshhh, what now?”
You reach out for him, and he reluctantly takes you into his arms. He soothingly strokes your hair as you bury your face in his shoulder, and all you can think of is how much you want to keep him.
You’ll do anything to stay with this man who has always belonged to you. Anything, no matter how selfish.
“Yeol, I love you.” You whisper.
You don’t know if your words are even true, but he stiffens, his hand stills in your hair and you know that a range of dumbfounded expressions flash across his face, even without looking at him.
You know that he will accept you happily, that he will be the best boyfriend that he can possibly be. And you know that you are selfish for not knowing how you really feel about this wonderful man.
“Really!?” If he had paused, you might have told him that you weren’t sure, but you probably wouldn’t. It didn’t matter because he bursts excitedly into hyper-speed speech.
“Iloveyousomuchandnowyou'remine-Imeanwillyoubemine?-Ofcourseyouwillyoulovemetoo- you love me too!”
You nod, another selfish lie, as he cradles you close to him, love streaming through his very pores.
“I promise I’ll be the best boyfriend ever.” He promises, and you believe him whole heartedly. “You will be my girlfriend, won’t you?”
He pulls away from you to look you in the eyes, and in his puppy dog features you see your future.
“Yes.” The smile you give is barely a smile, and Sungyeol knows you well enough to see through it, but he’s too happy to care.
He’s too happy to care, and you’re too selfish to let him be with anyone else.
“Thank you.” He pulls you in for another hug.
An: Sooo… idk where all the angst came from? Does it even make sense? The title came from the fact that they’re both selfish. Cuz you know, he was selfish in expressing his feelings, knowing that she doesn’t love him, she was selfish in accepting his feelings to keep her best friend and he was selfish for taking that acceptance when he knows her well enough to know the feelings aren’t real. Anyway, maybe I’ll add a part 2 with a happy ending later… maybe.