The Scotland Yard Betting Pool

TO: sally.donovan@nsy.uk, philip.anderson@nsy.uk (view 13 more)

FROM: greg.lestrade@nsy.uk

RE: Sherlock/John Betting Pool

SENT: October 17, 2011


The office betting system has gotten too complicated, so I thought I’d write all the bets out to get them straight. (Well, straight is not the word I’d use, but…)

As of right now, here are the running bets:

  • If Sherlock and John start dating before Christmas, Anderson owes me 20 quid.
  • If they start dating before December, he owes me 50 quid.
  • If they start dating before November, he owes me 100 quid. He must also publicly congratulate them and bake them a cake. No exceptions.
  • Every time John and Sherlock stare into each other’s eyes for more than 10 seconds, Donovan must buy drinks for the whole office.
  • Every time John says “Amazing!” or “Fantastic!”, Baynes must do all of Dimmock’s paperwork that day. If Sherlock genuinely smiles (which has happened only twice in the last five years, and both times about serial killers), Baynes must do his paperwork for the whole week.
  • If Anderson provokes Sherlock and John gets Sherlock to shut up, Bradstreet owes Anderson 10 quid.
  • If Anderson provokes Sherlock and John doesn’t make Sherlock shut up, Anderson owes Bradstreet 50 quid.
  • Any time Sherlock and John start acting romantic at a crime scene, Hopkins must start humming “I Will Always Love You” or else pay Dimmock 5 quid.
  • If Hopkins is humming and they kiss, Dimmock owes him 50 quid.
  • Universal rule: Anyone who insults John in front of Sherlock deserves what’s coming for them. They must also wash out all mugs in the break room sink–especially the moldy ones that Sherlock used for “experiments”.

Of course, we can’t forget the famous “When Will They Kiss” betting pool. Write your bets (date and time) on a sticky note and drop them, along with 20 quid, in the empty coffeepot on the break room counter. Whoever’s closest gets the whole pool. Bonus points to anyone who can guess the crime scene (murder, burglary, kidnapping, etc.).


P.S.: Whoever sees Sherlock next, please let him know that police reports, while highly combustible, are not meant to be used in Molotov cocktails.

P.P.S.: Mistletoe is cheating.