fword

I just did a rough timeline based on my #benzodiazepine taper alternating 1mg drops every two weeks between AM and PM. I do an AM drop, wait two weeks, do a PM drop, repeat.

If I can handle this current dosage drop, my AM zero date is June 7th and my PM zero date is November 1st.

Holy fword, that seems like forever, but I’m 10 months in now and 1/3 of the way through with pauses for my broken leg and then my GI issues. So if I can power through this and the withdrawal doesn’t get too crazy, I can be DONE before years end. Even if I have to drag it out a little longer, I have a 2 months of slack in the year and 2017 will be the end of this 6 year nightmare.

F that is scary and exciting at the same time!

Don’t want to preach, but if you are on Benzodiazepines, please look at what happens when you stop and taper and see if you can find some other tools to help you, and ask your doctor to help you taper off. The prison you are in medically is not a good place, trust me, I’ve been in it for 6 years and counting myself. And it’s not an easy out, you can’t just quit. But, its worth getting away from this horrible medicine, trust me on this.

From 2013 - 2015, I was at a point were my dose was no longer doing anything except keeping me from going into massive withdrawal. I was on Xanax (and Clonazepam) at the time which has a 4-6 hour half life, with withdrawal kicking in around 8-9hours after you take it. So I was waking up every night around 2-4am in withdrawal and knew I couldn’t do anything until my AM dose. For the morning I was taking Klonopin, and withdrawal for it kicked in for me in 24 hours, and massive electric brain shocks horror nightmare withdrawal within 2 days.

Near the end of 2015, I had enough and talked to my doctor about what to do to get off this shit. We used Dr Ashton’s manual, moved me to Valium with its longer half-life so the taper would be smoother and easier on me, and planned to start in Spring 2016. I just got started and was around 8/18mg when I broke my leg, which delayed it. Then had some bad GI stuff happened, again delaying it. But now I am back on track and I am doing this come hell or high water.

I realize some people just cant go without it to function, and I am sorry you have to be in that place. But most of us, most of you, you dont need it, you can tackle your problems with yoga, exercise, taking photos, doing puzzles, watching your favorite sitcoms, and so forth. I encourage each of you to do so if you are on any form of Benzodiazepine. Ive lived in hell for 6 years, and I am crawling my way out now. You can too with support and a good doctor.

Also note I was on what is considered a low dose of 1mg of Xanax a day and .5mg of Klonopin a day. I know people who take 6-10mg a day of Xanax, or more. I feel for you, I do, I know that getting off will take you years and lots of tough days, but I know you can do it. I know it.

Finally met Daniel Radcliffe!

So yesterday I finally met Daniel Radcliffe. I have nothing but wonderful things to say about him. At first, I was shocked at how little he is. He is only about 5'3’ and super cute, even more beautiful in person. He is very natural talented with acting, and super funny. He is the most humbled celebrity actor I have met to date, and he is extremely outgoing and friendly with everyone he meets. He even bought me a drink on set! Fun fact: He likes to roll his own cigarettes, and actually smoked about every 5 minutes. He is super A.D.D. and never stops fidgeting or moving around. It was great to actually meet and converse with my childhood hero.