fuzzy jerks

anonymous asked:

The best thing about combat boots? No one but you will ever know you're wearing fuzzy socks during a mission.

i mean, yeah. you’d think that. 

instead the reality is that if you wear fuzzy socks on a combat mission, the universe can sense your fluff and will conspire against you. so naturally the one time you wear fuzzy socks on an op will also be the one time you’re fighting paste-pot-pete (who is apparently a real guy who really does run around doing glue crimes. i hate this century and i need to have a serious talk with steve and tony about the quality of villains these days. in my day we fought literal nazi monsters. now there’s an overeager dude with a souped-up gluegun. who i am not allowed to shoot for some reason) and you’ll wind up with your combat boots glued to the middle of the road in manhattan. 

and to prevent yourself from getting flattened by a taxi the hulk threw, you’ll have to jump right out of your boots, revealing your pink and yellow sparkly fuzzy socks to all the world. and the news station that just happens to be in the building you’re in front of. 

and then you have to finish the fight in fuzzy socks, which of course are going to be covered in glue and bits of debris by the end. 

and even though it was totally worth it to kick paste-pot-pete in the face, he did get blood on my fuzzy sock.  jerk.

Tfw you can’t tell if the terrible glitching and lagging in the new Twin Peaks episodes are from your $40 laptop struggling to play video or if it’s just David Lynch being David Lynch.

Costume Chaos

Summary: It’s Halloween and the costumes seem to be really great this year though Marinette can’t help but be distracted by Adrien’s for… reasons. And of course, that’s when a supervillain chooses to attack. Luckily, Chat’s got a surprise to help take it down.

Just a fun Miraculous Halloween story.

“Happy Halloween!” Marinette grinned and waved as Alya came up behind her. Her smile widened as she took in the Ladybug costume on her friend. She had made it herself, so she could attest to the accuracy, but still, she was glad that it fit well.

“Happy Halloween, girl!” Alya pulled out her phone and raised it to take some selfies. “Man, yours is so elaborate! Awesome!”

Marinette gave a bashful giggle. Her costume was of a traditional baby doll puppet. The creative and design aspects had really appealed to her and figuring out the way to configure fake screws had been a lot of fun. It had ended up coming out great. Her dress was baby blue with white accents and lace. She had also fastened the fake bolts at her joints. Her final step had been her make-up to give her face a more doll-like look.

She was actually quite proud of it.

The two of them posed for several selfies together before beginning to make their way towards the school. Marinette was actually early for once because she had had to set her alarm super early to get into her costume. She was kind of glad as she could see all of her classmates’ costumes clearly as they made their way into the building.

Halloween was always fun.

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The Avengers get a Holiday Tree

The second week of December. It’s unseasonably cold in New York this year. Frigid winds and random snowfalls. The Tower is all decked out in Holiday decorations. There’s garland strung around banisters and paper snowflakes made by Steve, Sam, Bucky and the kids at the Children’s Hospital hanging from the ceilings. Colored lights twinkle brightly in the windows and Tony’s set up a program with Jarvis to make it look like it’s snowing in the living room which very kindly shuts off every time Bucky comes in. There’s a beautiful, handcrafted, silver Manorah on the fireplace mantel.

“When are we getting a tree?” Steve asks. “We’re getting a tree, right?”
“Sure.” Tony agrees. “I ordered one from…”
“Ordered?!” Steve exclaims, quite the scandalized look on his face. “You don't order a tree! We need to go get one!”
“Get one? You mean…” Tony rolls his eyes. “You don’t even mean just at a lot, do you? You want to go search for one. In the woods.”
“Yes! Of course I do. It’s Bucky’s first Christmas with everyone!”

Bucky’s on the sofa, cuddled up with Clint’s latest stray. He looks up, so does the dog. 

“Why are you bringing me into this?” He asks. “I have nothing to do with this.”

Steve huffs. “Come on. You know you want to!”

Face turning red, Bucky goes back to petting the dog. Good indication that he does, indeed want to, but won’t say so. Steve gives a gloating smirk back at Tony. No one gets in the way of Steve getting Bucky what he really wants. Tony sighs. Gives in. Sends a mass message to everyone to tell them all to be up early. They’re going to get a tree.

“It's cold!” Clint whines.
Natasha scoffs. “For fuck’s sake, Barton, we just started.”

She’s right. They’ve just gotten a little ways up the mountain in their search for the perfect tree. 

“I know.” He grunts. “But it's cold!”

Natasha rolls her eyes and chucks a snowball at him. It gets him right in the face. Clint goes to scoop up some snow of his own, only to have half his hot chocolate pour out of his cup as he does.

“Aw! Hot chocolate!”

“Look if we’re doing this,” Tony states, lowering the scarf over his mouth to speak, “We’re doing it right.” He points to the big, at least 12 foot pine a few feet from them. “How bout that one?”
“How the hell are we gonna get that thing down the mountain?” Sam asks.

Thor slams a fist against his chest. “Worry not. If need be, I will carry the tree of holiday back down.”
“If we bring that thing back Darcy’s gonna flip.” Jane points out. “She already refused to come because she won’t participate in the murder of innocent trees.”

“That’s not the one.” Steve says, as though he has some inner connection with the trees. “Come on. Keep moving.”

Every tree anyone points out is not ‘the one’, at least, not according to Steve. To be fair, all the one’s Tony wants are ridiculously huge, which is why he has several texts from Pepper saying some variation of: No. You are not bringing that monstrosity into the Tower. Thor continues to, very enthusiastically, insist that they don’t need an ax to cut down the tree when they find it. Clint’s still whining which always prompts Natasha to throw more snow at him. But even when someone, usually Jane or Sam, points out a pretty decent tree, Steve has some reason to say no.

“No, no.” He’ll say. “That one is too full.” or “No. I just don’t feel the heart of this one.”
“Christ, Rogers!” Clint pouts. “Can you just pick one already?! It's freezing!”

Another snowball hits him in the back of the head. However, this time Natasha seems to be a little more on his side.

“What about that one?” She suggests, pointing to the eight-footer just a little ahead of them. “That good?”

Steve goes up to it. Tilts his head as he inspects. It’s not a bad tree. Not too big, well, for the Tower anyway, not too small. Good solid build. He’s actually considering it until Bucky pokes him in the side. 

“Not that one.” He whispers.

Pretty much the first thing he’s said all afternoon, other than grumbled “Now you know Steve Rogers” to everyone, especially since Steve insisted that he wear a red and white Santa’s hat. It’s still on his head, and Bucky jerks the fuzzy, cotton ball away from his face. No longer pouting about it. Even though the pouts are clearly forced since he’s been trailing right behind Steve all day, perfectly content in doing so. Sneaking laughs and grins when he didn’t think anyone would notice.

“Why not?” Steve asks.
Bucky points to one of the higher branches. “There’s chipmunks living there. We can’t take this one.”
“Ah.” He nods and swings an arm over Bucky’s shoulder. “Good call.” He only grins in response to Bucky’s pleased smile. “No good!” Steve calls to the rest, earning a collective groan from everyone else except Sam and Thor. 

It takes them at least another hour before Sam just happens to notice two cardinals sitting up on a snowy branch. That’s when Steve sees it.

“You’re… joking, right?” Tony sighs. “That one? Are you serious?”
“Oh, he’s serious.” Bucky chuckles. “Dead serious. That’s a Steve Rogers tree.”

And it is, too. No matter how much Tony and Clint nag and complain, Steve’s found the one. About four feet tall, thin trunk, needles pretty green, but still gliding to the ground whenever a hard wind blows. 

“It’s got character.” Steve insists. “This is the one.”
“Why are you guys arguing?” Sam laughs. “You know we’re just gonna end up getting this one anyway. Might as well just take it now.”
“You do know this is pretty much the same as Charlie Brown’s tree, right?” Natasha points out. 

Steve shrugs. This is the one he wants. Bucky grins next to him. Happy with it, too. 

“Alright, alright…” Tony sighs. “We’ll get this one.”
“Verily!” Thor exclaims and charges towards it. “I’ll have it out in moments!”
“No wait!” Jane yells, as Clint chases after him to give him the ax. “Thor!”

Natasha’s the first one to smile back at Steve. She might get it. Might not. But she seems pleased enough. 

“It’s like you.” Bucky murmurs as they follow behind the rest, Clint and Natasha arguing over who gets to be the one to chop it down. “Like you used to be. Little. Lots of heart.”
Steve blushes. “Did you have fun?”

Bucky sighs. Rolls his eyes. Then looks up at him. He takes the hat off his head and puts it on Steve, pulls it down just enough to cover his eyes. He kisses his nose. 

“Merry Christmas, Stevie.”

Steve’s face is all red when he lifts the hat. Blue eyes twinkling.

“It’s not Christmas yet.” He murmurs through his grin.
“I know.” Bucky shrugs. “Still. We’ve missed a lot of them. So… Merry Christmas.”

Turns out Bucky’s exactly right. The tree is just like how Steve used to be. Little, sure, but it takes several knocks with the ax before they even make a dent in the trunk. Tony wants to use one of his suit’s, less lethal, accessories, to give it a try. He’s talked out of it when Jane tells him he might end up burning down the whole damn forest. After a good thirty minutes of using the ax, Thor’s finally given his green light, and he yanks the tree out of the ground after two good heaves.

“Finally!” Clint cheers and slams his hand into the tree he’s under as though to give it a high five.

Unfortunately, the tree isn’t as accommodating as he’d hoped since a huge pile of snow falls on top of him.

“Aw!” He whines. “Snow!”