A long time ago, monsters lived in the ruins back there in the forest. Long story short, we all decided to leave the ruins and head for the end of the caverns. Along the way, some fuzzy folk decided they liked the cold and set up camp in Snowdin.
Colors bright upon the wall watch them move and watch them fall Delicate laced shapes caress while looking through Tiffany Glass Love’s faint tint surrounds the eye gazing upon a rose colored sky; enchanting thoughts never seem to pass, while looking through Tiffany Glass
People smile, frown, laugh and cry children born and old timers die generations follow the mass while looking through Tiffany Glass Progress is made hour to hour seeds will blossom, trees will tower I am but one fragile little lass seeing my life through Tiffany Glass
“I had a wonderful opportunity to sing some Phillip Lambro material, a film and classical composer for whom I have great respect. He liked my ability to sound “child like” on Tiffany Glass” - Orriel Smith
The following is a rough timeline of the history of Undertale, without specific dates, all based on text in the game and context clues, if you want the references for any of these points please ask. Because this is so long (its an entire history) I will put it behind this:
It’s Time to Meet the Muppets: Marvin Suggs is one of the weirdest acts we’ve ever had. Marvin plays his Muppaphone, a group of fuzzy round folks who make “beautiful” music by shouting “OW!” when Marvin bashes them on the head. It’s a symbiotic and relatively psychotic relationship.
You know when you get that warm and fuzzy feeling - that feeling of comfort and happiness - well this coat is quite literally giving me all those feels. I’ve dubbed it my “teddy bear” jacket for obvious fluffy reasons and I’m super obsessed with it. This was another Black Friday purchase and if you read my post on Monday you’ll see that I’ve been going HAM on the outerwear purchases this season. Woops! But like, I’m considering it a necessity with the brutal NYC winters here..so that’s my logic. For a jacket that’s not super bulky, it does provide a lot of warmth and I really love the look of the borg fur on the outside. I chose to do a black/white look…again…so I paired it with my pleated, cropped black trousers and my marble-notebook print (that’s what I’m calling it) dress shirt. And that’s how you pull off the fuzzy jacket folks!
I'm the parent of a 4 year old child who sometimes tells people they are a boy (they were dfab). I'm supportive of my child, and love them unconditionally. I'm also, honestly, absolutely terrified. Terrified of what the world might do to my fuzzy/trans child. Terrified I might make the wrong parenting decisions and make things harder for them (and/or their brother). I think you feel your fuzzy trans-ness is a positive part of your identity, and I'd love to hear more about that if you have time.
Yes. So much yes.
Your four year old is awesome. Let’s start with that. Asserting your gender identity when it doesn’t match the sex you were assigned takes work at any age and at a young age that confidence and self-awareness is remarkable and truly fabulous. Keep cultivating that.
But you are absolutely right to be terrified.
Being gender non-conforming in this world is not easy, in fact it’s often downright dangerous. And even in communities and spaces where trans and gender fuzzy folks are well accepted it takes work to be yourself and to live authentically. As much as I am proud of my identity and who I am, I wouldn’t wish being trans on either of my kids.
More than anything else, as a parent to a gender non-conforming child, what you can do is continue to nurture them as a whole person, and do what you can to clear a path when the (inevitable) gender challenges do come up. When it comes to trans kids, the (limited) studies available make it clear that children who receive appropriate care and family support thrive with little to no negative impact. Focus on that. Make sure that your child has your full and unconditional love and support (I know you have that covered), get your family/close friends/parents of their close friends on board and supportive as well, give them access to therapists/doctors/specialists/etc. as needed and desired, and work as their advocate and voice in spaces until they are able to stand on their own. There will always be unknowns, things that you screw up, and ways in which your child will have to fight just to be who they are, but if you treat this as a valued part of their identity you are giving them the best foundation for happiness.
It took me a long time to reach a place where I was really proud and positive about being trans/gender fuzzy. For a long time this was a piece of my identity that I carried around secretively and shamefully. My parents never told me it was wrong (they never knew), and in fact this past year I had a really great conversation where they explicitly asked why I didn’t come out to them earlier (I just wasn’t ready) - but I just grew up knowing this wasn’t something that was normal, or comfortable, or accepted. Trans visibility, trans rights, trans acceptance, and trans advocacy has grown by leaps and bounds every year. While there is still plenty of progress to be made, we’re in a place I never could have imagined when I first found myself experiencing confusion over my gender 20 years ago. Had I grown up with the word transgender in my vocabulary, had I been able to read a book like I Am Jazz, had someone like Laverne Cox appeared on television - I might have ended up in a very different place.
Your child is growing up in a remarkable time and they have remarkable parents. Undoubtedly they are going to run into some challenges along the way. It’s easier to be confident and to make decisions about appearances and gender expression at 4…those become more complex, more permanent, and more challenging at 14 or 24. But by supporting your child now, and clearing their path (as much as you can) you are setting them up to make their own decisions - ones that will help them to live happily and confidently no matter how exactly their gender identity shapes itself.
Keep worrying, it’s your job as a parent. This is something to be concerned about, to think about, to keep seeking out resources for, and to find ways to support unconditionally. And know that over time your child’s identity may shift and change (or not!), but by embracing it now, you are reinforcing your confidence in who they are, supporting their autonomy, and showing that you value them as a person no matter what.
Being trans is hard, being gender non-conforming is hard, but when you can embrace it as a person - as it took me years to do…and as I still work to do - you gain some really amazing (if intangible) insights and a sense of confidence that is hard to shake.
Don’t be afraid to screw up from time to time, but keep doing your best to be a great parent and advocate, and your child’s natural confidence and sense of self will continue to bloom.