future sweets

This is foster care.

There’s a good chance we won’t get the baby. There’s a 5 page wait list and we are on the bottom of the first page. BUT the list is just a general list of homes wanting legal risk/legally free babies… and a lot of homes can’t take babies under 6 weeks and a lot of homes refuse to take on this specific medical issue. So…maybe.

Anyway. I could not sleep last night because I was
* figuring out how to tandem baby wear
* looking up Cat and Jack baby boy clothes
* researching the medical issue
* fantasizing about all the potential photo shoots in my future
* thinking about how sweet it would be for AD to grow up with a twin

Monday afternoon is going to come and we still won’t know. We’ll likely find out on Wednesday after not hearing anything that it’s a no go.

Ugh. Foster care is crazy making.

Monday 8:27am
I woke up with you on my mind.
You called me babe last night —
my heart is still pounding.

Tuesday 10:53pm
Today I realized we won’t work.
What we are is hurting her.
And I think she matters more to me than you do.

Wednesday 11:52pm
I broke things off with you today.
She barely said a word.
I’ve never regretted anything more than this.

Thursday 4:03pm
I shouldn’t have sent that message.
You shouldn’t have been so okay with receiving it.

Friday 9:57pm
I almost messaged you today.
I didn’t.

Saturday 8:49pm
I’m walking around town in search of alcohol.
They say that liquor numbs the pain of having a broken heart.
I want to put that to the test.

Sunday 2:32am
I heard you texted a girl you’ve never spoken to before.
I wonder if it’s because you’re trying to replace me.
I can’t help but wish you weren’t.
I thought I was irreplaceable.

—  a week with you on my mind, c.j.n.
Move on, leave, run away, escape this place… but don’t forget about me, about us, about this town. Always remember where you come from so you can appreciate how far you’ve come.
—  c.j.n.