funny-conversations

Draco's Sufferings
  • Draco: (drawls) Potty and the Weasel, the boy who lives on sympathy and his snotty blood-traitor friend!
  • Pansy: Ha ha, nice one Draco.
  • Draco: (smirks) And that mudblood that comes trailing along after them...
  • Crabbe: woohoo!
  • Draco: ...like a lowly servant!
  • Goyle: yeah!
  • Draco: As if they are the only people in her world!
  • Pansy: ...
  • Draco: (angrily) I don't know what she sees in those idiots!
  • Crabbe: ...
  • Draco: I am so much better than them!
  • Goyle: ...
  • Draco: ...
  • Pansy: ...
  • Draco: I'm sorry, did I say that out loud?
Scorpio & Aries
  • Scorpio, falling asleep in class, not even bothering to hide her face:
  • Teacher, glances around the class: So who can tell me what happened to the United States's government in the year of 1921?
  • Aries, sees the teacher about to call on her, raises his hand: Mrs. G, can you tell me the reason why you and Mr. A are always visiting each other? Answer me this question- is his dick bigger than the principal's? Are you two dating? Are the three of you planning on having a three-some? Why does Ms. D always complaining to you that she doesn't get the d? Should we start the wedding planning now? Do we need to sign Ms. D up for eHarmony? Or would she have better luck on OkCupid?!
  • Teacher, gasps:
  • Teacher: Aries, can I see you in the hallway for a moment, please?
  • Aries, the whole class laughing their ass off, walks past Scorpio, smiles: I did this for you
  • Scorpio, mumbles: No one asked, you dumb ass.
An Actual Conversation With My Grandmother
  • Me: Well I claim Reid, you should go out with Rossi, the Italian hottie.
  • Nan: Nah, whos the other ones?
  • Me: Hotch and Morgan
  • Nan: Hotch is always so serious
  • Me: Yeah, I know
  • Nan: I could loosen him up real good, come to grandma.
  • Me: *dies internally*
  • Nan: I should take them both, I'm that selfish. Derek and Hotch please.
Incorrect HP Quotes (Ron and Draco)
  • Draco: My, my, my. Look what we have here. A blood-traitor.
  • Ron: Well, hello to you too, death-eater.
  • Draco: So what brings you to this part of the world? Are you sure you are not lost? Maybe, your weasel brain finally snapped.
  • Ron: Shut up, Malfoy! I am here for Hermione. I am so tired of getting her books from that god-awful place in Diagon Alley. I never seem to know what she likes.
  • Draco: Of course you don't, Weasley. I wouldn't expect you to.
  • Ron: What do you mean? Ah, nevermind. Why are you here? Isn't this place making you burst into flames or something?
  • Draco: Umm, nothing. Just passing through.
  • Ron: ...
  • Draco: ...
  • Ron: Wait a minute! You are here for Hermione too! Its her birthday tomorrow. This a muggle shop. Why else would you be here?
  • Draco: Umm... Penelope Clearwater?
  • Ron: Oh, come on!
  • Draco: Fine, you nosy prat! It is Granger. I want to get her something nice. I have been here quite a few times, already. Cool place.
  • Ron: What?
  • Draco: Granger showed me this shop. It has a really cool home decor section.
  • Ron: What?
  • Draco: I understand you are a bit slow, Weasley. This muggle stuff is too hard for you. Don't worry, I am sure I can assist you.
  • Ron: ...
  • Draco: ...
  • Ron: I'll get what you get, then.
  • Draco: Oh, that won't be necessary. I'd like to be unique. Besides, I am getting her a new bed. The one in her flat is uncomfortable and really creaks a lot.
  • Ron: How do you know?
  • Draco: (smirks) Well, I should. I sleep on it.
Draco confesses
  • Harry: I have been surfing the internet lately.
  • Ron: What is this infernet thingy?
  • Hermione: Its where you see all those food pictures, Ron. And its called internet.
  • Harry: What's this drarry that everyone's talking about?
  • Hermione: Its a ship.
  • Harry: A what? I saw nothing like a ship!
  • Hermione: Well, it is a concept of a fictional couple. The muggles know about us but they think we are stories. Well, let me show you.
  • Harry: I know about that. Ginny told me.
  • Hermione: Then why are you asking me, Harry?
  • Harry: Well, she said that she found the drarry ship cute.
  • Hermione: And?
  • Harry: And I found a lot of stories.
  • Hermione: And?
  • Harry: And I printed them out and took them to office.
  • Ron: Did you read them?
  • Harry: Hell no! I don't have enough patience. Malfoy was bored. He took them.
  • Hermione: ...
  • Ron: Well, I hope nothing good was in them. Oh Merlin! Here comes Malfoy.
  • Draco: Potter, what the hell is this?
  • Harry: Well I-
  • Draco: I don't care what you have to say. For years I have been working with you, trying to behave normally with you and never expecting anything from you! Do you have any idea what you gave me?
  • Harry: Well I-
  • Draco: Thank you so much. I am glad you feel the same. I love you too, Harry.
Foo Fighters in Atlanta 10/4/15
  • An actual conversation between Dave Grohl and Taylor Hawkins.
  • Taylor: No Paris Hilton here.
  • Dave: No not here tonight.
  • Taylor: No Paris.
  • Dave: God dammit I invited her, but she fucking blew me off again.
  • Taylor: You're probably not the only one she's blew off.
  • Dave: That's going viral.
  • Taylor: (while laughing) Don't even say viral.
  • Dave: Nevermind. No pun intended. Hey!
Aurors at work
  • Draco: She smiled at me.
  • Ron: No she didn't.
  • Draco: Of course she did! Your eyes are as bad as your brain, Weasley!
  • Harry: Well, she did smile, Ron. I don't know why, but she did.
  • Draco: She is in love with me.
  • Harry: That is debatable.
  • Draco: No, it isn't. You'll see.
  • Ron: Hermione will never fall in love with you, Malfoy. She hates you.
  • Draco: Well, you hated me too. But we are friends now.
  • Harry: 'ahem' colleagues.
  • Draco: Same thing in my book. But whatever you guys say doesn't matter. Hermione has started to fancy me.
  • Ron: I will kill myself if that ever happens.
  • Draco: Oh, no need of that, Weasley. I will be disappointed to lose such a valuable jester of my court.
  • Harry: You are not a king, Malfoy.
  • Draco: Yes, I am. And you are my minister and Hermione shall be my queen.