A huge orange cat came running into my garden, he was running away from a white-brown she-cat half his size. He jumped on a wall and she laid on the floor and rolled left and right to seduce him down.

I watched. Would he jump in or out? in or out? in or out? He jumped in.

But again he ran away crying as soon as she laid her paw at him. They both were circling around my garden and I giggled. I walked outside at this point. The female recognized me but the male was stunned. I blinked hard as a friendly gesture and they carried on.

She again played the patient seducing game as soon as he came near the wall then paced away as in ’I had enough!’ and hid herself behind the car. He walked too in that direction to make sure she was gone then she appeared again, making him jump.

He ran really fast, crossing me and I had to say to him, “Bro, why are you running away from her?”. I guess he has phobia of females… if cats can have them.

My catfish (which I’ve named Felix) had a baby and I named it Applesause.
Like seriously. One day, no baby catfish, other day, boom. Baby catfish.
And since catfish are Leg Eggers (that’s what my sister called it) felix couldn’t have legged an egg because
A. only one catfish
B. Seriously just put them in the tank like a week ago
So yeah we are very confused

British newspaper
~The times

Policeman foils No 10 coup d'ecat.
Boris Johnson may seem content with being secretary rather then prime minister, but some of his staff have rather grander ambitious. (Patrick Kidd writes). Palmerston, chief mouser to the foreign & common wealth office, has been running a turf war with Larry, the No 10 cat, and yesterday he briefly got his paws across the threshold of power.
Palmerston was spotted sneaking through the front door of No 10 but was quickly evicted by a police officer. He then sat outside looking furious, a witness said. A tweet was later posted on Palmerston’s Twitter page, @DiploMog, saying: “I just wanted to see what was behind the door.”
//Palmerston, the foreign& commonwealth office cat, took advantage of Larry’s inattention as the resident Downing Street mouser dealt with a squirrel, inset//

Yes this is really what is in my newspaper today. Gotta love Uk tho.