funny zodiac

The Signs At The Pool

Aries: Playing dead under water and scaring the crap out of Cancer and Pisces
Taurus: Sitting in a beach chair, getting a tan
Gemini: Cheering Leo on for winning it for them
Cancer: Almost kills Aries when they come laughing back to the surface
Leo: Playing chicken with Virgo, Libra, and Gemini; and using every means necessary to win
Virgo: Gets pushed into the water by Leo, who claims it was an accident
Libra: Called to mediate between Leo and Virgo
Scorpio: Tries to dunk Sagittarius; ends up nearly drowning
Sagittarius: Flips on Scorpio and almost kills them
Capricorn: Has to get talked into getting in the water; once they’re in, they spend the whole time showing off their swimming skills
Aquarius: Swimming, while splashing people with bottled water (yes bottled)
Pisces: Crying, because they think Aries is dead and they don’t wanna swim in dead people water
*thanks to woolyking1 for the suggestion :) send suggestions to cancercornastrology*

the signs at disneyland

Aries: gets high off the popcorn leo gave them and almost punches the donald duck mascot
Taurus: rides all the rides with pisces, tries to warn everybody that the popcorn will make them high
Gemini: makes libra and virgo ride the tower of terror over and over again
Cancer: eats the popcorn leo bought even though they heard taurus warn everyone about the popcorn
Leo: buys a bunch of popcorn and gets high off it, starts flirting with everything that moves (including the mascots and little kids)
Virgo: feels sick after riding the tower of terror over and over again with gemini and libra, leaves to go shopping in the gift shops with capricorn and tells scorpio to keep an eye on leo
Libra: after hanging out with virgo and gemini they try to communicate with the ducks near the castle
Scorpio: gets sick of leo flirting with everybody so they buy a kid leash and put it on them
Sagittarius: follows scorpio and leo with aquarius and films leo trying to flirt with everyone while on the leash
Capricorn: doesn’t ride the pirates of the carribean or haunted mansion ride because they heard of ashes being poured there, spends most of their time shopping with virgo
Aquarius: with sagittarius, asks leo weird questions so sag can get leos reactions on their phone
Pisces: goes on all the rides with taurus and gets worried about leo when they see scorpio put the leash on them

why the signs are crying

aries: Drag Me Down
taurus: Drag Me Down
gemini: Drag Me Down
cancer: Drag Me Down
leo: Drag Me Down
virgo: Drag Me Down
libra: Drag Me Down
scorpio: Drag Me Down
sagittarius: Drag Me Down
capricorn: Drag Me Down
aquarius: Drag Me Down
pisces: Drag Me Down

Zodiac Bits
  • Everybody chattering:x
  • Capricorn:guys can you please listen
  • Capricorn:guys.
  • Capricorn:GUYS.
  • Pisces:Yes, we're listening! :DDD
  • Capricorn:Okay, so today we're going to be discussing the plans for Scorpio's birthday party--
  • Noise level rises again:x
  • Capricorn:--and I would appreciate if-- GUYS PLEASE LISTEN TO ME ITS VERY IMPORTANT???!
  • Silence:x
  • Capricorn:Thanks. Ok so we need somebody to buy the cake and bring the drinks--
  • Chattering starts again:x
The Signs as Beautiful Things
  • Aries:Aries is the adrenaline rush after a victory. Aries is a firework on a summer night. Aries is the feeling in your gut on a roller coaster.
  • Taurus:Taurus is the sense of accomplishment when you finish a long task. Taurus is a strong mountain, with life coming from every side of it. Taurus is the satisfaction of simply surviving.
  • Gemini:Gemini is the look in your eyes when you make someone happy. Gemini is a pair of well worn boots that have traveled more than most people. Gemini is the cadence of a poem.
  • Cancer:Cancer is the shore of the ocean. Cancer is the moment before a long awaited hug. Cancer is fire and ice, bonded together.
  • Leo:Leo is the golden headpiece of an emperor. Leo is fantastic plans being made. Leo is a campfire under the stars.
  • Virgo:Virgo is the sun shining on fresh snow. Virgo is the feeling of revenge. Virgo is a bird, flying free from its cage.
  • Libra:Libra is holding hands with two people at once. Libra is the smell of baking bread. Libra is sitting in silence with the ones you love, knowing they are there and thinking about you and loving you.
  • Scorpio:Scorpio is a budding tree branch. Scorpio is moving on from the bad things. Scorpio is a long talk in the middle of the night about life.
  • Sagittarius:Sagittarius is a worn leather journal, filled with accounts of adventures. Sagittarius is a crowd singing in unison at a concert. Sagittarius is a spark, jumping from fire to fire, starting something new each time.
  • Capricorn:Capricorn is knowing someone is proud of you. Capricorn is a sunflower, always bright and providing. Capricorn is your favorite hiking trail.
  • Aquarius:Aquarius is a canoe in the middle of a still lake. Aquarius is saving a life. Aquarius is humans helping humans, and appreciating the beautiful mess of life.
  • Pisces:Pisces is a feather, floating on the breeze. Pisces is peaceful mediation. Pisces is giving to the world in secret, because you don't want the credit.
what the signs don’t have time for

aries: liars

taurus: mouthy ignorant people

gemini: fake friends

cancer: friendship abusers

leo: self conceded bitches 

virgo: geminis

libra: fake lovers

scorpio: you

sagittarius: strict teachers and parents

capricorn: slow internet

aquarius: your whining and complaining

pisces: your hopes and dreams nope

Why the signs aren't texting back
  • Aries:mad at u for some reason
  • Taurus:eating food
  • Gemini:texting someone else cuz ur boring
  • Cancer:u hurt their feelings or they're just watching anime
  • Leo:2 many people texting them
  • Virgo:more important things to do then text u
  • Libra:don't know how to reply to u
  • Scorpio:ur hella annoying
  • Sagittarius:lost their phone
  • Capricorn:don't feel like talking rn
  • Aquarius:they don't like to text and/or they forgot
  • Pisces:wrote the text but forgot to press send
The signs reacting to anon hate
  • Aries:"haha okay honey bye"
  • Taurus:*yawn*
  • Gemini:"truuuu"
  • Cancer:"why not rainbows?"
  • Leo:*screenshots for dem receipts*
  • Virgo:"fuq u baiiiii"
  • Libra:"burn in hell???"
  • Scorpio:"Get off of anon you little bitch"
  • Sagittarius:"okay anything else?"
  • Capricorn:*laughs at their spelling errors*
  • Aquarius:*posts a sad frog meme*
  • Pisces:"LMAOOOOO"
The signs as British culture

Aries: banterbus
Taurus: bloody fit
Gemini: Archbishop of banterbury
Cancer: Top notch bants with the lads
Leo: Proper ledge
Virgo: Jeremy Kyle with the fam
Libra: *treats you to maccies*
Scorpio: Flips the teacher off
Sagittarius: Bantermobile
Capricorn: Knobhead
Aquarius: Ed millibanter
Pisces: *watching Tracy beaker*

*if you’re not British Id happily translate your sign 😂*
The Signs Driving


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Originally posted by fallingrosesromance


Originally posted by bobs--burgers--flipping

Weird things the signs would be arrested for
  • Aries:Stealing a life-size cut out of their celeb crush
  • Taurus:Overdue library book
  • Gemini:Stalking/Trespassing
  • Cancer:Stealing gift cards
  • Leo:Assaulting someone with a stick of butter
  • Virgo:Playing music too loudly
  • Libra:Offering free flu shots at the strip club
  • Scorpio:Having sex with a picnic table
  • Sagittarius:'Accidentally' shooting off someone's genitalia
  • Capricorn:Giving people wedgies
  • Aquarius:Inciting a riot
  • Pisces:Letting their pet drive their car