funny work things

The Signs As Weird Retail Customers I've Had To Deal With
  • Aries: The guy who went over to me with a knife and held it in front of my face, only to ask if I knew any place in the mall where he could have it sharpened.
  • Taurus: The woman who didn´t want to buy her son any toys and tried to tell him that “the toys are just for decoration; they actually sell shelves”.
  • Gemini: The man who tried to pay for a €10 soft toy with a €500 note and, when I refused to accept it, complained that this was “discrimination against rich people”.
  • Cancer: The guy who rode his bike through the mall.
  • Leo: The two students who each bought a giant teddy bear as “back-up presents” for their girlfriends, in case they forgot an anniversary or a birthday.
  • Virgo: The guy who bought 100 postcards for his sister´s wedding and came by two days later to show us wedding videos and photos on his tablet.
  • Libra: The woman who bought a llama soft toy, believing it was a cat.
  • Scorpio: The big, dangerously looking biker who walked straight up to me and asked for “the biggest and fluffiest bunny” we had.
  • Sagittarius: The man who looked at the giant 4.25-foot (1.20 metres) plush penguin and asked if we had a bigger one- preferably taller than him.
  • Capricorn: The woman who had a whole conversation with me in English, eventually realized that I wasn´t originally from Britain and then started to talk really, really slowly.
  • Aquarius: The woman who didn´t know what a penguin was- or the South Pole for that matter- and asked me to explain.
  • Pisces: The women who looked at the big cat soft toys and asked me why the hell we sold soft toys of animals that were not indigenous to Germany while standing next to a shelf filled with dragons and unicorns.

I like to think maybe Robbie has some strength to his frame from messing around with so many metal parts and dragging around giant canons and everything else he does that in a moment of emergency he just picks up Sportakook (bridal or over his shoulder, either way) and runs for dear life instead of Sportanerd grabbing him and everyone is confused and Sportacute is flustered because no one has carried him since he was a young babe and Robbie is confused as of why Sportaflop is so red and– yea… but

We need more Stronger-than-we-thought-he-was Robbie Rotten

some of my favorite things I have heard said at work over the years:

“Hey, wanna see something pretty…besides me?”

“What is the boneyard?” … “That’s where we keep all the dead people we kill. Y’all thought they quit.”

“Here’s the thing about hip. If you say you’re ‘hip’, you’re not hip.”

“I’d like to get one of those old globes. I’d like to find one that’s so old, it’s flat.”

“You just broke up big-time bad.”

“I don’t need you. I just want to tell you I sent you an email.”

“What a sick fax.”

“Where’s your chandelier now?”

“Welcome to the Mellow Mushroom.” … “I don’t want to know what kind of mushroom you’re talking about.”

“Nothing says ‘relevant’ like THIS font. It’s like AOL.”

“That woman has the personality of a fish.”

Hanzo you are so funny. >_> 

Anyways, everyone’s drawing Jesse being all sweet and romantic but I’d like to counter your adorable romantic McCree’s with my own headcanon a McCree who hates all holidays – especially christmas and valentine’s day. 

“ Y’see I never had a family, and well I didn’t think I’d live love enough to share my life with anyone… Funny how things work out eh?” 

Also I’ve had this colour palette in my folder forever and I just named it “ hopelessly “ how tragic and yet sweet..? :/ 

3

Wednesday and Amelia are spending their weekend house sitting/baby sitting Amelia’s youngest sister Temperance, who is most likely going to be their little flower girl.🌼

5 a.m. [Lin-Manuel Miranda x Reader]

Summary: Inspired by the one time me and some friends went to McDonald’s at 5 a.m. The reader, craving junk food, drags a sleepy Lin out of bed, way too early in the morning. The breakfast menu isn’t up yet. Chaos and shenanigans ensue.

Word counter: 4,474

Warnings: None, just a really sleepy and grumpy Lin. 

Authors Notes: @sunshinemiranda - i cannot believe i got to the chance to collab with ren again??? you guys, this honestly all stemmed from this really cute story she told me and then me (being pushy and annoying as per usual) needed to get in and then this came into being!! we got so attached, we made headcanons for this, unbelievable. i still want to make a prequel. enjoy.

@alexanderhamllton - i got to collab with my girl again, can you guys BELIEVE??? I am so happy with how this turned out, we made a whole lot of headcanons (hence the mixtapes) and we really hope you guys like it! If you want more from this universe PLEASE let us know, because we would love to wirte that! 

askbox | olivia’s masterlistren’s masterlist


Lin wasn’t expecting his phone to ring at 5 in the morning. He wasn’t expecting anything but a solid sleep that he desperately needed after too many late nights full of work. Funny thing was, life had a screwed up talent at ruining expectations.

His phone lit up in the dark, vibrating against the wooden bedside table with a vicious energy. With a groan, he stabbed a button blindly and brought it to his ear without even bothering to emit a greeting. It was too early for that.

“Lin. Listen, it’s 5 am. You wanna go to McDonald’s with me?”

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fandom-lover-1551  asked:

So imagine them trying to think of super hero names! So they would all be in Michael's basement and he would say "I have ice powers... And I like slushies, and they've got ice in them... So slushyman!" And everyone just stares at him. (Btw I'm basement anon!)

Chloe: I swear to god, Mell, I will make you wear a life size slushie cup costume as your outfit if you go with that name.

Michael: Slushyman it is then!

Everybody else: Michael nO.

Then Jeremy brings out a spray bottle and he just sprays Michael and he hisses