funny text conversation

every episode of house ever
  • *episode opens with patient going about their every day life*
  • patient: owww my everything
  • *patient goes to hospital*
  • house: okay guys got any ideas
  • literally everyone: ehh probably meningitis
  • house: well you're wrong give him a lumbar puncture
  • foreman: house despite you being the head of our team we obviously know more than you
  • house: *joke about foreman being black*
  • foreman:
  • house:
  • foreman:
  • house:
  • chase: hey cameron you wanna bang later
  • cameron: fuk u
  • chase: eyyy she wants me ;0
  • patient: oww my everything
  • cameron: the patient is getting worse house what do we do
  • house: pfff fuck if i know
  • cameron: damn house you suck you're a terrible doctor he obviously has meningitis
  • house: give him some drugz idk
  • cameron: wow guys did you hear house telling us to give the patient drugs? damn he's a great doctor wouldn't you just like to bang him?
  • chase: >:(
  • cuddy: house go work in the clinic
  • house: no
  • cuddy: do it or else
  • house: ugh fine
  • *insert some comic-relief scene of house in the clinic with a dumb patient*
  • *meanwhile the first patient gets worse*
  • patient: owww now my eyes are green
  • chase: house his eyes are green and he is literally on the brink of death what do we do
  • *INSERT 30 SECOND LONG MONTAGE OF HOUSE GOING OVER THE FACTS*
  • house: gREEN EYES?! THIS IS A SIGN OF TITTY DEFLATION!
  • *insert a 3D animation of how the disease works with voice over of how it works*
  • house: only a shot of the super-duper-illegal anti-titty deflation vaccine that has not yet been made legal can save him now
  • cuddy: NO
  • house: YES
  • cuddy: NO
  • house: YES
  • cuddy: NO
  • house: fuk u bitch i do what i want lmao cuddy? more like slutty ayyyy
  • *house gives patient cure*
  • patient: wow, doctor! by some miracle you've cured me! And even the chronic pain in my back was fixed!
  • house: yet another symptom of your titty deflation
  • wilson: how did he have titty deflation? he doesn't have titties
  • house: shut up, wilson, you were probably irrelevant this episode
  • *"You Can't Always Get What You Want" plays*
BTS at the BBMAS
  • (Sitting next to Justin Bieber)
  • Jin: hi, I'm jin. You know anneyonghassayo?
  • Justin: yeah hi..no
  • Suga: dis..(points at Justin's necklace) dis 3 dollar chain?
  • Justin: what! No it's expensive
  • J-hope: (goes a bit too close and whispers) I hate snakeu
  • Justin: ...okay
  • Jungkook: (mouths I love you @ JB)
  • Justin: ....
  • Justin: (looking at Jimin)
  • Justin: you seem like the normal one here lol, what's your name man?
  • Jimin, with the cutest smile on his face: hi ^^
  • Justin: ...(triggered bc Jimin is really cute)
  • Rap monster: I apologize for all this, we're really nervous that's why
  • Justin, not paying attention to RM, still looking at Jimin: ..I'm gay
  • Justin: ...I MEANT IT's okay...
dad

jk: [gives jin a mug that reads “worlds greatest dad” on fathers day]

jin: [looks offended]

jk: is there something wrong

jin: u spelled dad backwards

jk, angrily: [takes mug out of jins hands and smashes it against the wall]

BTS as stupid things I've said

Jin: Do i look pretty? Don’t answer that, of course its yes

Yoongi: I wasn’t at school because i wanted to sleep for over 24 hours. Bitch

Hobi: STOP SUN!! I’m the only one allowed to shine.

Namjoon: Uhh. I broke the pencil you lent me.

Jimin: YOU SEE THESE!!! Real abs. get on my level scrub.

Tae: Do crayons have feelings? Do aliens have feelings?!?

Jungkook: I kicked your ass. you can’t beat me. I’M TOO GOOD BITCH!!          F I G H T M E IRL!!

ENTP and INTP
  • INTP: Did you know that INTPs have the highest IQ out of all personality types?
  • ENTP: Those are just statistics. That doesn't mean you're that smart.
  • Later
  • INTP: Did you know that ENTPs are the most likely to be a psychopath?
  • ENTP: Yay! I'm a phsycopath!
  • INTP: That's just a statistic. That doesn't mean you're that phsycopathic.
  • ENTP: Shut up INTP.