funny sign posts

Zodiac Signs As How Evil You Truly Are

ZODIACGUIDE // IG

Aries: war mongering drama queens (evil scale 5.0)

Taurus: rage blackouts (evil scale 4.0)

Gemini: liars (evil scale 8.0)

Cancer: will wear your skin as a coat (evil scale 9.0)

Leo: will make you want to wear their skin as a coat (evil scale 3.0)

Virgo: will say they’re evil, but they’re just emotionless (evil scale 1.5)

Libra: you’ll never see the lawsuit coming (evil scale 7.0)

Scorpio: will murder your soul so you’re dead on the inside (evil scale 10.0)

Sagittarius: everyone knows they’re evil but them (evil scale 11.0)

Capricorn: they’ll take your money - by stealing your job (evil scale 6.0)

Aquarius: cold calculating elitists (evil scale 6.0)

Pisces: makes elaborate plans to destroy their enemy but gets “too tired” (evil scale 3.0)

What the signs need rn...

Aries: pasta

Taurus: some old skool lovin

Gemini: a certificate of excellence

Cancer: netflix netflix netflix flix of net etflix-nay all ay-day

Leo: hot boys

Virgo: a new dress

Libra: a kiss

Scorpio: a fuck to give

Sagittarius: some hairspray

Capricorn: a slice of their favorite kind of pizza

Aquarius: a wifi connection for FUCKING ONCE

Pisces: some friends

THE SIGNS AS SHIT ARTISTS SAY

aries: “i have a lot of talent today" 

 taurus: "inspiration hit me like a truck" 

gemini: "i wanna draw something gay but i am limited by my artistic capability" 

cancer: *aggressively tries to get better at art*

leo: "i’d kill three and a half sluts to be able to draw backgrounds like this”

Virgo: “i really want to draw but i’m afraid i won’t be able to" 

libra: "where can i buy inspiration" 

scorpio: "i have .00036% talent today" 

sagittarius: "art is hard when your art style won’t cooperate" 

capricorn: "my inspiration is dead somewhere" 

aquarius: "art is hard" 

pisces: "my art is having an existential crisis and so am i”

100% things ur sign probably does
  • aries: says something thats kinda inaudible and then just says "nvm" and starts awkwardly laughing when asked about what they just said
  • taurus: randomly starts yelling their opinion or response with absolutely no filter
  • gemini: suddenly and drastically changes something about their appearance every now and then for no particular reason
  • cancer: you always have those spontaneous moments where you don't interact with anyone or become a sarcastic twat
  • leo: suddenly starts laughing about something and no one knows what's funny and its probably pretty stupid but they keep laughing anyways
  • virgo: always keeps their bag or their room super messy for some fucking reasons and no matter how much they "try" to clear it up, it goes back to its original state
  • libra: tends to spontaneously act super childish and child-like, it's almost as if a kid spontaneously possess you
  • scorpio: happens to just stare at ppl when they talk to you and we get the impression that you hate us and are mentally cutting our soul apart
  • sagittarius: sometimes just suddenly begins to sarcastically argue with people and act like sarcastic asshole
  • capricorn: sometimes acts really cold with people all of a sudden and everyone becomes confused af as to why they're being cold
  • aquarius: randomly starts contradicting people for absolutely no reason and defends their point, even if the person they're arguing with and themselves know they are wrong, and no one knows why aquarians fucking do this
  • pisces: does this thing where they remember things that didn't actually happen and somehow they manage to convince themselves it did (probs bc pisces people tend to have terrible memories)
The Signs Driving

Z O D I A C G U I D E  / /  I G

Aries: actually pretty mellow but they can get feisty

Taurus: practically the greatest getaway driver you could have

Gemini: has the most bomb ass playlists going at all times

Cancer: either wayy too concentrated or wayy not

Leo: doesn’t even drive yet so is just chillin

Virgo: has major road rage issues and gets mad at everyone on the road

Libra: speedy driver but is somehow safe about it wtf

Scorpio: literally the best ever no questions asked

Sagittarius: makes everyone in the car nervous cuz is always worried

Capricorn: pretty normal driver tbh is aggressive when necessary 

Aquarius: follows the rulebook and is the best designated driver

Pisces: doesn’t look when they back up and hopes for the best

the signs' new year's kiss - bts
  • aries: yoongi
  • taurus: jin
  • gemini: taehyung
  • cancer: hoseok
  • leo: taehyung
  • virgo: jin
  • libra: jungkook
  • scorpio: jimin
  • sagittarius: yoongi
  • capricorn: jimin
  • aquarius: jungkook
  • pisces: namjoon
Zodiacs and phrases.
  • Aries: "When I am so angry I can destroy this world"
  • Taurus: "I feel so bad,I want to be with my boyfriend all the time"
  • Gemini: "Hey,Do you want to drink tea with me? Or,maybe,with my dog?"
  • Cancer: "Can I help you?"
  • Leo: "I always do what I want. Whatever what others say." or "I WANT I WANT I WANT I WANT I WANT" (believe me,they always want something)
  • Virgo: " I want to go home,sleep,eat and play The Sims 4"
  • Libra: "OHHHH"
  • Scorpio: "Yes,and after that we went to that bar and she was so drunk,but,whatever,I bought the new Cigarettes "
  • Sagittarius: "WHAT. THE. FUCK. ????!"
  • Capricorn: "Oh,no,sorry. I need to do A L0t. Maybe,in the nearest future we will see each other. :)"
  • Aquarius: they don't like talking too much,so that's why they are reading a book,when you see them.
  • Pisces: "I Believe in Santa!!!! I hope,I will see him soon!!! Omg!!! I am so excited!!"
  • +Bonus:
  • Pisces: "I want to see santa!!"
  • Virgo: "Do you know,It's spring now...??"
  • Pisces: "wAt nO I lOvE $aNta!! AnD WhAtEvEr What u SayiD !!! If you hate him it doesn't matter for me!!" *go away*
  • Virgo:
  • Virgo: what did I hear now
The signs as things my aunt has said pt 2

Aries: Why do kids always get to eat first?! I’m hungrier!!

Taurus: *at a family function* I honestly only came here for the food and I’m truly disappointed with this potato salad. Should’ve never RSVP’d

Gemini: damn she transformed from a thotapillar to a hoetterfly…I’m proud

Cancer: I left AJ with Cocoa and now I need to go get him
AJ is her phone, Cocoa is her car….

Leo: “better call CHEVY with the FAKE hair” (Chevy is her ex boo’s new boo 🐸☕️)

Virgo: *when she was pregnant for her daughter*
aunt: yup, she’s going to be potty trained at 2, walking at 5, and she’ll have a steady paying job at 11.
me:…years?
aunt: no months

Libra: that cable guy outside looks like he could be my daughter’s new step daddy 😏

Scorpio:
aunt: let’s play a game: tell me a secret
me:…okay. You’re gonna tell me one too, right?
aunt: wow you just ruined all the fun. I don’t wanna play anymore

Sagittarius: *driving when a bicyclist comes in front of us*
aunt: *turns to smile at me in the passenger seat* how many points will I get if I hit him?

Capricorn: I may be a bitch, but I’m a classy bitch. I am the classiest bitch of all the classy bitches, therefore, I am the best bitch and that’s all the matters.

Aquarius:
aunt: I’ve cried one too many times this month
me: how many times have you cried?
aunt: once

Pisces:
TV: in the aaaarms ooof an angeeel
aunt: *holding on to my dog, sobbing*

Cancers get along well with mutable signs due to the quick changes in their moods. The Cancer understands how flexible a mutable sign’s mind can be due to the flexibility of their own mind. They understand that no one is stagnant and that we are ever changing. A Cancers mind is a blatant example of the roving mind. Who better to understand that then a mutable sign and vice versa?

Books the Signs Should read

Aries: The Walls Around Us- Nova Ren Suma

Taurus: Divergent- Veronica Roth

Cancer: Finders Keepers- Stephen King

Gemini: The Passage- Justin Cronin

Leo: Forged by Fire- Sharon Draper

Virgo: The Giver- Lois Lowery

Libra: How to Steal a Dog- Barbara O’Connor

Scorpio: One Gone: A Riley Paige Mystery- Blake Pierce

SagittariusHyperbole and a Half: Unfortunate Situations..- Allie Brosh

Aquarius: A Serious of Unfortunate Events- Lemony Snicket

Capricorn: The Tales of the Not Forgotten- Beth GuckenBerger

Pisces: Crazy- Linda Vigen Phillips

*requested by anon*

The signs as based off on my friends

Aries: Tiny, tries to fight everyone, very cute, easily angered, would kill if they could reach you.

Taurus: Quiet and shy, observant humor, thinks others are short when they’re like 1 inch taller, anxious.

Gemini: What the fuck hair, actually very funny, loves making others laugh, blushes easily, “i’m not blushing”.

Cancer: Fierce asf even though they’re cute, will love you and hate you in 0.2 seconds, somewhat nervous, cares 100% or -100%

Leo: Smart, amazing with literature, the leader, might be too full of themselves, helps others with the truth.

Virgo: Nice or extremely mean depending on the hour, cute laughter, tall, will probably talk shit but still kinda like you.

Libra: Tall, tries to be hip, annoys people if they have a crush, dad humor, kinda scary but then they don’t do much.

Scorpio: Too full of themselves, tries to be funny but ends up annoying people, but then again sometimes funny, surprisingly caring.

Sagittarius: Short, best hair, complete narcissist, animals are better than humans, adventurous.

Capricorn: Very short, just wants to do the best for others, breaks down when alone only, forgetful, cute.

Aquarius: Tall, really funny, gives the best hugs ever, doesn’t care about your shit, trusts people and is trustworthy. 

Pisces: Very tall like what, good at sports, love to annoy people if they can make them laugh, understanding.