funny pigeon

Dan’s Less Good Fairy Tales: The Carrier Pigeon 

One morning, back when there were no screens on windows, and no one worried about bird flu, a woman woke up to a pigeon standing on her chest. She loved birds and birds admired her as well, so she greeted the pigeon with a smile. She looked at the bird’s foot and saw that it had been injured. She said “Oh, poor bird. I‘ll fix you.” She bandaged up the bird and sent it on its way.

The pigeon returned a day later with a message tied around its healed leg. It was from the King. “Thanks for fixing my bird. Are you DTF?” The girl immediately wrote back, “I’d rather fuck this pigeon.” and sent it along.

The pigeon returned an hour later with another message from the King who wrote: “Joke’s on you, I am the pigeon. I need a spell to be broken to turn back into a king. The only way to do it is to give me one kiss.” The king also included a dick pic of his original, human penis (not the pigeon one).

The woman was aghast, but also flattered, but also remembered this sort of behavior was not OK. Days passed, and she didn’t respond. The pigeon kept coming back to see if she would respond. She didn’t. The pigeon eventually died, and the woman felt no remorse. The pigeon didn’t even turn into a king or anything after it died. It just fell to the ground and some mice ate it.

“Good riddance” the woman thought. “It probably wasn’t even a king, anyway.”

A few years later the woman got anthrax from a sheep and died. She became a ghost and immediately was sent to Hell where the King also resided (they both went there because he was an asshole who didn’t bother feeding his own people, and she was there for the obvious bestiality). The King tried to open up a dialogue with her, but the ghost didn’t answer for all eternity. She was still mad about the unsolicited dick pic.

And that’s why when someone doesn’t text you back, we call it “ghosting.” In most cases, it is deserved.