Dear Evan Hansen: Ben Platt looking into the audience with a sad expression for like 2 ½ hours
(bla bla bla) Great Comet of 1812: simple plot surrounded by a kinda easy plot surrounded by a lot of other crap (but still somehow managed to be amazing)
Hamilton: over hype: the musical
Falsettos: oh the GAYNESS of it all
Charlie and the chocolate factory: we say we’re family friendly but we also show a child getting ripped in half. (Very underrated)
Sunset Blvd: it’s like a really fucked up beauty and the beast.
Phantom of the Opera: sInG oNcE aGaIn WiTh Me OuR sTrAnGe DuEt
Cats: a two hour tourist trap
School of Rock: talented children+ Alex Brightman + Sierra Bogess= a show I wanna see!!
Something rotten: Shakespeare was a prick
Come from away: WELCOME TO THE ROCK
Spring Awakening: don’t have sex: or you’ll get pregnant, and die
Wicked: you already know
Heathers: it’s like if Caty just fucking KILLED REGINA.
Carrie: rated R Matilda
Matilda: R E V O L T I N G C H I L D R E N
Once on this island: Moana?
Sweeney Todd: Worst. Haircut. Ever.
Newsies: boys jumping for 2 hours
Book of Mormon: Repress your emotions woooo!!!!
Waitress: sad and pregnant + pie!!!
(these are jokes I love all of these)
Edit: someone posted it on their Instagram and had an issue with the falsettos one and let me just say, I LOVE falsettos. I think it’s incredibly complex and deep and so much more then just a gay musical. The falsettos part, and all of these in general, are just stupid, funny descriptions and not meant to be taken seriously and don’t showcase any musical in it’s entirety.