heellllooooooo! what type of dad do you think Voldy would be in the voldy timeline??
He wouldn’t be a ‘dad’ in any timeline because it’s a role he’d never be able to fulfil. He’s incapable of love by this point. A child of his own wouldn’t have changed that. But even if he felt something for her, he’d never have the type of bond with her she wants. At best, he’d play on it to keep her loyal but I can’t see it having any real depth to it. Not on his side anyway. I’m sure it’s a whole different story in Delphi’s head.
Just look at her in Godric’s Hollow. She says she’s studied to be worthy of him, yet she believes it without hesitation when Voldemort (who’s actually Harry in disguise) holds her by the chin and accepts her so willingly. She’s so busy trying to prove herself and earn his respect that she doesn’t question him back. Not until it’s too late. I know we’re suppose to hate her but it’s really quite sad. She’s just so desperate for his affection and approval that she ends up throwing away years of planning and patience because her father used the word ‘daughter’ and she slips. Her face when she hears that word says it all. In a way it reminds me of Scorpius’s face when his dad says they can hug too, and of Albus’s when Harry puts an arm round him in the graveyard. It’s a mixture of happiness and relief. It’s what they, and we as an audience, have waited five hours for.
You know the line, “I believe it kind of got us into this mess”? Well that’s the play. These ‘cursed children’, unable to connect with their fathers in the way they need. It’s the root of all their problems. It’s a theme that runs not just throughout the play but the entire series. History repeats itself time and time again. Harry and Albus. Draco and Scorpius. Voldemort and Delphi. Lucius and Draco. James and Harry. Tom Riddle Sr and Tom Riddle Jr. All these connections are damaged. They range from frayed and repairable, to permanently and prematurely severed. But wherever they are on that scale, Harry is right. “That never leaves you”. Even once Albus and Scorpius sort things out with their dads, they’ll never forget this period of their lives. It will continue to affect their future decisions and actions. Whether that’s for good or bad is up to them.
Life is fragile and relationships disintegrate as quickly as they bloom. They’ve had to learn that the hard way, as do we all, but it’s why this play is an incredibly important and beautiful addition to the HP series. Our need for each other is universal and requires no magic at all.
“If our adventures have taught us anything, they’ve taught us that.”
I have started this post a handful of times and then
stopped. I guess the biggest reason why
is because, oddly, it seems too personal (strange, coming from the girl who has
blogged about nearly everything personal over the past two years…)
But, I can walk away from the computer or close a screen
(defiantly clicking, “yes, I want to leave this screen”) but I can’t keep the
blog from being written in my head. The
topic I’m balking at isn’t anything sordid or juicy…in reality it is probably,
frankly, much bigger in my head than it is in real life.
I recently visited my energy therapist (woo woo alert ahead)
to undo some of the wedding stress.
Inevitably, she always brings up my running, despite not knowing a thing
about competitive racing. Out of
nowhere, she says I won’t see significant improvements until I
let go of all my fear. She said that while I can use my
mental game techniques to overcome fears and anxieties, I won’t truly be
my best until I reach a point where I don’t even need them.
My first instinct:
defensiveness. She said something
that made me feel embarrassed and vulnerable.
I pride myself on being a fearless badass. In fact, today is the two year anniversary of
my blog, which means today is also the two year anniversary of my big leap of
fearless faith. That has to count for
But, when people say things that make us uncomfortable in an
introspective way, there is usually a reason.
While I do believe I am the most fearless version of myself that I have
ever been in my 17 years (soon to be 18 years on August 1st!) of competitive
running, I am not perfect.
I think I touched on this a little bit in my last post. For instance, the first race of the season is
especially scary to me. The indisputable
truth of exactly where your fitness is at is anxiety-inducing. Failure – however you define it – can be
scary. Sometimes when I find myself
being fearful before a race, I start to make excuses long before the race has
even begun, or comprise exactly what I will say about it if it doesn’t go
according to plan. And I hate myself for
doing that. One thing that has helped me
has been to “rewrite the story” and change the ending to something positive. Still, I want to be at a point where I don’t
even have to call upon these workarounds.
Lately I have been setting an intention each month for
myself, and July was to have no fear. I marked off two pages in my journal and each day I list something I have done (either that day or in the past) that was
fearless. In my head, I have to
wonder: what if I can shed even 1% or 2%
of fear? What if that change led to a 10% gain
in performance if I never again thought, “what if I lose?” “what if I’m not as
fit as I think I should be?” “what if I disappoint myself?”
The entire week leading up to my race last Saturday (the
USATF IN 5k championships), I couldn’t shake a lot of the what ifs. The funny thing – and definitely the part
that that makes me mad at myself – is the fear is entirely internal. I have zero fear that if I have a bad race it
will affect sponsorship, or that my internet supporters will judge me, or that I will never be able to bounce back. The biggest fear that I have is that I will
have to deal with the disappointment that I will inevitably feel if I run slower than I think
The morning of the race I didn’t want to be there. Well, I did,
I was just in that weird runner limbo where you want the race to be over and to be feeling happy about a positive effort, but if the heavens opened and a pop up thunderstorm appeared
you wouldn’t be too unhappy, either….
When I arrived, I recognized some familiar faces – including
a friend of mine, Sarah. This was good
and bad. My first thought: here is my out – assuming she is in
shape, I don’t have a chance at winning this one because we are not evenly
matched at the 5k (Sarah is a professional steepler coming off of a great track
season), and now I don’t have to struggle with any disappointment if I fail. Guys, that’s a really stupid fucking
thought. I went through my warm up
feeling like this and then, about 15 minutes before the race, I remembered my
intention for the month: be
When I first saw Sarah I decided my game plan would be to
run my race and not worry about her if she took off hard. This was a way out. I could go with the excuse that I was just
running my race.
Then, after I decided to be fearless, I decided that I was
there to try and run as fast as possible, no matter who showed up that day. So, I decided I would take the race out as
fast as I could. When a marathoner races
a track person, you have to rely on stamina.
Go out hard, hope you run the other person’s legs off.
I essentially went out as hard as I could, given my current
fitness level (just coming off of 2 months of base building, running one fartlek
a week and doing strides). I led us through ~2.5k before she
made a huge move and put 40 seconds on me. I didn’t start my
watch so I don’t know exactly what our mile split was, I do know that I went
through 3k in 9:57 because someone was reading splits there. After Sarah dropped me, I focused on
continuing to push. I went through 4k in
13:30 and finished in 17:04 to Sarah’s 16:23 (huge congrats to her- she said
afterwards that was a road PR).
So, the thing I was afraid of all week wound up
happening: I didn’t win. I didn’t get the $500 check that would have gone pretty far in paying our wedding bills. But, in the process, I ran my 2nd
fastest 5k ever, which was by far my fastest season opener ever….and I’m not sure I have
ever raced 5 months out from a goal race. Last year I did this race and ran 17:40 and was devastated; but, at the
same time, 17:40 was also only a few seconds off of my then-PR, so I was just looking
at that race with the wrong perspective.
This pic is from last year’s race. Compared to the picture from this year, I can see on my face that I am running from a different place, mentally.
At the end of the day, perspective is so important. There is something that I like to do towards
the beginning of every training cycle, and that is to run a relay. Most years, that relay is Great Lakes Relay –
a 3 day, 300 mile relay in northern Michigan that is as much navigation and
strategy as it is speed.
The year we won - probably not coincidentally also the year we had a full team!
A couple years ago I did Red Eye Relay, which is an
overnight, 110 mile relay in Bloomington.
This year, I am running the 8 hour Dream Endurance Relay
with one of my bridesmaids and a volee teammate. The relay takes place from noon – 8 PM and we
each plan to run just under 3 hours. The
forecast looks like it is going to be in the 90s and humid.
I would argue that these relays are one of the most
important things that I do in my training each year. For one, they build fearlessness. I have no worries about running in the heat
for that long, because I have already experienced that in each relay I have
participated in. Two, relays embody
everything that is good about the sport:
perseverance, accomplishment, teamwork, and the satisfaction of utter
exhaustion. When running takes a step
from hobby to kinda-trying-to-make-a-living-doing-this, relays are a really
refreshing way to remember why you got started with this sport in the first
They’re also hard AF.
Day 3 of Great Lakes Relay makes your legs feel unlike anything you have
ever experienced. The day before my
first marathon, I remember thinking that I had survived GLR three times, so a
marathon was going to be far easier in comparison.
At this level of training and competing, I’m always amazed
at how many slight changes can be made in search of incremental
gains. I could run 110 miles per week
instead of 100, and see improvement so long as I don’t break my
body. Better attention to fueling and
recovery makes a difference, as does working with a mental game coach and a
But, at the end of the day, how much does it matter if you
still have fears that hold you back?
This year is going to be the year of shedding any remaining fears that I
have, and I’m happy that I seem to be off to a good start.
can i please ask for france and kid headcanons? As many as you can please!
Why of course, mon ami! I love writing for this nerd. ~Admin Sarah
Francis, as I have mentioned before, would want one of each. Preferably a daughter first.
Francis’ favorite game would be playing dress up with his daughter; he loves rocking the pink boa.
Every once and a while, while his s/o was away, he would let his kids paint his fingers, toes (any shade they wanted..even..yellow…*shiver*). He’d also let them do his makeup and, yes, even his hair. Though no scissors. Or heat…Mostly just butterfly clips.
Disney world dad. Francis would love to bring his kids to Disney when they’re young. Especially Epcot…France, to be exact. It would make him miss home, but they would be too young to enjoy the wonders that France has to offer…Though It’s a Small World would totally give him the creeps. (Heh… the crepes…)
Francis’ Everyday Closet: Dad Edition. If he knew he was going to be spending the day with his kids, he would be prepared. Hair, in a well done yet messy man bun. Likely to be seen in, but never admit to wearing, a pair of joggers. A pastel t-shirt. He still needs some fashion sense. He lost most of it from the kids ages of 0-8.
He would take his kids to France when they are older, likely the youngest being at ten. He would miss home dearly, but would want to bring them when they are old enough to enjoy it. He doesn’t want it to be a vacation, he wants it to be an experience.
Francis’ favorite Christmas gift would to get his kids a shirt with his face on it. As a gag gift? No. As a legit gift. Why? Because. He is a beautiful man.
That’s a tough question to answer. I have made several friends on here who I all admire equally. They each mean a lot to me and some stick out more then others simply because of the interaction we have. However that doesn’t make any of the other friends I have or followers I have mean any less to me.
I love @donthitanybody‘s posts because it’s one of the most Wade appreciated blogs I follow. It’s good to see someone give Wade love! :D
I also love seeing the wonderful cats of @kijilinn and just being able to joke with her.
There are only three people on here that are stars to me above all but that is just because of time spent with them! @lizanaya is a dear friend to me that I met many years ago. We don’t interact as much on Tumblr because we talk elsewhere but I love her all the same. @missfushi is a pure sweetheart no matter what anyone says. If it weren’t for this awesome Youtuber Cinnamon Roll I never would of joined Tumlblr and met all of you. @draennerys oh you little sweetheart. She was one of the first people to follow this old fart. I was really afraid that nobody would be interested in me. Yet she decided to check out my blog and then we started talking a few weeks ago. Now we are close friends! She is a legend among my followers because she was in the first 5 people who followed me! Her and Fushi are in that number and that means a lot to me! :D
In the end I love all of you for what you guys do and each one of you matter to me. I wouldn’t play favorites with anyone in the community at all because you are all amazing!
Ok ok I admit it if I had to pick favorites then Mark, Jack, Wade and Fushi because they are the best Youtubers ever! :P