funny heades


Happy Nick Valentine Day ❤ Everyone’s favourite toaster

Here’s some screenshots of Maya and her most trusted companion ^_^. Do I even need to go into why Nick is amazing?

Nick reminds Maya of the old cops she worked cases with pre-war, the old dogs, total gentleman. They got on like a house on fire from the moment they met, two halves of the same coin. Maya was so happy when Nick wanted her to be his partner, it was finally a chance for her to repay him for all he’d done and continued to do to help her. Whenever they were working a case she would wear her matching trenchcoat with pride, Nick would always make an amused remark but you could tell he was moved that someone like Maya looked up to him and admired him so much. In their free time when travelling together, they love deducing cases or just talking over some whiskey and cigarettes. Nick’s quick wit and flawless charm is one of Maya’s many favourite things about him. As Nick can’t get drunk or tired, Maya normally ends up falling asleep on his lap. Nick will smile to himself as he wonders what he did to deserve such an amazing friend at his side.

Damn it Bethesda why isn’t this beautiful piece of metal perfection a romance option 💔 I’ll have to settle for best friends for now :(

It’s 3 A.M. on Valentine’s Day,
I could write about my ex-girlfriend.
But I think I’d rather write
About my character in Dungeons & Dragons

He’s got a great axe and rage
And a back story more cliché
Then writing poems
On Valentine’s Day
About your ex-girlfriend

I could probably write more
But it’s probably pretty clear
I’d obviously rather be
Sama’ack the Dragonborne Barbarian
Then Hunter who misses his ex-girlfriend 

GREAT ToS Pickup Lines

“Are you a witch, cuz you’re smokin’!”
“Vote me guilty for my love for you.”
“Are you a Serial Killer? Cuz you stole my heart!”
“Not even a Disguiser could replicate my love for you!”
“Are you an Arsonist? Cuz you light up my world!”
“I’m an Investigator, and need to do a thorough search.”
“If I was an Amnesiac, I’d make sure to remember you.”
“I revealed myself as Mayor… Now that’s 3 to 1 on if we should date. Where do you want to go?”
“Hypothetical situation: Your boyfriend and I were transported while you were going at it.”
“Like the Vigilante, I’d die for you.”
“I wouldn’t go on alert just in case I could see your face at night.”
“You must be the Medium, because you’ll always be my target.”
“You know… The Medium’s Curse can be lifted by a true love’s kiss!”
“My love for you is stronger than my hate for the Framer.”

My mom was really adamant that if we DID go to family therapy, and I insisted on talking about when she hit me “for weeks in a row,” that the therapist would ask me to stop talking about it.

And I keep giggling picturing her leaning forward in a chair and being like “mr. Therapist, I’m sure we all agree that Ellie should shut the fuck up already about being abused and traumatized” and the rest of my family nodding sagely

anonymous asked:

I don't know why but I feel like Core!Frisk has somehow become the concerned "mom friend" for Error!Sans. I could be wrong, it was just a funny thought in my head.

That’s adorable, albeit off :D

tdutcha asked:

"Happy valentines day Sans!" He gave him a hug and handed him a valentines card; a white one with red roses. "Oh, and if you've been having nightmares about me dying, don't worry about it. Y-You've just been eating bad lately~♪"

     * … o-oh, thanks, kid.
     * ahah…

          Sans blushed profusely, rubbing the back
          of his head.

      * funny, i haven’t been eating
        at all lately.
      * but, ahh…
      * got ya somethin’.

           He shuffled, holding out a bouquet of long,
           slender red roses.

      * just… a little somethin’, y’know…


AREA surrounded by ghosts, and you want to get out -
pound of the surf - all in your head - funny games - funny
how dread comes in. Secure the landline, record volumes
of calls just to ensure customers sit happy.

All the days melt away as one - Summer comes and is
done. All the recluse ways and findings, shale to a bald
man - all the tumult in the palm of your hand - trigger-
happy and ready to get done soon.

Oh so soon - why leave now? Why? when the world is
ceded, Planet Earth keeps going through changes. All the
renegades with time on their hands and times in their
heads, addressing parents as lineage, not as friend.

All the costs of living loom large - I for one am trampled
down, my self. Self-contained imagery and the brocaded
reverie of pie in the sky and adrenaline-rush junkie all of
his life.