funny evil dead

Ash vs Evil Dead [sentence starters]

[feel free to change pronouns as necessary!]

“So, does this mean I don’t have to pay back the 20 bucks I owe you?”
“It was 200 bucks.”
“Brand spanking new hand, or brand new ‘spanking’ hand!”
“I’m not dead, you dumb bastard.”
“Oh wow, that was weird. You were really still for a minute.”
“You mind telling me what the Flying Dutchman is going on?”
“We’re course correcting. Rebuilding the family you tore apart.”
“Oh here’s a question, if we had sex right now would it still be a threesome, cause technically you’re both the same person?”
“No one escapes their destiny, ____.”
“Don’t you worry my little burrito, you’re safe in this trunk.”
“Nothing helps, does it?”
“Of course you don’t answer. Because you’re DEAD.”
“You’re both dirty birds, and I’m gonna hurt you, real, real bad.”
“Yes, I’m upset. Yes, I’m behind the wheel. Yes I’m drunk, and maybe my license isn’t the fancy kind from the DMV, but at least I’m drunk!”
“Okay, I’ve seen some seriously disturbing stuff recently, but you are adorable.”
“Sorry ____, you played right into my hand.”
“Sorry ____. Sorry you got caught up in this bullshit.”
“Keeping my end of the deal is boring. It’s more fun to change things up at the last minute. Keeps Everyone on their toes!”
“What the Fraggle Rock is THAT thing?!”
“My children stole my immortality.”
“I’m gonna find him, take my chain saw, shove it right up his ass.”
“Yeah, that’s like a felony.”
“That is horrible, and also awesome.”
“Holy pickle dicks!”
“You’ve got some huge balls showing yourself in this town.”
“You! You ruined my life!”
“I’ve ruined a lot of peoples’ lives.”
“Oh, _____. Do you really think I want you and your little friends to die?”
“Man, making decisions is hard.”
“You say one more dumb thing… “
“I’m gonna say a lot of dumb things!”
“Everybody dies here, it’s just the rules.”
“What’s out there knows you’re alive, and it wants you to be un-alive.”
“You think THIS is the right time to be hitting on me?!”
“Shoot first, think later. Or don’t think at all. Yeah! Shoot first think never!’
“Oh, I’ll be polite. Right up until I’m rude.”

So apparently I had this conversation with my mom last night. Her cat had brought her a gopher that morning and was super cuddly with us both the rest of the day but I’ve been putting of cleaning up the ripped apart gopher on the porch. I really don’t want to 😰

“Woh three books? Wait a minute they never said anything about there being THREE books!”

A little love to the terrific Army of Darkness. It’s a perfect blend of horror and comedy done right, with a good dash of Bruce Campbell for extra taste!