funny avengers

i bet that scott lang was, at some point in between pulling actual heists/robin hooding and college and grad school, a street magician in san francisco

hey, he was already great at making things disappear! 

…and it was nice to use his natural ability for illusion and reading people for something that could actually make people happy in a more personal way than wiring them money or stuffing a thousand dollars in a tip jar.

so, yes, scott, in a valiant and occasionally successful attempt to cheer the rest of the fugitive heroes hiding out in…let’s say wakanda…does a lot of magic

“pick a card, any card!” he cries as he bursts into the kitchen, doing some admittedly impressive shuffling. “…and don’t you dare say anything, wanda.”

“oh, no!” he gasps as he walks up to sam. “i think you’ve got something stuck in your–” “don’t do it, tic tac. i swear to god, don’t–” “is that a…?” “–it’s not an anything–” “butcher knife?” “…wait, what the fuck?” “be very careful, sam! don’t move!” “what the actual fuck” “oh, thank god! i’ve got it!” “how did you do that” “a magician never reveals his secrets!” “what happened to pulling coins out of people’s ears?! when the fuck did magic get so dark?!”

“hey, bucky!” “…yes?” “i found your baseball cap!” “i didn’t lose my baseball cap, i knew where it–” “ta-da!” “…hey, steve” “yes, buck?” “where the hell did he get a live rabbit?” “it’s better not to ask”

“hey, tic tac, did you ever work with fire?” “…i don’t want to talk about it” “ok, now you have to tell us, please?” “aw, wanda, i can’t say no to you. fine. i tried it. i’m not great at it. i definitely set my hair on fire once…okay, yeah, laugh all you want, it was a lot less funny than it sounds”