random quotes from Super Best Friends play Final Fantasy XV
“I want him to just pick this thing [Carbuncle] up and eat it.”
“I remember that first trailer back when I was nine. This game took 85 years to come out.”
“Noctis looks like such an asshole I can’t stand it.”
In game: Find out what Gladiolus is weak to and let him have it. Matt: “He’s weak to insults about his performance in the bedroom.”
“Prompto is the most boyband of them all.”
“When Noctis’s Papa Roach CD is done, the game is over.”
Patt: “I will rescue you buddy.” *revives Prompto* Matt: “I rescued you with my magical boy hands.” Patt: “My magical boy hands for my magical boy bands.”
“When teaming up with your buddies nobody can stop the amount of dicks you draw on each others faces.”
*seeing Ifrit in the first cutscene* Patt: “The fact that it’s a perfect naked man that will not leave his chair–” Matt: “I feel like at the end of my life that’s what I’ll be fighting. And I will fail.”
*imitating Regis* “So your boybands doing shit huh, what, you’re gonna go on tour?”
“Gladio can you please button up your shirt it’s distracting everyone.”
“Gladiolus looks like he’s from The Bouncer. In fact he might be from The Bouncer for all we know.”
“Gladiolus and Ignis look like that one guy from The Bouncer in the cactaur outfit put into two people.”
*Matt, imitating Regis again* “Remember Noctis, every moment you live is a disappointment for me.”
“And please… do something about your hair. It’s a constant embarrassment.”
*Patt, now imitating Regis* “You look like such an asshole, but, you’re my asshole.”
“It would really suck if he was doing the deed with Lunafreya, and he yells out some other dumb girls name in the Final Fantasy universe. Like ‘Oh! Yunalesca!’ and she’s like ‘Who the fuck is Yunalesca?’ ”
Matt: “Push the fucking car losers!” Patt: “Push the car, and make sure that Gladio’s butt is the one that’s really in center there.”
“Why is Prompto always on the floor?”
“Wait, I don’t wanna play as Gladiolo– Gladiyolo, god–”
*after seeing Noctis summon his weapons* “No wonder she’s getting married, she probably saw that and went ‘Yes!’ ”
*sees Ignis walk off in the background* *Matt bursts into laughter* “Ignis is just like ‘fuck it I’m out of here!’.”
“I’m seeing photos people are posting of these guys taking selfies with themselves walking around in the background.”
Patt: “I just did a backflip slash for no reason, other than I think Noctis thought it was cool.” Matt: “Well it’s because he knew Prompto was watching.”
“That should be the Logo of our channel – stop bitching, start killing.”
*Prompto starts singing the FF victory tune* “AHH!!– AH YEAH! ALL RIGHT, YOU WON ME OVER!”
*Ignis explains the Crownsguard attire* Patt: “Oh, so that’s why. They’re forced to dress boyband.” Matt: “Or forced to dress like they just raided a Hot Topic.” Patt: “It’s the law… So the King, that King? [Regis] Was like ‘everyone has to dress like this in my army’.” Matt: “Okay, you know what? Fair enough. I never realize that.” Patt: “That King is the weirdest old man in the world.”
*imitating Regis* “I want all the hot boys to dress in leather in my army.”
“Cindy, and one of these guys, I wanna help that along.”
Matt: “You know what this place [Hammerhead] needs!? It need one of those big inflatable floaty guys!” Patt: “And it should be a cactaur.” Matt: “Yeah! OH!! That makes me so excited!” Patt: “There might be in here, who knows?”
you: if you could go back to any time in history what would it be? personally i’d be fascinated to go back to ancient rome. i’ve always been interested in roman history and it would be amazing to see how they l-
Monday: Grocery shopping. Dry cleaning. Weekly henchman review; everyone LOVES being fired on Monday! Wash the Riddlermobile.
Tuesday: Meet Jonathan for lunch. He owes me ten dollars but he’s going to disappear before the check comes. Review surveillance footage when I get home.
Wednesday: Hack Google.
Thursday: Engineer and test prototypes. Destroy beyond all recognition those that don’t work as expected. Deny they ever existed. Make sushi.
Friday: Tell the Joker booby-trapping my front door is not funny, for the thirty-seventh time. Leave Jonathan a passive-aggressive note about the money. Make sure all the doors are locked in anticipation of retribution.
Saturday: Continue to hack Google. Switch to Microsoft when I need a break. Send things of interest to contact at Apple.
Sunday: Upgrade PC and dust off the servers. Attend a drive-in movie. Get my nails done.
i mean i’m in my twenties now, dreams shouldn’t upset me. but last night there you were where i could touch you and it hurt remembering in the morning. it’s a funny thing to love someone like you. to love this diamond when you are only dust. it’s a funny thing and my heart aches, and aches, and aches for it.
It was a night as long as the universe was wide, and Yang had been awake for every single second of it.
“Starting to think maybe the sixth bowl of ice cream was a mistake.”
A lot of things, it seemed, had been a mistake. Like early-morning electives, to name one.
was strange. Usually, Yang could throw herself into dreamland with all
the subtle effectiveness of blasting a club’s bouncer through its doors –
hello, yes, thank you, one dream about hunting down Grimm in the
Emerald Forest, please, ignore the debris and I’ll be right on my way –
but tonight seemed to be catching all her punches and requesting IDs she
simply didn’t have.
And she’d tried every trick she knew, too. She’d tried counting sheep, but that made her not just awake but bored and
awake. She tried relaxing her body, but all that did was agitate her
brain, like all the nervous energy had to go somewhere whether she liked
it or not. She’d tried counting the stars out her window, but that had made her feel like they were mocking her.
About the only thing left to do at that point was to knock herself
unconscious, and Yang wasn’t quite that desperate for a good night’s
rest. Though, give it about two more hours …
look out the window. Yang had heard that, sometimes, when their
compasses weren’t working, those lost in the darkness navigated by the
light of the stars. Maybe if she stopped counting and just looked at
them for a while, she could trace a path between them. A path to
someplace soft, quiet, and dreamlike. Someplace with snoring as ambient
And then a sea of stars and infinite blackness otherwise
was replaced by a sea of stars and infinite blackness otherwise, and
okay maybe metaphors didn’t always work but the point was that Blake was
suddenly there, eyes like swirling space looking into her own, and Yang had almost just had a heart attack.
Something something night’s silence something something cannon fire,
and Yang came within an inch and slightly slower reflexes of falling out
of bed. “Hey … Blake. Practicing your assassination techniques?
Cause, uh, they came really close to working! Geeze.”
The night was still just as quiet as before. At least the view had improved.
Yang scratched the back of her head. Anything to get proper sentences
out. “Couldn’t sleep either, huh? Misery loves company, I guess.” That
was probably one too many sentences. Best to change subjects. “You, uh,
wanna go do some sparring or something? Since we’re both awake.”
was a glimmer in Blake’s eyes, and wasn’t it more like a gun at her
hip? “Sparring, huh?” With a movement that was reminiscent of getting on
a motorcycle and quite frankly impressive in her yukata, Blake swung
her leg over to straddle Yang. “If that’s what you wanna call it …”
Either some new advances in grappling involving lips and necks had been
found too recently for Yang to notice, or else this wasn’t the type of
sparring Yang had been talking about. “What are you … oh, wow.”
wow, indeed, because there were very few things in the world capable of
setting Yang on fire besides her own soul, and Blake was, so far, the
first person to be diplomatic about the challenge. Her and a mouth that
could move like the fantastic.
“Mmmm,” Blake practically purred
against Yang’s pulse, and there was really no choice but to amend that
to “diplomatic and hot as hellfire.”
“Blake, are you sure -” Only
half the words escaped Yang’s mouth – the other half ran straight into
Blake’s finger. And her smirk.
“Just relax.” Blake spoke in a
low, breathy whisper, and Yang was caught between it and the feeling of
lips moving against the blood rising to her skin. “Let me make you feel
Half of that was going to be real easy, but that “relaxing”
bit was going to be flat-out impossible. If Yang wasn’t going to get
any sleep before …
Deep breaths. Deep and warm, like the
summer ocean, as Blake’s lips left a trail of miracles in their wake.
Everything Yang was, was … alive, suddenly. Growing and changing
and, gosh, she suddenly couldn’t stop giggling, because, what else was
she supposed to do with this?
Wonder, perhaps. Wonder, because the
longest night in the world still had lightning bugs in it. Wonder,
because there were constellations in the lines between billions of miles
of empty sky. Wonder, because bedtime stories, maybe, just maybe, meant
something after all.
Wonder at the shape of Blake’s lips.
And smile. Dust, Yang smiled. Oh, did she ever smile
at the way the stars aligned, led her back home, because, unbelievably,
incredibly, Yang Xiao Long was being kissed at the jawline by the girl
of her dre -
Every inch of Blake-kissed skin felt, as sudden and apocalyptic as nuclear winter, so very cold.
“Blake.” The words were scarcely a murmur. “Stop.”
“Hmmm.” Blake’s kisses felt like spider bites. No pain in them, but the venom – it burned.
said stop.” Yang’s voice grew with her resolve, but even then it was a
feat worthy of legend to push Blake off of her. “You need to stop.”
was a silence, like the aftereffects of some large explosion.
Disorienting, and a sensation almost like blood in the ears. Looking for
Blake looked at Yang.
Yang looked back.
looked at eyes like stardust, a trail to the center of the universe.
She looked at hair as black as midnight, something soft and private and
somehow more real than the rest of the day. She looked at a face like
the moon, breaking, scattering, and reforming in phases, a testament to
survival, despite. She looked at everything she’d ever wanted in life,
and never known she could have.
She didn’t want to say the words.
“You’re just a dream, aren’t you?”
There was a glimmer in Blake’s eyes, and wasn’t it more like a gun at her temple? “Afraid so.”
Yang reached up to brush some of Blake’s bangs from her forehead.
Nothing seemed funny. Everything seemed cold. “Do you have any idea how
heartbreaking it’s gonna be when I wake up and you aren’t actually
Blake smiled wide. There still didn’t seem to be all that much funny. “As much so as all the other times?”
“ … yeah.” But there was the warmth – just a little of it. Just a few drops, pooling at the corner of Yang’s eyes. “Yeah.”
today we had a meeting with each grade level in the auditorium and it was about dress codes. they said, “girls you can’t show your shoulders because boys will get aroused by them” so at lunch i said to one of my male friends, “hey austin does my shoulders arouse you?” and he looked so uncomfortable