funnel web spiders

I couldn’t resist going again with Floof Wars. Here we see what fugly Australian animals love doing most – plotting to kill every other living thing in Australia. To explain who these critters are:

Cassowary – Massive, eternally pissed-off bird keen to disembowel you with its raptor-claws.  

Funnel Web Spider –  Deadly toxic spider with fangs as big as Dracula.

Inland Taipan - Quite simply the most venomous snake on the planet.

Redback Spider – Enjoys cosy warm house interiors, and killing you.

Tiger Snake – Aggressive deadly snake eager to pwn you.

Blue Ringed Octopus – a painless little sting that results in a quick vomiting death.

King Brown Snake – get bitten and you’re dead in a hour.

Australian Salt Water Crocodile – Doesn’t wait for swimmers, comes looking for you on land.

Box Jellyfish - Been stung? Prepare to die in agony within 5 minutes.

Dingo – always thinking about eating babies.

i will now play a traditional australian song, entitled “There’s a Fuckin’ Funnelweb on my Window”

*strums guitar*



*low humming* “(is it dead?)”

featuring an optional following refrain entitled “It Wasn’t Fuckin’ Dead and Now We’re Taking Jerry to Hospital”

steampunkplasticwrap  asked:

Are you like the SJW of spiders? Look I don't mind that you want people to not murder like normal house hold spiders but there are some ESPECIALLY dangerous spiders that can definetly kill humans, im not saying "oh em gee put a trigger warning on all ur spider posts!!1!" But saying that all spiders are harmless is complete BS. Especially in Australia.

Let me lay some facts down. 
in the last 100 years, only 27 recorded deaths in Australia resulted from spider bites, most in cases of the immunocompromised. 13 cases were funnel web spiders, often called the most dangerous spider in the world, yet no confirmed deaths from funnel web spiders have occurred since 1979, the year before the antivenin was introduced. 

The first fatality in 39 years from a redback spider turned out to be caused by a reaction to the antibiotic given to the patient, not the spider as new outlets reported. 

Let me make this clear, there are over 4,000 genera of spiders, only 4 genera contain medically significant spiders. you can totally memorize and identify all the medically significant spiders in your area, even if you live in Australia. 
If you are not immunocompromised or a child or elderly, you are very unlikely to die of a spider bite. you are more likely to be struck by lightning.

No species of spider actively hunts and attacks humans, we are too big to be food, and we are too much of a threat, it’s actually a waste of venom for the spider, and increased risk, most bites occur from people not paying attention, and from people being idiots and messing with the spider. 

The amount of people killed in the last 100 years in USA could fit in a bus. look at our population. Cows and dogs kill far more people. tripping on a curb kills more people. not all species of spider are harmless, but the majority are. A lot can’t pierce our skin deep enough. Almost every animal has teeth, beaks, grinding pads, fangs, or a proboscis, thus a lot of animals are capable of biting. if it has a mouth, it can try to bite. be respectful and use common sense and it won’t happen. 

anonymous asked:

Are there any spiders in Ohio or Illinois that can hurt me? My arachnophobia is more a 'what if it bites me and my arm rots off' phobia; I'm cool around spiders I know can't hurt me, esp ones behind glass, but I don't know what can hurt me so I'm afraid of all free roaming spiders

There are really only four known groups of spiders with medically significant venom- the rest can’t do much worse than a bee sting. (Of course, some individuals can have allergic reactions to spider venom, just like bee stings.)

These four groups are: the widows (Latrodectus sp.), the brown spiders (Loxosceles sp.), the Australian funnel web spiders (Atraxus sp.), and the Brazilian wandering spiders (Phoneutria sp.).

Black widows are found across the U.S. and in parts of Africa, Europe, and Asia. Despite their reputation, most black widow bites are harmless. Many are dry, with no venom injected, and about 75% of those that do contain venom only produce localized pain with no other symptoms.

Occasionally, more severe symptoms do develop in the form of latrodectism. This can cause symptoms such as generalized pain, headache, nausea, sweating, and racing heart. Most of these symptoms resolve within a week and for more severe cases, an antivenom is available. There has only been one death recorded from a black widow bite in US in the last 50 years, and it was an elderly man. Several thousand people in the US get bitten by black widows every year without suffering any major ill effects.

The brown spiders include the brown recluse spider, famed for its necrotizing bite. However, as with the black widow, the deadliness of this spider has been greatly exaggerated. Like the black widow, brown spiders are found worldwide. Also like the black widow, their bites are often venom-free, and even envenomated bites produce nothing more than mild irritation.

Here’s a map of where brown spiders are found in the US:

The brown recluse is very rare in Ohio specifically, so you don’t have much to worry about.

Bites with high concentrations of brown recluse venom can produce a necrotic skin lesion that is slow to heal. About 66% of these lesions heal on their own without complications. Those that do not may require skin grafts or corrective surgery. A systemic response, which is the response that may become fatal, occurs in about 1% of bite victims. In the last decade there have been two recorded fatalities from brown recluse bites, and both were young children. And as a matter of fact, there are no confirmed reports of a necrotizing bite leading to amputation.

Interestingly enough, there are lots of reports of brown recluse “bites” from states where there are no brown recluse spiders. Spiders often get blamed for symptoms that come from everything from lyme disease to lymphoma. My state is not within the brown recluse range and I’ve still heard stories from a number of people who insist they were bitten by the spider.

Australian funnel web spiders are found, obviously, in Australia- specifically along the eastern coast.  While it is suggested that these spiders are more likely to give “wet” bites than the others on this list, there have been no recorded fatalities from their bites in Australia since 1981!

Brazilian wandering spiders are found in parts of Central and South America and are the most venomous spider on this list. This venom, among other things, may give you a lasting erection, which is why some pharmaceutical companies are researching it for use in erectile dysfunction drugs. These spiders are the famed “banana spiders” because they have been found on shipments of bananas outside of South/Central America; however, there are only seven actual recorded cases of this happening. Only about 2.3% of wandering spider bites are medically significant, and again, there have been very few deaths attributed to them.

Spiders, by and large, do not pose a threat to you anywhere in the world.

Further reading: The Spider Myths Site.


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themikaelsoncupcake  asked:

Klaroline au/ah: Klaus is a customs officer at Melbourne airport, Caroline is moving to Australia for work but has never been through customs before and forgets to declare some items not allowed in to Australia, Klaus then checks her luggage and as he's checking finds lingerie and sex toys leaving Caroline rather embarrassed. I got the idea for this prompt from an Australian show Border security for all those who don't know :)

Okay, yes I said I wasn’t going to do any more prompts but I did say I’d try to do the ones I had, so here is a short one for you lovely @themikaelsoncupcake. I know this show well, I always find it fascinating what people try and smuggle into the country. 

Excess Baggage

Melbourne Airport, Victoria

“I swear, what have you got in this bag, it must weigh a tonne,” Katherine grumbled, pulling her baggage off the carousel and dumping it on the floor unceremoniously.

“I did just move over to the other side of the world Kat, so I had to bring a few things I really needed,” she drawled. “You know you didn’t have to come with me.”

“What are BFFs for, Care?” She asked, hands on hips. “Although I definitely deserve some bonus friend points for sitting on a plane for a whole day. It felt like we were going to the moon, not Australia.”

“I know, it makes me realise just how far away I am from everyone,” she sighed, trying not to cry again. She figured she’d shed enough tears at JFK to last a lifetime, obviously she was wrong.

Caroline was a fashion writer for Vogue in New York City and as much as she loved her job, there wasn’t any chance for career progression in that office.  When the Fashion Editor position had come up in their Australian office, Caroline knew this was her chance. Of course there would be applicants from all over the world and she didn’t hold out much hope, until she got the call.

She honestly never believed it would happen, but here she was starting a brand new job in a brand new city. Her cousin Matt had horrified her with stories about all the deadly animal species in Australia, obviously in hopes of making her stay in the States. It had almost worked but she kept telling herself that Funnel Web spiders were only native to New South Wales and she figured brown snakes didn’t just slither into multi story apartments in the city, well she hoped not anyway.

“Well, I’m more than happy to stay around for a while, you know to help you settle in to your new place,” she replied, as they made their way towards the customs line.

“You are such a liar.”

“Excuse me?”

“You’re only here so you can bed some hot Aussie guys, preferably ones that resemble the Hemsworth brothers.”

“Fine, there may be some truth to that but I’m more than happy to share them around, you know like a good friend would.”

“Thanks, I think,” she said, raising her eyebrows.

“Oh wow, speaking of hot Aussies,” Katherine purred, gesturing to the counters ahead where one of the custom officers was examining a bag. “He can search my baggage any time.”

“Kat!” Caroline hissed, noticing a few curious looks from other travelers in the line. “Sorry, I just can’t take her anywhere.”

“Don’t tell me you weren’t thinking the same thing,” she shot back. “Ah-ha, that tell tale blush just proves I’m right, as usual.”

“He’s not overly bad to look at, I guess,” she offered, hypnotised by his crimson lips and those adorable dimples he was flashing. She wondered how it would feel to run her hands through his dark blonde curls and stare into those deep blue orbs.

“Excuse me, miss?” Caroline broke out of her trance, to be met with the eyes she’d been fantasizing about. “It’s your turn.” She couldn’t mistake his crisp English accent, obviously Katherine’s instincts were wrong.    

She continued to stare unable to form words, she felt Katherine give her an encouraging nudge. “Way to be obvious, Care,” she whispered in her ear. Caroline decided to blame her apparent lack of social skills on the untoward thoughts her best friend had planted.

“Hi,” she murmured, unable to look at him directly, he was just that gorgeous. He even made the plain navy uniform look good, and that was saying a lot.

“Can you hand me your bag please, miss?”

“Oh yes, of course,” she stammered, thinking what an idiot she must look like. She attempted to lift her bag, forgetting just how heavy it was. She struggled for a moment, looking over helplessly to Katherine who was too busy batting her eyelashes in his direction to notice. “Kat!”

“Oh, sorry,” she apologised, picking up one end while Caroline held the other. Once her bag was on the counter and she was faced with him again, she felt her cheeks flush knowing it wasn’t from the exercise required to lift her over weight bag.  She noticed his name badge thinking just how sexy the name Niklaus was. 

“Can I have your incoming passenger card too, miss?” Why did he have to sound so sexy saying miss? She was pretty sure he’d sound just as heavenly using her actual name. 

Now, just to remember where had she put that stupid card thing. “I think it’s in your passport there,” he suggested, gesturing to her hand.  Could this get any worse? She passed it over, sending him a shy smile.  

“Thank you,” he smiled, knowingly. “I understand this process can seem invasive but really there’s no need to be nervous, miss.” If only he knew that he was the one making her nervous, not the process.

“It’s Caroline,” she blurted out, without thinking. “I mean that’s my name.”

“That’s a lovely name, Caroline,” he smirked, obviously trying not to laugh. The way her name rolled off his tongue was as beautiful as she’d expected. “Now, this card says you have nothing to declare.”

“No, I don’t.” She replied, confidently. Being so organised and such a control freak, Caroline knew she’d followed all the rules. She wanted her time in Australia to get off to a good start, after all.

“Well, that’s good to hear, but I’ll still need to conduct a routine search of your bag, Caroline,” he explained, unzipping it slowly. She was trying to focus on her bag but his aftershave was making her slightly dizzy. It didn’t help that Katherine was watching their exchange with avid interest, her arms crossed over her chest.

Caroline felt herself freeze momentarily remembering just what was in her suitcase. She hadn’t expected this random and absolutely handsome guy to be rifling through her personal belongings. As his hands made their way over her red lace bra and panties set, her satin white negligee and her silky black teddy she was trying not to squirm. Could this get any more embarrassing?

As he dug down further, she watched in horror as he pulled out her vibrator and placed it on the table to make more space, yep it could definitely get more embarrassing. Caroline wished she could melt into a puddle on the floor, all she hoped was that this wasn’t being televised and he’d choose to skip over her assortment of sex toys. She had her needs and who was this smug guy to judge?

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