“[Australia] is the home of the largest living thing on earth, the Great
Barrier Reef, and of the largest monolith, Ayers Rock (or Uluru to use
its now-official, more respectful Aboriginal name). It has more things
that will kill you than anywhere else. Of the world’s ten most poisonous
snakes, all are Australian. Five of its creatures - the funnel web
spider, box jellyfish, blue-ringed octopus, paralysis tick, and
stonefish - are the most lethal of their type in the world. This is a
country where even the fluffiest of caterpillars can lay you out with a
toxic nip, where seashells will not just sting you but actually
sometimes go for you … If you are not stung or pronged to death in
some unexpected manner, you may be fatally chomped by sharks or
crocodiles, or carried helplessly out to sea by irresistible currents,
or left to stagger to an unhappy death in the baking outback. It’s a
- Bill Bryson,
In a Sunburned Country
It’s appropriate we’d follow up the giant fly with a giant
spider, isn’t it? “Funnel-web spider”
can refer to several different groups spiders that aren’t closely related but
the basics are the same – they generally spin webs in the shape of a funnel to
trap prey. These different spiders count
among their number some extremely
venomous members, most notably the Sydney funnel-web,
a spider with a bite capable of killing if left untreated. Sydney funnel-webs’ habits are very similar
to the description from the Tome of
Horrors 4 but the various funnel-webs have diverse habitats and different
strategies to draw from. Like the Sydney
funnel-webs, these giant spiders like to build a silk-lined burrow where they lurk
in wait for prey to disturb one of the silken “trip lines”, signaling the
spider to approach and modeled in the game by tremorsense. With powerful bites and a frightfully lethal
poison, giant funnel-webs are a challenge for many parties and their skill at
ambushes can make them a great addition to complicate any adventure.
Driven into the depths
of the Aizum Hollows for his vile experiments, the sorcerer Khavren’s
grotesque transformation into a drider has made him even more of a pariah than
his fascination with the gruesome practice of fleshwarping. Continuing his experiments, Khavren has
managed to turn two funnel-web spiders into monstrously huge specimens, using
alchemical secretions to control them and keep them from attacking him. He spends his days alternatively lamenting
his fate and glorying in it, with either the drider himself or his frightful
pets laying ambushes on anyone who disturbs his cavernous domain.
Nestled in the boughs
of the world-tree Yggdrasil, all the known realms are connected by tunnels
and secret passages, ways that the wise and the curious can find with enough
effort. However, these tunnels are not
without their own defenders, be they ancient spirits who resent the intrusion,
the souls of dead champions seeking honor and glory to enter Valhalla, or
other, stranger things. Some of the most
common are monstrous giant spiders, an increasing menace that several
practitioners of the seidr view with
ever-greater alarm, whispering something about “svartalves” to trusted
Seeking the Talisman
of Srul’zarand for their esoteric purposes, a cabal of psychics and
occultists have arranged to place the tools to recover it in the hands of a
party of patsies. Unfortunately, the
psychic readings intended to scry into the dreams of their mortal opponents and
trace the movement of undead foes missed the minor detail that a giant
funnel-web spider had turned the only intact tunnel to the Umeran necropolis
into its hunting ground. The spider slew
one of the “field antiquarians” they had recruited and drove the others to
swear off the expedition, leaving the cabal forced to manipulate an opposing
group in the hopes they prove luckier.
And if the spider still eats one of them, that’s hardly a problem.
I have a question that's been bugging me for a while. How the actual fuck do Australians survive with those big ass spiders?
ahahahah I actually only usually come across the little ones but here’s a tip for you. The little ones are the one you gotta look out for. Funnel web spider? that shit will kill you. Red back spider, yeah stay away. They’re small but deadly.
Australians, we need you to go catch one of the most venomous spiders in the world, because we have no anti-venom left. But don’t get bitten, coz, you know, no anti-venom. Hence you catching the spiders, to make anti-venom. Good Luck!
this is real by the way they actually want us to go and catch these fuckers
OK, since I’m musing about stuff, what is it about spiders that gives people the heebie jeebies? These are tiny little arachnids; there are maybe 5 species in the world that can cause human harm (black widow, brown recluse, funnel-web and redback spiders, Brazilian wandering spider), and even those require special circumstances to really deliver life-threatening bites. Even the most venomous of the five I listed up there, that Brazilian guy, don’t often kill their victim- they can make you very, very sick for sure, but death is rare even without the antivenom. Again I digress. If only a few spider species in the world are hazardous to humans, and even then only rarely, why are we so amazingly repulsed by these critters? It can’t be their appearance- most people don’t get close enough to examine a spider before killing it. It might be associated with their web-spinning- who among us hasn’t gotten caught up in those long sticky trailing spinnerets that spiders use to get from one place to another? One Halloween I hung threads off my eaves that draped over adult faces as they walked up my sidewalk. The responses were hilarious- one woman went so far as to inform me that I had a bad cobweb problem, but only after shrieking and dancing out of the way, waving her arms wildly. AGAIN I digress. You see, some of the most beautiful works of art in nature are the webs spun by orb spiders- those garden-spiders whose job it is to capture airborne insects. I love watching the spiders make these webs, and am fascinated by the symmetry and beauty of a completed orb. I’m loathe to damage one. And I guess that puts me over on the “odd” side of the fence again. When I encounter a black widow spider I’ll relocate it to an area away from human contact in an effort to prevent it being killed. In my belief, spiders, especially ground-web varieties such as the black widow, reduce the quantity of deleterious insects by a significant portion. I’ve seen the cricket population in my back yard plummet when the ground spider population increases. I’m similarly fascinated by jumping spiders- those little guys can move like rockets and jump like you wouldn’t believe. And they can’t hurt you either. The message of this section? Leave these little critters alone! Rare are the ones that can cause you harm, and all of them are “beneficial” in reducing the insect population.
Remember this hecka creepy spider posted on blurryface’s twitter? It seemed really out of place so I did some research. If you zoom in really close, you can see that the spider has two white stripes on it’s back. This (according to what I’ve found) distinguishes it as a funnel spider, or common grass spider. They have an extremely low venom toxicity, and are pretty much harmless. In fact, there are barely any recorded symptoms of bites because the effects are so negligible.
I bet you remember scrolling down blurryface’s twitter getting increasingly creeped out, then this out of place spider just kinda did it for you. But it’s entirely harmless. What if this was another way Blurryface tried to tell us PLEASEDONOTBEAFRAID but it came out creepy and distorted like everything else, though he’s trying his best?
This seems compatible with the theory that Blurryface is Tyler and Josh’s insecurities. Though it haunts them (like this creepy ass spider haunts their twitter), it seems like they would want us to know that it could never hurt us.
It seems odd this would be posted for no real reason or context, especially being so different from everything else.