Claudia Phantomhive headcanons

I know this is late but here it is @midnight-in-town! :)

- As the Queen’s Watchdog, Claudia is composed, ice-cold, efficient, and deadly. Her associates know her as the fiercely clever, terrifically independent swordswoman with an even sharper wit. The Undertaker knows that behind closed doors, this blue rose is actually quite affable, with a sterling sense of humor that has just the right amount of cheek and saucy wit.

- Despite her strength and self-sufficiency, Claudia is delicately feminine and always insists on looking immaculately put together. (“Don’t you know? There is power in beauty. It may not have the sharp edge of the sword or the sudden death of a bullet but you must not forget—beauty has toppled empires and started entire wars. It has destroyed, cultivated, maimed, and ruined kings, princes, and sovereigns alike. Those who overlook beauty as a superfluous trifle are the same ones who have lost their battles to me.”)

- The very first time she met the Undertaker, she made him laugh using just one line.

- Eventually, the Undertaker became so intrigued by this elusively charming young woman he purposely interfered in one of her cases, just so he could have a chance to talk with her honestly and without precedence. Needless to say, Claudia was not pleased. Or:

“Ah, I’ll admit, perhaps my actions were a bit hasty—“

“My not-so-dear Undertaker, you let a rogue assassin escape. The same rogue assassin who attempted to murder the prince of Wales, poison the duke of Marlborough, and burn down an entire marquessate.”

“Why, you do have to admire his ambition, don’t you?”

[cue fight scene and Undertaker falling head over heels in love]

- Claudia’s favorite scent is that of fresh violets—the kind that grow wild in the secret wood just outside Lancashire—with the morning dew still clinging onto their indigo petals.

- Her mother died of septicemia following the birth of Claudia’s younger brother. The boy only lived for six months before he too passed away—this time from scarlet fever. 

- Claudia wears a blue butterfly pin in her hair. The pin is made of tungsten, an incredibly hard and rare earth metal. If she’s ever in a tight situation, the pin can be used as a dagger to slice and dice her enemies, giving her enough time to escape.

- Even though Claudia was a woman, she was allowed to keep her family’s surname because of her connections to the queen and her duties as watchdog.

- Her “official” husband was a wealthy businessman who was part of the gentry but not the aristocracy. They had a polite working relationship though it was mainly a marriage of convenience—Claudia needed to marry for the sake of respectability and her husband, while rich, desired a title and a place in the House of Lords.

- Claudia and the Undertaker like to tell jokes in German just to see how long they can stretch out a pun before it becomes ridiculous.

- Claudia once visited the Undertaker on a particularly rainy day and fell ill. She spent the night with him wrapped up in blankets, drinking tea from glass beakers, while the Undertaker entertained her by telling wildly random stories and selective gossip he heard from the prostitutes in the streets. That was also the night Undertaker got those signature braids in his hair: while the Undertaker was lying next to her she just picked up a few strands of his hair and began braiding. The Undertaker never took them out.

- One Christmas Claudia gave the Undertaker a Grecian funeral urn as a joke but he thought it was the best present he’d ever received and promptly began storing his cookies in there.

- During Claudia’s tenure as watchdog the Aristocrats of Evil used to meet at the Phantomhive country manse once a week to exchange information and play poker. Just a group of the most notorious men and women in the entire world, sitting around a velvet card table while Tanaka dealt the cards and they played outrageously complex games of poker and blackjack. The air would be thick with cigar smoke, women’s perfume, and the scent of decades old bourbon.

- Claudia liked to collect hand painted teacups from all around the globe. Hence why Phantomhive Manor is chock full of porcelain tea sets and why Ciel never uses the same teacup twice.

- It was Tanaka who taught Claudia the art of the sword and, as she improved, their sparring sessions would invariably leave the training room, with servants just nonchalantly moving out of the way as Tanaka and Claudia dueled across the hallway, down the stairwell, and into the dining room.

- Claudia read Norse mythology to Vincent and Francis when they were children. (The illustrations in the book were watercolors done by the Undertaker.)

- The Undertaker’s favorite thing about Claudia are her hands—soft, delicately boned with slim, agile fingers and sharp, femme fatale nails. She wore no jewelry save for a simple diamond band on her ring finger. She, in turn, loved combing her fingers through the Undertaker’s hair.

- Claudia almost signed a marriage contract between Francis and Aleistor Chamber before meeting the viscount’s only son and heir and deciding that her daughter might actually kill the overly loquacious and flamboyant boy if she ever had to talk to him, never mind living with him.  

- Claudia once had to go undercover as a carriage salesman named Ted.

- Claudia and the Undertaker used to ice skate on the Thames when it froze over during the winter. This would always have to be at night when no one was there and the Undertaker would perform a series of ridiculous tricks while Claudia pelted him with snowballs.

- She is an avid amateur art historian with a special interest in landscapes and aquatic paintings.

- The Undertaker oversaw Claudia’s funeral. Her body is preserved in a marble mausoleum located underground, beneath the Phantomhive family plot. The scent of dried violets and orange blossoms permeate the dark, still air as the Undertaker makes it a priority to replace all the flowers in the mausoleum once every month.

Favorite phrases in Latin

•vulneror, non vincor / i am wounded, not defeated.

•sit sine spina / let it be without thorns.

•viresco et surgo / i flourish and rise up

•cadenti porrigo dextram / i reach out my hand to the man who’s falling

•alis aspicio astra / rising on my wings, I gaze at the stars

•volando reptilia sperno / as I fly, I scorn creeping things

•dum vivo, spero / so long as I live, I hope

•ex urna resurgam / i shall rise up again from the funeral urn

•optima sperando, spiro / by hoping for the best, I breathe

•audio, sed taceo / i I listen, but am silent

•cadenti porrigo dextram / i reach out my hand to the man who’s falling

I’m back in Los Angeles. Richie’s funeral happened. His urn came yesterday - it’s a speaker, because he loved music and he had achieved his passion of becoming a certified car audio installer/technician. We opened it as a family. It felt good to see it looks so *him.* hope it makes you smile, little brother.

It’s my birthday today. So, that’s also a thing.

Don’t know how life will go in the next day’s weeks months years. But for the short term if you want me to see something please tag me or send it to me… I just have the energy to check things out a few minutes at a time.

This is still surreal.

anonymous asked:

I mean- Idk about y’all in the States, but like- funerals often ruin families up here because it’s so goddamn expensive. That and the plots in cemeteries. Or even just urns tbh. ~ 🍁

funerals and all that shit is hella expensive here too, its insane


You’re Fired (So Yeah You Win) - Ch. 3

Pairings: Clexa, Octaven
Rating: M (for now)
Words: 6k+
Part: 3/?  

Summary: The one where Clarke draws Lexa’s name for the office Secret Santa, not knowing Lexa is the President of the company she works for. The gag gift she gets her is a bit… unconventional. A dildo. It’s a dildo.

Aka, the Secret Santa AU

[Ch. 1] [Ch. 2]

“I need you to be at the airport by six.”

“Please tell me you mean p.m.”


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Following a court order in Spain in June, the items have now been handed over to the Colombian authorities and taken back to Bogota.

They were placed in the Museum of America in Madrid while the long legal battle proceeded.

Some of the items, including ceramic sculptures, funeral urns and musical instruments, went on display at the museum in June. Read more.

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Sorry Jon, but you’re wrong

I just read an EW interview in which Jon Bokencamp said the following:

Red values loyalty above all else, and Mr. Kaplan betrayed him in the most impossible way. Remember, Reddington killed Newton Phillips in season 1 by suffocating him with a plastic bag from a funeral urn. He shot an old woman (Diane Fowler) after she betrayed him. Hell, he shot Pee Wee Herman! The man is ruthless. In Red’s mind, Mr. Kaplan had to go.

Except this was nowhere near the same thing. Newton was coerced and bribed and as a result Luli died. Diane Fowler was never loyal to Red, and she had a hand in Luli’s death, so yes she had to go. Mr. Vargas attempted to kill Dembe and set up Red and Liz to either save his own life or for money.

What Kaplan did hasn’t cost any of Red’s people their lives and it was following a primary order of Red’s: Protect Elizabeth. The idea that Red would feel he had to kill his oldest friend for trying to protect the person he loved most is hard for me to believe. Red does appreciate nuance in circumstances and has shown restraint when it suits him. 

He didn’t kill Madeline Pratt when she set him and Liz up for the theft of the statue. As far as we know, he hasn’t killed her for handing him over to the Kings.

He didn’t kill Dr. Orchard for forcing Liz through a dangerous memory retrieval procedure.

He didn’t kill the Major for sending Red ‘defective merchandise’ and allowing Tom to switch allegiance to Berlin.

He didn’t kill the FBI executive with dangerous knowledge of his relationship to the FBI who exposed him to the people at the Shell Island Retreat.

So yes Jon, Red is ruthless, but we’ve had reason to hope he’d come up with a fairer punishment than death.

Decorative elaboration. Terra-cotta funeral urn from Oaxaca.

Man in the Primitive World; an introduction to anthropology

E. Adamson Hoebel
New York: McGraw-Hill, 1958.