fun. sneakers

My Gnome Thief Failed the Roll to Pickpocket an NPC Cleric

*The thief freezes, making eye contact with the cleric as he’s caught.*

Gnome Thief: I… seeeeeeee you have never had a traditional Gnomish greeting! This is… i-it’s like a handshake for my people!

Human warrior: You’re pretty much at butt-level with him right now. 

DM: You’re literally elbow-deep in his back pocket. 

Gnome Thief: That’s a sacrifice I’m willing to make

*The cleric lets the thief go, but tells him what is very much the in-universe equivalent of “yall need Jesus”*


It Started With A Waffle: Inception Cookies

“Inception Cookies are one of the items I became known for, especially selling at shows. People buy what they think is just a giant chocolate chip cookie, walk away from the table, bite into it and make some sorta pleasantly surprised face when they discover the harmony of the Oreo and chocolate chip cookie all in one package. Then, they turn around, point at the cookie, and give me a thumbs up. Make these cookies for your friends and don’t tell them what’s inside.”


Lucky for us, Clara is sharing her famous Inception Cookie recipe from her new cookbook, Clara Cakes: Delicious and Simple Vegan Desserts for Everyone!Get her book online and in stores now!

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Happy Accident

This happened back when I played in high school. Our party consisted of 4 people. Orc Barbarian, half elf rogue, gnome cleric, and human mage (me). We are all level 8. We were on our way to a city accompanying a caravan delivering food and weapons to fight a tyrant king. On our way we were confronted by a group of bandits. We were all on horse back while our orc was riding in the cart with the goods (him being too large to ride on a horse). Our rogue decided she wanted to ride fast up to the leader, jump from her horse, and surprise attack him.

Rogue: While the leader is busy with his monologue I want to sneak ride around through the trees and then surprise attack him.

DM: Ok, roll for stealth.

Rogue: *rolls 19+10(stealth spell)+5 bonus* That’s a 34?

DM: You are no where to be seen. *laughs* Roll for acrobatics and attack. Plus surprise cause no one has no idea you’re coming.

Rogue: *Rolls a 2 for acrobatics* *rolls nat 20 on hit for crit* Oh Jesus what’s going to happen 😬 *rolls for damage* And that’s a 58 😅

DM: Ok *laughs* As you jump from your horse your leg gets caught on in the stirrup and you fall underneath the horse. However, as you do, your dagger flies from your hand uncontrollably and as you’re trying to grab it you manage to throw it and it goes right into the side of his neck in the middle of his speech. He falls off his horse.

Whole party erupts in laugher in disbelief.

Rogue: (OOC) *hands on her mouth* I can’t believe that just happened.🙃

And that’s how our rogue killed a bandit leader after our DM wrote and planned this whole speech only to have it literally cut short.

Loot everything

So, we have a kobold crafter in our team, that tends to loot everything. EVERYTHING! While the other party members were raiding a tomb, he looted everything behind them.
When the party was opening a door and planing an attack on the (yet unaware) skeletons and ghosts, the Kobold was behind, looting a rotten door
Kobold: *yelling* Are you okay up there???
DM: Good job, the skeletons are aware of your presence
Wizard: Well thanks a lot!!!
DM: Hope you didn’t forget those doorknobs


DIY Embroidered Vans

If there’s one trend we’ve been consistently obsessed with this year, it’s definitely embroidery. We’ve chainstitched our entire wardrobe from pocket T’s to backpacks, and we’re not stopping there. Customize a pair of Slip-Ons with a fun saying, initials, or even inside jokes for a super cute and personal holiday gift. Get the deets on how to hand embroider your kicks below.

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get to know me meme: musicians [3/3] - IAMX

“Only in the absurd can one express and flow and enjoy pointlessness. And immersion in random absurdity can be a perfect remedy to thinking too much. It leads to art and science. It leads to madness and inspiration. It leads to fun.”

Our rouge doesn't rouge very well

Context: were in our first session ever of this group, and we spend it setting up the story. It begins with us meeting a sales woman who is protector of some staff, and I converse with her.

Rogue: I roll to steal some jewelery.

*Rolls 9*

Dm: you clumsily take a ruby ring, getting the attention of the sales woman.

Rogue: *throws some gold onto the table quickly, trying to seem inconspicuous.*

Rogue: I try to steal back the gold

*Rolls 15, barely making it*

Dm: you take the gold, but the sales women notices but just rolls her eyes and continues.

anonymous asked:

Which tfc characters do you think wear boat shoes, and which ones threaten to throw the shoes in the trash?

This is the exact kind of content I want placed in my inbox all the time every single time. Thank you. Bless you. 

IN ORDER Most likely to wear them to most likely to burn them:

Nicky: A huge supporter of boat shoes, though he only buys the Sperry’s brand (they are the best so he isn’t wrong). Actually he’s a certified Sperry’s ambassador. He believes they are a perfect combination of practical and stylish. 

Matt: Does not wear them as daily footwear but does wear them often enough when he’s trying to look slightly above average casual. Appreciates their water proof qualities. Owns three pairs in varying color. They are his go-to shoe for barbecues, family events, and casual meetings with professors.

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It's literally my job title

My party is in a local inn, trying to strategist and figure out a plan of attack to deal with a local noble we suspect of kidnapping peasants and selling them to a death cult. I’m playing a rogue with the Assassin specialization, and a background that’s made her hate nobility on principle. Last session we used my underworld contact to gather information on the nobleman, and I found out that a rival businessman had placed a hit on him for 1000 gold. 

Me, to the DM. “So. After sitting in the corner quietly and picking my nails with my knife out of boredom for the last hour, I stealth and slip out of the room.” (Rolls 30+ because double stealth proficiency, bitches.)

DM, grinning, because he knows where this is going. “You're gone. Nobody notices.“ 

The rest of my party, OOC; "Wait what.”

Me; “I slip out of my window at the inn and head for (nobleman’s) manor." 

The rest of the party; ”WAIT NO.“ 

DM, grinning like the Cheshire Cat; "You guys aren’t there. You guys are still debating strategy.”

Our fighter; “Well would we notice that she vanished?”

One round of perception checks later, and they do notice I’m gone, but have no idea where I am. While they panic and try to track me down, I proceed to stealth into the nobleman’s house, loot his study, and slit his throat in his sleep, only to nat 1 my acrobatics check to climb out his window and nearly get murdered by the guards while trying to run like hell, escaping just barely with 3 hit points left. 

Later on, back in the inn, the rest of the party is yelling at me. 

Our paladin, as he’s healing me; “What the fuck were you thinking??”

My rogue, weakly, still bleeding; “Dude. I’m an assassin. What did you think that meant?”

Our barbarian, the always pragmatic; “And, to be fair, she did solve our problem…hey are you getting paid?”

Me; “Hell yes.”

Barbarian; “Nice." 

Paladan; "Pelor give me strength."