I listened to the Bloodsucker Proxy Variant yesterday and what really struck me is how much Frank and Sadie seem to genuinely like Michelle–which, of course they would since her parents are two of the very few people in their very small circle. But I wonder how that would mesh with their virtual ignorance about what to do with children.
Like, Donna mentions to Sadie that Michelle’s birthday is coming up and it’s like:
“Frank, we simply must get a present for Michelle Henderson.”
“Sadie, do we know a Michelle Henderson?”
“Of course we do! Daughter of our dear friends, Dave and Donna Henderson.”
“Hmm. Rings a bell.”
“And, as a result, is half werewolf and half vampire.”
“When she was teething, she helped us pop the cork off of a particularly tricky to open bottle of champagne with her baby fangs.”
So, of course, they have to get her a top shelf present which, to them, means a top shelf bottle of something alcoholic.
Donna is amused but not very surprised to open the obviously bottle shaped present that arrives from the Doyles, two days before Michelle’s birthday.
The Doyles’ phone rings and it’s Donna.
“Good effort but Michelle is turning three.”
“I don’t understand the correlation.”
“Try something chocolate.”
The next day, another bottle shaped present arrives. Chocolate liqueur.
“So nearly there.”
“Donna darling, why don’t you just tell me what she drinks?”
“Apple juice. She’s turning three.”
Pause. “Apple juice?”
“As in the food?” Obvious distaste.
“Look, Sadie. I appreciate the thought but–”
“No! Stop it. Sadie saves the day. I’ve fixed everything, don’t you worry about a thing.”
Donna sighs as Sadie abruptly hangs up the phone.
The next day, around sundown, a deliveryman shows up with a package–not bottle shaped which is promising. Even more promising is the strong chocolate smell coming from the box. She opens it up and it’s four huge cupcakes, piled high with frosting. From some upscale bakery from the look of the gilded label which–incidentally–reads: Liquor Infused Chocolate Cupcakes.
Sadie’s boarding school perfected handwriting is on the attached card:
Baby steps as it were. Consider this a raincheck until she’s old enough to have a proper drink with us in four or five years.
Love, Uncle Frank and Aunt Sadie
Donna makes a sound that’s halfway between a sigh and a snort of laughter. That’s gonna be one hell of an 8th birthday.