fun shit!

The Power of The Piss Bucket

Context: I DM for my boyfriend and his dad. In our first session, my boyfriend (a dragonborn paladin) found a piss bucket in his cell, carried it around with him, and subsequently broke it. He collected the shards of the wooden bucket, stubbornly insisting that they’d be important later. A few sessions later, the party arrives at a forge that was selling overpriced weapons.

Paladin: I pull out my piss bucket shards and hold them out to the woman. I tell her “These shards hold immense magical power. Many a scholar have told great tales about these wooden shards, and people would kill to have them.”

DM: …roll persuasion

Paladin: *rolls nat 20*

DM: *sigh* you somehow convince this woman that the shards hold immense power. She gleefully trades with you, and gives you not one, but two +1 weapons.

Blacksmith: thank you, kind sir! I can’t believe you’d trade me such amazing, powerful artifacts for only two measly weapons!!

Paladin: yeah I can’t believe it either

4

Graduation trip to Mallorca is quickly coming to a close, but look how cute I was going out to a bar last night!🥂🍹

Let the high A flat be strong ladies. Imagine a firefighter bursting through the flames with a new-born child! Strong yet beautiful, graceful yet secure. Let it radiate from your heart in the most genuine way possible. Don’t lose that image.
— 

Director

youtube

we got really tilted at 3 am and recorded @cordyyceps doing some SICC STUNTS

Life Update

So, our family (by that I mean my mom, me, and my two brothers) traveled the two hours and then some because traffic to my grandparents house, and the whole time I was in the backseat with my 11-year-old brother (we’ll call him Phoenix) we kept telling each other to take a chill, he even went so far as to put a sunflower with cracked black pepper on it (which I snootily pointed out couldn’t make a chill pill).

Well, we just stopped by a grocery store because that’s what my family does and both him and my 15-year-old brother (we’ll call him Red) picked up Altoid mints.

Not ten minutes ago, Phoenix piped up and had me put my hand out. He just put a mint into my hand and said: “Haylie take a chill pill.”

Red: “Oooooh.”

So I was at a loss until I see a pack of mint gum in front me. So I pull out a stick and tell my brother to hold his hand out. I put the gum stick into his hand and told him: “Phoenix take a chill stick.”

(Yes, I’m well aware of what a chill stick actually is.)

Red doesn’t miss a beat: “Oooooh.”

8

“It is you.” | Rey Kenobi

Kylo’s version: [ + ]

Crystal Kingdom - Full Edit
Griffin McElroy
Crystal Kingdom - Full Edit

Pulled from my home inside a cloud,
Lost to the dark I drift alone,
Now I’ve returned beyond the shroud,
Ever to reign upon my throne,
Here in my Crystal Kingdom.

I saw beyond the omniverse,
Far past the places we should see,
But for my vision I was cursed,
Torn from my home and family,
Lost to my Crystal Kingdom.

Saved from the darkness by my child,
Locked in a cage of glass and steel,
But my true love remains in exile,
Beckoning me to break the seal,
Into this Crystal Kingdom.

Kept from our children, lovers, friends,
Subject to laws we did not make,
This is where separation ends,
And souls of the lost will come awake,
Enter this Crystal Kingdom.

Our DM regrets everything

So our level 7 party was hired by a king to get an object from a dragon’s lair in exchange for an items that was part of one of our party member’s personal story quest. We got into the blue dragon’s lair, killed it’s children, then waited ambush style for it to get home. The fight basically went like this:

DM: The blue dragon flies into its lair

Party: Surprise Round!

DM: Yup… Surprise Round

Sorcerer: Hey, do you two want 150ish hitpoints and to hit like a fighter twice your level?

Bard: Sure

Fighter: Sure

Sorcerer: I use twin spell to cast polymorph on both of them. They’re both giant apes now

The party proceeded to beat down the dragon while one giant ape beat on it and the other grappled it to the ground. We then leveled, got 100,000gp each, and got magic item loot from the dragon’s hoard. Our dual-classed Arcane Archer Kensai Monk (basically Zen archer for 5e) got the Oathbow.

A few encounters later, our party is now level 8. As a level 8 party of 7 characters we decide to fight the Pit Fiend in front of us instead of run away. Here’s how that fight went:

DM: The Pit Fiend hasn’t noticed you yet.

Party: Surprise Round!

DM: Yup… Surprise Round

Sorcerer: Who wants to be giant apes?

Bard: Sure

Fighter: Sure

Sorcerer: I do the thing.

The party then proceeds to fight the Pit Fiend. The Pit Fiend knocks the bard out of giant ape form and knocks him unconscious, and the fight is getting pretty rough. That’s when our SuperArcher decided this had gone on for too long…

Archer: So it’s taken 5 rounds of great apes, paladin smites, chromatic orbs, and oathbow shots right?

DM: Yup

Archer: Alright. This combat is taking too long. Action Surge, Sharpshooter on all four attacks, that’s 22, 23, 21, and 21 to hit?

DM: They all hit

Archer: That’s 1d8+3d6+15 four times… 

DM: *proceeds to close his Monster Manual and start folding up his DM screen*

Archer: That’s 112 magical piercing damage total.

DM: You all triple level… yay…

Bard: It’s not stealing if it’s for good.

Paladin: Okay, before we move on, this is a rare chance to get a moral lesson. Yes, this is stealing. But the world is not black and white. There is grey and this is one of those grey area -

Druid (Interrupting): I’m with Bard, we’re stealing the baby.