Best Out-of-Context Lines From Musicals

- “Sit down John, you fat motherfucker!”

- “Screw the middle classes, I will never accept them!”

- “Consider yourself part of the furniture.”

- “Now shut your face.”

- “Henry can’t really stay; he’s got rabies.”

- “I love you even though it does not matter that I still don’t know your name.”

- “The internet is not for porn!”

- “Miss America should just resign!”

- “No one keeps a cow for a friend!”

- “Lot 666 then.”

- “Nothing can bend the will like half-Castilian men!”

- “Sometimes my father appeared to enjoy having children.”

theatre songs that could resurrect me

• the bitch of living

• ring of keys

• blackout

• schuyler sisters

• la vie boheme

• bad idea

• defying gravity

• tomorrow is a latter day

• king of new york

• this world will remember us

• no one else

• one day more

• into the woods prologue

• all that jazz

• gimme gimme

• naughty

Broadway Shows As Theatre Kids

Hamilton: really talented, woke af, want to hate them but can’t and never will

Lion King: senior, guaranteed a lead every time, universally adored

Matilda: The kid your director brings up from the middle school to play the child parts

Finding Neverland: says they like theatre, but really they only know disney, talks a lot about how messed up the original disney stories are

Something Rotten: actually really good, but always talks about how bad they did

Jersey Boys: the guy who wants to”give theatre a try”, the whole football team comes to see the show bc of him, the soccer team might show up too

Waitress: show mom, always has food, will fight anyone who was mean to her kids

School of Rock: watches the movie versions of the show the director picked and thinks that’s what the show is gonna be, doesn’t pay attention in rehearsal

Fun Home: gets all the female leads and all the guys want her, hella gay, her girlfriend is always at rehearsal

Beautiful: writes their own songs and posts them on youtube, check her out on bandcamp!

Les Miserables: shy kid with the amazing vibrato that no one expects (secretly a rebel)

An American in Paris: took dance since age of 3, not a huge fan of theatre, takes any chance to dance

Fiddler on The Roof: total dad, constant dad jokes, will crush you with a hug

Wicked: gets cast for her voice but can NOT act for the life of her

we will never be satisfied - bad-ass broadway feminists who have empowered women and changed the face of musical theatre

the schuyler sisters - hamilton // i can do better than that - the last five years // it won’t be long now - in the heights // right hand man - something rotten! // watch what happens - newsies // all to pieces - violet // ring of keys - fun home // on the steps of the palace - into the woods // naughty - matilda // everything’s coming up roses - gypsy // take me or leave me - rent // don’t rain on my parade - funny girl // colored woman - memphis // lot’s wife - caroline, or change // bring it on - bring it on: the musical // before it’s over - dogfight // astonishing - little women // shall i tell you what i think of you - the king and i // get out and stay out - 9 to 5 // satisfied - hamilton // defying gravity - wicked // so much better - legally blonde //

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