anyone else still sometimes catch themselves thinking about how after all those years of idolizing dave strider and after all that time in the void session wondering and anticipating and nervously awaiting this theoretical possibility that he might get the chance to meet him, dirk finally fucking sits down with dave one on one hours from the final battle and like wow fucking surprise motherfucker
he gets to find out his literal worst fears were ACTUALLY true! the version of him that dave knew actually did, in fact, do his level best to ruin dave’s life and was an abusive, toxic influence from day one and throughout to the point where dave can’t even look at him without flinching!
this coming at a time when dirk is already horrendously low on himself, his relationship with Jake literally just blew up like 3 hours ago and if the AR thing went down even remotely the same way there was also that and holy hell dude what a time to be informed about the existence of Bro Strider. Dirk is sitting there thinking he was a toxic influence to Jake from moment one and probably all of his friends the whole time and here Dave is confirming everything from a parallel perspective?
you can just see this horrible gut clenching moment when this utterly defeated Dirk just meekly accepts that this other version of himself is reflective of his true innermost self and has justifiably ruined any chance he ever had of impressing or even knowing Dave
– and then you see Dave just immediately lift it off him, even get kinda angry at him for having the audacity to even try accepting it that way, you can FEEL Dave’s fucking confusion because he went in guns blazing expecting a confrontation with someone as impossible and inscrutable as Bro was. Dave went in expecting to punch a brick wall and get nowhere, and instead he got Dirk “you’re absolutely right and I’m so fucking sorry I ruined your life” Strider
and from Dirk’s pov, listening to this, watching this, having this realization that this dave isn’t an untouchable, aloof, mysterious and mythical heroic figure of legend at all, but that only makes him MORE worthy of idolization in all the ways that genuinely matter – and simultaneously thinking that he’s already sabotaged himself out of the chance to know him at all.
It’s like, god, you know those hyperrealistic nightmares people have sometimes that are so fucking scary because they’re indistinguishable from real life, the ones where after you wake up it takes a long time for the understanding that it was actually just a dream to hit you and then you want to cry with relief?
For Dirk this had to have been so much like that, the whiplash between being 100% sure that Dave was just going to say what he needed to say and then never speak to him again (and knowing Dirk would have considered it completely justified and never questioned his right to do so jesus christ) followed IMMEDIATELY by Dave just being like no you don’t get it, THIS you, this version of you, what I am looking for deep down in my fucking SOUL is for this you that you are right now to be a person that I can have in my life to tell me that I’m okay, that you’re okay, that WE’RE okay – and after fifteen minutes talking to you I can already immediately tell that you ARE that person.
Dirk’s friends were always only interested in denying the possibility that Dirk could ever truly become a monster, they could never have possibly understood just how DARK Dirk is at his most self destructive, and that’s part of why their reassurances were always hollow for him – they didn’t GET IT, right, they never could have followed the rabbit hole all the way down, so what did they know? But this guy, Dave Strider, has literally seen Dirk at his worst, has lived through the actual reality of the worst things living inside the full-picture potential of Dirk Strider, has dealt with that to great personal detriment and is fucking STILL sitting here telling him “I can tell that you are different, I can tell that you are better, and I am willing to trust you and help you to become a better person than the guy I knew because at the end of the fucking day, you are too important to me to give up on”
like yeah confronting dirk with all of that was what dave needed absolutely but BEING confronted and ultimately forgiven by dave was what dirk needed too, just as much
Aries- being hard on the outside and full of softness inside, never saying how you really feel, sex in the backseat of a parked car on an empty street, thinking you don’t need another soul on earth.
Taurus- satan, feelings buried in the backyard, leaving without saying goodbye, video games, soft voices, blue eyes, running away from home, old cars, cigarettes lit in the morning.
Gemini- seedy hotels, driving down the highway with the windows down screaming your favorite song, feeling guilt when you see an old person eating alone, violent fire one minute and a lonely wave crashing the next, moving away and starting over, making out so hard you run out of breath.
Cancer- dead flowers hanging for decoration, a soft corner of a warm house, gentle pats of comfort on your leg, holding hands, crystals and open windows, being there for someone when they don’t deserve it, storytelling, designer boots clanking on hardwood, too many pillows, a love that doesn’t relent.
Leo- Fleetwood Mac on vinyl spinning all night, an empty stage with hot lights pouring down, filling an empty room with the sound of your own voice, hurting others before they can hurt you.
Virgo- eyes that understand, eyes that do not stop looking at you when you’re talking, plaid shirts, hardwood floors, the sound of an old acoustic guitar, IPAs, wanting to be there for someone but not knowing how, putting so much weight on your shoulders that you feel like you’re going to collapse.
Libra- running away when things get hard, rough hands, being outside, fresh grass, the smell of coffee, loving the idea of something, being in love with the idea of love.
Scorpio- secrets, whispers, long brown hair, pale skin, reading books about witchcraft and astrology, pursed lips, not knowing what to say, eye contact, changing your mind, regret, standing still, telling stories when you’re nervous.
Sagittarius- only hearing what you want to hear, wanting to be alone, reading in a busy coffee shop, inside jokes, guilt, sacrifice, moths, smirks.
Capricorn- soft voices that are drenched in sarcasm, plants in the window, books that have been read so much they’re falling apart, cold air, minimalistic bedrooms, wanting to be touched but not knowing how to ask.
Aquarius- running fingers through someone’s hair, the feeling that no one understands, isolation, black and white films, buying a last minute plane ticket to anywhere, crying in front of the person you love for the first time, being so nervous your voice cracks, being so confident you could walk on water.
Pisces- holding onto something so hard you’d rather lose your teeth than let go, family, crying by yourself in the bathroom, snorting when you laugh.
And we pretend they aren’t beautiful. That I’m not standing on the side of the road watching you drive away. Like I can’t remember what the night smelt like (ice) and that the sky was heavy (and clear) above me. Where we don’t pretend it makes me stronger. Where I don’t have to lie between my teeth and say I’m fine.
WHERE WE TALK ABOUT GOODBYE:
And we say that letting go is like looking down the barrel of a loaded gun. Where I’m watching your finger curve around the trigger. Where I’m watching you pull. Where I watch you look away from the damage. Where I’m left cleaning up the pieces of the mess you made.
WHERE WE TALK ABOUT GOODBYE:
And I’m angry. I’m hurt and I’m raw. Where I don’t sit and cry over you. Where I rage. Where I swear never again. Where I look at my bed and I see that it’s full with just me inside it. Where I don’t say your name late at night when no one can hear. Where I don’t think about you at all.
WHERE WE TALK ABOUT GOODBYE:
And I’m wrecked.
You wrecked me.
You wrecked me.
You wrecked me.
WHERE WE TALK ABOUT GOODBYE:
And I hang on to your things and pretend I don’t. Where I’ve got your pressed flowers under my bed. When I say your name with scorn. Where I roll my eyes. Where I dream about you sometimes and say that I don’t. Where I carry you around between my shoulder blades like an itch. Where I remember what your mouth tasted like. When I remember what it felt like to be warm. When I turn away from the sun.
WHERE WE TALK ABOUT GOODBYE:
And you leave without a word and shut the door behind you. Where I leave the light on, even still, even now, and pretend that I don’t.
i rly hope that one day blue gets really exasperated and just blurts out “ok but how the hell do you get dick from richard?” and its silent for a full minute until noah deadpans “you ask him nicely” and ronan hi fives him solemnly
Levi’s Character Song by Kamiya Hiroshi - Full song available here.
Translated by pammu_28 on twitter, posted here with their kind permission ♡.
Even if we try to change the current world There is one certain thing We have no way out
Outside the wall is hell And inside is full of deception We only have to accept them And fulfill our duties
Don’t you try to use your insufficient brain? Overwhelming emotions will get you killed?
* To pierce through dark side of the moon We have to be faster And sometimes unhesitatingly cruel You are not wrong. Do as you want to There is no answer here Just make your own decision with no regrets
To survive here You need to be trained by painful remembrance More than educated by words
Avoiding sacrifice and peril might end up achieving nothing Prepare yourself for it
To expose hidden side of the moon keep calm, don’t scream and look through any situations Without result, there is no right thing Therefore, just for the last moment Live your life in the way that leaves no regrets behind
Gallant soldiers fallen behind my back The thoughts they left give me power Someday we will certainly destroy the impeding wall and break free I dedicate my life for it
The translation for Erwin’s song is also availablehere!
Me, awake watching YOI 2am:
man. this show is so damn good I cannot wait for season two it's going to be absolutely amazing. It's the only thing keeping me going at this point I cannot believe I have been so blessed but where's that announcement tho..
Me, at 3am:
ok but season 1's soundtrack was so 🔥LIT🔥 how will they possibly top it?? Each song was so beautifully crafted and fitting to each skater and I don't think I could possibly love another set of pieces as much as I already love these...
Me, at 4am:
and someone please tell me, how are Victor and Yuuri so damn perfect for one another?? their relationship makes me incredibly happy and feel so full inside. They love and care for each other so deeply and are for real life actually engaged it's so beautiful. I wonder who's big spoon and who's little..
Me, at 5am:
oh Yuri Plisetsky. That boy. I'm so damn proud of that kitten. He is so determined and strong and at 15 years old he accomplished what many never are able to achieve. And I am so glad that he found Beka after being alone for such a long time now he can know life and love just like his fathers...
Me, at 6am:
and another thi- *school alarm starts blaring* ..what... the hell....... anyways,, the WEDDING.
summary: your best friend & roommate changkyun just wanted to help get you laid. instead you found solace in a pink haired man named kihyun who had a smart mouth with sharp words you weren’t afraid to let cut you, as long as he didn’t mind you hurting him a little too.
a/n: i’m back bitches lmao jk but legit i’m v sorry this took so long, i didn’t even realize it had been nearly two months since ss 5! time is going by too quickly, especially as i fill drabble requests and write other one shots. but i’ll try to refrain from neglecting ss, as i’ve truly found a solidified plot line to the point where i think i’ve speculated where everything will go and therefore than means more concrete chapters, sooner updates and a finalized chapter count! i cut this chapter off a little early bc i didn’t want to head into the next part just yet, but stay tuned for Jin’s party kiddos :) much love to all those patient guppies who stayed by my side and encouraged me to continue despite the many setbacks i felt.
also if you didn’t know, the song kihyun sings is suffer by charlie puth, a favorite of mine.
because i’m the biggest sucker for cliché soulmate aus. i was actually going to write this, but i’m consumed by writing the tfc hellbeast au (all @hopingforcoordinates fault) and it’s fallen by the wayside. so here’s the bulletpoint outline version!
neil has encountered thirteen andrews before
meeting andrew minyard
the first three had been back when he lived in
baltimore. none of them had nathaniel
on their wrist to match his andrew
after they started running, his mother orders
him to never tell anyone his real name. he is not nathaniel anymore, he is
alex, he is stefan, he is chris
and in the back of his mind, the only part not
consumed by fear of his father and his mother’s orders and the urge to run and
never look back, he wonders how his andrew will know him
he doesn’t meet an andrew during their time in
england, his first time being someone other than nathaniel. he isn’t sure
whether or not he’s grateful for that.
in fact, he doesn’t meet another andrew until
his time in germany. this andrew is an american exchange student, a friendly,
nice boy who spends most of his time playing soccer and trying to convince
older students to buy him beer
after five weeks in the same class as this
andrew, he can’t take it anymore and asks to speak to him after class. quietly
says that he goes by his middle name, but his first is nathaniel, and there is
an andrew on his wrist.
this andrew nods in understanding, but pulls the
band up his wrist to show emma
written there in gently looping handwriting
he smiles understandingly at not-his-andrew, who
claps him on the back and assures him that he’ll find his andrew soon.
(he does not tell not-andrew to keep his true
first name a secret. he’s only been running a few years, but he knows secrets
attract attention more than anything else.)
(this is a mistake.)
because this andrew is a friendly, nice boy, and
goes out of his way to include him in his activities from then on, calling his
name – not his current one, but nathaniel, loud and so, so friendly across the
classroom. soon enough it catches on with their classmates, and nathaniel,
terrified of admitting his mistake, does not tell his mother
(he asks this andrew to stop calling him
nathaniel – he really does prefer his
middle name, and nathaniel is such a mouthful, i hate it – but andrew
points out, laughing, that he can’t find his andrew if he’s always going by his
middle name. ‘i’m not supposed to’ is not an acceptable answer he can give, is
not a normal answer, is an answer that would attract too much attention, and so
he’s forced to drop the matter)
his mother finds out anyways, at a
parent-teacher conference two and a half weeks after his talk with
when she gets home, she grabs him by the hair
and beats him more badly than she ever has before
they’re gone that evening
there are nine more andrews after that, all but
one in the states, but he’s learned his lesson by then. none of them know he
might be theirs.
(he doesn’t dare write it down, doesn’t speak a
word of it out loud, but he remembers every single one of their last names and
where they’re from. andrew carson in colorado, with eyes so blue they almost
matched the ones hidden behind his contacts. andrew derouen in louisiana, who
had expressive hands and an easy laugh. andrew martinez in texas, who was at the top of all of his classes. he knows he will never know if any of them are his andrew, so he
remembers them all, hoards his memories of them jealously. maybe, a tiny voice inside his head whispers, maybe someday. but he doesn’t let it get any further than that. he
can’t afford hope.)
and then someone slams a racquet into his gut so
hard he falls to the ground, and he doesn’t need an introduction to recognize
and neil has nine andrews who could be his in
his scattered past, but there’s no way this psychotic midget, whose wide grin
isn’t nearly enough to hide the violence ingrained in him, is his andrew.
and most of canon proceeds the same, down to
neil whispering nathaniel to andrew
in an airport
and andrew, andrew who views his feelings for neil with nothing but dread, andrew who is scrabbling
for a handhold at the edge of a cliff, andrew who hasn’t even begun to grasp
how to feel again, andrew who doesn’t believe in fate
andrew keeps his face blank and says nothing
and if his pulse ticks up even more, well, it’s
just because he’s about to get on a plane
and neil watches andrew carefully, waiting (and
perhaps hoping) for a reaction, a flicker of eyes to the wrist, a glimmer of
interest. but he sees nothing, and takes it as confirmation that andrew is not
his andrew (and when had he started believing that he could be?)
so their lives continue on
cue the binghamton game
and after it’s over, after lola’s threat, neil
stands before andrew and lets go of the other nine andrews in his memory. lets
himself forget the names and places. he wants to tell andrew that it doesn’t
matter that they’re not matched, that he is the only andrew who ever mattered,
that whatever other andrew with nathaniel
on their wrist could come up to him right now and he wouldn’t care, because the
andrew on neil’s wrist will always be
for the man in front of him
but he can’t say that, can’t say anything
unusual when andrew can already tell there’s something wrong just by the set of
neil’s shoulders and the look in his eyes
so he settles for “thank you. you were amazing.”
“leave nathaniel buried in baltimore with his
father,” andrew says after it’s all over, his shoulders brushing neil’s in the
backseat of browning’s SUV
“neil abram josten” neil murmurs in return
and though no one will see it for hours,
underneath a black armband, a name changes