fuck..-this-was-painful--to-write

anonymous asked:

"bap sleeps on zelo". I don't wanna cause discourse but...I kinda agree, oops.

Good, I’m glad and thank you.

It’s not so much how bap sleeps on him as how TS actually fucking sleeps on him. Look, the kid debuted at the tender age of 15 with so much hype around him – and us, the fans from the beginnings should remember how he was up there and living up to every expectations—, so I imagine it has been especially hard on him particularly after the lawsuit. A lot of things he has done goes terribly unmentioned; from his beautiful solo choreographies, painfully personal, self written lyrics to an extremely sweet song in english, and I sympathize greatly as we share the same years lived (but can never empathize, I think we all can’t). He’s just—well, to put it in somewhat better words, put to the side after the lawsuit, and left there for only god knows why. Goddamnit

It’s just that, I’m so mad that lot of things he wants to say go unheard, and I think we all can see through the memes all the insecurities he bravely bares in front of us. He fucking confessed in his painful writings of why he’s unhappy and how he wants to let go of his own fucking life, and I don’t know, I don’t think we’ll ever know who’s the actual, real you he’s referring to there but he just wants someone to stay by his side and I hope to God he does have someone despite all the laughing emojis he stuck out there in his virtual space.

Also, we need to remember, the Zelo, yes Zelo, not Junhong, we have now is an outcome of all the shit TS put him through and the goddamn suffering he has gone through growing up in the god awful industry. Those washboard abs can be gone for all I care because that’s not fully what he is, I was never really fond of him stripping on instagram, I’m just awfully surprised how he stripped himself bare with tender, aching truths every chance he gets on the god forsaken internet (I’m not sorry for the pun). It’s almost like a cry for help and support though that’s just me assuming. But it takes courage, or just too much things that hurt for someone to be able to do it, I’m hoping it’s the former.

Cause he doesn’t put his stage name to shame either. I love how he’s powering through. Oh my dear god, he goes out for waffles by himself in slippers despite feeling lonely, sneers at his hyungs, has wild fun with his friends, does his own photoshoots when he’s denied one, and just GOSH, HE’S LIVING HIS LIFE AND I LOVE IT. This brings us to him creating his own space, his social medias and instalives (notice how he doesn’t use vlive because he’s always told to get off the fucking screen. FUCK, MAN). I think he loves the support he can personally get from that though. I see lots of hearts and loves from all of you and that’s great. I’m a happy mom.

Behind the scenes, we don’t know, but Yongguk, the one he looks up to, has hope for this young matsu tree so that’s something I’m happy about. And honorable (lol) mention to Daehyun who listens to what he’s trying to say most of the time (despite him being told he’s boring/to shut up or just rudely cut off), encouraging him in the smallest of many things and sometimes, literally a shoulder for Junhong to lean on. Though, personally speaking, it still doesn’t change the fact that people (around him, even some babyz) are sleeping on him. Just give Junhong more love, come on. Acknowledge this boy. If anything, he deserves it.

((ALSO, EVERY COMEBACK IS ZELO’S ERA SO WHATEVER THIS COMEBACK IS ABOUT IT’S STILL ZELO ALL THE WAY.))

Letters I’ll Never Send, Vol. 4

Dear *****,

You broke my heart. Three times.

The worst part is: I let you.

When I saw you that day at the park in December, I thought you were a sign from the universe that maybe, just maybe, I could be whole again.

We fell into a rhythm that was easy and natural; you became my place of comfort. I’d been in love with you since I was a child, and I looked at you as if you put all the stars in the sky. I know now that I was naive. We weren’t children anymore.

I can still feel your lips on my forehead. I can still feel my heart flutter at the way your eyes would go all soft when you looked at me. I can hear the sound of your voice as you said my name like it was the most precious of prayers. I can smell your skin, all heat and salt and quintessentially you. If I close my eyes, I can see all of those small, intimate moments. It was real and true.

But it was never going to be enough.

I shouldn’t have stayed as long as I did, but I was addicted to the feeling of being with you. I suppose the first heartbreak was then. When we were alone, the rest of the world ceased to exist; it was just me and you wrapped up in soft whispers and passionate touches. Every time I left that haven, the sound and color of the outside would rush back in in a deafening roar. Perhaps I craved the quiet I was able to find in you. The thing about quiet, however, is that it never lasts.

The second time you broke my heart, you wouldn’t give me a reason. I’d been attempting to save to the shreds of our ‘relationship’ for 7 months, and all you could give me was a text message that read “yeah, I’m done.” I cried on the bathroom floor that night.

Even then, I missed you. And you missed me. We became two bodies trapped in the other’s orbit, and it was painful. Fuck, it’s still painful. You didn’t support my writing, you were passive aggressive and borderline emotionally abusive about what and where and who I posted on social media. You wouldn’t go out in public with me because you were afraid your ex or her family and friends would see you with another girl. We were trapped, but neither of us truly fought to try and get out.

But I guess that’s ultimately what you taught me: that sometimes we have to break and break and break, so that from the shattered pieces we can build something new. Something beautiful and resilient.

I know I can rebuild, even though I will always be missing those pieces of myself I gave to you. The love will continue to burn in my blood, though not with loneliness and panicked desperation. It beats in my veins as naturally as each inhale and exhale. It will hurt for a while, I won’t lie, but it’s a hurt that I can live with.

I also want to tell you that you were right. What we had wasn’t love, but please never doubt the love I have for you.

S

shiro has died. send ‘note’ for a goodbye letter he wrote to your muse as a precaution, in case something ever happened  / /  accepting
                             »»
 @techspecialistofvoltron

Pidge Katie,

     If you’re reading this… Well, you know what happened. And I’m sorry. I wanted to keep you from losing anyone else because you’ve already lost so much, and you don’t deserve that. You’ve never deserved to have your family torn away from you like they were, and I’ve always hated that you’ve had to go through all of that. I’ve felt so guilty over it all this time, like I should have done more, or I should have tried harder to save them…

I know what it’s like to lose family, and I know how it can be hard to function through that grief and loss. You’ve done so amazingly, Katie. You’ve been so brave and strong through everything, and you’ve saved the lives of thousands of other families as a Paladin. You’ve saved so many from suffering the same struggles you’ve been through. Your dad and Matt would be so proud of you. I am, too.

You’ve always been like a little sister to me, you know. It’s crazy to think that those days when I’d babysit you were only a few years ago. I’m so glad I got to know you, that we had so much fun back on Earth, and that we got to work together to protect the universe. It’s been amazing to see you grow into the person you are now, and I can only imagine how you’ll grow from here. I know you’ll continue to do great things, Katie; you’re the smartest person I’ve ever met, the Galra don’t stand a chance. I know you’ll find your brother and father one day. If anyone can do it, it’s you. I’m just sorry that I won’t be there to see you all reunited.

I love you, Katie. Good luck.

                                    — Shiro

anonymous asked:

i cant believe you support kane you have such a fucking problem i think you should kill yourself

TRIGGER WARNING: Rape, sexual assault, suicide, suicidal thoughts, self harm.

You know what I have such a fucking problem with, anon?
You salty ass Anaheim, St. Louis and Nashville fans (which fucking pains me to write bc I support the Predators myself) feeling salty af over the fact that the Blackhawks have beaten you so much you have to make up shitty little lies all over the internet, ruin a hockey player’s life and never let it die.

Okay, yes Patrick Kane got a sexual assault rap back in August ’15. THE COPS WERE GOING TO CHARGE THE WOMAN WITH FILING A FALSE REPORT – the only reason they didn’t was because that prevents real victims from coming forward.

Now, this recent allegation, that popped up – I think two nights ago now, I’m so sleep deprived time is a mere illusion – seemed legit other than ONE thing.
The game finished at around 9pm (I think it was like 9:32pm?) and the players and staff were on a plane back to Chicago by 11pm. There were no notes on the rosters that any players had been left behind – and do you really see the Hawks giving Pat and other members mentioned in the LJ post permission to stay in LA, just to go to some shitty bar after a game?


Patrick Kane was on that plane, and was back in Chicago in the morning so please tell me how the fuck he raped a woman in a shitty bathroom, whilst he was 15,000 feet in the fucking air.

Now, if I’m wrong about all of this, then I’m wrong and I will gladly say that, but, until he’s proven guilty of that? I will support him because the evidence suggests that this is just another money hungry bitch trying to get her 15 minutes of fame.

Before people start having a go at me – I do not think that women who accuse men of sexual assault are lying, I don’t. But with this particular case, the evidence is highly pointing towards Patrick Kane not being in that bar at that time – heck, I’m surprised they even had time to do press after the game before they were on the plane.

The other thing I have such a fucking problem with?

That you’re telling Blackhawks fans to kill themselves.

I don’t fucking care if Patrick Kane brutally murdered two women, or if he was a sociopathic serial killer, there is /no/ acceptable reason for telling someone to kill themselves.

You have no idea what’s going through a person’s mind, fuck it, I have suicidal thoughts on a near daily basis. How would you feel, if you told someone to kill themselves and they did? What if just two little words was the push that that person needed to actually do it? What if those two, seemingly meaningless words are the push that they need?

Imagine how their families would feel, their husbands, wives, fiancés, romantic partners, children, mothers, fathers, brothers, sisters, etc would feel?

Knowing that some shitty ass motherfucker who is too much of a fucking coward to come off of anonymous to say it to someone’s face is the reason someone took their own life?

Oh, and another interesting little tit bit – if you tell someone to kill themselves, and they do, that’s considered assisting suicide, which is illegal. If I remember rightly, you can spend a large amount of time in jail and be fined either $50,000 or $500,000 so, really, it’s in your best interests not to be a fucking prick.

Grow up, support your hockey team, and let other’s support theirs.

And next time? Get your salty ass off anon and say it to my face, you fucking coward.