fuck is old

i know there’s the joke that as kids we thought that the bermuda triangle and quicksand were way more serious than they actually are but you know what else i thought was a notable danger? whirlpools. i thought they just kind of popped up in the ocean randomly and sucked down giant ships to the bottom of the ocean and it was a big problem.

do you know how many recorded cases there have been of whirlpools sucking down large ships? zero. it’s never fucking happened in real life.

I’m actually done, I refuse to read a book with a female character in it written by a man over 40. I never thought I would ever had to read the phrase “she had D cup guts, but a trainer bra brain”

I don’t know what the fuck that means

3

So like, does Gabe or one of the other Archangels get directly notified whenever Aziraphale does a miracle on Earth or…? 

anonymous asked:

I can't believe no one is talking about how Father just pulled out a fucking glock in the middle of his big anime fight with the protagonists and tried to cap a little girl with it. Why are we even doing the "character but with GUN" meme anymore, he's done it in canon, he doesn't even NEED God!

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who needs God when you have Gun

and in fairness he was trying to stop mei, a girl who God themselves couldn’t Stop - like in rereading this scene to get the screenshot i forgot that mei literally Claimed Dibs on Father as her target

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you two handle the little homunculus” says the 11 year old girl with the power of god and anime on her side

4

@lineffability bullied me into watching this so here are some shits i’ve drawn + that one text post that screams anthony janthony crowley

+ speedpaint of the first one

coming at this as someone with no familiarity with the series before the show, but…… geralt, yennefer, other magical/nonhuman characters? they’re magical and/or nonhuman, i’m not troubled by their absolute failure to visibly age over the apparently half-century long course of the season. it’s fine, it’s fantasy, it makes sense. calanthe, eist, mousesack? they age, like… a bit. not as much as they should, probably, but they get some gray hairs, they carry themselves differently, the styling of their hair and clothing changes to be a little more mature. their demeanor and views on things change, proving that time, for them, has indeed passed. you can tell that some kind of an effort was made.

but jaskier? fucking jaskier??? one throwaway line about crow’s feet and we’re supposed to act like this supposedly completely normal human didn’t sell his soul to stay eternally twenty-five??? his hair does not change, his style of dress does not change, they do not even give him a Beard of Maturity to signal that he’s tagging along on dragon hunts as apparently, like, a middle-aged man. he acts like a lovably hapless twenty-something still figuring out “adulting” in his first appearance, and he acts like a lovably hapless twenty-something still figuring out “adulting” in his last. and they expect us to believe…… what the fuck. what the actual fu—

like, i get the canonical reason statements are written like that. but i still prefer my original guess where the ppl who come in start writing their statement, see gertrude looking like every english teacher they’ve ever had, and frantically start looking up how to use “whom” vs “who” on their phone.

here is a picture: one of the first people to bully me, making a facebook post about how she’s staunchly anti-bully.

what could i say? you ruined my fucking life, you know that, right? i almost - thank god only almost - took myself off this globe. i almost threw away my one precious life. fuck you. you don’t deserve 56 likes and 64 heart replies. 

what could i say? it’s almost the end of a decade. and i’m doing better than ever. and i’m okay. despite what you did, i’m okay. i’m happy and i’m doing what i love. i still have trouble making friends because of you, but at least i make some of them, in the end. 

what could i say except - god, i hope this true. i hope you grew up like i did and you got better like i did and now you’re teaching people not to make the mistakes you did. i hope you raise your kids right. i hope you say - i did the wrong thing. it was easy, and it made me feel powerful when i was powerless, but it was the wrong thing to do. i hope you say to yourself - one day i’ll apologize. it’s okay if you don’t, i don’t really need you to. 

god, i hope you didn’t tuck what you did into a back pocket as “youthful indiscretion.” i hope you aren’t bringing that same cruelty to your workplace, teaching other people it’s okay to be that way. i hope you don’t hang out with the mean ones, i hope you don’t laugh at the ones who are falling, i hope you know exactly how close you came to being the end of a life.

here is a picture: i realize in this moment that she probably don’t remember anything about me. that i was just someone who was weird and ugly and it’s not bullying to point out the undiagnosed symptoms of adhd. it’s not bullying because i deserved it for being different - it was character building by process of slow decay.

in another life, i get on ellen. or dr. phil. or somebody. and they bring her out and they say: here is the hand you spat into, how does it feel to see her, knowing that what you left in her still sometimes ruptures. i don’t know what she would say. maybe i’m sorry. maybe i’m glad you’re okay. maybe who the fuck are you anyway? who knows.

i write in the comments a whole speech that i delete. it isn’t good victimhood to refuse to move on. it isn’t good victimhood to be angry still. it isn’t good. i got therapy, i got my life together. 

good luck out there. i don’t know what you’re doing. but i hope you’re someone better.