fu ck i hate u so much

  • getting a message before: wow! I got a message! I wonder who it is!!
  • getting a message now: let me fucking guess you wanna go study in fucking iceland and made a fucking game and want me to fucking play it is that it you virus piece of spam shit is that all you fucking want is that the fuck eng th i ng u fu ck i will f uck u up i swear to fkneg god i will find u fkucng hlel siht then fkrup fkuck y ou i fkne g

Me: ugh, i hate Jaehyun mean what an asshole i hate him i- *trips* *thousands of screencaps of fan signs and close ups from live stages spill from pockets* fuck those aren’t mine i swear i’m just holding them for a friend i- *slips on a pile of pictures* fu ck no they’re not mine i hate him i just- *more pictures fall out as i fall to my knees, desperately trying to pick them up* hang on a sec jUst LISTEN

anonymous asked:

(Don't be afraid to be lengthy.) I have $40 and I'm planning on getting the Mass Effect trilogy from Amazon. I love Dragon Age with all of my heart and soul and I've heard lots of good stuff about Mass Effect, but idk. Is it lots of story, like DA? Or mostly combat? Are the characters good? Like, are they deep? Do they have stories, or are they just walking, talking, pixels? Are the romances meaningful? Is it going to make me want to cry? Just. Give me a run-down. Convince me, Mass Effect queen.

This is going to be so long, I’m so sorry

I’m not sure if I’m going to be able to convince you, since I’m bad with words, but I hope my excitement counts for something tbh (and let me just start off by saying that you just made my life by calling me Mass Effect Queen). I’ll be including screenshots.

I’m not going to get too much into the story because I don’t want to spoil anything.

ALRIGHT, LEMME ME TELL YOU HOW MUCH I LOVE THESE GAMES AND WHY.

I played the Dragon age games before I even bought the Mass Effect triology and now that I’ve played all 6 games several times, I’m 100% sure I like Mass Effect a lot more. Sure, there’s a lot of combat, actually just as much as in Dragon age (I think), but lots of good cutscenes and characters and romances as well.

And it will make you cry. It won’t make you want to cry, but actually cry. It’s not like Dragon Age. Starting in Mass Effect 2, you can mess up, people will die. Your friends will die. Maybe even you, all if you make mistakes. 

Something big and very bad can happen at the end of Mass Effect 3 - again - if you make mistakes. The story literally continues 100% based on the choices you make and the dialogue options you choose starting in the very first game and it is 100% your own story. It’s not like making a few baby choices in Dragon Age and getting a slightly different ending. You can choose to kill people, heck, you can even choose to kill your friends at some point!

Like in Dragon Age, we have a morality system, though it means so much more in Mass Effect. You can choose one (or both) of two alignments.

Paragon:

(my own character)

And/or Renegade:

(my own character, sorry for the bad quality)

One is friendly and peaceful and one is ruthless. And I’m pretty sure that you can tell which is which (by the colours and scars and stuff). The scars and glowing don’t appear until Mass Effect 2, there is a reason for that. I won’t spoil it but it’s very unexpected.

The classes and their powers

And like in Dragon Age, there are different classes. We don’t have mages or rogues though. We have soldiers, vanguards, infiltrators, engineers, adepts, and sentinels. 

Soldiers don’t have any powers except fitness and physical power, Vanguards have physical power and biotic powers, infiltrators have physical and technical powers, engineers only have technical powers, adepts only have biotic powers and sentinels have both biotic and technical powers.

Biotic powers are.. like magic I guess? They’re very effective against organics (humans, animals and stuff), while tech powers are very effective against synthetics (mechs/robots and so called geth)

Physical powers are like dexternity in DA I guess. Soldiers can carry all weapons (sniper rifles, assault rifles, shotguns, pistols and in later games, submachine guns) the other classes can carry either one or two guns, but there’s no boundaries there in mass effect 3 (you can carry all weapons here)

Let me get into the games a little.

Mass Effect 1

first of all, tHIS DUDE

his name is joker and he’s not romancable. my vajohnny is mad at bioware. He’s v funny and sarcastic and I love him v much

I’m not gonna lie, this one is a little.. weird at first. I mean the graphics and cutscenes and all and compared to Dragon Age Origins, it’s only “ok”, but the next two games are so good, oh man.

there are these things

they’re called husks

you won’t get rid of them, they’re in all 3 games 

they freak me out

and this guy

his name is saren and he’s the villain and those are the geth i mentioned

they suck

also let me just mention shepard’s terrible, terrible dancing skills (they can’t dance at all and everyone always makes fun of them 4 that)

Anyway, this game is a crucial part of the triology because this is where it all starts. This is where you meet your beloved friends that are with you until the end and maybe even your lover, if you want to meet them in the first game.

These assholes

I’m not even gonna tell you who they are. You will know soon enough. You will hate them.

There are only three romance options in the first game, but there are a lot more in the other games combined.

I’m not going to get into their personalities too much, that’s all for you to explore, but I’ll tell you who you can romance. My favourites are marked with a ‘[♥]’ and the symbols ♂ and ♀ will tell you who you can romance them with.

[♥] ♂♀, Liara T’Soni (MY LOVE, MY EVERYTHING)

SHE IS SWEET AND CARING AND LOVING AND SMART AS FUCK AND SHE HAS FRECKLES AND I AM SO, SO, SO WEAK OH GOD. I’m sorry I just love her so fucking much I need to lie down and count to ten

[♥] ♂ Ashley Williams (she’s beauty, she’s grace, she will punch you in the face)

She’s so strong and she’s a feminist and my gay heart is so thirsty and I’m so sad bc of the fact that I can’t romance her. So sad. @bioware why. Let me be with this queen. 

♀ Kaidan Alenko (♂♀ in me3)

He’s very caring and sweet but tbh I don’t like him very much

This game is pretty good when get used to it, but like I said, DAO’s gameplay is better and the games only start to get v good with me2.

There are three other squadmates that you can’t romance in me1, but you can romance two of them in me2 and 3 and they. are. my. life.

Mass effect 2

This game is so much better than the first one, holy shit. But like I said, you can mess up a lot, and people can or will die. There’s a lot more action in this part though. You fight some creatures calles ‘the collectors’ aND THEY’RE SO CREEPY. SO DAMN CREEPY BYE. AND DON’T GET ME STARTED ON HARBINGER.

this is what they look like

(run while you still can) u will know pain shepard

look more husks

And there’s also this guy

we call him tim

his name is not tim

he’s an ass

more joker

AND THERE’S A CUTE AI CALLED EDI

As I said, there are more romance options in this part (6, to be exact) and they’re more detailed and they have different cutscenes, but they’re more like the cutscenes in dao. You’ll get one actual romance cutscene at the end of me2 and very individual romance scenes in me3. You can also cheat on your love interest from the first game.

[♥] ♀ Garrus Vakarian (space dino, awkward nerd, calibrates things)

Oh gosh ok. He’s so awkward. Like no, you don’t understand, he’s so awkward. And sarcastic and such a nerd. And he’s with you, no matter what you do (even if ur just friends btw) and I love him so much jfc

THERE IS NO SHEPARD WITHOUT VAKARIAN

[♥] ♂ Jack/Subject Zero (bi, only romancable by mShep. I demand answers.)

OHH MY GOD LET ME JUST TELL YOU HOW MUCH I LOVE HER. SHE WAS ABUSED AND TORTURED AS A CHILD AND SHE’S SO HARDCORE AND OH GOD SHE HAS A HARD SHELL AND SUCH A SOFT CORE AND I AM SO WEAK. I AM SO, SO WEAK. WHY CAN’T I ROMANCE HER

FUCK YOU BIOWARE

[♥] ♀ Thane Krios (space lizard. my man. don’t romance him. it will hurt.)

He’s a badass Assassin and very calm and quiet but also an a+ expert with a sniper rifle (and probably his tongue. please don’t look at me)

His romance really fucking hurts though, consider yourself warned.

[♥] ♂ Tali’Zorah vas Neema (MY LOVE. ALL GROWN UP. BBY.)

Oh my g od she’s such a sweetheart aND SHE HAS A DRONE THAT SHE CALLED CHATIKA ISN’T THAT THE CUTEST FUCKING THING

She will always love you no matter what (and she has so much love to give, it’s so cheesy and I demand a femshep romance) I’m so mad at bioware for making her straight SO MAD

[♥] ♂ Miranda Lawson (someone who was supposed to be bi, fuck u bioware)

SHE’S BEAUTY SHE IS GRACE SHE WILL PUNCH YOU IN THE FACE

Miranda and Ashley are the reason I get up in the morning. Miranda is an A+ bae and she’s so strong and confident and?? fu ck (she can be kinda insecure at times, but it ok, shh, ur perfect bby)

Also straight, I hate my life

♀ Jacob Taylor

honestly, that’s all I have to say don’t romance him

[♥] ♂♀ Kelly Chambers (not an official romance option!)

o K, she’s so cute and so nice and [heavy breathing] she’s the love of my life, but she doesn’t get an actual romance fuck my life I love her so much

There are six more squadmates that you can’t romance and I am so sad I love them all

They’re my children and I love them all so, so, so much please stab me in the neck

I also really want to romance Samara oh my fucking god she’s the love of my life and I love her more than I love Kelly (also Kasumi omfg what a babe)

This game will honestly fuck you up if you make a mistake, I hope this isn’t a spoiler, but as I said, they can all die if you fuck up, please be careful ok

Mass Effect 3 (also known as the saddest fucking part please run now)

look at my babies

I can’t tell you too much about me3 because it’s literally all spoilers, but lemme tell you, it’s the best game of the triology. It’s so good and so sad, g o s h, it’s so fucking sad

There’s a huge war going on in this one

you have to fight these things

RUN FU CK ING RUN 
(actually no please stay and play and cry in my inbox, I’m here shhsh)

look, even more fucking huSKS IN HD

more joker

aND MORE EDI

The people you could romance in me1 and 2 are also romancable in me3, but there are two more romance options (and they’re gay, hallelujah)

[♥] ♀ Samantha Traynor (GAY NERD WITH CUTE ACCENT)

She’s so cute o H MY GOD SHE’S THE BEST

I’ve never romanced her before, but let me tell you, she’s sweet and friendly and insecure and humble and oh my god fuck. She also loves chess

and toothbrushes

[♥] ♂ Steve Cortez (i love u. i love u so much.)

He lost his husband bc of the fucking war and he’s sad pls go cheer him up and make him feel loved, he deserves everything good in this world pl e ase

There are three more squad mates that you can’t romance (I’d romance them all if I could tbfh)

This game will hurt you so bad, find happiness wherever you can and tell everyone you love them and hug people because they’re all in so much pain

so much pain

Give them all the love, they deserve to be happy

But there are also lots and lots and LOTS of tiny details that make the game as good as it can possibly get. 

You will love it.

This took me 4 hours so it better convince you or I stg I’ll fly into the sun and explode 

There’s not much more I can say without spoiling anything, except

Should you play Mass Effect?

this has been a psa