ft: mark watson

Never Mind The Buzzcocks S23E07

Team Captains: Noel Fielding, Phill Jupitus;

Host: Mark Watson;

Guests: Tim Minchin, Donal MacIntyre, Daniel Merriweather, Shingai Shoniwa   

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No More Women - Round 1; if you haven’t seen this game then you have been missing out. 

The best of Scenes We'd Like To See (Series Five)

Unlikely things to hear at Wimbledon:

Russell: “Would the working-class family on Henman Hill kindly leave, you’re putting the middle-class people off their strawberries. You know who you are, you filthy mudbloods.”

The worst thing top hear over a tannoy system:

Hugh: “Only you can hear me.”
Hugh: “Second floor… but you can’t get out.”
Mark: “Ladies and Gentlemen, we all know there will be a bomb on the tube but will it be today?”
Hugh: “The lift doors are closing, leaving you trapped in an airless, windowless coffin. Hurtling downwards at 100mph.”

Unlikely lines to hear in an episode of Doctor Who:

Frankie: “I’m here to save the Earth but, as a doctor, I won’t be working evenings or weekends.”
Russell: “K9 stop humping the toaster.”
Frankie: [Dalek voice] “Welcome to my Dalek poetry reading. This one is called daffodils. EXTERMINATE DAFFODILS!”

Bad ways for Gordon Brown to address the nation:

Frankie: “You though Tony Blair was a cunt? Watch this.”
Russell: “Its time you learned the truth earthlings.”
Russell: “I’m G to the B and this is how I roll. You got beef with me, you kiss my a double s hole.”

Unlikely things to hear on a science program:

Adam: “Well, that test was conclusive. Cats have one life.”

Questions omitted from the British citizenship test:

Russell: “Boris Johnson - True of false?
Hugh: “Do you like the music of Showaddywaddy?”
Hugh: “Are you paying too much for your car insurance?”

Unlikely lines to hear on a TV show:

Hugh: “And now over to Shawn with a blind stab at the weather.”
Russell: “NO DEAL EDMUNDS! YOU’RE GONNA GIVE ME THE MONEY OR I’M GONNA START SHOOTING!”

Weird things to see on a road sign:

Ben: “You are leaving Croydon. Well done.”
Frankie: “No left turn. No right turn. No entry. No reversing. Get out of the car and put your hands on your head. Do it!”

Bad things to hear on an aeroplane:

Frankie: “In the event of the cabin decompressing, oxygen masks will drop from the ceiling and untangling them will annoy you before you die.”
Hugh: “Well, if you look out the port side window in just a minute or so, you’ll see me. Bye.”
Andy: “Hold on! I’ve just entered us in the Red Bull Challenge!”
Hugh: “I’m sorry, due to unforeseen Islamic fundamentalism, this plane has been diverted to Paradise.”

The worst thing to say when running for U.S. President:

Hugh: “I would like you to call me President Showaddywaddy.”

Unlikely Small Ads:

Andy: “Found: DVD of Lost.”
Mark: “Room to let. No one has died in it. No one!”

Unlikely things for a royal correspondent to say:

Frankie: “Its great to see the whole family waving from the balcony… through the sights of my AK47.”

What a rugby commentator would never say:

Frankie: “All pretence has been abandoned as both teams take to the field naked, covered in lubricant, to the sound of pounding techno!”  

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We played this in our car on the way to Scotland.

It gifted me with the opportunity to say something I’ve wanted to say to my dad for a long time (namely “‘Pele’ has two Es in it you dick!”)

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Gifs From CUP CASTLE WAR CHALLENGE! ft. Markiplier

I don’t like the phrase it takes balls. It’s just sort of a bit sexist isn’t it really? To imply that you have to have balls, only someone with these orbs in their pants can be brave. I’m surprised with all the political correctness that you still have to say: it takes balls. There’s no female equivalent. You’d never hear someone say: “What? You punched a policeman? Ooh, that took vag.” “Bungee jumping? Ah minge of steel, Angela!” - Mark Watson

For example, the homophobic argument of older people that gay marriage ruins the sanctity of marriage between a man and a woman. To the members of the audience, who are probably younger, this sounds absurd! I mean, I don’t particularly like broccoli… but I’m aware that other people are eating it. I don’t look at my peas and carrots and go “well, they’re not really vegetables now, are they”.
—  Mark Watson