birthday part 2:

i went to take my brain drugs this morning, and i dropped one and it went skittering across the bedroom floor, and for an eternal second, Fry and I raced in slow-motion towards it, me screaming NO NO NO BAD DOG and him clawing across the wood floor with crazy eyes like i’d dropped a motherfucking steak.

We got there at the same time, and just as I was about to grab it his tongue shot out like a viper and he licked it. Just once. 

fucking dog.