Star Spangled Man With A...

Avengers team x reader.

Warnings: swearing, violence, implied injury

Word Count: 1,759

First avengers fic please be nice

   “Y/n can you come here please?” Natasha called from somewhere on this floor.

Where on this floor was a completely different matter.

   “Where is ‘here’, Nat?” I called back, standing from my bedroom floor.

   “My room,” she shouted. “I need your help with something,”

I stepped out of my room into the dark hallway, and stealthily made my way to Natasha’s room. just casually using my shadow abilities to blend in with the darkness and travel through the shadows to get to Natasha’s room faster.

   “What do you need?” I leant on her door frame after stepping out of the shadows and watched as she awkwardly tried to assemble a step under her light. “What are you doing?”

   “I’m trying to change the light bulb but someone’s taken the ladder and I’m small,” she huffed as she stacked another book onto the pile of crap in the middle of her room.

I felt someone walked behind me and saw Bucky and Steve headed down the hallway. I caught Steve by the arm, making him stop.

   “Y’know Nat,” I said, dragging Steve into the room. “I can’t help you change your light, but the Star Spangled Man With A Plan Sure Can,”

I smiled like a goofus as they both stared at me and Bucky snorted before continuing down the hall giggling to himself.

   “You’re so proud of your shitty jokes aren’t you?” Natasha laughed finally.

   “Actually I’m just proud of getting that whole sentence out without fucking it up,” I grinned before skipping out of the room. and back into the darkness.

   “You guys swear so much,” I heard Steve mutter.

The following night we’d all settled in the huge living room to hang out and watch a movie.

I couldn’t remember the name of the movie but it had dragons which was cool.

   “Hey Tony,” I called across the room.

   “Yeah?” he said through a mouthful of popcorn.

   “Can you get a tanning bed for the tower?” I asked.

Natasha laughed and Sam choked on his drink at the randomness of my question.

   “Y/n we go outside daily what the hell for?” Tony chuckled at me.

   “I wanna force Steve into it so I can called him The Star Spangle Man With A Tan,” I said plainly, succeeding in holding in my laughter.

Clint clearly wasn’t trying as hard as me as he burst into a fit of giggles on the couch.

Bucky laughed and muttered something that sounded like “eat it Steve” But I couldn’t be sure.

Steve just shook his head turned the volume on the movie up.

The next day we went on a mission was the best I’d ever been on because Steve just kept finding himself in positions where I could take the piss.

The first was in the gym that morning we were working on an agility warm up game and Steve was explaining what he wanted us to do.

   “First you’re going to run the beam while dodging swinging punching bags,” He pointed to one end of the room where that course was set up. “Then you have to make it over the sponge pit via the money bars and avoid being hit with a dodge ball, and then you will climb over the A frame, rescue the ‘civilian’ and carry them back down to safety all the while being attacked by ‘Villains’” 

   “What’s the catch?” I crossed my arms as I looked at the very easy course.

   “You have to make it from here,” he gesture to the start of the track, and still keeping his first arm up he pointed to the end with the other. “To there in 30 seconds or less,”

I noticed he still had his arms both out pointing at each end of the course.

I nudged Natasha in the arm and chuckled.

   “Star Spangled Man With A Wide Arm Span” I stifled my laugh through one hand while pointing at Steve with the other.

   “Y/n your time limit is now 20 seconds,” Steve huffed before hitting the buzzer and Clint began running the course.

The Second time was when we were first out on our mission and some bad guys were fuckin shit up down-town with alien weapons.

A woman was cornered between some cars that had collided and a man with a very strange looking gun that blasted purple plasma rays.

I sank down into the shadow cast by the building I stood behind and traveled to the shadow under the cars behind the the man with the plasma gun.

Sliding out from under the car I kicked my leg out and brought him to the ground, elbowed him in the nose and took his gun.

While he lay squirming in pain on the ground I took the womans hand and began running as fast as I could drag her away from the man. Tossing the gun up to one of Tony’s uninhabited suits.

   “Cap where are you?” I shouted into the coms.

   “Be by your side in a second,” his voice rang in my ear. “Don’t move,”

I stopped running and withing second Steve landed on the hood of one of the bad guys cars right next to me and the woman, holding a couple more of the alien guns.

   “Give me the guns,” I said. “I’ll take them to the suits,”

He tossed the guns to me and I squealed.


I secured my grip on the guns and turned to the woman.

   “Hi are you okay?” I asked her. “I’m Shadow what’s your name?”

   “I’m fine,” she said breathless, clearly ecstatic that she’d been saved by the avengers. “My name is Anne,”

   “Ugh YES” I was suddenly so very happy.

The woman looked very confused.

    “Star Spangled Man, Look After Anne,” I shouted as I shoved the woman into Caps arms and dove into another shadow before he could retaliate.

The last was when he was chasing a bad guy and was thrown back through the window of a bakery.

I fly kicked the bad guy into the wall and he slumped to the ground out cold.

   “Cap you okay?” I called as I climbed through the shattered window frame to see a few customers helping him stand. 

The owner of the bakery came around the counter with a pastry dish in her hands and gave it to me. 

I mean we just smashed through the wall of her shop surely it’s not a thank you?

Cap and I exited the bakery and were met by Hawkeye and Black Widow looking at us.

   “Whatcha got there?” Clint eyed the pastry dish in my hands.

It was now that I realised what it was. Immediately I handed it to Steve.

   “The Star Spangled Man With A Fruit Flan,” I put my hands on my hips and grinned proudly so wide my eyes were squinted shut.

My happy streak didn’t last very long because something impacted with the top of my head and I was suddenly very cold. 

And sticky.

I opened my eyes and wiped custard out of my eyes.

   “Did you just dump a perfectly good fruit flan on my head?” I turned and growled at Steve.

   “Dude we could’ve eaten that,” Clint whined.

Steve just smiled with pride that could have mirrored my own.

For the next week or so there was no joke I could have used at the right time so I just had to wait for the right opportunity.

One finally came along.

Cap and Black Widow were sent on a small mission and I was bored so I followed them in the shadows. 

During a scuffle between Cap and one of the targets, Cap was thrown from a 2 story roof and smashed into the roof of a parked (and thankfully empty) minivan.

I immediately pulled out my phone and snapped an unflattering photo of the scene and sank back into the shadows and portalled home.

I sat waiting for their return in the living room ready to project my photo onto the largest screen in the room. As soon as the walked in I called all the other to join me.

   “Guys, guys,” I was shaking with excitement.

   “oh god what did you do?” Bucky sighed with a laugh as I hopped back and forth from one foot to the other.

   “I snapped a really awesome photo,” I half squealed.

I clicked the button that projected what was on my phone to the tv screen and held my hands out in a presenting manner.

   “Ta-daaa!” I smiled and looked around the room at the confused faces of my team.

   “What exactly am I looking at?” Tony asked.

   “It’s The Star Spangled Man In A Minivan,” I yelled happily.

   “How did you even get that picture?” Steve looked astonished. “Did you follow us?”

   “No that would be creepy,” I giggled before sinking into the shadow in the floor and traveling into the hallway.

   “I don’t think anything will ever be as creepy as seeing a smiling chick sink into the floor,” I heard Clint shiver.

I woke up a few days later to F.R.I.D.A.Y telling my that I’d overslept and breakfast was being made in the kitchen where the others had already gathered.

I shot out of bed and ran out of my room, very annoyed at the well lit rooms and hallways that I could’t shadow travel through.

   “Please be Steve, please be Steve,” I chanted to myself as I sprinted down the hallway and jogged on the spot in the elevator to the recreation floor.

I got a number of odd looks from the team who were all assembled around the breakfast table when I burst into the kitchen very short of breath.

Much to my joy, I was greeted by the beautiful sight of Steve frying bacon and eggs on the electric stove.

I failed to control my laboured breathing and huffed my way to the island bench, awkwardly posing on the edge of the counter with a smug grin.

   “Y/n please don-” Steve looked so done but I cut him off.

   “Star Spangled Man With A Pan,” I wheezed with a proud smile. 

   “Damnit!” Clint beat his fist down on the table, startling most of the team. “I’ve been trying to thinkof one for ages I can’t be;live I missed that,”

   “Get your own joke Katniss,” I giggled, siting on the bar stool and winking at Steve.

   “You’re not getting any bacon,” he grumbled and plated some for everyone but me.



It’s been a year and a day since the last time I read any of the Redwall series, but as a much younger chef I was utterly enamored by the world that Brian Jacques had woven. It was filled with heroes and battles and feasts the likes of which you could only dream about, all of which were hosted by mice, rats, badgers, and other such crittery animals.  

That being the case, you might expect most of the food to be mouse-sized. Sadly since I didn’t have any tiny cake pans with which to cook with, I had to make do with people-sized ones. Somehow I doubt anyone will complain! 

- MJ & K 

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Happy 29th birthday to me

Its now officially my birthday. I’m almost 30 now. Feeling kind of old. :P

My parents are really busy this weekend so I probably won’t be able to do much today. My mom might bake me a fruit flan, and take me out for a burger for supper. This sounds kind of boring, but its not fast food, its from an organic local farm’s restaurant and its really good.

Later this week I might see a movie with my parents. Probably Spider Man or the new Planet of the Apes movie, and I might go look for fossils (in Courtenay nearby is famous for its aquatic fossils which include mega reptiles like mosasaur and elasmosaurs).

But I have to admit I’m also feeling quite lonely. I don’t really have any close friends anymore so I will be spending my birthday just with my parents. A lot of this is related to both of my social anxiety and shyness. Its really hard for me to make friends, or even retain the friends I make. Both of my siblings live away from here so they won’t be able to come to my birthday either. I’m also really not happy about my accomplishments at this age. But I’ll try to be optimistic and not blame myself too much.

If you want to wish me a happy birthday, I’d appreciate it. It might make me feel a bit less alone on my birthday. :)





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audiaphilios  asked:

I don't know what halo halo is, but I'm 110% certain is Jack Zimmermann's favorite dish.

This is halo-halo (which is pronounced hah-lo, not hay-lo)

It’s a Filipino dessert of shaved ice with condensed milk, topped with a variety of fruits, beans, jellies, flan and ice cream.

It’s one of my favorite things.


So here are photos of the Fruit Flan me and my partner made today in Baking, going to use these glorious pictures for my portfolio.

Unfortunately with the fruit design, we ran out of strawberries and kiwis (those are gold but they were SUPPOSE TO BE GREEN GOD KNOWS WHAT HAPPENED) and barely any raspberries so here is my partner and I sort of improving the top. Which didn’t come out too badly, I like the one on the right better.

But we had to box them up to be sold so I couldn’t keep them, making my own tomorrow at home along with Ravioli from scratch! Tomorrow is going to be busy!!

The 3rd photo has a glaze on it, incase anyone is asking why it’s so shiny.

"Sus! Magbbreak din kayong dalawa."

< insert tunog ng ampalayang iginigisa >

Linya ng mga taong ang tanging pinaniniwalaan na lang ay ang konsepto ng relationSHIT. Linyang paulit-ulit mong sinasabi kapag nakakita ka ng dalawang magjowang going-strong habang ikaw ay (1) nananatili pa ring single or (2) kaka-single mo lang ulit for the nth time. Yung kahit salpakan mo ng fruit salad at leche flan, bitter pa rin. 

Nakakainis lang yung mga ganyang tao. Mga taong parang supporting villains sa kwento ng iba. Mga taong may nakainstall na ‘breakup-forecast application’. Mga taong ginagawang pang primetime-bida ang lovestory ng iba. Subaybay na subaybay pero mas excited sa kung paano mag-eend. Kulang na lang ng malaking sandok at lutuan kung maisumpa yung kaligayahan ng dalawang taong wala namang konek sa buhay niya. Yung mga taong atat na atat magsabi ng. “Sabi ko sa'yo eh. Maghihiwalay din ang dalawang yan.” Isang malaking kaestupidohan.

Darating ka talaga sa punto na para kang ampalayang hindi hinugasan ng asin sa pagkabitter. Nasaktan ka eh. Alangang magpaparty ka pa di ba? Pero wala kang karapatang ikumpara ang kinahinatnan ng nakaraang relasyon mo sa kung anong magandang nakikita mo ngayon sa ibang tao. Hindi mo alam kung anong hirap ang pinagdaanan ng mga nananatiling in-a-relationship ngayon para husgahan sila ng ganyan lang. Dahil may mga taong pilit pa ring ipinaglababan ang pagmamahalan nila sa isa’t-isa magkaroon lang ng happy-ever-after. Yet ganyan ka mag-isip. Kaya respeto lang sana. 

Maging masaya ka sa kaligayahan ng iba. Ano ba’t magiging masaya ka rin. Nauna lang siguro sila. :)