fruit mince

3k+ of a Zimbits AU

AU where Bitty is a food blogger/vlogger (okay so it’s not that au yet). He’s all about pies, and sugary, chocolatey, not-actually-that-good-for you food which tastes amazing. But he’s also into following trends and health food is the next big one. Superfoods, and vegan diets and all that stuff (turning slightly au now). So he starts mixing in some more health focused recipes alongside his usual stuff. But it’s still based around the sugary, chocolatey, not-actually-that-good-for-you stuff. So it’s vegan chocolate cakes with ingredient substitutions that actually are mouth-wateringly good, and faux fruit mince pies with nuts, and just, really tasty ‘dessert’ and ‘treat’ type foods that are, like, healthy.

So while that’s going on, Georgia assistant GM for The Falconers, and their nutritionist - let’s call her Martha - are at the end of their tether with hockey players who rue their meals plans and dietary restrictions. They’re basically whiny and Georgia and Martha did not sign up for this. So Martha, whose been following Bitty’s vlog for almost a year now, suggests that Georgia contacts him to see if he’s willing to partner with Martha and actually figure out some recipes that are not going to make the team go crazy from carb overload and sugar withdrawal.

So that’s the premise. But this is really a Jack/Bitty story. So…

Bitty is flustered because he played hockey in college and he still keeps up with it and he really appreciates how The Falconers are progressing as a team. And Jack Zimmermann, first out athlete in the NHL, is on that team so Bitty has a soft spot for him the team. So after asking for some time to think it over, and then using that time to panic and swear and ring up his parents, he accepts the offer.

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@screwthischatimout :

He wrinkled his nose at the burnt pancakes, feeling mildly ill as the scent of charcoal wafted up from them. A cook, he was not, but for some reason everyone wanted to taste food he made. He had a sinking feeling that it was something to do with a practical joke.

He couldn’t help but feel grateful to her for offering to help him. It’d be one less awkward moment of ill fortune and worse coordination. She really was a kind girl, he didn’t have anything against her, which was more than he could say for most people. Even if she was a little… okay, way too pushy at times. He gladly stepped away from the lit fire, watching her work to save the wreckage he’d made, with the skill of a baker’s daughter.

“Thank you,” he sighed, in relief. “I honestly don’t know what I’d have done. I…” he hesitated, not very pleased with his sudden realization, but unable to deny it completely. “I owe you one.”

“It’s no problem, really,” Marinette was completely fine with simply helping the poor boy out. He was stressed out enough with his studies and her cousin constantly badgering him at times, so obviously she was going to try and provide some sort of reprieve from the doldrums of high society.

She wondered if Adrien shared Félix’s daily life included, but that wasn’t her business. She was just glad to help him in some way, “Do you have a particular food you enjoy the most?” She wasn’t as interesting as the local celebrity, so the class had dispersed and they were left making the food and cutting the fruit, you get the idea, “If you like, could you slice and mince the fruit they picked out, too? I would like to make a glaze.” 

She smiled warmer still at him, and returned to her work, “I’m guessing they don’t let you really in the kitchen to cook much huh? I mean, since you guys have staff and - well, the kitchen’s dangerous and you can cut yourselves and the like.” Guys meaning he and Adrien both. She could definitely see how protective his father was.

How Very Dare They: More Thoughts on the Bears

That photo frame, and the various photos in it, has been my favourite thing about the bears since it appeared at the Montreal show. So far we’ve seen: Frank ‘foo-foo’ Lamarr, Larry Grayson (!!!!! still not over it !!!!!!), John Inman, Quentin Crisp, Stella Artois (identifying her was good work), Mado Lamotte, Liberace, Bette Davis, Judy Garland and Ken Dodds. 

I’m not really trying to decode the bears (although I got as excited as anyone else with the countdown).  As I’ve said before the only message I take from the bears is that they are consistently presented as gay and occasionally presented as Harry and Louis. And everything I want to say about them comes from those two observations. I love the photo frames, because that’s where the bear tableaus engage most with queer history. I think the queer figures appeared in those frames are an exploration of quite a specific theme – and I think that theme is important.

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Frank Lamarr and Larry Grayson both started their working lives as drag acts.  There was a demand for that in the 1940s and 1950s, a circuit.  Entertainment was a way for working class gay men (boys really Grayson left school at 14 to start work) to earn a living and be around other gay men. Sex between men was still illegal, but queer culture had a place in mainstream entertainment – pantomimes and drag acts in particular, but also highly camp comedic acts.  All these acts were connected to much older cultural practices that had developed as part of the marginal lives queer people lived (the history of queer people in the entertainment industry and the cultures that developed is fascinating and goes back well before the twentieth century – polari is a fascinating place to start if you’re interested). By the time Lamarr and Grayson were getting started these sorts of acts were a coded language that everyone understood.

I’ve written a little bit about Frank Lamarr who remained a Manchester drag act his whole life and became a cultural institution. Danny La Rue had a similar career to Lamarr, but was London based and did a lot of work in Pantomine. Larry Grayson and John Inman’s careers went in a different direction from Lamarr’s (John Inman had started as an actor, rather than as a drag act, but operated within the same cultural sphere as Lamarr and Grayson – he worked a lot in Pantomine). In the 1970s, both Inman and Grayson got jobs as highly camp television performers – Grayson presenting game shows and Inman in the sitcom Are You Being Served.

Here they were bringing camp queer characters to a British television audience for pretty much the first time (The Carry On film series started in the 1950s, but the BBC moved much slower).  These characters, and the actors who played them, were operating in a new environment – sex between men was legalised in 1967 and obviously the 1960s and 1970s was a time of huge cultural and political upheaval – both of which meant there was a small space for queer representation that hadn’t existed before.  Quentin Crisp’s autobiography – The Naked Civil Servant – was turned into a television play in 1975. It was part of the same wave of queer visibility – a visibility limited to very camp characters – but a new visibility nonetheless.  But it was a much more high culture version of the story – John Hurt who played Quentin Crisp won a BAFTA (this was appropriate and reflecting the endless importance of class in British society – since Crisp himself was middle-class while Grayson and Inman were working-class).

All the queer figures that have featured in the frames have been part of the coded camp queer culture that Inman and Grayson took to television.  In fact for a long time Liberace was most famous in Britain, because of his part in a legal dispute about that code.  In 1956, a columnist from The Daily Mirror (Louis’ least favourite tabloid) described Liberace as: “…the summit of sex—the pinnacle of masculine, feminine, and neuter. Everything that he, she, and it can ever want… a deadly, winking, sniggering, snuggling, chromium-plated, scent-impregnated, luminous, quivering, giggling, fruit-flavoured, mincing, ice-covered heap of mother love.”  Liberace sued for libel.  In response The Mirror claimed that they hadn’t meant to imply he was gay (they obviously had – pay attention to the phrase ‘mother love’ – it’ll be back) and Liberace testified (untruly) that he was not gay. The Mirror lost and Liberace got awarded reasonably substantial damages.  Here queer codes fell apart when exposed to public and legal scrutiny. Everyone was denying that they meant what they very much did mean.

Mado Lamotte and Stella Artois are contemporary drag queens - and they are keeping that much older culture alive.  I think this video of Stella Artois, which I found on youtube, is very interesting:

Two things Steve Phillips says while getting ready to perform as Stella Artois are I think particularly relevant.  He talks about performing as a job.  All of these figures were working entertainers and all (even Mado Lamotte and Stella Artois) started working at a time where the only way you could be visibly queer and an entertainer was by working as a drag act, or in Pantomine or in other high camp comedy. Then Phillips quotes Barry Humphries who said that if Dame Edna Everage (Humphries drag persona) was punched in the face then Humphries wouldn’t have a bruise.  Which is such a powerful statement of both the homophobic violence that these performers faced and the way that the high visibility of drag acted as armour and helped people negotiate violence and oppresion.

The bears have been exploring a very particular of queer entertainment history (Divine fits this same theme – although an American independent film version – very visibly queer, but in the 1970s at least, not out.  Although given that Divine was the first such figure it’s possible that he was chosen as part of the queer history of Baltimore and the development of a theme came later).  These are performers who were visible through their campness, but often not out, and were consciously part of a long cultural tradition of men who had created very similar spaces in very similar ways.  With each additional figure I become convinced that the bears are being curated by at least one person who is actively interested in queer history. These figures are not picked just because they are prominent or famous, they are picked because the people picking them have something to say.

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I say people, I mean Harry and Louis.  There were really good reasons, even before Louis began his latest quest to make sure everyone knew his involvement with the bears, to think they were involved.  I want to start with 2011 Sugarscape videos (which contain answers to all of the world’s most important questions).  Literally 8 million things happen in this 75 second video (and I have so many questions - mostly did Harry really say “that he’s gay”, but also it’s just occurred to me what Louis meant hen he said he’d been teasing Harry loads).

But most relevant to the bears is Louis’ reaction to his boyfriend mentioning Eleanor and thereby implying he’s straight:  “How very dare you”.

Louis’ comment is a reference to a recurring sketch in the Catherine Tate show (you can see every example here). In this sketch, Derek is a highly camp character who hits all the coded ways that Inman and Grayson conveyed to television audience that they were gay, but acts absolutely outraged when a character assumes he’s gay – “how very dare you!” is his response.The sketch itself is referential – contrasting a hyper-stylised, coded, marginalised gay culture with a society that is more open (and I could say a tonne more about it than that, but I want to get this finished – so I’ll leave it for now).  And Louis’ use references both the sketches and the culture.

That’s not the only reference Louis made to camp British culture of the 1970s in November 2011.  When they went on Alan Carr (who is a direct descendent of Larry Grayson in particular – camp for a whole new world) – Louis greeted him “Hello Gorgeous” and then told Carr that he would out-camp him during the dance-off.  Then there’s the interview where he talks about Harry in a dress (link because I can’t get the embed code to work).Both what he’s saying and how he’s saying it are so much part of that particular camp, coded way of talking.

I think there’s an important distinction to be made between Louis’ very brief, active references to camp culture, and this interview:

Both are incredibly gay in form and in content, but in different ways.  In the sugarscape interview (from January 2011), Louis is describing gay experiences and comes across as quite camp – but neither is particularly deliberate.  By November the same year he was consciously adopting coded language that had a long association with gay men in entertainment.  (there are other example which are a little more general than those I’ve mentioned - he talks about bringing Mr Camp in another sugarscape interview and described himself as flaboyant in New Zealand in April 2012).

We can’t know why consciously camp Louis shined so briefly (and if anyone has any earlier examples I’d really like to see them). But I believe (I think it’s a reasonably common belief) that somewhere between auditioning on X-factor with a girlfriend and the UK media blitz of autumn 2011, Louis Tomlinson became someone who was quite comfortable with being seen as gay. I’d go further and say that part of this was embracing the conscious, coded, queerness of camp British culture.

(Every post is improved by a video of this G-A-Y performance, to make the point about how happy Louis was)

But he only got the briefest window to share that part of himself. It was one of the first things that got taken away – it was one of the first thing that got taken for him.  There’s a huge sad irony there – that this code that was developed specifically so that gay men could be visible in a time when they were completely marginalised – was taken away from a young gay man, because it was too gay, in a supposedly more liberal time.  

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When Frank Pearson’s father first saw him perform in drag as Foo Foo Lamarr he threw a bar stool at him. Larry Grayson and John Inman bought that coded queerness that Lamarr’s father found so threatening straight into people’s living rooms. What I love most about the bears is their exploration of the different way that generations of entertainers have found ways to be openly queer, even though their sexuality was marginalised, criminalised and terrorised. 

There is a final layer of queer history to this – history that is being made now.  Within the context of a One Direction concert queerness is once again in the margins (albeit also under the spotlight for that one concert in London).  The bears elaborate queer codes are tucked away from the stage.  Because their owners cannot (yet) be visible in the way that the people they put in frames have been. 

the-forest-library  asked:

Pass the happy along! 💛 when you get this, reply with 5 things that make you happy and then send this to the last 10 people in your notifications! 🙂

Thanks @the-forest-library I actually needed a reminder to be positive today so this is just what I need :)

1. The tuataras at my university are getting a lovely new place to live, I saw it today on the way to my exam and it’s a lot bigger and lovely and sunny :)

2. Only two more days until I finish all my exams for the year, I’m not happy right now, but I know I will be on Friday!!!

3. I have a lovely pile of books waiting to be read after exams. 

4. Caramel Christmas pies! (I’m not a huge fan of fruit mince, but I love the pastry, so when I found them at the supermarket on special today I was really happy).

5. I gave a friend a cross-stitch I had worked really hard on today for her birthday and she absolutely loved it. It was lovely to see something I put a lot of effort into make someone happy :)

Tagging anyone who sees this and wants to say some happy things that have happened to them, tag me if you want, I would love to read them! :)

The Yuletide Ornamentation

I know Christmas was a long time ago but after reading a post by @otpprompts I couldn’t help myself!

Imagine person A of your otp, a huge fan of the holidays, is hurt badly before the holidays, so person B ends up decorating to cheer person A up.

 Amy groaned as Sheldon released his grip on her and slowly lowered her onto the couch. They were finally back at her apartment after a tough and miserable journey. She winced in pain and gently elevated her leg onto the coffee table.

“I told you. Ice-skating is a dangerous activity. We should have just seen a movie” Sheldon lifted her foot and placed a cushion underneath.

“Sheldon, it’s Christmas. Try feeling a little more festive”

“How can I feel festive when my girlfriend insists on taking me to a frozen death trap?” His spite, however, soon turned into concern, “You know how weak your ankles are. I knew this was a mistake”

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bastarz-on-the-block  asked:

Ikon as santa's elves au please?

my tree is up and ghaaaa! i am so excited! chirstamselves!au e w e thanks for requesting and have great day/night! (and merry christmas)

- admin em

Jinhwan

  • an actual Christmas elf irl
  • he’s in charge of where all the presents have to go
  • he the smallest of all the elves (even though elves are already small???)
  • when things don’t go to plan or that there are too many present coming in, he gets super stressed and that when all the other elves slowly back away
  • he’s super cheerful though when it’s time for Christmas and will be singling happily to Christmas songs
  • “oh Christmas tree oh Christmas tree!”
  • probably has the most Christmas spirit and is decorating the whole place with tinsel and lights
  • he takes wrapping presents as an art for and can do the impossible
  • like what you may ask
  • legend has it that he once wrapped a Boeing 777 with one roll of wrapping paper
  • not to fond of the reindeer but will help donghyuk feed them if necessary
  • “i swear if i get any reindeer poop on my new clothes :))))) you’ve got one hell of a night let me tell you that”

Yunhyeong

  • a happy go lucky elf with a bit of a mischievous side
  • he loves guessing what’s inside the present and plays the guessing game with chanwoo
  • “oooh what’s in here” /shakes/ “is it a barbie doll??”
  • he loves to play little pranks on the other elves like put water in their shoes or swap the sugar with salt so when the other elves drink their tea on breaks well…
  • “who put freaking salt here???? is that you yunhyeong”
  • “nope, not me” :))))))
  • he helps sort out where some of the present have to go to. Which child what country
  • /sigh/ “i wish i had a christams present”
  • put of curiosity he opened up someone present and saw the most beautiful thing in his life
  • “l-lip blam??
  • and after that he was a changed elf
  • the other elves now have to buy him lipbalm every year to keep his spirits high and to get him to behave
  • sometimes drags chanwoo to help him on his pranks
  • “pls i have work to do”
  • “shhh you! lets put these stink bombs in bobby’s shoes”

Bobby

  • the coolest elf on the block
  • “yo yo yO Christmas guysss”
  • when all the elves are singing Christmas carols, he putting a trap remix to them
  • “we wish you bish a merry Christmas tURNT UP”
  • doesn’t wear his little elf uniform properly cause its not hip hop enough
  • a lot of the elves find him annoying
  • “bobby those shoes won’t fit you, wHERE ELVES”
  • “but there the latest edition Jays”
  • “they are mADE FOR HUMANS YOU IDIOT”
  • he helps craft some of the toys as his skill is model making
  • naturally gifted at what he does but he find it boring
  • would rather be helping wrapping up all the presents and pestering hanbin
  • “bobby tf you dong here?”
  • “i thought i could lend this department my rapping skills hehehehehe”

Hanbin

  • head elf of the wrapping department
  • likes to thinks he’s in charge but really he is not
  • “we shall wrap them all in green”
  • “um but santa told us to wrap them in red”
  • he has a heigh complex and will fight anyone ridiculing the shortness of elves
  • “tf you wanna mess with me? i’ll mess you up human i swear, if santa wasn’t here i’d mess ya face so much your mother wouldn’t even recognize you a lil bish”
  • he’s just stessed all the time as being head elf mean all the responsiblity on him
  • jinhwan often has to calm him down before he gets angry
  • “remember, breath and count to 10″
  • he is pretty very shy when it comes to the female elfs and at break time, if anyone comes close to him, he turns into a bumbling mess
  • “you’re hanbin right? i love the wrapping you did today”
  • “ye- uh um you l-like meO uh ughshh….?”
  • the elf that hates human grown up but loves human kids
  • “the smaller humans are so much nicer than the bigger ones with wrinkles and receding hair lines” /sigh/
  • he is always trying to impress santa so he can get rewards and praise.

Donghyuk

  • the actual master of making toys
  • his work has said to have been so brilliant, santa kept one of his dolls for himself
  • you though bobby was good ooO BOY
  • he could whip up a toy train in under 30 minutes with no effort
  • he dislikes toys nowadays that aren’t really toys
  • “why is this ipad going off to a 6 year old girl????”
  • he doesn’t understand the concept of technology but is fascinated
  • one time, a tamagotchi was beeping because it had not been fed, he was so scared boy elf, beeping noises trigger a very traumatic experience for him
  • “and then after all that beeping , the small animal trapped inside died r.i.p” :’(
  • he loves the reindeer and sneaks out to feed them carrots
  • drags yunhyeong too as well a chanwoo so that they can pet them before they go out
  • is so fascinated by Rudolph’s red nose 
  • “it that powered by electricity or what???”
  • he was gifted a phone because of his fascination with technology and likes to watch fail videos on youtube
  • “humans are a funny bunch!”

Junhoe

  • his voice can be heard from the south pole
  • serously, all the other elves are singing peacefully to themselves, he blasting away
  • “all i want fro christmas is YOOOOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU”
  • “JUNHOE STFU I SWEAR”
  • he only likes Christmas because it the time where he can show of his singing ability and eat sweets
  • “what? i’ll burn it all off”
  • he eats all the cakes meant for the other elevs at their breaks
  • “m-my fruit cake is gone, have you seen it hyung?”
  • and he’s there finishing it off like 
  • “nope chanwoo, i haven’t see it” :)))))
  • he’s pretty lazy lmao so he gets all the other elves to do his work whilst he sists in the back singing mariah carey 
  • he also wonders what in all the present wrapped up are
  • “idk man, i think it’s a microphone, but it has a button on the side and it vibrates”

Chanwoo

  • tallest elf around
  • some rumour that he is half human
  • the rest of the guys all come at his defence
  • “tf you say about chanwoo??? i’ll fight you right here right now”
  • “hanbin hyung you don’t have to”
  • “yo, i’ll whoop ur ass you lumpy peice of shi-”
  • he loves Christmas and helps jinhwan decorate the place (plus his height makes it easy to put the decorations at the top”
  • he is so fascinated with humans and children and want to visit them one day
  • he has it all planned
  • they’ll all sneak in santa’s bag and then when they land explore the house that they visit”
  • he likes all the weird Christmas cakes, fruit cakes, marzipan and mince pies 
  • he knows junhoe eats all his cakes so he pranks junhoe what he’s lazy and sleeping where he’s meant to be doing work
  • “this is what you get you greedy butthole”
  • puts reindeer droppings in his mouth
~ Christmas 2013 ~

I don’t really have too much to say about Christmas Day this year. It came. It was wonderful. And it left in what seemed like a blink of an eye. Like every year, we told each other to keep the gifts minimal, but like every year, everyone went above and beyond. 

Isn’t social media a bizarre thing? How we can now peer into peoples’ houses, and see how they celebrate special occasions in their homes? A quick run through on my Instagram feed showed me some super spectacular and grand Christmases, but mine is very small, as there are only six of us who gather around to exchange gifts, and eat delicious food together, but I absolutely love it.

Speaking of food… Hmmmmm. Yum. Yum. Yum. If I got to choose my last meal on Earth, this, right here, would be it. (Complete with homemade apple pie and ice-cream not pictured). I ate too much (surprise! surprise!), but it was so worth it.

I acted as Santa Clause when we opened the gifts, and I scored some ah-mazing new items (Microwave, purse, The Bay striped blanket/umbrella!! - thank you, thank you, thank you!). I was also very excited to give my brother his pressy (iTunes gift card), my brother-in-law a pair of those ETip Gloves (gloves you can wear and still operate smartphones, so practical, right?), my mom a pair of new Uggs, dad - Crocs, and sister a sweater from North Face and earrings I got her in London.

As I’m sure it is with most families, most of the Christmas memorabilia around our house has meaning and history to us.  Items we’ve collected over the years, which have become staples in our home. My favourite item is the stocking my mom cross-stitched for me. She made it for me in 1994 (as seen in the Teddy Bear’s box near the bottom). My brother and sister have one too. The photo doesn’t do it justice, but my goodness, she is talented. I wish I could cross-stitch…

My mom also made the tablecloth we use at Christmas time, which I am so in love with. So in love with, in fact, that let’s just say it would be one of my top three items I’d try and save in a fire.

A few other traditions are below. The hanging Santa with Quality Streets has been a tradition since I was little in South Africa (my mom’s friend made it for us), and the Santa on the table’s head comes off and is filled with chocolates. All the little ornaments on the table have been collected over the years, and every year my mom makes mince fruit pies.

Ahhhh, I love Christmas so much!!! And I know I’ve said it before, but I’ll say it again, not being here last year for it certainly made me appreciate it SOOOOOOOOOO much this year. My sister is pregnant (due March 7th - weeeeeeee!), which means next year’s Christmas I’m sure will be drastically different as there will be a 9 month old baby with us (can. not. wait!!).

Oh! And of course I can’t forget about our two furry friends, Sally and Maple, who also celebrated the day with us. You better believe they got their fill of turkey, and there may or may not have been pressies under the tree for them too!

And with that, I hope your family had a wonderful Christmas too! xoxo