I don’t think a lot of people understand the effort that goes into songwriting. There’s lyricism, putting those lyrics to a melody, putting that melody in a score, giving that score extra sound effects and beats at just the right moment for the effect you want, and all of those processes are time consuming and emotionally draining. You’ll spend hours combing through hundreds of songs you’ve written trashing 90% of your work just in the lyrical phase even if it’s good bc it’s not good enough and you’ll spend days making sure that melody is catchy but not annoying, conveys the emotions you’re trying to express, if you plan on singing it yourself you’ll make sure it’s in your range and compliments your voice, is it unique enough without being weird? Is it strong? Should it be strong? Could it be better? How can you make it better? Is this the best it can be or should I spend a couple more days working on it? And after that you have to write accompaniment. What instrument should you put it on? Can you add more instruments? Do you know anyone who can play some of these instruments while you perform/record/whatever you’re doing with it bc you can only play one thing at a time. What chords go with the melody? How can you make those chords more interesting to listen to? Is this really the best I can do? Could it use backup vocals? Who would back me up? Is that too much? Does it still convey the emotion you were going for? There’s a ton to think about. It’s an incredibly time consuming process and sometimes after going through all of it you still end up scrapping it. You don’t even know if any of your work will be seen. Ever. You then work insanely hard to find someone to record it for you (or save up money for your own equipment and find yourself a room and fix up that room to suit your needs, which also costs time and money) and hope and pray people like it if you ever get it out into the public eye. Bc after all the work you went through you still can’t make people listen you still can’t make people like it. Songwriters deserve more respect than being written off as lazy, privileged people who get payed way more than they deserve.
✧ Announcing the release date for my second single of the year called “Black Rose” in a few days. This song is about the hardest kind of love. The kind that turns you into someone you don’t really want to be. Watching a story go by and you’re the main character but still, you’re not a part of it. ✦ * . ·
which one are you: the heartbroken or the heartbreaker?
pairing: OT7!bangtan x reader genre: angst, fluff type: au series word count: 1,465 words warnings: implications of sex, eventual profanity author’s note: this is the prologue to my new series that i’m very excited to write. the series is based on john alan lee’s color wheel theory of love and inspired by hey violet’s break my heart.
There are only two types of
people found in the world: the heartbroken and the heartbreakers.
In the vicious game of
love, there is only a thin red ribbon separating the two, but fragile threads
always break so easily. With just one snip of the golden scissors, the cerise
strands can be pulled apart, and in that very moment, a heartbroken can slip
through and masquerade as a heartbreaker.
And how, you ask? Because
it is much harder to break a patched up heart. When you stitch the pieces of
your heart back together, your heart is now glued together with something much
more durable than the flimsy gossamer fibers of love, affection, and false
And for you, once is an
accident, twice is a coincidence, three times is a habit. Three heartbreaks are
already three too many, and you’ll be damned if you have to endure a fourth.
And by the third round, you have reapplied the glue enough times that your
heart is so encased that it simply cannot possibly crack anymore from guy
Nothing is more dangerous
than a heartbroken girl with a vengeance.
So dry your tears, swipe on
your mascara and rouge, pucker up your cherry red lips, bat those perfectly
applied fake eyelashes, put on the little black dress that makes you feel like
a million bucks, and slip on the mask of a heartbreaker.
I am incredibly sorry for the delay. I’ve been so busy with my life recently (shocker) and I will also be busy my spring break next week so I don’t think I’ll have time to write the finale to WNCIL :( But this time I will keep you guys updated so I don’t disappoint. Enjoy.
Coming back from Mr.Jackson’s room, I hid the piece of paper, that could potentially ruin the relationships around me, under my set of clothes laid out for our gig tonight. It was folded small enough to not be seen underneath my green t-shirt, but as soon as I laid the shirt down on top of it, I heard the knob to the door start to turn. My head whipped around to find the boys and Y/N, her smile still sat on her face as she laughed at something Luke said. I straightened up and leaned my back against the table our stuff was set on, my hands clutching the white painted wood. I flicked my head at them, a signal of ‘what’s up’, and watched as the boys all started to grab their stuff and start getting ready to warm up a little before soundcheck.
“Let’s get ready buddy, soundcheck’s in about 2 hours!” Ashton yelled, throwing my some hairspray to make my hair look more appealing than it was right now. Since the meeting, my hands have just been running through it, the anxiousness hitting me hard.
Y/N came and stood by me, grabbing the bottle and a comb from behind me and smiled softly at me. She sprayed a little bit of hairspray on the comb and lightly fluffed it through my thick hair. She almost at to stand on her tip toes, but she was and has always been the perfect height for me. All the negative and anxious feelings that built up inside of me seemed to vanish when I looked into the light of her eyes. She was too busy focusing on my hair, when all I could do was smile. She noticed my focus, and blushed before pulling the comb away to look at her masterpiece.
Her hand reached up behind my neck at the baby hairs I had, and slightly tugged on them. The boys had now left the room to find their instruments, leaving the two of us together. My hands found their way to her waist, my fingers rubbing at the cotton shirt material.
“My handsome Calum…” My smile only grew bigger. Y/N had always been that way with me. She knew how insecure I could get sometimes with Ashton being the buff guy in the band, Michael being the bad boy looking type, and Luke being the fan favorite. There were days when I would just want to hide away from the world because no one ever cared for me. I felt overlooked and under appreciated, but Y/N helped bring that confidence back into myself, reminding me pretty much everyday of how handsome, built, and talented I was. I leaned in and captured her lips with my own and molded them. She instantly melted into me, bringing her other hand to drape over my neck and shoulder. Her chest lunged and pressed up against me, only deepening the very needed kiss. I felt her moan into my mouth, causing me to leave a trail of light kisses from her jaw line to the edge of her collarbone, something I know drives her crazy.
“Calum…” she whispered, “I’m s-sorry I finished the song w-without you…” This caused me to teethe at the skin of her neck, leaving red streaks.
As a second moan escaped her lips, we heard 3 big bangs on the door, followed by a shrieking girl voice.
“Calum! C’mon! The boys are already out here!” A loud, annoyed sigh came out of my mouth, as my forehead landed on Y/N’s shoulder. I could feel her body tense up beneath me, and her skin started getting warm. I rubbed my hand on her lower back to reassure her that there was nothing to worry about, but in reality, she had everything to worry about.
“It’s okay Cal…go get ready for soundcheck, I’ll be on the sides in a little bit.” I lifted my head, my eyes landing on her understanding smile.
“We’re not finished though.” I smirked, trying to lighten up the ruined mood. Y/N only chuckled at my stupidity, and nodded. I lightly kissed her forehead, and then sprung off the table heading for the door. As I turned the knob, I looked back one last time to see her with arms crossed, watching me.
“Don’t forget, I love you.” We both smiled widely, and she said I love you back.
I turned back towards the table, only to see that Calum’s clothes were still in the room, and now on the floor. I knelt down and carefully picked up his clothes, but suddenly a white piece of paper fell out under his shirt. I set the clothes on the table, a curious look laid upon my face, my eyebrows scrunching together.
It was slightly crumpled, and had tiny font, to the point where I had to bring the paper closer to my face than usual. I saw it was addressed to Calum, but the sentences that I saw in fragments nearly destroyed the butterflies he left in me only a minute ago.
“…solo career…break away from 5 Seconds of Summer…front singer of Hey Violet…great career move…” and so much more was written in this document. My hand fell over my mouth, shocked and disgusted that Calum had this paper basically signing his life away to Hey Violet, to Nia, from 5SOS…from me. I felt utterly sick reading the contract, reading all the perks he could have if he left his band, how much he would be paid, the places he’d travel, the ‘more’ opportunities he could have as a solo artist. But none of that would matter if he didn’t have Luke, Ashton, or Michael. I wasn’t mad so much at the fact that he’d be leaving me, but the fact that he’d be leaving the 3 main people who worked so hard along side him to have their dream of playing arenas for adoring fans a reality. He didn’t stick with them because he knew they could potentially become famous, but because he wanted to conquer the world with them by his side. But ever since Nia came along, she’s tried corrupting Calum, and trying to make him fall for the fame and money, like he promised never to do. And it was almost as if my biggest nightmare, had become a reality.
Soundcheck was just now finishing up, Hey Violet and the boys both emerging backstage since they were both out there. Everybody was all smiles and laughs talking about the funny fan questions, reactions, and signs that they saw from their adoring audience. However, I was sitting on the corner of the couch on my phone, my back pocket burning where the Calum’s contract was. The other 3 boys sat around me, nudging me to see what was wrong, but my eyes only laid on Calum who was laughing it up with Mr.Jackson and Nia, of course. His back was turned to me, as I felt tears start to form in my eyes.
“Wait…Y/N what’s wrong…” Luke whispered lightly in my ear, the other boys leaning in to listen. I shook my head, pulling out my phone and clicking on the picture of the contract I took, showing it to all of them. They’re not only his best friends, but his bandmates and business partners, they deserve a right to know even if it’s not from him.
Luke’s hands balled up into fists, Michael’s face was almost as red as his hair, and Ashton only began to get as watery eyed as I did as they read the dreaded contract. They all looked at him with stares as deadly as daggers, but his back was still turned, oblivious.
“Do you actually have this? Because if you don’t, this is a really sick prank Y/N.” Ashton said sternly. I shook my head defensively, pulling out the folded piece of paper quickly before stuffing it into my back pocket again.
“Why would I fucking lie about this Ashton? He’s been hiding it from us!” I scream whispered.
“When did you find it? Where did you find it?” Michael asked.
“Today, under his shirt for the set. He was trying to hide it away so nobody would know that he’s fucking leaving.”
“C’mon, Calum may be stupid sometimes but I don’t think he’d be willing to give up the band like that. He wanted this more than any of us, he wanted the band to grow together and get to where we are now as a group, best friends, brothers. He wouldn’t dare leave us.” Luke defended.
“Then why did he hide it from us? Why didn’t he just flat out say no and not take the contract then? Why did he take it in the first place, and then sneak it past us, thinking we wouldn’t ever find out about it? Luke, this isn’t just your best friend, but mine also. Calum is everything to me. I know him as well as you guys, and even I know,” I sighed, before the next sentence came out, “the benefits are just too great. Calum is so straight-forward, if he really didn’t want to take the offer, he wouldn’t have even taken the contract.”
As my voice died out, we heard behind us the convo of Calum, Mr.Jackson and Nia. Mr.Jackson had left momentarily before hustling back out to the small ‘living room’ we were all hanging out in. There was a huge guitar-bass like case in his right hand, and he set it down at Calum’s both, both him and Nia smiling proudly.
“Open it son. It’s a gift from all of us here.” Mr.Jackson smiled.
Calum carefully bent down and opened the case, revealing a new jet black glossy finished bass, clean and obviously expensive. Calum held it in his hands as if it was a new born baby, gocking at it’s new fine beauty. He was speechless, and beside me I heard all 3 of the boys groan to themselves.
“M-Mr.Jackson…w-why, why did you give me this?” “Let’s just say, someone put in a good word for you,” he winked at Nia beside him, “and said you deserve it, and I agree wholeheartedly.”
“This…this is incredible, thank you so much!” His smile stretched up to his under eyes, the heartfelt crinkly smile that I adored so much was on his face for all the wrong reasons, and he was slowly becoming the Calum I didn’t know.
My world came crashing down, though, as Nia reached up to Calum’s cheek and placed a tender kiss on it. My heart broke seeing the two together, acting like a more real couple than him and I had this whole tour. Tears broke out of my eyes as they cascaded down my cheeks, my hands and face becoming hot, as I ran back to the dressing room. All eyes focused back on me, a concerned/sad look on everyone else’s face but only a smirk to be found on Nia’s.
As I shut the door behind me, I ran toward the back of the room near the table with all the boys necessities on it and rested my hands on it, letting out a loud sob that I had been desperately trying to hold in. My vision was instantly blurry, soaking the table beneath me. I heard the door creak open, not caring who was there, my almost hopeless state completely taking up my attention.
“Was that fun to watch?” The snarky voice echoed throughout the door. I shuttered as my tears stopped, but still kept my back to her.
“You tell me.” I sniffled.
I heard her chuckle and she walked into the room slowly.
“Why are you doing this to me. I haven’t done anything, to deserve the downright hateful things you have done to me.” I turned around to face her, trying hard to show off that I wasn’t phased or intimidated by her.
“You, little ms.princess, weren’t even suppose to be on this tour in the first place! It was suppose to be Luke’s mom! You haven’t even been doing anything to help Calum out, I’ve stepped in multiple times just to save his freaking job!” I was taken back, and gasped.
“So giving him that contract to become a solo artist is you being helpful? You’re not only trying to control his life, but you’re trying to ruin mine, and my best friend’s!” She could only smirk at my reply.
“You just don’t like the fact that I,won.”
“Is Calum the prize? Is the press and money the prize? No thanks, Nia. You’re very good at a game that I’m tired of playing! So, I guess you’re getting your wish. I’m done here. He’s all yours.” I swiftly grabbed my purse off the table and turned for the door, to see Calum already standing there, arms open for me.
“Baby…c’mon please talk to me.” He pleaded as I walked past him out of the room. “None of this means anything if I don’t have you here by my side experiencing it with me, please, I wasn’t trying to break up apart!”
I stopped in my tracks, my heart sinking at his lies. I angrily pulled out the contract from my pocket, quickly opened it up, and threw it down towards his feet.
“That! That is what’s breaking us apart, Calum! The lies, the sneaking around, the new feelings you’ve developed for Nia! I’m out of here.” I could hear his sniffles as he picked up the crumpled up paper as I stumbled out of the backstage door. But I soon heard his footsteps, coming after me.
CLIFFHANGER! Again, this imagine is based off of HSM2, so any language that’s familiar to you guys in here is from the movie. The next part will be the actual ‘gotta go my own way scene’ just a heads up. And I know this part went by kinda quickly, but I hope you enjoyed it none the less.
On this day in music history: April 28, 1979 - “Heart Of Glass” by Blondie hits #1 on the Billboard Hot 100 for 1 week. Written by Deborah Harry and Chris Stein, it is the first chart topping single for the New York City based new wave/rock band fronted by lead singer Debbie Harry. Debbie and Chris originally write the song in late 1974 - early 1975 as “Once I Had A Love” with a reggae flavored arrangement. It continues to evolve as they retool the sound of the song, giving it a slow “four on the floor” disco beat, then re-titling it “The Disco Song”. Producer Mike Chapman along with the band give it a dramatic makeover employing the use of synthesizers (Moog Polymoog, Roland SH-1000, the latter being triggered off the CR-78) and the Roland CR-78 drum machine which gives the song its signature “ticking” pulse. Released as the second single from the bands third album “Parallel Lines” on January 3, 1979, “Heart Of Glass” creates an immediate sensation on the dance floor that quickly spreads to radio. Entering the Hot 100 at #84 on February 17, 1979, it climbs to the top of the chart ten weeks later. The huge success of “Heart Of Glass” is a double edged sword for Blondie as they are accused of “selling out” by their fellow musicians on the New York punk and new wave scene for having made “a disco song”. “Heart Of Glass” is certified Gold in the US by the RIAA, and is inducted into the Grammy Hall Of Fame in 2016.
Feyre paced anxiously,
her blue eyes darting wildly as Amren recalled her outing with Elain to her and
Rhys. It was evident to everybody that Elain was…unhinged, but she had never
realised the extent. Now that Amren told them of the dead nothing behind her
sister’s eyes a pang of guilt ran through Feyre, she should have noticed,
should have helped sooner.
“I need to tell Lucien.” Feyre told them in a tired voice. “He needs to leave
her alone first, before she can commit to anything else.”
Amren and Rhysand nodded their agreement. Sadness had coated Rhys’ perfect
features as he listened to Amren explain just how deep Elain’s sadness went and
just how deep Azriel’s demons were rooted. Centuries, it had been centuries
that Rhys had known him and he was still no closer to understand the beings
that haunt Azriel than he had been the day they met.
“I’ll write to the Autumn Court.” He eventually said. “I’ll ask for a visit.
Lucien will always welcome you Feyre. And in the meantime, I’ll seek guidance
from the Suriel.”
Feyre arched an eyebrow at her mate, a disbelieving smile ghosted on her mouth.
“You’re actually going back to it? After the terrible advice it gave you?”
Amren snorted. “Girl, terrible doesn’t even begin to describe the plans those
two idiots hatched up together.”
Rhys opened his mouth to protest but one sharp look from his second had him
biting his tongue.
“I’ll write to Lucien before I go.” He promised Feyre, kissing her on the head
gently as he began for the door.
“Go where?” She asked with narrowed eyes.
“It’s the full moon tonight and I have a progress meeting to attend.”
Feyre let out a deep low groan that had Amren cackling to herself once more.
With a conspiratorial wink at them both Rhys departed for his ridiculous
A/N: Despite what the request says this is still a gender neutral fic my lovelies! :) Requests, comments, and questions are accepted as always. I love you all, thanks so much! 2 more followers and then I hit my first 100. Thank you!!! The past month has been amazing, and I’ve loved writing fanfic for you guys! You’re the best.
Anonymous said: Hi!! Could I get an imagine where the reader is a YouTuber and Frank or Brendon (you choose) is a huge fan of her, they meet after a concer and he asks her out?? :D
You sat on the couch of the dressing room, tapping your foot nervously, anticipating the moment when your lifelong idol and celebrity crush would walk into the room. Sure, you were almost just as famous as he was, almost, but to you, he still seemed like a thousand levels higher. You grew up listening to all the Panic! At The Disco songs. They were the band that helped you survive middle school and high school, and to think that you’d be in the presence of Brendon Urie, the actual singer and front man of your favorite band, it blew your mind. You had met him online through some DM’s on Twitter, and you texted each other, even had a video talk, and Brendon decided to send you some free tickets for some of his upcoming shows in hopes that you could make it and you two could meet and hang out later. It felt surreal.
That day you had called Brendon a couple hours before he went on stage, and he had explained to you where to go and what to do in order to find him. Zach, who you had seen in a million backstage videos and Brendon periscopes, had introduced himself to you and showed you to the dressing room, sitting you down on the couch until Brendon came out from his shower. You had agreed upon walking to a little music shop Brendon had scouted out earlier, a place where he had told you he had bought one of his favorite guitars. You were lost in thought when the door swung open and Brendon’s eyes met yours, and your heart leapt. This was really happening.
“Nice to finally see you in person,” Brendon smiled as he dried his hair off with a towel, setting it down on the ground and giving you a hug. “I’ve heard a lot about you.”
“Looks who’s talking,” you smirked, both of you walking out the door and down the sidewalk.
“I’ve watched a couple of your YouTube videos,” he chuckled. “You’re pretty cute.”
“Cute? More like embarrassing,” you rolled your eyes. “They find it humorous when I humiliate myself.”
“Stuffing marshmallows in your mouth is humiliating?” Brendon raised his eyebrows. “Ha, remind me what humiliation means the next time you get so drunk you take your pants off on stage.”
“Well that’s actually sort of hot,” you admitted. “A marshmallow filled mouth? I don’t think it even comes close.”
“You’re too humbling,” Brendon laughed. “I think you’re great.”
“Same,” you grinned. “I’ve been listening to your music for forever.”
“Forever is a really long time,” he reminded. “That’s almost fucking eternity, you know. I don’t think my band’s even been around that long.”
“You know what I meant silly,” you gave him a playful jab in the arm.
“You hit like a girl,” he teased. “No offense to girls.”
“You sing like a girl,” you joked. “Hitting those high notes and that falsetto.”
“Really now? I never noticed! Oh my gosh,” Brendon responded, doing his best Valley Girl impression, which made you giggle. You had seen him do it so many times in his Periscopes, and even sometimes on stage.
“The show was great by the way,” you added. “I loved it.”
“Was it worth the price?” he raised an eyebrow.
“You gave me tickets for free,” you laughed. “Remember?”
“Fuck, I love it when you laugh,” Brendon sighed happily. His eyes grew wide after he realized he had just said that aloud, and it only made you laugh more. “Damn, I didn’t think-”
“No, haha,” you regained composure. “It’s fine. I love your smile.”
“Really now?” he flashed a toothy grin.
“Not like that,” you rolled your eyes.
“You sure?” he insisted between his teeth.
“Better quit it or I’ll start calling you Beebo,” you playfully threatened.
“Because heaven forbid anyone call me that!” Brendon gasped. You both burst out into laughter as you neared the music shop.
“So this is the place, huh?” you wondered as he opened the door and ushered you in.
“Yup, the one and only,” he grinned. “Damn, it’s been forever since I’ve been in here.”
“You know, forever is a really long fucking time,” you reminded.
“Shut up,” he rolled his eyes. He slyly reached for your arm, holding your hand as you walked down the aisles, and you stayed silent, but bursting with joy that he would be so kind as to show that sign of affection. You knew Brendon could be flirty, but you never knew he was this romantic.
“Look, I see a Sinatra vinyl,” you hinted, pointing towards a copy of one of Brendon’s favorite albums.
“I think I spot a Weezer one too,” Brendon added excitedly. You both drifted off to that corner of the shop and released the hand holding, so that you could pick up a Death of a Bachelor vinyl.
“You see this?” you smiled. “You’re right up there with them, Brendon.”
“That’s insane,” he laughed. “I never thought I’d live to see the day.”
“It’s right there beside them,” you pointed out. “Look at you, Mr. Accomplishment.”
“Ah, you’re not too shabby yourself,” Brendon reassured. “You’ll be up there on the internet hall of fame one day. I know it.”
“Nah,” you shook your head. “I think I’ll be one of those old celebrities in the magazine showing how much I’ve aged or something like that.”
“Whatever,” Brendon chuckled.
You walked over to the guitars and picked one up, handing it to Brendon. It was a lovely acoustic, and Brendon just looked at it and smiled. “Play something,” you begged. “I want to hear you.”
“You just did? Remember? About an hour ago?” Brendon reminded.
“No, I mean just you and me,” you persisted. “Right here, right now.”
“If you insist,” Brendon sighed, sitting down on a stool and strumming a couple chords. “Oh shit, what do I even sing?”
“Jesus loves me more than he loves you,” you joked.
“Oh I think that’s going to be featured on our next album,” Brendon teased. “You’re not allowed to tell anyone yet. It’s going to be the second single after Pirate Love.”
“That one you wrote with Kenny?” you giggled.
“That’s the one,” Brendon nodded. “Swab my deck!”
“Brendon!” you squealed.
“I’m just playing around,” he reassured. He strummed a couple chords and then hummed, starting to sing. It sounded familiar, but it wasn’t until he sang the first few words did it register what song it was. “I’m just setting, I’m just setting a trap. And I’m not pulling, no, I’m not pulling for ya-”
“You’re just pulling at me,” you chimed in.
“I’m not a betting man, but this is a sure thing,” you both grinned as you sang the words together. “Bababadadadadabababadada, I’ve been to Tokyo and to South Africa…”
“So many places,” you laughed.
“That you might say I’ve seen it all,” Brendon gave a goofy face.
“But my favorite place is the warm embrace, of holding your hair back in a bathroom stall,” you both sang out the lyrics playfully. “Everything I do is bittersweet, you could tell me secrets that I’ll probably repeat, I’m not trying to hurt you, I just love to speak, it feels like we’re pulling teeth. So bittersweet…” Brendon strummed a couple elaborate chords and you both laughed, until he put the guitar down.
“So you know all the words,” he smiled. “I like that.”
“I love that song,” you sighed. “Vices and Virtues bonus tracks are literally the best.”
“That’s what they all say,” Brendon smirked.
“So, any bonus tracks for Death of a Bachelor?” you raised your eyebrows, hoping to possibly pry some information out of him.
“I already fucking told you y/n, you’re not allowed to ask anymore questions about the new Beyoncé collaboration,” he groaned playfully. “That’s strictly between Queen Bey and me, got it?”
“You’re such a dork,” you giggled.
“Is that a good thing?” he wondered.
“It’s amazing,” you reassured, and almost instinctively, you gave him a quick peck on the cheek. He bit his lip trying to suppress a smile, and you skipped over to the rack of CD’s, pretending nothing had happened. An employee who was restocking some of them looked at you.
“Were you the one with the lovely voice?” he wondered.
“Nah, that would be Brendon over there,” you explained. “He’s the singer.”
“You didn’t sound too terrible yourself,” the man reassured.
“You’re too kind,” you blushed.
“Hey y/n,” Brendon snapped. You turned around, surprised at the sudden sharpness of Brendon’s voice. “Let’s go, we’ve got dinner reservations.”
“We do?” you inquired.
“Yes, we do, so let’s get going,” Brendon insisted. He tugged on your arm and basically dragged you out of the store, until you reached the corner and he finally let go.
“What the hell was that all about?” you asked.
That’s when Brendon kissed you, right then and there, his lips pressed up to yours, and when he pulled away, he left you stunned. “I didn’t like the way that man was hitting on you,” Brendon shrugged. “You’re mine.”
“Am I now?” you smirked.
“If uh, you’re okay with that,” he double checked.
“You little dork,” you kissed him on the lips quickly. “You’re too adorable, Brendon.”
“Nah, you’d beat me any day,” Brendon shook his head.
“So I believe there were mentions of dinner reservations?” you reminded.
“If you’re up for it,” he shrugged.
“I’m up for anything,” you grinned. “As long as you’ll be there.”
“Are you saying yes to a date with the biggest dork ever?” Brendon wondered.
“Yes I am,” you nodded. “I wouldn’t miss it for the world.”
Shot on Medium format film. Each printed at 20"x20" on Lustre paper.
This is a series i’ve been working on, photographing women and trans gender individuals that are straight edge. These are the first 15 portraits i’ve shot over the last 3 months. I want it to be an on-going series so I can shoot more people from interstate. Some, if not, all of these images might be in an exhibition coming up at The Tote in Melbourne on December 6th that will be accompanied by a screening of the Punk Singer! More details to comeeeee
My Brother’s Best Friend! (Brendon Urie/Josh Dun Imagine)
Requested by anon!
Sigh, I don’t even know what the hell the time is right now, but according to my clock that is currently sitting on my nightstand it is a quarter passed (Y/N) go to sleep already!! But unfortunately, that is pretty much mission impossible for me at the moment. You want to know why? Well, you probably don’t, in fact you probably have something much more better to do than to hear me bitch about this amazingly gorgeous rock star that is sleeping under the same roof as me as we speak, and how I am going completely nuts because I have feelings for him, strong feelings actually, I mean why even try to hide it right? You know what? I apologize, but I’m gonna go ahead and ramble on anyway, because obviously keeping all of this bottled up inside of me and tossing and turning like a idiot in bed clearly isn’t helping me in this situation.
Alright, where do I even begin? I guess I’ll start off with his name, which would be the obvious thing to do…. His name is Brendon, that’s right, I’m talking about THE Brendon Urie from Panic! At the Disco! One of the most awesome bands in the world which is also personally my number one favourite, I can assure anybody that I know every single song of theirs by heart. And now that his awesome name is out there in the open, I’m pretty certain absolutely NOBODY can blame me for feeling this way.
Now you might be wondering how someone as sexy, funny, and down to Earth guy as Brendon is in my house…just down the hall from my bedroom may I quickly add… The answer to that question is quite simple, when you have a rock star BROTHER who so happens to be a world famous drummer for an amazing band called 21 Pilots, it’s pretty much easy to meet very important and amazing people. And the way I met this very important man, I will truly never forget… I feel like it was only yesterday when Josh, whom I like to consider more of my twin than my older brother because we are too much alike, came home from his big tour with Tyler, that featured Brendon’s band….
I had gotten a call the previous night from Tyler saying that they were on their way home, that they did their very last show from their almost year long tour and it was the biggest one yet, and as always he started going into detail with me about how epic it was, I swear I consider Tyler to be the second brother that I always wanted, well he sure as hell acts like it overall but I actually love it, he’s more understanding than Josh that’s for sure, Josh could get so overprotective with me almost all the time and it really gets under my skin. Although I couldn’t help but feel so much excitment in hearing the awesome news, lord knows I almost never get to see these guys, sure sometimes they would take me to their shows and I would watch them in action from back stage, but that’s only if they’re playing in our hometown, I often wish that I could go on tour with them, just being able to go to different cities all around the world sounds like the biggest dream come true, but unfortunately with Josh I would not have the greatest time anyway. He would be too busy the entire time watching out for boys talking to me and trying to get me to go out with them, and telling them “Hey, take your peverted ass somewhere else!”
Don’t get me wrong now, I love my blood so much, I would actually take a bullet for that guy, but sometimes I just seriously want to kick him in the balls so hard that he ends up turning into my sister. Anyways, I don’t want to waste too much time just ranting about him, let me cut to when I actually got the honor to meet Brendon. The time was approximately four thirty in the morning when I heard the loud knocking on my front door, no joke I jumped out of bed even though I was deeply half asleep and pretty much stumbled everywhere as if I had one too many, including being the clutz that I was born to be and hitting my face on the doorframe like an idiot. Thankfully that helped me fully wake up though and I made it down the stairs without getting badly injured. “Oh my God Joshy!! I missed you!!” I squealed as I ran to the door, but when I opened it, the man standing on the other side was certainly not my bro… “Hi there.” Brendon nicely greeted as soon as his eyes caught sight of me, standing with his luggages beside him.
I cannot even begin to describe how heavenly he looked, the way he was standing perfectly tall, enough to make my neck hurt from looking up so much. And also the sexy scent of that cologne of his he was giving off, not to mention his forehead, I know a lot of people make fun of it but I actually find it to be cute and it was a hell of a lot cuter in person. He was dressed pretty casual of course but he still looked stunning in my eyes. At this point I really couldn’t tell if I was dreaming or not, but I must’ve had a stupid look upon my face because I instantely snapped myself back into reality at the sound of a chuckle comming out of him.
“Um…(Y/N)? Right?” He asked with an adorable smile. “What? OH! Yeah yeah, that’s me, wow…holy shit…Brendon Urie?!…Uh I’m so sorry if this sounds rude but what the hell are YOU doing here?!” I asked, a huge grin appearing on me. “Hahaha, I’m guessing your brother didn’t tell you?” “Tell me what?” I quizzed, but before he could answer Josh came into the picture. “(Y/N)!! Hey!” He cheered, but I was too concentrated on the angel standing in front of me to even pay attention. “Well shit…” I heard him mutter and once again, I snapped myself back into reality. “Hm? Oh crap!! Josh!!” “Yeah that’s more like it!” He exclaims with slight laugter as I give him a huge hug. “I missed you bro!” “Missed you too brat, I see you’ve met Brendon.” Once again my eyes land on him and this time I try my best not to allow myself be hypnotized by his radiant beauty.
“Yeah….w-we met…hi again Brendon.” I beamed. “Hi again (Y/N).” He played along. “Yeah my bud here is gonna be staying with us for a few weeks before he flies out for his next performance.” “I’m sorry did….did you just use stay here and weeks in the same sentence?” I asked, feeling like I was gonna have a heart attack right then and there. “Yes, I did, whyyy?” Josh pressed in a radther curious tone. I rolled my eyes and punched his arm… “Dude! What do you mean why?! You know how much of a fan I am of this guy!” I squealed, smacking my hands together for a happy clap. “Are you really?” Brendon chimed in. “Hell yeah! I especially loved you as a demon for that one music video for Emperor’s New Clothes!! Seriously bravo! That’s like one of my all time favourite Panic songs! How does it go again? Oh yeah! I’m taking back the croowwwwn!!” I began to sing, I was about to stop immediately in fear of looking stupid in front of my favourite singer of all time, but to my shocking, tit twitching surprise, he actually sang along with me…. “I’m all dressed up and naked!! I see what’s mine and take it!!” “Finders keepers!! Losers weepers!!” I playfully add. “Oooooohh yeaaaah!!” He sang loudly, causing my mouth to drop, his voice honestly sounds ten times more beautiful up close in person.
I couldn’t even sing along anymore… Josh had to go ahead and ruin everything though by interrupting him with a pat on the shoulder. “Hey man, first of all it’s late and I have neighbors, second, you just came from doing a night long performance you should be on vocal rest.” “Fun sucker.” I glared, earning myself his middle finger. “Right, sorry bro.” Brendon sweetly apologized, shyly looking down and I could’ve sworn his eyes looked back up to stare at me for a couple of minutes, although it was a little dark to tell. But seriously from that little moment we had, I could tell that having him under my roof for the next couple of weeks was going to be awesome. “So (Y/N), I’m gonna help him carry his stuff in, you prepare the guest bedroom. We are gonna catch up on as much sleep as possible.” “Sure thing.” I assured, running upstairs to clean up a little in the room Brendon was going to be sleeping in. Only moments later as I was still doing that, I heard footsteps comming down the hallway. I was done preparing the room anyway so I stepped out, only to be a clutz again and bump into Brendon, causing him to drop his stuff and make a loud noise. “Shit! Brendon I am so so sorry, ugh why does that always have to happen to me?” I whined. “It’s okay don’t worry about it, it’s not like you meant to do that…right?” “Of course!” I promised, helping him bring everything inside.
“(Y/N) did you kill Brendon?!” Josh called out from the living room. “Ha ha dumbass.” I huffed, rolling my eyes once more. “You guys are pretty funny.” He complimented. “Not even, just natrual brother sister crap.” “Right. You know Josh has shown me a lot of pictures of you during tour.” “Oh God don’t tell me he showed you the one where I had chicken pox and he played connect the dots with me…” I pleaded, genuine fear evident in my face. “Um….no…more recent ones like from your instagram.” “Oh…” Was all I could manage to say, way to go (Y/N)… “Did he really?” “Yeah, I can tell you guys have a really close relationship, I think that’s pretty cool, and he also told me that you want to be a singer?” I felt my cheeks go red in less than a second at the mention of my life’s dream… “He’s such a big mouth, but yes…I do want to be a singer, him and Tyler have inspired me a lot to just go out there and show the world my talent. I never thought that these guys would be as big as they are now, it still shocks me.”
“Oh yeah they’re truly amazing, but I bet you are too, I would love to hear you sometime.” “Well…technically you just did, like a minute ago downstairs.” I pointed with my thumb behind me. “True but you really held back, I want to hear you go all out.” I couldn’t help but smile a little at his sweetness, especially because he kept smiling himself everytime he got a sentence out to me. “R-Really?…” “Of course.” Just then Josh came inside with the last of his luggage. “Alright man here are the rest of your things, you know how the saying goes, mi casa su casa, so make yourself comfortable and have a good sleep, (Y/N), quit bothering him and get your butt to sleep too, you’re starting to get crow’s feet as we speak.” “Shut it asshole!” I glared at him again, back handing his stomach. “Hehe it’s okay man she’s not bothering me at all, in fact you interrupted our nice conversation.” Brendon playfully stated. “Hey now I’m just trying to save you from having nightmares.” Josh said, motioning to me, and I gave him an even harder smack for that. “Ow!”
“Don’t be mean to your sister.” He tells him. “Yeah don’t be mean to your sister!” I gladly repeated. “You know that I’m just joking (Y/N), don’t start getting all sensitive on me now, besides, I really did miss you brat.” He says, side hugging me and roughing up my already messy hair. “I missed you too idiot.” I assured, fully hugging him this time. “Good, well my ass is gonna go to bed now I’m tired as hell, you guys have a good night.” Joshua yawned, waving goodbye at both of us. “Goodnight, and thanks again for letting me crash here man, although I could’ve just stayed at a hotel or something.” Brendon pointed out, high fiving my brother. “Dude no, I wasn’t gonna let you do that, and no need to thank me I’m happy to open my doors for you.” So am I brother….so am I…. Brendon thanked him once more before he finally left us alone again.
For a minute I began to picture this moment like those sappy love movie scenes where as soon as the two people who are secretly in love with each other are alone again, they start making out like crazy and even start to take each other’s clothes off. I know I sound completely insane because him and I had literally just met moments ago but hey now, a girl can still fantasize all she wants. But I should really get to my room before I jump on him without me even knowing it. “Okay uh…I should go back to sleep now so, yeah have a good night, and it was really nice meeting you Brendon.” I said, taking steps towards the open door. “Wait!” He quickly called out, and of course I turned around to face him. “What’s up?” “Are you gonna keep your promise?” “Hm? What promise?” I slightly laugh. “That you’re going to sing for me.” He smirks, good lord, smirking really suits him well. “Hold up, I never once said I promise to sing for you.” “Now you did.” He grinned like the devil himself.
My mouth almost literally dropped to the floor, wow, he’s good I must say… “Smooth.” I compliment with squinted eyes. All he did was chuckle in response and finished with a… “Goodnight (Y/N)…” I don’t know if it’s just me but it seems to me like he loves to say my name a lot. “Night Brendon, oh and I’m sorry I so don’t look like my instagram pictures right now.” I tell him, seriously if you could see just how much of a wreck I looked that night, it just makes me want to facepalm myself a thousand times. “It’s okay, you actually look better.” I couldn’t find the right words to say to him other than a simple thank you, his words really touched me and made me feel major butterflies form in my tummy, was he really flirting with me? Was all I could think of over and over. Obviously it was extremely hard for me to believe because of who he is, I mean sure I’m Joshua Dun’s younger sister, but that’s it. “Are you joking?” I accidently blurted out, but then I was happy to have asked that because of his answer… “Not at all, you’re prettier in person, trust me.”
“Well…wow thanks that’s really sweet of you…” “What can I say? I’m a really honest guy.” He shrugged, grabbing one of his suit cases and began unpacking. I just gave him a shy smile and walked away into the hallway, down to my bedroom. It was very safe to say that I went to sleep with probably the brightest smile of my life that night, and little did I know that that wasn’t going to be the only time Brendon would make me smile so hard meanwhile he became our handsome temporary roommate.
For the next four or five weeks or so, how can I describe them really? They were the absolute BEST weeks of my life, Brendon was just what this house was missing all along, he would take Josh and I out to the most amazing places we didn’t even know this city had, there was never a dull moment because of his great sense of humor and goofy personality, but what started getting to me the most was the way he was with me whenever Josh wasn’t in the house. Don’t dare begin to think wrongly of him now, Brendon in no way would try to get all touchy and disrespect me, not at all. In fact, he would be the sweetest soul in the world, and the more days he spent with us here the closer the two of us became. I started to feel like I could be so open with him, and he was seriously the best listener on Earth. He also knew exactly how to make me smile whenever my brother and I would have a fight and it left me feeling down in the dumps. Soon, I even began to see Brendon more as a person, not just a famous band singer, and I was loving the fact that I was getting to know him more and more on a deeper, more personal level.
But it also led me to develop some really emotional feelings of love for him. I know it was very much obvious from the start that I was head over heels for him, but now that I think about it, those feelings were just nothing more than a fangirl crush. Now that I know him this way, I would really want to be a in a true connecting relationship with Brendon. And if I’m not mistaking, he kind of feels the same way for me…I mean I really don’t want to get my hopes up high either, but I can easily tell when a guy is truly feeling a girl, and Brendon is surely showing signs of that with me. It might sound just a wee bit crazy because it’s only been a few weeks, but this close bond that we share makes me certain about how my heart beats loudly like a drum for him, that I can never deny even if I wanted to. He’s just so amazing and beautiful inside and out. He’s for sure everything that I ever wanted in a man. Plus I love playing with that great hair of his very much.
Well, besides all the amazing weeks I got to spend with him, absolutely nothing could prepare me for what happened just this morning….
I had gone out to the grocery store since since it was my turn to make dinner tonight, big surprise there since fucking Josh burned the food he was trying to make the night before. We didn’t even know what it was, hell, my brother himself didn’t even know what it was. So of course, I volunteered to save our stomachs some food poisoning, I just hope that Brendon likes what I’m going to cook. Right as I was putting away everything in it’s place in the kitchen I heard his angelic voice call out to me… “(Y/N)?! Is that you?!” “Yeah it’s me Beebo what’s up?!” I yelled in return. “Is Josh down there too?!” “No! Just me!” I answered. “Oh! Can you come up here for a moment?!” My brows furrowed for a bit, and I couldn’t help but feel a little nervous, I swear if I find him naked on his bed with rose petals spread all around…I’m not gonna hold back…just kidding….maybe not.
“Comming!” I notified, placing a few more things away before going upstairs to the guest room. Unfortunately my fantasy didn’t come true, he was just sitting on his bed with a small keyboard in his hand and a few crumpled up pieces of blank papers all over the floor. “Hey, come on in, crap, sorry for the mess I’ll promise I’ll clean it up.” “Don’t even worry, Josh’s room looks like a damn cave with weird undiscovered creatures inside.” He chuckled and cleared the chair he was resting his foot on, then patted the seat signaling me to sit. “So what are you busy with here?” “I wrote a new song, and I wanted to show you, tell me what you think okay? I really need an honest opinion.” I nodded in agreement and got comfortable, as he began to play his little keyboard which looked super adorable by the way, the melody was already sounding amazing. But it really hit home when he began to sing the words that were beautifully put together.
I was so lost in his talented voice, and it made me feel so special that I was the very first person to hear this new track, live. Our eyes were locked the entire time, this had to be the most romanitc moment him and I shared, I didn’t even realize that the song was long over… “(Y/N)?…(Y/N)!” He laughed, waving his hand in my face to bring me back. “Huh? My bad…” “Soooo? What do you think? It wasn’t stupid was it?” “What? Brendon no that was completely breath taking, in fact I think I have a new favourite panic song. It was amazing believe me.” I smiled. He also beamed very thankfully… “I’m very happy you think so. You know you never fullfilled your promise.” “What are you….oh…right…” I giggled. “I think now would be the perfect time.”
“Look man….I know I said I wanted to be a singer but my shyness is bigger than my confidence.” I couldn’t help but let in a small gasp when he grabbed a hold of my hand… “(Y/N), you might not believe this but I was just like you, I was so scared and I had the biggest fear of performing in front of atleast one person. But in all my time as a singer I’ve learned that you are never going to really enjoy life if you allow fear to hold you down all the time. Now come on, you can do this. What other song of ours do you like besides Emperor’s New Clothes?” He questions. “Hmm….I always did love to do covers of This is Gospel.” I replied. “Good, that’s awesome! Go with that. Here I’ll even play it for you here.” “No!” I blurted out. “You want to go acapella?” Brendon asks. “It’s not that it’s just…I don’t know why you holding my hand would make me feel more comfortable singing…” I hesitantly confessed.
But Brendon, as I have mentioned, being the nicest guy ever, he lovingly held my hand securely in his with an assuring smile. “Better?” All I could do was nodd and clear my throat… “Okay…one…two…three..go..” “This is gospel for the fallen ones, locked away in permanent slumber….” I began to sing, truthfully I did hold back a bit, but then as I sang more of the song I started to get really into it. Although I was having fun whaling my heart out, my cheeks were burning like crazy as I saw Brendon grinning brightly, but even more when I saw how dangerously close his face was getting to mine. “Cause these words are knives that often leave scars, the fear of falling apart, and truth be told I never was yours…the fear, the fear of falling apart…” I trailed off, witnessing how our lips were just mere inches away from each other.
“Beebo?…” I softly muttered… And his response was pressing his lips against mine, I felt such a fire inside of me, I couldn’t believe that he was actually kissing me, his beautiful tastey plump lips felt sensational upon mine. I don’t even remember how long the kiss lasted, but all I knew at that time, was that I never wanted it to end. When we finally got the strength to lean away from each other, with our eyes slowly opening, things were quiet, but then I got the courage to speak up… “Brendon…w-what was that all about?…” “God I’m so sorry (Y/N)…I just…I’ve been wanting to do that for some time now…but I’m sorry I should’ve asked first.” He says, looking down, once more I grabbed his hand and made him lock eyes with me again. “No no, don’t be sorry…I’m actually happy that you kissed me.” “You are?” “Yeah, Brendon ever since you came here and, I got the pleasure of getting to know you more over time, well, I really like you.” I tell him. “You have no idea how happy I am to know that, I really like you too…” He chuckled.
“Then kiss me again please.” I softly murmured. Now I was feeling like I was in a sappy love movie scene. I saw how his bottom lip was taken in between his teeth with a smirk while he slowly leaned in and kissed me again. Now that I knew for certain that he was into me like I am into him, I embraced our little make out session…until unfortunately… “What’s going on here?” We both heard a voice sternly inqure behind us. We quickly leaned away from each other and sure enough my brother was standing in the doorway, and the expression he had was very unpleasant, I felt like I was in for the embarassment of a lifetime. “Josh-” I began but he cut me off in less than a micro second. “Hey man! Just because I invite you to crash here doesn’t mean you’re allowed to hit on my sister!!” He yelled, slightly pushing me to the side.
“I wasn’t hitting on her!! I’m sorry but it’s more than that! I really like (Y/N) and she really likes me.” “Well guess what Brendon?! I don’t want my little sister dating a rock star! I already know how much of heartbreakers you guys are! So (Y/N)! You stay away from him! And you! You pack your shit and leave tomorrow!” Josh yelled. “Excuse me?! But what about what I want?! You may be my family Josh but you’re not the boss of me! And you especially don’t get to run my love life!” I spoke up. “Look I know what I’m doing!” He claimed. “If that’s making your little sister miserable! Then good job jackass!” I shot. “Shut up!! You’re not gonna be with him and that’s final!” “Don’t talk to her like that!! And how dare you accuse me of being a heartbreaker?! I thought we were cooler than that Josh! I thought you knew me better!” Brendon stepped in. “Dude I’ve known you for half a year!” “Wow…well It only took a couple of minutes to really know YOU.” He death glared.
“Alright look!” I announced, both of them glancing at me. “Brendon I really like you, I meant it when I said that, but I don’t wanna be the cause of your friendship being ruined, so you know what? Let’s just pretend that none of this ever happened, that way everybody is happy!!…. except for me…” I halfway whispered at the end and walked away to lock myself in my bedroom before they could even respond to me. I heard them calling my name but I just wanted to be alone….
*END OF FLASHBACK*
And that is how I am where I am now, I’ve literally stayed locked in here the entire day up until now that it’s way passed midnight. This is why I said from the start that my brother really gets under my skin with his overprotection. Obviously the only time I would get out of my room was for the bathroom, both Brendon and Josh would come and knock on my door to try and talk to me, but I knew I was going to explode with anger and tears so I kept on ignoring like if they weren’t in the house. A heavy sigh released itself from me in frustration to know that I have to go to the bathroom yet again. Hopefully these two are deep asleep right now and not trying to rip each other’s heads off. I got up off my bed and walked to open the door, when I stepped into the hallway I saw Brendon with his packed up luggages, exiting the guest room, he was all dressed up and ready to go from what it seemed. Seeing that made my heart shatter and my eyes water almost instantely…. “Brendon…” I loudly whispered, immediately he looked up and stood almost frozen. “(Y/N)…what are you doing up at this time?”
“I was getting up to go to the bathroom…are you leaving?…” I fearfully question, my voice trembling at the end. “Yeah…I am…I have to go.” “What? No you don’t! I don’t want you to go!” I truthfully said, raising my voice slightly. “But your brother does…” “Who cares what the fuck my brother wants! He clearly doesn’t care about what I want!” He looked as if he ran out of what to say to me, but I see the sadness in his eyes, I know he didn’t want to leave either, he was just forcing himself to. “Hey listen I am so sorry for ignoring you the whole day but Josh got me really upset and….just please don’t go Brendon! Please! Don’t leave me yet!” I begged, running right towards him and wrapping my arms around his waist. As soon as he held me back in a tight and loving embrace, I allowed my tears to fully run down my face, quiet but also loud sobs escaping me as well.
“I don’t want to leave you (Y/N), trust me baby if it were up to me I would stay and be with you as your boyfriend. But I can’t….” “Son of a bitch….” We heard Josh’s voice sigh one more time behind us. I leaned away and gave him the biggest death stare of his life… “I hope you’re happy Joshua.” “(Y/N)-” “No!! You’re gonna listen to ME this time! Brendon and I are gonna be together whether you like it or not!!” “(Y/N)-” “And no matter how much you BITCH about it it’s not gonna stop us!!” “(Y/N)-” “And you know what else?!-” “Shut up brat!! Let me talk!! Geez! You’re worse than mom when you get heated! I feel sorry for your future gremlines that you’re gonna call your children! Now keep it zipped for one moment and hear me out!” He yelled.
Brendon took a hold of my hand and gave it a gentle squeeze to relax me. I took a really deep breath and persuade him to go on… “I’m sorry for the way I reacted earlier okay? I’ve been giving it some really deep thought the whole day and…you’re right I shouldn’t get to run your love life. I should be able to just trust you in making the right choices. And I hate to admit it but, Brendon is a really nice guy, I know he wont break your heart because I’ve seen the way he treats you from the time he’s been here with us. I’m sorry for being a jackass sometimes with you but you’re my little sister, just like dad would always say to you, no guy is ever gonna be good enough for you.”
More tears came down my face, but this time they were tears of happiness. This is also why earlier I said, that I would take a bullet for this guy, I really would. I ran up to him and gave him a bear hug… “Thanks bro.” “Yeah yeah, now get away from me.” Josh joked, playfully shoving my head which I did back. “Thank you Josh.” Brendon tells him, also approaching him and giving him a handshake. “No problem dude, and you don’t have to leave so put your stuff back in your room. You can stay here until you really have to go. BUT! If the two of you are really gonna be together, I’m gonna lay down just a few rules!” My brother sternly states, pointing his index finger at us. We both took a deep breath, and waited for him to hit us with all the strictness he has.
“Okay what are they?…” I lightly pressed. “First of all, no making out in front of me! No PDA whats so EVER in front of me. Or I will kill both of you in your sleep!” “Sounds fair.” Brendon slightly laughed, and eventually I agreed as well, although it’s gonna be hard. “Alright, second! If you guys are gonna do the dirty-” “Joshua!” I scolded, I don’t ever want my brother even thinking about that with us! Doesn’t mean it’s not gonna happen though just saying. “Wait I want to hear this.” My new boyfriend smirked. “Watch it Urie.” Josh warned, making his sexy smirk dissapear. “As I was saying, if you guys are gonna do the dirty it has to be OUTSIDE of this house! And I’m gonna be able to tell if you did because I’m the one who does laundry here! Understand?” “Yeah yeah.” I roll my eyes. “And lastly, you sleep in your own bedrooms every night.” “But-” “Period!!”
We both huffed and slowly nodded in hesitation to agree with his stupid little rules. “Got it.” We said in unison. “Okay, now can we please get some sleep while the moon is still up? Goodnight.” “Goodnight Joshy.” I replied. As soon as he was out of sight I pulled my man’s shirt down and kissed him. He deepened the kiss a little and then peppered my face in pecks that made me giggle. “So I guess we’re official now huh?” He beamed. “I guess we are, see you in the morning boyfriend.” I grinned. Brendon pecked my lips once more and them my cheek. “Goodnight, my beautiful girlfriend.” We went ahead back inside our rooms, atleast now I’m returning to bed with a huge smile on my face that makes my cheeks surely be sore when I wake up. I grab my pillow and hug it tight as my eyes slowly drifted off to sleep, but then I wake up in a realization that…
I still need to go to the bathroom….
(Hopefully I did a good job on this and this is what the anon who requested this had in mind ✨) -YessyLove🌶
On this day in music history: April 23, 1983 - “Come On Eileen” by Dexys Midnight Runners hits #1 on the Billboard Hot 100 for 1 week. Written by Kevin Adams, Jimmy Patterson and Kevin Rowland, it is the biggest hit for the Birmingham, UK based pop band fronted by lead singer Kevin Rowland. The Celtic influenced pop song is influenced by remembrances of Kevin Rowland’s childhood girlfriend, and how the nature of their relationship changed while growing up together. Born into a very religious Irish Catholic family, Rowland often felt guilt and ambivalence over how his feelings for his girlfriend had evolved from purely platonic to being more sexual in nature. The songs memorable music video filmed in the Kennington district of South London is directed by Julien Temple (“The Great Rock N’ Roll Swindle”, “Absolute Beginners”) and features Máire Fahey (also pictured on the single sleeve), the sister of Siohban Fahey of Bananarama and Shakespeare’s Sister as lead singer Kevin Rowland’s girlfriend “Eileen”. Released in the UK first in the Summer of 1982, it is an immediate hit rocketing straight to number one spending four weeks at the top. The single is released in the US five months later in December of 1982. Entering the Hot 100 at #79 on January 22, 1983, it climbs to the top of the chart thirteen weeks later. Regarded as one of the quintessential songs of the 80’s, “Eileen” is covered by Save Ferris in 1994, with the original version being featured in the films “Tommy Boy”, “Get Him To The Greek” and “The Perks Of Being A Wallflower”. “Come On Eileen” is certified Gold in the US by the RIAA.
So I know this won’t get as much attention as High Tensions cos it’s an OC and for some reason tumblr hates OC’s but I implore you to give it a chance. And if you read it, please leave love!
Music features very heavily in this story as well hence the title.
Spencer sat at the bar nursing his third whiskey, the amber liquid mixing with the almost melted ice.
He didn’t particularly want to be here but then again he didn’t particularly want to be anywhere right now. He’d come here on a whim, having entered his apartment three hours ago and suddenly feeling so sick and tired of seeing the same walls. Sick and tired of being alone with his own thoughts.
He knew he could have gone to JJ’s or Derek’s , or even Penelope’s but he couldn’t cope with their sympathetic glances, them trying to touch him, hug him, anything to bring him out of himself. Rossi had been the only one he’d actually spoke to about his feelings, and even that was a while ago.
Sure he was coping okay when he was at the BAU. He knew how to put on a brave face, and he wasn’t letting his mental state affect his work. But he made excuses every time the team invited him out. The first few months they’d understood but now it seemed that they were almost annoyed with him for not wanting their company. JJ had knocked on his apartment door only a few weeks ago, calling his phone when he didn’t answer. He knew she knew he was home. And he felt terrible about hurting her feelings but he just didn’t want to talk to anyone about it. No one understood how he was feeling. The only person he thought would understand was gone.
Tonight, it finally got too much for him. So he went out in hope of a distraction. No, not that kind of distraction. That was the last thing on his mind. Hell, when he couldn’t even stand to let his closest friends show any physical affection towards him, there was no way he was ready for that.
He just wanted something to take his mind off it. Something to distract him from the images that crept into his head. The scenarios of the time they should have had together. What should have and could have been. And now, never would.
So he’d wandered the streets until he’d seen a sign for a small dive bar, The Notes Of The Wind. A chalkboard on the pavement outside advertising live music. He’d walked down the short alley to get to the door, the doorman eyeing him up carefully before moving aside to let him in. He’d paid the small cover fee and entered the bar area. A small stage with a DJ booth to one side. Two walls were covered in various different band posters, layered over each other. Another wall covered in polaroids, presumely of the patrons as he had spied two cameras and boxes of film behind the bar.
There was a tiny dance floor, tables and chairs surrounding it, a few booths along a wall the leather seats looking old and worn. Most of the tables and booths were taken, so he’d taken a seat at the bar ordering a beer when the bar tender had come to him. She was pretty, a young girl who looked barely old enough to drink alcohol herself let alone serve it. She’d tried to make conversation with him asking if he was waiting for friends but he’d just shaken his head, asking for a whiskey when he realised the beer wasn’t going to touch the sides.
The live musical act had already started, a couple by the looks of it. The guy was playing guitar and providing back up vocals, but the female was the main attraction. Her voice was hauntingly beautiful, pure and clear. And their song choice was interesting. Covers, but mostly of indie or rock music, all songs by bands fronted by a male singer, but now being sung by a female.
He watched feeling himself relaxing slightly and ordering another whiskey, the bar tender whose name badge had read “Ally” having to tap his arm to get his attention when she’d placed his drink down in front of him. He’d jumped at the contact having rarely allowed himself to be touched in the past eight months. She giggled at him, “She’s good isn’t she?”
Reid nodded agreeing, “Very good.” He downed his drink in one before asking for another. Ally took his money before bringing him another, this one a double. She just shrugged when he raised his eyes at the amount in the glass.
Spencer turned his attention back to the singer. As well as having a voice that reminded him of warm, melted chocolate, she was phsyically stunning. She wasn’t stick thin like most girls thought they had to be these days. Her figure was the classic hourglass, curves in all the right places and she was showing it off in a dark purple skater style dress made of crushed velvet. The neckline had a slight scoop to it, showing a hint of smooth creamy white cleavage. She wore black sheer pantyhose, her feet encased in green Doc Martins. Dark hair was worn loose, one side clipped back slightly. Her make up was simple but effective. Dark eyeliner outlining eyes that he wasn’t close enough to tell the exact colour of, and a deep plum coloured lipstick.
She scanned the crowd on a regular basis, seemingly making eye contact with each one of her fans who were all mesmerized by her. In between songs, she chatted to the crowd charming them with anecdotes and storys. She’d glanced over at Spencer a few times, him avoiding eye contact with her everytime she did.
The crowd had just applauded as the song she was singing came to an end. He’d recognised the song, although it had sounded completely different to the original. A cover of My Chemical Romance’s “The Ghost of You.”
He’d turned back to the his drink, catching the eye of Ally who looked like she was wiping a tear away. He couldn’t blame her. If he could feel any sort of emotion right now he was sure he would have welled up at the song too. The way she’d sung it had sounded like she was mourning for a long lost lover, berating him for leaving her. She definitely had a knack for interpreting the different emotions of songs. The singer moved away from the mic stand, whispering something to the guitar player, him nodding at her.
The guitar started up again and she spoke into the mic announcing that this was their last song for the night. Spencer turned back around, not recognising the song at first, as the timing had been slowed down, the sound different on just an acoustic guitar.
“I know you’ve suffered, But I don’t want you to hide,
It’s cold and loveless,
I won’t let you be denied
I’ll make you feel pure,
Trust me, You can be sure”
Her eyes scanned the crowd again, one of her hands on the microphone, her hips swaying lightly to the music. Her eyes had closed during the last two lines of the bridge and when opened she them again she was staring directly at him.
“I want to reconcile the violence in your heart
I want to recognize your beauty is not just a mask,
I want to exorcise the demons from your past,
I want to satisfy the undisclosed desires in your heart”
This time he couldn’t look away from her, her voice, every word she was singing seemed like she was singing it directly to him. He’d never heard the song sung this way before and it was hitting him deep in the pit of his gut.
“You trick your lovers,
That you’re wicked and divine,
You may be a sinner,
But your innocence is mine
Show me how it’s done,
You are the one
I want to reconcile the violence in your heart,
I want to recognize your beauty is not just a mask,
I want to exorcise the demons from your past,
I want to satisfy the undisclosed desires in your heart”
She broke her intense gaze on him for a moment, one of her hands reaching up to her hair and brushing a stray strand back behind her ear. She turned to her boyfriend smiling at him before moving into the ending of the song. Her gaze came back to Spencer’s. He was too transfixed to notice some of the other patrons, turning around to follow her eyes, wondering who she was singing to.
Show me how it’s done,
You are the one
I want to reconcile the violence in your heart,
I want to recognize your beauty is not just a mask,
I want to exorcise the demons from your past,
I want to satisfy the undisclosed desires in your heart”
The applause was louder this time and went on for longer and she grinned widely around the room, giving a small curtsey and chuckling. Spencer watched her hop off the stage, helping the guy she was with pack up their equiptment, before taking a slow walk around the room, chatting with people who’d obviously seen her perform before.
Reid drained his whiskey again, Ally appearing once more as just as his empty glass hit the bar top. He was the only one sitting at the bar currently, although now the entertainment had finished more and more people were slowly trickling up to refill their drinks. Another bar tender appeared from the back room, flicking on a jukebox before helping tend to the drinks orders.
“Another?” Ally reached for Spencer’s glass. He shook his head asking for another beer instead.
She waved away the money this time when she handed it over explaining, “You’re new here. This ones on the house. Maybe come back and bring some friends?”
Spencer nodded, knowing he’d come back but that he’d be alone. “Do they….do they play here often?”
“She works here actually and she’s my room mate, but yeah they normally play a few times a month. We keep trying to convince them to try out for The Voice or something but she won’t. They’re really good together.”
“They are,” Spencer agreed, taking a long pull on the beer.
Ally busied herself serving other people as the singer and her partner approached the bar, pulling up seats at the opposite end, chatting to each other. They gave their order to Ally when she approached them, chatting and laughing with her, her filling their drinks order moments later. Two whiskeys and a beer. Ally put the beer and one whiskey down in front of them, taking the singers money, before coming back over to Reid and placing the second whiskey in front of him.
“Courtesy of our beautiful song bird over there.”
“Really?” Spencer wasn’t sure why she was buying him a drink. “Does her boyfriend not mind?”
Ally laughed, “Who, Jake. That’s her brother. So no, he definitely doesn’t mind.“
He raised the glass to his lips, looking over in her direction seeing her watching him as he took a small sip. She smiled, before slipping of her stool and walking over to him.
Issy had seen him enter the bar earlier in the evening. It wasn’t often new people ventured in, especially alone. The bar wasn’t a bad place, it was just tucked away down an alley. It relied on custom from regulars most of whom the staff knew by name. Iss worked there as well as performing on a regular basis. The bar was home to her, she loved it.
He’d pulled up a seat at the bar, almost completely blanking Ally when she’d tried to flirt with him. That rarely happened, most guys thinking Ally was a stone cold fox. Iss had to agree with them, her friend was a stunner. Issy had been intrigued by the new customer though, he’d initially seemed so lost in his own thoughts. When he’d turned to watch the singing she’d been struck by a sadness in his eyes. He seemed so……lost. Iss attempted to make eye contact with him, but he’d looked away seconds later turning so that his hair fell in front of his facing, shielding his eyes, a move she’d long ago perfected herself.
Issy had always been extremely good at reading people’s emotions. Her Aunt had told her stories about how even as a child she knew when family members were upset, often going up to them and offering them her favourite stuffed bear Lancelot to hold.
When she’d starting singing Undisclosed Desires, Issy couldn’t help but look at him. Despite never speaking to him before, she felt a certain affinity with him. This time he hadn’t looked away and she’d stared deeply into his eyes, watching the changes in his body language as the song had gone on.
There was a reason he was alone in a bar on a Thursday night. This man had experienced something terrible and he wasn’t dealing with it. Issy could read it in his face, in his eyes as he watched her and in his mouth as it moved along with the words, him not even realising he was doing it.
When she’d made her rounds after the set and pulled a seat up at the bar, Iss asked Ally what he’d been drinking and she’d raised her eyebrows questioningly.
“He’s been drinking whiskey, I take it you’re buying him one then. He’s cute but very quiet. Not your usual type.”
Issy gave her friend a look, “Just take my money and give him the damn drink Al.“
All t did as instructed, him looking over when she told him who had bought it. He’d looked suprised before accepting it and taking it a drink. Issy took that as a cue to slip off her seat and walked over to him.
“Hey,” she opened when she was close enough to talk to him.
“Um, hey. Thanks for the drink.” His voice was quiet, and now she was standing next to him she could see his eyes were a deep amber colour, almost the same colour as the drink in front of him.
“No worries,” Iss wasn’t sure how to do this. Did she just delve right in?
“I liked the last song you did by the way. I’ve never heard it sung like that,” he smiled at her slightly, brushing a lock of hair off his face.
“Thank you. So, whats your name?”
“Spencer,” Not looking at her now, but at his drink.
Spencer. Nice name.
“And erm, what was her name?” Delving right in it was.
His eyes snapped up to Issy’s, confused. Had she read him wrong.
“His name?” she tried again.
He shook his head, his eyes full of sadness. His mouth opening and closing, not sure what to say.
“Am I wrong?”
He shook his head again, before a small whisper, “How did you know?”
“Because for me, his name was Adam. Thirty two months ago. Car accident.”
He was quiet for a moment, taking in what she’d just said before turning and asking, “Whats your name?”
“Issy, or just Iss.”
“Short for Isabelle or Isabella?"Spencer asked, a question she was used to answering her whole life.
"Neither actually. Short for Isolde,” she waited for him to comment on the unusalness of her name but surprisingly he needed.
“Isolde, her name was Maeve. Eight months ago. She was killed, right in front of me.”
Okay so Iss hadn’t quite been expecting the last part but she’d been right. She put her hand out going to place it on his arm in a gesture of comfort, stopping short when heard a sharp intake of breath and saw his eyes move to her hand.
“Sorry,” Isolde placed her hand on the bar instead. “I was the same when it first happened to me. Couldn’t stand to have anyone touch me.”
She downed her drink, signaling to Ally for four more.
“Spencer, there’s a booth open over there. It’s quieter. You can say no, and I won’t be offened in the slightest but do you wanna, maybe talk?”
He considered her offer for a minute before nodding, Iss leaning over the bar and grabbing a tray for their drinks before leading the way.
“Same bench, or opposite sides?” she asked. If he didn’t like contact she didn’t want to crowd him.
“We can sit on the same sides. It will be easier to talk.”
Issy moved into the booth first, so he could exit quickly if he felt like he needed to.
“So,” she wasn’t sure where to begin.
“Iss, how long did it take for you to start feeling normal again after?”
Normal…..What was normal?
“I don’t know is the honest answer Spencer. I’m still not the same person I was before. After it happened, I locked myself off from everyone. Literally. I wouldn’t talk to anyone, if my friends or family tried to touch me, I’d react violently. I just wanted to to be left alone.”
“I’m not sure. One day, I just woke up and suddenly missed the feeling of another persons skin on mine. I missed being around people, talking and laughing with them. But then, because I’d not allowed anyone to touch me for so long, it just felt wrong and I ended up having panic attacks. I eventually booked into to see a therapist, who suggested exposure therapy.”
“Yep. Like with someone I trusted. So they’d start just by touching my arm over my clothes, and we’d sit like that for a while. And then work slowly up from there.” It had been strange. She’d chosen her childhood best friend and cousin, Anna to do this with. And then when she was ready to move onto the more intimate things Anna couldn’t help with, Issy met up with a guy from an online support group she’d joined.
“And did it work?” Spencer look intrigued.
“Well I no longer scream and shout if someone touches me,” Iss smiled at him. “And I’ve been succesfully able to have relationships with people since.“
“I haven’t, I haven’t even thought about that.”
“No, I can’t imagine you have yet. It’s not the easiest thing, going to bed with someone else. The first time, I felt like I was cheating on him.”
“I never even got to do that with her.”
He must have seen the expression on her face. He began to explain, telling Iss how their realtionship had worked and how the first time he’d met Maeve , was the night she was killed. How he never got to tell her he loved her too, never got to hold her or do any of the things that couples do together.
“I don’t even know why I’m telling you any of this. I can’t even tell my own friends. I’ve shut them all out. I’ve shut everyone out.”
“Because sometimes it’s easier talking to a complete stranger.”
“It is. It’s only now talking to you that I realise that I do want to move on. Not to forget Maeve, but to learn how to open up again. I…..I miss it. It wasn’t until Maeve that I realised that I was capable of loving someone else. But now I know that I am, but I’m scared I’ll never be able to be with someone again. I want to have a relationship with someone. I want to have kids someday. I don’t…..I don’t want to be alone forever. But I’m scared.”
“If I can’t let my friends touch me or show affection, then how can I let another woman do it?”
Issy was unsure why she said the next thing. Was it because she knew how he felt, what he was going through?
“I could help? if you like?”
“We could try the exposure therapy thing?…..Or not? I don’t mean the intimate stuff Spencer, not at first. Although if you needed to then…….,” she trailed off.
Spencer was quiet for a moment.
“Are you sure? You want to help me?”
“Spencer, what we’ve gone through is hard. Someone helped me. I can help you.”
He took another few minutes to answer, Issy almost able to see the cogs turning in his head.
“Yes. I’d like that.”
“Okay. But not here. Not tonight.”
He agreed, and they swapped numbers, agreeing that he would call her. He needed to make the first move with this, if it was going to be his therapy.