Because the angst was too good to stop.

I know, I’m selfish. And yes, I know you’re there for me, but … It’s different. You have Gabriel - I feel like I intrude - and I’m always just here, forever a third wheel to everyone; you and Gabriel, Lucifer … Sam and Dean don’t even give me the time of day. And I don’t know what to do anymore. I was created to be that plan b. But it doesn’t matter. I’m going to go. I shouldn’t be here anyway. You have a good heart, though; Gabriel too.

But you don’t intrude though, because you know what. Family’s don’t have a third wheel and as far as I’m concerned were a Family, not those jackasses up stairs and the ones down here. Fuck what your bloody created for, I did. I am the furthest from what an angel is supposed to be, next to Gabriel I wrote the book on that…. stop always trying to leave like your alone, like just because we don’t be a label on what we have, that we don’t have anything.

Because then your being selfish, selfish to yourself, because if you even feel just a bit happy you feel bloody guilty. Your killing yourself, you heard Death he doesn’t even seem all that worried about getting you anytime soon, yet you welcome him like an old friend. Well what about the ones you’ve made here. Go ahead keep living like this, kill yourself, I’ll fight tooth and nail just to bring you back, just to prove my point.

I’ve never met your wife, I wish i had because she seemed nothing but lovely, she had to be to care about you. Because your not some awful human, far from it. I know awful humans if I was one, I’d be one. But just because she’s gone, just because you think you should of been there. Doesn’t mean you killed them, doesn’t mean you should eat yourself away bit by bit until there’s nothing left. Fate is a bitch, I know I’ve met her and her sisters, be more than happy to end her and them too if that’s what you’d like. But I won’t watch you do this to yourself, and don’t try and be snide and say i don’t have to because I’m not going anywhere.

I’m not going anywhere Nick, not anymore. I’ve already became dead once, had to deal with being alone, I won’t do it again.

We don’t have to do it again.