i was telling my dad a story about how me and my friends drove around all night once trying to find this storm based on where the lightning was coming from and my dad was like “and what were you gonna do when you caught up to it?? steal the lightning!??!?!” and i was like “no, dad. i’m not luke.

he laughed way harder than i expected him to.

anonymous asked:

Huge family road trip! Dad max Fury mom The girls, nuxable, glory, sunflower, and uncle slit all go camping in the great outdoors. But not everything go as planned #Randomness

No one was exactly sure of who had thought up the trip, but everyone seemed to be dreading it. Max, Furiosa, all five of their girls, Nux, Glory, Vallie, Reliable, Little Max, Sunflower, and somehow Slit (though no one was exactly sure how he’d been invited) were all packed into three cars and driving four hours to the mountains, where they’d spend two nights camping.

It hadn’t been bad at first; Max, Furiosa, Angharad, Max Jr, and Toast had all gone in Furiosa’s SUV, and they mostly listened to music or just sat in silence. Nux and Capable had taken a car with their kids and were able to pass the time talking. Cheedo, Dag, Sunflower, and Slit had all gone in Cheedo’s car and alternated between talking and arguing (really it was just Dag and Slit arguing). While Angharad and Cheedo took the kids swimming, the rest of the adults pitched tents and set up camp.  When the work was done, Max took Toast, Nux, Dag, Max Jr., and Sunflower fishing while everyone else kept swimming.

“This is perfect,” Cheedo sighed in contentment.

Even dinner went surprisingly well; Furiosa, Angharad, Capable, Cheedo, and Slit, having been the ones to not catch any fish, skinned, boned, and cooked the fish. It was very good, and when they roasted marshmallows for s’mores after, Furiosa told the grandkids the stories her family used to tell around campfires.

“This is nice,” Toast commented to Angharad. “Like when we used to come on camping trips with the Vuvalini.”

It was nice.

And then Slit had suggested a bear hunt.

Ace used to take his  boys out on “bear hunts”, which was really just Ace leading the boys around the woods while his buddies would hide and make noises, and finally one would leap out of the darkness with a roar and all the boys would scream and run back to the campsite. Except none of the adults were wiling to do that, so it ended up being just Slit leading all the kids into the woods and giving them bullshit advice like “clapping two sticks together keeps the mountain lions away” and “bears can smell if you’ve taken a bath recently”.

“Why did you even invite him?” Toast complained to Dag.

But Dag blinked. “I didn’t invite him. I thought one of you did.”

They turned to Nux, who looked just as surprised. “I didn’t invite him. I thought this was a family thing.”

Eventually they realized no one had invited Slit–he had, as per usual, just shown up.

They were laughing about it and cracking open beers when they heard screaming that could only mean Slit had scared them. The mothers sighed and went to go catch their children and prepared to scold Slit, but he was leading the charge.

“THERE’S A BEAR!” he shouted. “OR SOMETHING!”

“Where is my daughter?!” Dag demanded.

“Yeah, and where’s Max?” Angharad wanted to know.

Everyone realized that the oldest two were in fact missing.

“You just left them behind?!” Dag shrieked.

“They were right behind us!” Slit insisted. Reliable began to cry.

“They’re probably fine,” Max said gruffly. “We’ll go look for them.”

Everyone grabbed flashlights and clumped together as they wandered back into the woods. Slit, feeling guilty, strayed a little away from the group–so when he heard a rustle behind a nearby tree, he let out a very unmanly scream–

–and was tackled by Max and Sunflower, who burst into laughter.

“We scared you!” Sunflower shouted. The rest of the adults had come running, and Dag high-fived Sunflower. “Mum, it worked just like you said!”

“What are you talking about?!” Slit demanded as Angharad brushed leaves off of Max.

“I knew you’d pull some stupid BS like that, so I told them to do it,” Dag said smugly.

Everyone was laughing by now. Slit was still upset and still feeling ashamed for running off and leaving two of the kids, so they sat him down in front of the fire and cracked open a beer for him while Sunflower made him a s’more.

It was a good trip.

ansvarato asked:

How problmatic is your brother anyways?

rly goddamn problematic you dont even know. here ill even make a list of things that makes him problematic af

  • he likes to put me on the spot (like during family convos he just finds the need to make a horrible insult jokes about me and then makes it awkward for everybody)
  • he takes my dads car all the time without asking (especially in times when my dad needs it the most)
  • he still lives with my parents and doesn’t even help pay taxes or something (I WAS UNDER THE ASSUMPTION HE PAYED TAXES FOR LIKE 3 YEARS. i didnt even know until this year omg)
  • He mooches money off my parents all the time (HE EVEN STOLE MONEY FROM MY DAD ONCE)
  • he never washes his damn dishes (he uses a shit load of dishes all the time cause he fat af) and then lectures me if i dont wash like one dish
  • HE SMOKES WEED AT VERY INCONVENIENT TIMES IN THE HOUSE. (the smoke gives me terrible headaches and spreads EVERYWHERE in the house)
  • he thinks its okay to swear at inconvenient times.

i swear i could list more but you get the gist of him already. it would literally take me hours to list more. HES JUST PLAIN, FULL ‘A SHIT MAN. goD.


anotherwaytostand AND I ARE GETTING AN APARTMENT. AFTER FIVE YEARS AND EIGHT MONTHS (well. it will be in august when we get the apartment) TOGETHER, WE ARE GOING TO LIVE TOGETHER.

like, my dad has agreed and her parents have agreed and my mom was p much always on board so BASICALLY I’M FREAKING OUT RN


(don’t make that face, kate. you know you love it.)


In the last 5 hours I’ve managed to:

Drink more than half a jar of moonshine
Record exactly 15 videos of me giggling and rolling all over my bed
Throw up outside my bedroom window 
Make Ramen noodles in the microwave without burning my house down
Pass out on the kitchen floor  for 10 minutes while ramen noodles cook
Throw up in the master bathroom not two feet from where my dad was sleeping
Make the Q&A video 

all without waking up my family. 

My dad has requested I not wear my binder while my extended family is around since he’s afraid people will notice. OK, first off, if my extended family is staring at my chest, that’s disgusting and I’ll happily call them out on that. Second, I just came back from a trip without my dad where I was with his sister and niece and wore my binder so joke’s on you dad. Third, WHO THE FUCK GIVES A SHIT

anonymous asked:

Dobby, by authority of me you have been officially deemed the cutest dog on da earth. Your daddies are also pretty cute fyi.

Awe, well thank you. I get my good looks from both of my dads :-)

My mom found a Mario game when she was sorting through the items from my Dad’s lost and found from work. Since it hasn’t been claimed in all the time it’s been there, she gave it to me.

I have never played a main series Mario game and I am terrible at platform games so this is gonna be interesting.


“Im from Hidden Springs.” I began he looked at me expectantly “As you know Im half genie, I got that from my dad, my mom is human.” I continued 

“Well dad had always warned us against using our magic outside of the house. I can magically clean, I can magically cook and I can also…banish people. I dont have all the same powers dad has because Im only half and I dont have a lamp like dad did.” I stopped and Shayne was still watching me not saying a word.

“Well I threw a party while mom and dad where gone and this girl, who thought we where an item attacked me at the party. I got angry and I banished her, dad had never really explained what happens when we banish people. So every one jumped to the conclusion that I killed her. So I ran, and ended up here.”

“What if you didn’t kill her?”

“I cant return back home now can I? I would get questioned and accused and I would never be able to live life the same again. Even if she isnt dead people would fear me.”

“I guess that’s true, and your parents dont know where you are?”


“Dont you think you should call them and let them know?”

“What and make them worry some more? I dont think so, dad has always been hot headed and mom is pretty emotional. I dont think the phone call would go well.”

I got 5s on all my AP exams except Physics C E&M (on which I got a 4 even though the teacher didn’t really teach most of it and I crammed it all two days before), the traffic wasn’t bad on my way home from therapy, and my dad bought Oreos at the grocery store. It’s a good day.

okay but tbh all the rampant scorpio and gemini hate is unfounded, all the geminis and scorpios i know are absolute darlings tbh actually apart from one hes just a massive homophobe i could live without him but apart from him they all rule. no offence but aquarius and virgo are the worst signs by a looooong shot (apart from my dad hes an aquarius and hes great) but whatever i dont care what signs you wanna hate on just take your capri hate elsewhere because truly i have never met anyone who unconditionally cares as much about other people as all the capricorns i know do. capricorns are the best closely followed by scorpios and sagis.