from what i like to call the

After I answered a question yesterday about the possibility of Medic (or any other TF2 character) being a psychopath, I got to thinking about what might actually be the deal with these guys. Obviously, they’re abnormal, but I don’t like writing off weird characters as just being crazy and/or stupid.

I dug into what I understand about the characters—the core mercs as well as the Administrator and Miss Pauling—and came up with this run-down of how I think they might be diagnosed if evaluated by a modern psychiatrist.

A disclaimer! First off, please take all my conjecture with a big ol’ grain of salt. I’m not claiming to be an authority on either psychiatry or neurology, and this is just my personal interpretation of the characters. It’s fine if you don’t agree! Also, I want to be clear that I mean no disrespect to anyone who might have any of the conditions I mention. I hope my tone comes off as respectful and not exploitative.

One last thing. I feel like this should go without saying, but just in case: DON’T USE THIS LIST AS A WAY TO DIAGNOSE YOURSELF. If I mention something that strikes a chord with you, by all means research it, but talk to a professional if you seriously suspect you might have a mental issue. I am NOT a professional!

Now that all that hemming and hawing is out of the way…


Not to rely on stereotypes, but I think ADHD is likely. His impulsivity, hyperactivity, and need for stimulation are strong indicators. He also has a tendency to self-medicate with massive amounts of caffeine and sugar from all the soda he drinks. Oh, and it’s been pretty heavily suggested that Scout is dyslexic, which I believe to be the case.


It’s pretty much directly stated in the comics that he has brain damage, resulting in delusions and cognitive impairment that border on dementia. (Think Gary Busey post-motorcycle accident.) The comics suggest he was brain damaged by lead poisoning in the water, but I’m certain he had preexisting problems from old head trauma. That helmet has an important function!

On top of that, I think Soldier’s a good candidate for Tourette Syndrome, but I don’t mean the coprolalia version you see in TV and movies, where someone involuntarily shouts obscenities. He commonly has sudden verbal outbursts (”MAGGOTS!”) and physical tics (saluting, marching, etc.) that manifest in his drill sergeant persona.


Oh, boy. Okay. Pyro is a hell of a puzzle, and I could go on for pages, but I’ll boil it down to what I think is most likely. Of course, they exhibit pyromania, but possibly also synesthesia?

One possibility is an “eccentric” mood disorder that manifests as a loss of contact with reality, among other symptoms. That would be either Schizotypal Personality Disorder or full-blown Schizophrenia. The distorted Pyroland version of the world fits this really well, and it’s possible that it might be a chronic thing, with Pyro constantly filtering the world through their delusions.

The other likely possibility is some sort of Temporal Lobe Epilepsy, where seizures in a focal part of the brain yank Pyro out of reality without sending them into the physical convulsions you associate with general epilepsy. This would suggest that Pyro does touch base with reality but gets “transported to Pyroland,” instead of living there all the time.


This one is easy. Demo’s a severe alcoholic, to the degree that stopping drinking cold turkey would probably kill him. In the comics, his body even rejects normal food and drink because it’s learned to get energy just from booze, and his body, in times of withdrawal, can make its own alcohol supply, which an actual real thing. It’s called Auto-Brewery Syndrome, where microbes in the gut can convert carbs into ethanol. Demo must just have the most advanced case of it in human history!


He seems completely neurotypical to me, aside from the hints of both psychopathy and PTSD that come with being a mercenary. I do think he used to have problems from sleep apnea, but some surgery cleared that up. Now he just snores like a chainsaw. (Yes, I know sleep apnea isn’t a mental condition.)


I suspect, but I’m not certain, that he may be in the very high-functioning part of the Autism Spectrum, with savant-like qualities. Maybe he got his 11 PhDs and abilities as a human calculator just from being driven and extremely intelligent, but I wouldn’t be at all surprised if he were wired differently. If it is the case, he’s learned to compensate incredibly well in his interpersonal behavior. That Texan charm is a pretty effective tool for putting people at ease, I bet.


Like I said before, I don’t like simply labeling characters as “crazy.” Yeah, he’s got the mad scientist thing going on, but I think that stems from Bipolar Disorder. Specifically, I believe Medic has type I, which is what people usually think of when they imagine bipolar behavior: extended periods of elevated mood (or hypomania) punctuated with full manic episodes, which can take on psychotic features. There may or may not be periods of depression. He doesn’t seem to swing that way, but it’s possible.

He’s DEFINITELY a self-medicator. I mean, duh. Huffing Medi-Gun fumes and a bit of drinking probably help to calm him down when he gets too high-strung. I doubt he takes pills for it, e.g. lithium or anti-convulsants, because of the high likelihood of side-effects. I could see him doing some DIY ECT, though. Getting too unstable? A few brain zaps, and he’s right as rain!

Bonus fact! Did you know that a German term to call someone insane is to say that they “have a bird”? It might come from folklore about insane people literally having bird familiars living in their heads, or it might be something like calling someone a “crazy cat lady,” where people who keep birds will talk to them too much and seem a bit off. Just thought that was interesting!


I personally believe he probably has some Agoraphobia. Not to a debilitating degree, but he hates being stuck in what feel like insecure places. It’s actually a symptom of Avoidant Personality Disorder, which I think is pretty likely for him. It’s thought to result from feeling abandoned and alienated by other people at a young age. (*cough*orphanedbybirthparentsandraisedinAustralia*cough*) In addition to agoraphobia, signs include self-imposed social isolation, emotional distance, mistrust, and an inferiority complex. If he does have APD, he’s integrated it neatly into his occupation, where distance is a good thing.


Similar to Heavy, he seems pretty neurotypical to me. It’s possible that he had some similar issues to Scout when he was younger, but if so, he’s learned to compensate. He does exhibit the most psychopathic traits of all the mercs, but like I said before, I don’t believe any of them are actually true psychopaths.


Classic megalomaniac! She’s got textbook Narcissistic Personality Disorder. Everything about the way she presents herself screams narcissism: grandiosity, a thirst for power, arrogance, a sense of entitlement, lack of empathy, and extremely manipulative behavior. Maybe she has good reasons for her narcissism, like being an 150-year-old supervillain, but I digress.

Miss Pauling

Poor thing. I’ve mentioned it before, but my pet theory is that the Administrator broke down her original personality and built it back up to make her a useful pawn, capable of appearing very unassuming and responsible while performing cold-blooded acts of violence guilt-free. She’s a perfect tool, with limited freewill and no room in her mind for cognitive dissonance to slip in. To her, I imagine it feels like living with with Depersonalization Disorder, where either the world around her or her own actions take on an unreal quality as a way of shielding her mind from the nasty parts of her job, but on the outside, the effect is seamless.

Cherry Blossom Boy|1|

Originally posted by jeonify

Genre: Fluff, romance, future angst and smut, tattoo artist reader, soft Jeongguk

Word count:2.3k

Pairing: Jeongguk x Female Reader

A/N: Thank you for the wait and all the cute comments💕I’ve been excited for this fic💕feedback is appreciated💖Shika💞

Jeongguk has to be going crazy, Jeongguk has to be insane. He can’t believe he’s doing this just to prove to his parents he’s not perfect. But Jeongguk is perfect, he’s got the best grades and has a promising future ahead of him. That’s all a guy needs, but no he just can’t let his pride down, can he?

Jeongguk scolds himself, breath hitching as his doe eyes gaze at the intimidating font on the shop front. ‘Chiller’ he notes and then mentally hits himself for knowing every single font from Microsoft word. He attempts to pull open the door and is confused when he gets a fed up look from a young man at the counter. In realisation he bites his lip and awkwardly pushes the door, almost falling in and tripping.

“What can I do for you?” Jeongguk’s eyes shoot up to look at the guy, he’s pretty, but his hairs too long for his face and one of his earrings is longer than Jeongguk’s fingers. But when the man gives him an unexpected smile, Jeongguk’s poor bi heart melts and his face seems to be in awe.

“Uh, um, I-I want a tattoo!” He claims, weakly stamping his foot. The man chuckles and Jeongguk flushes, embarrassed at his childish actions.

“I’ll get Y/N out in a second for you,” the man stands and Jeongguk catches a glimpse of his name tag, ‘Taehyung, wow pretty’ he thinks, fingers playing with the hem of his sweater. “You can have a look at some designs, love.” Jeongguk almost faints at the mans casual use of such a beautiful and lovely term of endearment.

“Oh, oh, um, thank you.” He stutters out, eyes staring as the tanned man walks away to another room.

Fuck’ is the first thing that comes to Jeongguk’s head as he watches two plump ass cheeks, unfortunately, covered by black skinny jeans. Jeongguk shakes his head and gets back to examining designs. But they’re all scary and ugly and something a six foot guy in a screamo band would get.

“Are you up next?” A feminine voice calls out from behind and Jeongguk wants to die because were all people that worked in tattoo shops this attractive?

“Uh, yes?” He looks around and notices he’s the only one there.

“You don’t have to sound so unsure, kid.” Ugh, kid, that word makes him feel, well like a kid, if it was anyone else he’d complain, but Jeongguk is infatuated with her eyes and lips and nose and everything.

She gestures for him to follow and rolls her eyes when he only stares in awe. “Follow me kid.” She sighs in an exasperated tone. Jeongguk stands and stumbles after her, trying to keep up with her fast strides. She stops and opens a door, the same one Taehyung had disappeared into. “Sit here kid.” She points at an intimidating black chair standing next to an even more intimidating table which has design sheets and tattoo guns spread over it.

“What you want kid?”

To kiss you’ Jeongguk is thrown out of his daze when she slightly shoves his shoulder.

“Uh, um, something big.”

“Big?” She raises her eyebrow and massages her temple in annoyance.

“Y/N, don’t get so annoyed. It’s his first time, he’s probably nervous.” That’s when Jeongguk notices Taehyung sitting behind a desk sketching in a book.

“You’re right, you’re right.” She nods and grabs his arm, Jeongguk flinches. “Do you at least know where you want it?”

“Uh, um, m-my arm?” She rolls his sleeve up and feels up his arm.

“And how big you want this thing?”

“As big as possible and I want something scandalous!” Jeongguk suddenly says.

“Scandalous? Good word kid.” She pats his head and giggles, the sound is so sweet. It sounds like fairies are singing and Jeongguk feels as if all the weight has been lifted of his shoulders.

“I want a lady.” Jeongguk blushes slightly as utters his next sentence, “I want a naked lady, with big, um, those things.”

“Those things?” The girl muses, looking confused as to why he was so red. “Oh, you mean tits. Right kid?” She snorts as he covers his face.

“Y-yeah, those things, sure whatever you wanna call them.”

“Come on, be a big boy and say it with me, T-I-T-S,” She sounds out shamelessly, cackling at the horrified expression on his face.

“Y/N,” Taehyung warns, “be nice.”

“I’m sorry, this kids too cute to be here.” She chuckles and Jeongguk brightens up.

“That’s exactly what I want. Right here, on my arm, really big.” She nods, still looking a bit unsure. She starts slipping on some gloves, humming a soft tune mindlessly.

“So what made you wanna get tits on your arm kid?” Jeongguk flushes again, rolling his sleeve to his shoulder.

“Just stuff, parents, people, you know.”

“I get it, you’re golden boy. Everyone treats you like a saint and your parents keep pushing you to aim higher, you want to show everyone your not so perfect, so you come here.” Jeongguk listens in shock as she basically repeats his life story.

“How’d you know?” He watches intently as she cleanses the needle on the gun.

“Look at you kid, you’re cute. You’re wearing circle glasses for fucks sake.”

“Please just get this over and done with.” He whimpers out and she nods walking over to him. The needle is pressed to his skin and Jeongguk’s mind is sent into panic mode, the word ’fuck’ is making an appearance.

“You don’t have to do this.” For once her tone is gentle and her eyes look kind, but Jeongguk shakes his head.

“I want too.” The words slip past his lips and before he knows it the sharp pain is everywhere.

“What the fuck! Why does it hurt so much?”

“There’s a fucking needle like a few centimetres deep in your skin.” Taehyung points out the obvious and Jeongguk lets out a girly scream. “I like his screams, you should give him a whole sleeve Y/N.” Taehyung teases, giving a cheeky grin to Jeongguk who is now suffering with a stroke from that smile and from excruciating pain.

“It’ll be done soon kid.” She says softly, free hand stroking his thigh, he tenses up, confused at her gentleness.

“Hang in there!” Taehyung grins, now standing up from his desk to look over the flesh of his arm. “Wow, those are big tits.” Taehyung raises his eyebrows and nods in approval and then Jeongguk starts regretting his decision.

“Can I get this thing removed?” He asks, choking out breaths and whimpers.

“Painfully, yes.” Taehyung smirks and gives him a thumbs up, “Y/N-Ah knows what she’s doing love, I’m sure you’ll love it when you see it.” Jeongguk doesn’t really think anyone but guys who were misogynistic, and like those sexist Instagram posts with women being called toys and dolls, could like the tattoo he is getting.


“It’s done.” She calls, hands pulling away the needle and standing up to stretch her arm. Jeongguk winces, fingers going to strike the raw flesh on his bicep. “Don’t touch it.” His fingers freeze and he pouts, watching as she grabs a wipe and starts dabbing at the sensitive skin.

“Fuck.” He whispers under his breath, eyes screwed shut and fingers clutching the arms of his seat. She finally starts to wrap a piece of bandage around his arm. “W-wait! Can’t I see it?”

“Just wait until you get home. I recommend two hours and then you can take it off.”

“How much is it?”

“It’s on the house kid,” she smiles down at him, “I’m doing you a favour, now go.” She ushers him out and Jeongguk smiles dopily at her retreating figure as he shuffles out the door.

Jeongguk can’t wait, he’s been trying to stop his prying hands and greedy fingers but curiosity is getting the best of him. “Fuck it.” He doesn’t hesitate to rip it off, chucking the wrap on the floor somewhere and taking in a breath to look in the bathroom mirror. “Wow.” He whispers in awe, fingers brushing against petals which seem to come to life and blow in the wind. Jeongguk falls deeper in love when he realises the girl isn’t as harsh as she comes off as, he sighs in absolute relief as he stares at the branches wrapping around his arm and the flowers blooming on his shoulder. Now he wishes he’d got her number, he’d like to thank her for not tattooing a cringy naked lady onto his arm, but instead an oriental and delicate cherry blossom tree. Jeongguk feels his inner weeaboo coming out and he feels sentimental as he remembers his trip to Tokyo with his ex-girlfriend. “Wow,” he finally says as he runs his fingers over his shoulder and down his bicep, “wow.”


Jeongguk wakes the next morning and his bicep is still throbbing and sore, he probably should’ve kept the wrap on. He is tempted to just lie in bed for another hour but he remembers the essay he needs to give in and all the classes he has lined up, he’s regretting staying up and watching reruns of the first season of Sailor Moon. The sunlight is bright and he feels warm inside as he lays his eyes upon the ethereal blossoms that are sprawled across his arm. “Yah, Jeongguk! You’re gonna be late to class!” Seokjin bursts through the door and Jeongguk rushes to cover his half naked body with the sheets.

“I know, I know hyung. Just give me a second.” He flushes red as Seokjin gives him unconvinced look.

“There’s no time to fucking masturbate you little shit. I can see your boner, get the hell up.” Jeongguk groans as he stands, ushering his hyung out the room in embarrassment. His hands feel the urge to slip into his boxers, but when he glances at the clock, Jeongguk is already in the bathroom shoving his toothbrush down his throat while trying to pull on his jeans and pee at the same time.

“Hyung! Hyung,“ he calls out, words muffled by the foam gathering in his mouth, “Can you make me toast?” He hears Seokjins distant 'yes’ and relaxes, chucking some water at his face and running out the toilet. Seokjin is buttering a slightly underdone piece of toast, but Jeongguk has no time to complain, snatching the bread and rushing to slip his shoes on. “Bye hyung!” He yells, toast stuffed in his mouth.

“Jeongguk, you still have five minu-“ the door slams and Jeongguk is already gone.


“Guk, you’re not late, why are you sweating so much?” Jihyo checks him up and down, fingers tightening her perky ponytail.

“I ran all the way here.” Jeongguk’s breaths are laboured and his palms are clammy. “I swear, Jin hyung is switching the clocks around to try and make me leave the house earlier.” Jihyo shrugs, now checking her reflection on her phone camera. Jeongguk spots her boyfriend creeping up behind her and he wants to roll his eyes as he covers her eyes and says a cutesy ‘guess who?’

“Jimin?!” Jihyo squeals and her boyfriend spins her and kisses her like boyfriends do. But Jeongguk feels like crying, his little feelings crushed and forced down deeper into his heart, he tried to ignore them, fingers clutching the straps of his rucksack tighter. He clears his throat and the two jump apart, Jimin sending him a wink and cheeky grin. Jeongguk feels his insides twisting and his heart is fluttering as he shyly smiles back.

“I’m gonna head to class.” He mutters, biting the inside of his cheek to hide the huge smile which could’ve slipped out. He turns and BANG! All his things clatter to the floor and his round glasses fly off his face.

“Ow, watch where your going kid.” He recognises the tone and his hopeless romantic mind instantly turns on a switch for possibilities of love, after all that how all romance books started, right?

“Y/N-“ he remembers her name and goes to apologise, cut off by some grumbling from her side.

“Noona.” She corrects, Jeongguk stops, surprised when he spies her looking down at her lap bashfully.

“Noona,” He copies, “I’m sorry, I didn’t see you there and since when did you come here? I’ve never seen you around before, have just joined? Because if so I’d be ha-“

“Kid, it’s my second year.” She looks amused as she stands up, automatically brushing her knees down. She offers him a hand, “I think I’m capable.” He takes her hand, she pulls him up a little too harshly and Jeongguk tumbles right into her, head smacking against hers. “Fuck kid, you need to be more careful.” She groans, rubbing her head.

“Sorry noona.” He says, looking so miserable that she has to give him a consoling shoulder rub.

“It’s okay kid, stop apologising so much.”

“Sorry, I mean sorry, shit I’m sorry, oh god, sorry.” Jeongguk stops his mouth from moving, annoyed at himself. She giggles and once again Jeongguk can feel his mind floating to heaven, the sound is so feminine and different compared to her usual manner. “I-I just want to say thank you, noona. F-for the tattoo, you really did me a favour and I owe you, noona. It’s beautiful and thanks for not listening to my stupid fucking words. Seriously, could you imagine if you actually gave me that tattoo? I’d grow old and, and wrinkled and there would always be this picture of boo-“

“Hey, kid, I get it. But you don’t owe me anything, I just don’t like giving cute guys ugly tattoos.” She winks and Jeongguk can practically see her hair blowing in the wind in slow motion with the song ‘Oh my love’ playing in the background.

Jeongguk is in love and he’s utterly screwed.

On the radio: Today is Interntional men’s day

My mum: What on earth for??

Me: Idk…I guess they can have their day?? 

 Mum: No thanks. They’ve had their thousands of years. 

 Me: Damn mum. 


Originally posted by thehollywoodcanteen

some of the witches play D&D  for the first time
  • Lotte: Your party has been ambushed by Elven soldiers: they are wearing golden armor with a strange insignia on the breastplate. The leader draws her weapon and warns you not to step any closer. Everyone roll for initiative.
  • (They all roll their dice)
  • Amanda: 5, urgh...
  • Sucy: 14
  • Akko: 1...
  • Sucy: What awful luck.
  • Diana: 19
  • Akko: Seriously!?
  • Lotte: Diana, you're up.
  • Diana: I would like to roll a knowledge: history check on the insignia. (rolls die) 11... 15 with the modifiers.
  • Lotte: You know from your Elven studies that this insignia belongs to a clan of elves called the Tarathiel, who are notably known for their powerful matriarchal bloodline and their seething hatred toward humans. Sucy, your turn.
  • Sucy: I move into the bush on my left and draw my dagger.
  • Lotte: Roll a stealth check.
  • Sucy: 15
  • Lotte: Nice! You move quietly into the shadows unnoticed and draw your weapon. Amanda!
  • Amanda: I draw my crossbow and knock an arrow, aiming at the leader's throat.
  • Lotte: Cool! Okay, Akko!
  • Akko: I attempt to seduce the Elven leader lady with my smooth flirting skills.
  • Diana: Oh no, not again.
  • Amanda: Nice one, Akko!
  • Diana: Don't encourage this behavior!
  • Lotte: Okay, roll a charisma check.
  • Akko: Natural 20! Yay!
  • Lotte: (sighs) Despite you being a human, which the Tarathielians despise, the Elven leader finds herself extremely flattered by your flirting and lowers her weapon. She introduces herself as Talila and allows your party to continue on your way, but not before offering Akko an enchanted necklace as a gift.
  • Amanda: (fist bumping Akko) Aw yeah, way to come through!
  • Sucy: Wow, looks like Akko's stupidity saved us for once.
  • Diana: Unbelievable.
  • Akko: I roll to seduce Diana next!
  • Diana: (blushing) Akko!
  • Lotte: (laughing) Akko, you don't need to roll for real life encounters!
Coming Home (Chap. Twelve)

Alright guys, we made it past the worst part of the fic and now things can get better! I feel like this chapter is a little boring, but I also think its really important because we get to see everyone’s mental state PLUS Rhodey finds out about the suit!


Enjoy :)


It was all over the news the following Friday morning.

Something about a man who had crashed down somewhere in Afghanistan and obliterated an entire village. Another station said it wasn’t a man, but a robot. A third had spoken with survivors, who insisted the robot had ushered the civilians to safety, and then proceeded to completely destroy everything in the village.

The mountains around the village were literally falling, rockets blasted into caves and then the rubble broken down even further. Weapon caches that no one knew existed were destroyed, and the UN was scrambling to both figure out who or what the fuck was responsible, and to explain how these weapons had been stockpiled without their knowledge.

Pepper was in press conferences all morning, because leaked video footage showed that the weapons being destroyed were Stark weapons, and Pepper could only assure the reporters that no, she didn’t think it was a vendetta against Stark Industries, and no, of course she hadn’t known that Stark tech was ending up in the hands of terrorists, and god, no the robot was not some sort of vigilante hired by Stark Industries as a retaliation for their CEO being held captive for so many months.

The family all watched the news with growing unease, Steve especially, because he didn’t want to believe that the suit on the television was the same suit Tony had been messing with last night but—

–Well, if he had any doubts, they were put to rest when a very pissed off Alpha James Rhodes slammed the door open and shouted, “WHERE THE HELL IS TONY?”

Keep reading

Just creepy fellas.. Fuck creepy customers

I was manning the self service tills with a steady stream of numpties who can’t seem to understand the simple process of ‘scan item. Put item on scales’ when I was called over to help with a trade discount card. All going well so far, Nope. The two tradesman I was helping stood directly behind me sniffing me like hannibal lector, it made my skin crawl, then, not even talking to me, they start discussing what perfume I’m wearing… Hint, I’m not, I don’t at work. It’s fabric softener. They went off in a strop when I told them to stop playing “sniff the till attendant” which frankly was polite considering what I was saying in my head. Fellas, it isn’t flattering to have someone inches from the back of your neck sniffing you… *shudder*

Wait a minute. Is this actually suggesting that Guzma is not only a surfer, but a really good one?! These are the records of the Mantine Surfing in Melemele, and it’s just next to his house.

I mean, “Boss” is debatable, but “Big G”? That sounds like it could be his nickname (many people call him that actually). What if that silver trophy he has is actually from this and not a battle tournament? xD

whiplash | 02

Originally posted by co-kai-ne

↳ fake dating au | college au

pairing: chanyeol | reader

genre: soft angst + fluff + sexual themes

word count: 6.061

description: as an aspiring big-shot photographer in a slump, you’re looking for something that inspires you and unfortunately — or maybe not — it comes in the form of a guy named Chanyeol.

please read pt. 1

Keep reading

day 28: the best friend knows

this was just a smidge too long, so i’m putting it under a cut. follows almost immediately after jackady because boy, there needs to be a reckoning

Keep reading

anonymous asked:

*whispers* domestic BxL headcanons....? If you want?

- Every single surface is sticky. A mixture of dropped sugar, syrups and jams. They get the worlds worst ant infestations which Wammy tries to curtail by scrubbing the place down every week

- Sharing clothes because they have a similar wardrobe

- L scuttling on the floor ‘I’m B and I commit murder because I couldn’t handle being second’ B crouching in a chair ‘I’m L and I torture people because I’m dead inside’

- Having the Wammy’s kids over to talk about what cases they’re doing and to offer advice. Both L and B retired from detective work but they still like to review open cases during their leisure time

- Monopoly has been banned after L flipped the table because B sent him to jail

- B *opens the shower curtain* Do we have any-stop screaming it’s me, do we have any cookies left?

- B calling L by every one of his persona names instead of his actual name

- L blushing and clinging tighter when B calls him his real name in bed

- Having to buy a new coffee pot every six months because the old one always burns out from the amount of use


Screenshots from A LONG EMOTIONAL NIGHT | Far From Noise.

Oh my god guys I literally don’t even know where to start right now, I have so many thoughts running through my brain because of this game. 

I just zoned out while watching this video because this game just pulled me in with the themes and just the atmosphere that surrounded it. I was just so into it. I’ve seriously been needing something like this lately because ever since the end of October my brain and mental health have just been all over the place because of things that happened in my life that are out of my control and I’ve been getting these weird negative thoughts about my life lately. My anxiety has been all over the place and I’ve just felt so incredibly off and exhausted lately. So I needed something like this that could make me stop for a little while and breathe and think with a much clearer head about my life and my current situation. Which is what this game and video did and it meant a lot to me because of that. Some of things that were said in this game and from Seán in this video (especially at the end) was stuff that I’ve seriously really need to hear. 

Honestly how I interpreted this game was I feel like it was saying that no matter what happens in your life or what your situation is, your life and your existence is what you make of it. In my opinion your life automatically matters just by existing and being alive at this moment in time. But you yourself make the meaning come out of that. We’re all experiencing the same scary, strange but absolutely amazing adventure that’s called life through our own interpretation and perspective of it. That’s why I like that the kept the ending ambiguous because I think the game wants you to come to your own conclusion. Even if you’re in the worst scenario ever, is that really the end? Is that really what the rest of your life will be like? The answer to those questions is no. It doesn’t have to be the end and it never is the end because there’s always better times down the road you just need to find that. Unfortunately it can take a long time to get there depending on your circumstances but it always happens eventually even when it doesn’t feel like it ever will. There’s so many things in life that we all have yet yo see and experience, what you’re going through right now is not the be all and end all of your life. Like what Seán said in this video life is worth fighting for. I believe that you all can get through anything that you’re going through because  I think that life is 100% worth living.  

These kind of videos become some of my all time favorites from Seán because they just stick with me because they make me think and they just open my mind. It becomes more then just watching someone else play a super meaningful game. It’s sharing an unforgettable experience with the person you’re that watching play the game. :) 

@therealjacksepticeye  Seán if you see this post, there’s something that I want to say to you. I know that it’s probably weird that I’m kind of shoving this into the end of this post and I highly doubt you’ll read this because I already have made this post way too fucking long and I don’t want to waste your time. But I want to say this to you anyway, I need to say this to you anyway because I think you need to hear this. 

You are smart enough and you are creative enough to do whatever it is that you want to do in your life!

Which I know that you know that but still I’m saying it to try and reassure you a little bit. I know that you can get through the anxiety you have about starting something new! You are so much stronger then the doubts and insecurities you have about yourself. You capable of so much more then you think and you can push past those barriers that you have in your head! You said in this video that our moments are right around the corner and that you believe in us but please remember to believe in yourself too. I know that you can do ANYTHING that you set your mind to, more moments are coming to you too! I believe in you Seán, like I said before you are smart enough and you are creative enough to do whatever it is you want to do in your life. :) 

anonymous asked:

I love your aus, can I just say! Also do you know a game called ‘Doki Doki Literature Club’? I feel like the obvious answer would be DR2, but I think you could totally make a drv3 au from that...

u underestimate my ability to make aus–!!

thank u for loving my aus!! i had a bit of a dilemma on who to make who, but i think this is a pretty good combination!!

End to Denial

A/N: An anon request for a different perspective on a fic I did called Me or Her, where the reader tells Spencer he has to choose between her and Maeve. The anon wanted it from Spencer’s POV. 


Finally! After what felt like decades, but was probably only a year and a half, Spencer had found someone that could help his intense migraines. “Y/N! I think I found someone that can help me with my migraines.”

She spun around, knowing how hard it had been on him to be in such pain without knowing the cause. “Who is it?”

Spencer had done so much searching that people had started to bleed into one another, but this one stood out; she was one of the few women he’d come across, and the only geneticist. 

“What will she be able to do?” Y/N asked.

He rambled, telling her exactly how he’d gone about obtaining her consult. She’d asked to see his numerous CAT scans and MRIs. Once she saw them,  she’d be able to devise a plan, a vitamin regimen, that might help the migraines go away. “She might be able to recommend something other doctors haven’t thought of.”

“Go for it,” she said. “Can’t hurt.”


How had he gotten here?

It started innocently enough. After Maeve had prescribed a vigorous vitamin regimen, he’d started calling her periodically to update her on his condition. Seven months had gone by and his migraines had all but disappeared; he felt totally and completely indebted to her. Without a cure for his migraines, he was not only getting burnt out physically, but emotionally too. 

Physically, he was great; Spencer had never felt better, but emotionally…he was worse off than before. Something was stirring in him and he was hesitant to name it. Y/N was the love of his life - at least, he’d always thought so, but there was something about Maeve he really liked, and for months now, he’d called her more often than was necessary. Y/N didn’t seem to mind, although occasionally she did ask why he was calling for the second time in a week. Before he could stop himself, he found himself making up some kind of medical excuse, or claiming that Maeve wanted to use his results for a study. 

Why was he making excuses? 

He knew; of course he knew.

But he couldn’t name it. If he did, then it became real, and if it became real then he’d be forced to choose between her and Y/N. Maeve was his equal in every way; the conversations they had were effortless and soothing, but Y/N was his complement. While he was shy, she was outgoing. He was quiet, she was loud. He was a homebody and she was adventurous. They were the perfect combination of two people and he loved her so much. Was it possible to be in love with two people? He believed so. What else could this feeling be? Why else did his face light up when Maeve called? Why did he make excuses to talk to her if he wasn’t in love with her?

As he emerged from his and Y/N’s bedroom after another needless phone call, Y/N spun around and screamed. Her face was beat red, her eyes were puffy from crying, and her voice…it cut right through him. “I can’t do this anymore!”

“What do you mean?” 

“Her! Make a choice or get the fuck out. I’m done being hurt by you - the one man I thought would never hurt me is causing me undeniable pain, and I refuse to do it anymore.”

“Y/N, why are you doing this? I love you.” Why was he even trying to deny this? Why was he trying to claim anything other than the truth?

Her voice shook as she lifted her hands to wipe the tears away from her eyes. “I love you, too.” Why did this happen? Why did he fall for someone else? Her eyes bore into him, the signs of betrayal and hurt so sharp they dug into him like a knife, each tear twisting the blade in his gut. “I believe you. That’s why it hurts so much. You are developing feelings for someone else. You love someone else too, and I can’t continue to watch it. It’s killing me.” She clutched at her heart. “Every time your face lights up, I can tell it’s her. Every time you take a call from her my heart feels like it’s wrenching out of my chest.”

“Who am I in love with?” Spencer couldn’t help the words coming out of his mouth, because he still couldn’t admit them to himself.

“Maeve!” She screamed; he heard her vocal chords tear themselves to shreds. “I thought she was a godsend. She took away your pain, but you transferred it to me. It’s not fair. I didn’t do anything to deserve this. All I did was love you.” She continued to rant to his horror and shame. Everything she said was true. He was in love with her. He had no idea how it happened or why, but he loved Maeve, and he loved Y/N too. “When it comes to you, I’m selfish,” she continued. “I want you for myself. So you need to choose? Is it me or her?” A coughing fit overtook her as she finished speaking, the breath being pulled from her lungs with each word. Heated tears streamed down her face. “I want you to leave until you can figure out what you want.”

“Y/N, please don’t do this. I love you.” He meant it. Spencer truly did love her; he couldn’t lose her. He tried everything he could think of to get her to take it back, asking why Maeve was any different from JJ or Emily or Garcia. Of course, he was again met with the truth. He was friends with them, but Maeve was different. 

“We work together, so I will continue to be professional, but until you can figure out what you want I need you to leave.” She’d been crying so hard and was so out of breath that she looked like she wanted to throw up. “I hope you come back, because I love you more than I’ve ever loved anyone, but if you come back, it needs to be without her in any way. It’s me or her.”


“Okay kid,” Morgan said nearly three weeks after Y/N had kicked him out of their apartment. “Spill. The tension between you and Y/N could be cut with a knife. What the hell is up with you two?” He’d been staying with Morgan, but he refused to talk about what happened until now.

Of course, Y/N had kept true to her word, saying nothing about what happened between them. They weren’t PDA-heavy in the office anyway, so very little had changed about the team dynamic, except that they didn’t interact as much as they used to. “You know the doctor I’ve been talking to about my migraines?”

“Yea,” Morgan said, recognition dawning on his face as he spoke her name. “Maeve? You’re…Did you…?”

“Not physically,” Spencer said, unsure whether physical or emotional cheating was worse. “But I fell in love with her. Y/N was uncomfortable with it, not that I blame her, I would have been too, but she told me to leave until I could figure out what I wanted.”

The tears stung at the corners of his eyes as he spoke, looking down at his desk, ashamed beyond words for how he’d hurt the woman he loved. “What is it about this other woman that made you fall for her? Does she feel the same way about you?”

“I don’t know,” he said quietly. “And she did say she loved me, but it sounded like she slipped. There was something easy about how we spoke to each other, not better, but different than Y/N. She says I’m in awe of Maeve, and that’s how it happened. I think she may have been right. I just don’t know how to fix this.”

“What did Y/N say?”

“She believes I love her, but if I am to come back, I have to cut off all contact with Maeve.”

Morgan heaved a heavy breath. “How the fuck did this happen?” Not the Reid wasn’t a catch, but Morgan had never expected him of all people to be in this position.

“I don’t know.” The tears had started flowing, so he and Morgan walked to the staircase outside the BAU. “Do you have any advice?”

“The only thing I could think to say is to imagine your life without Maeve, and do the same with Y/N. How does each scenario make you feel?”


At the time, what Morgan said seemed overwhelming, but over the course of the next few days, he sat in the park trying to think about life without Maeve and Y/N. He came to one undeniable conclusion. Life without Maeve didn’t change much for him, but life without Y/N felt hollow - even the thought of it almost made him sick. He imagined calling Maeve to tell her he couldn’t speak to her anymore, and although it hurt, it didn’t burn like the thought of leaving Y/N.

Without giving himself time to think, he picked up the phone and made the call.

“Hello?” In a perfect world, he would’ve maintained her as a friend, but he was aware that he couldn’t. “Spencer?”

He cleared his throat. “Yea, hi Maeve.”

“What’s wrong? You’ve been crying. I can hear it in your voice.”

“I can’t talk to you anymore.”

“What do you mean? Why?” She was hurt and he could immediately hear her voice strain. “I thought Y/N kicked you out?”

“She did. She told me to make a choice. I feel something for you. It’s more than friendship, but it’s not what I have with Y/N. I love her so much and I can’t imagine my life without her.”

“She’s making you choose? Why can’t we at least be friends?” 

He needed to conclude this call quickly. “She’s not making me choose. It’s my choice. I choose her. I want to marry her. I want a family with her. I want to grow old with her, and if I had my choice I would die the day before she did so I never had to live a day without her. I can’t thank you enough for helping me with my migraines, but I can’t be friends with you because there’s something else there, and I refuse to continue hurting Y/N. I’m sorry, Maeve.” With the words out, he felt a weight lift off his shoulders. “Goodbye.” When he hung up, he stood up from the bench and walked toward Morgan’s place. Tomorrow, with a full night’s rest, he’d go see Y/N and hope that he wasn’t too late.


While he waited for the door to open, he prayed that the damage wasn’t already done. The door swung open. “What is it?” Tears were already forming in her eyes; he was pretty sure crying was all she’d been doing, and he hated himself for being the cause. “I don’t feel like doing this, so make it quick.”

“I-I don’t want her,” he stuttered. “I want you. I called her and told her I couldn’t see or talk to her ever again.”

“Did you…do you love her?” She asked, biting her lower lip to stave off tears.

“It was more than friendship. I think I loved her, but I wasn’t in love with her…I tried to imagine my life without her and it hurt but I knew I’d get over it.” Hearing him speak the truth brought on a fresh wave of tears, but she also looked relieved. “When I tried to imagine my life without you, I felt hollow. I want you, for the rest of my life…if you’ll have me of course.”

“You still know her phone number.”

“I do,” he said, swallowing the lump in his throat. “I can’t un-know it, but I will never, ever use it again. You can check my phone whenever you want. Whatever you need to do to trust me again, I’ll do it. I need you to know that I only want you.” He took her hand and placed it over his frantically-beating heart. The heat of her skin calmed him.

“Don’t make me regret letting you in,” she said. A small smile formed at the corners of her lips. “If I find out you ever had any contact with her again, we’re done.”

“I promise,” he said quickly. He caressed the side of her face and pressed his forehead to hers. “You’re all I want.”

@coveofmemories @jamiemelyn @sexualemobitch @unstoppableangel8 @iammostdefinitelyonfire26 @rmmalta @lukeassmanalvez @reddie-for-mileven @hogwarts-konoha 

Things I googled today because of this thing I’m writing:
  • what a ballerina’s posture should look like while dancing
  • alternative words for ‘nonsense’ that the upper-class used in the 19th-century
  • what the beam-thingies that lights hang from in a theatre above the stage are called
  • synonyms for ‘aria’ 
  • synonyms for most musical terms that come from Latin/Italian (gdi why is there only one word for each thing this is not helpful when you’re a writer!)
  • Gaston Leroux’s biography because I got distracted 
  • men hairstyles for long hair in 19th-century France 
  • the ranks between prima ballerina and the corps de ballet for ballet dancers

anonymous asked:

Hi! I’m really sorry I know your asks/blog in general is much more up to date and thorough as what’s going on right now but I’m pretty new to the snk fandom and I’ve caught up with the manga but my main question/confusion is, how would eren change his overview about humanity/the world in general after knowing grisha’s memories and why is there a possibility that he is now the antagonist of this story? I kinda have an idea and I know I gotta reread it again but I just needed confirmation THANK U

We don’t really know yet how Eren has changed or what his intentions are. I’m anxious to find that out myself in upcoming chapters. What you are hearing is all speculation. Fans are very divided about where Eren stands as it relates to his world view. A lot of that division is coming from information in recent interviews.

First, Reiner was called “another protagonist” in  Illustration Note magazine No. 43 (link). I feel like the qualifier “another” is probably important. 

Then there is this from an August 2017 interview in BSM

Up until now, what I’ve drawn is Eren’s perspective of those within the walls, but for the Marley Arc, the same individuals appear as enemies of the Marley. Through that, the situation has evolved into how the Marley and the readers no longer know what the other side is planning. Until now, this role of someone who is unpredictable has always been given to the Titans. So by doing this, I have flipped the script on who is good or evil.  (source: @fuku-shuu​)

He’s “flipped the script on who is good or evil” by showing us the perspective of the other side and Eren is obviously an antagonist to those living in Marley. That doesn’t mean he’s the antagonist for the series as a whole.

Isayama went on to add this about the ending of the series:

Ultimately, I don’t think the series passes judgment on what is “right” or “wrong.” … But considering the root of the issue, rather than evaluating “what is right”…to be influenced by various other works and their philosophies, and to truthfully illustrate my exact feelings during those moments - I think that’s what Shingeki no Kyojin’s ending will resemble.

What I take from this…uh… bit of enlightenment is there there’s no right or wrong. No heroes. No villains. Just people doing the best they can based on the information they’ve been given. It might be up to us as individuals to render judgment. If that’s the case, I fear the debate will continue long after the series ends.

anonymous asked:

Liza - Did you see what that actresss who plays the witch said to that fan? Stop watching. I guess she told us. Is that really the message the show wants to send to fans? It's already one of the lowest rated shows as it is.

I did see it. @counttotwenty and I were just goggling about it.  This is certainly one strategy to deal with the fallout from the chronic consent problems this show has. 

It’s funny because earlier this week @musingsfrommymessymind and I were talking and dubbed her the most annoying new cast member.  Mostly based on her penchant for taking instagram stories of Colin, the most private of the cast, in the make up room when he’s completely unaware and posting them. 

Perhaps that was the first clue that she doesn’t understand what consent means in any situation?  Like you don’t take video of your famous coworker in a private moment and post it publicly without his consent.

I’m hoping she’s just very young and inexperienced and doesn’t know that you don’t do that, and doesn’t really understand the abhorrent history this show has with rape and the way it’s portrayed. Perhaps she doesn’t get that fans are not reacting to the episode last night in a vacuum, fans are reacting to 6 years of this show writing rape and not calling it that and redeeming the perpetrators (Regina, Neal, Zelena to name a few) without any mention of it what so ever. 

I am a little surprised she wasn’t prepped at all that there was going to be fallout from this storyline. ABC seemed to back away from promoting the episode, I don’t think there were any sneak peeks, no interviews with anyone before the ep (it’s Nov sweeps usually key actors would be doing rounds of phoners etc for pre promotion) so it seemed like someone at ABC knew that they were getting into sensitive areas in the current #metoo climate.

As for her recommendation? Done! No problem. I won’t be watching the show. 

The Phantomhives are actually a family of demons??

I don’t know if someone already mentioned this( probably but here is my theory on it anyway). Like Yo, lowkey, I never took the Sebastian = Vincent theory seriously, but WHAT IF it is actually true? The Phantomhives are actually a long line descended from demons?

JUST LOOK AT THIS COMPARISON. (Vincent above and Sebastian on the bottom)

I honestly never saw the so called “resemblance” before, not until I saw THIS. Sure, it could be a mere coincidence or just Yana’s art style, but if we’ve learned anything since the reveal of there being two Ciel’s, it’s that Yana doesn’t do “mere coincidences” - no. Yana PLANS. She HINTS. Everything she’s done has meaning of some kind. I highly doubt she was unaware when she drew BOTH Sebastian and Vincent in the SAME positions BOTH in a moment of death. I 100% believe it was intentional.

Which brings me to my next point.

How could Sebastian be Vincent? Well, as we all know, when Ciel first meets Sebastian his face is hidden. None of us - not even Ciel, actually knows what he really looks like. But we do know that Sebastian chose to take on the form he thought best suited what Ciel wanted as a butler. Emphasis on the “take on form part” - meaning he can willing alter his appearance to be whatever he wants.

That’s why, according to this theory, I believe it’s possible that Vincent could have been a demon all along, and for whatever reason he chose to accept his death or allow his family to be brutalized like they were (as a demon he may value human like differently), he came back in disguise to protect and look after his his remaining son. (Who knows, Vincent may be apart of some great big conspiracy we know nothing about that is begin why the murders happened!)

Yes, this does sound like a stretch, even to me. But then I look back at the Green Witch Arc and I remember something very crucial.

Two new reapers appeared, and Ciel was able to SEE them - something that normal humans are UNable to do (at least according to the new reapers). They find it surprising. And what conclusion does the reapers come to?


Not only that, but they also question if it’s because Ciel is somehow close to death. I know people have been speculating Undertaker is the connection, but based on this theory I think it could be Sebastian and not just because of the contract.

If Vincent was actually Sebastian, that means Ciel, by blood, must have some demon in him too. (I know it makes no sense to use the anime for references, but I do believe in some ways, the author gives an idea of events to come in the manga to the ones responsible for the show in order to keep it from going tok fsr off track, some creators do that: Alois is a good example that I think is reflected some way in the Manga being R.Ciel, but that is another story) So if we take a look at season 2 of the anime we see that demon Ciel is in fact a thing. It may not go down the exact same way in the Manga though, but I don’t think its entirely out of the question, like say, if Ciel was somehow related to actual demons.

In a way, it sort of make sense. I mean, just listent to the name of their family. PHANTOMhive. A. HIVE. OF. PHATOMS. Demon are also known to be phantoms in some cultures. Plus, some surnames were originally given based on characteristics of a family such as occupation or appearance.

At first, I thought this was just a stylistic choice to fit the dark atmosphere of BB, but the more I think about it, the more on the nose it feels. And as I said, Yana PLANS. Everything directly connected to the story has meaning. Furthermore, how on earth was Vincent ever able to meet or connect with Undertaker if he was just an ordinary human? If The Phantomhives are descendants of actual demons then it’s easy to see how they could have been wrapped up with a reaper if not more supernatural beings.

Anyways, I know this might sound like a stretch, or I may just be repeating something someone already said or that’s obvious or something. But well, it crossed my mind and I wanted to share my thoughts on this theory.

anonymous asked:

I enjoy Harry Potter (hate like 99% of the fandom though) and honestly I felt so attacked. why boss, what'd I ever do to you ;~;

ignoring what this ask says i loved that you called me boss. everyone can do that from now on
Roxane Gay Wants You to See Fat People as Humans
The best-selling author gets candid about bodies for BAZAAR's Women Who Dare series.

Gay, who grew up in Nebraska, admits that it is in her writing—on social media or otherwise—that she feels the most seen and heard. “I’m pretty shy and quiet, but writing is a place where I don’t have to be shy or quiet. And that’s exhilarating,” she says, adding, “I can be very daring on Twitter.” This, though, has led to some impossible expectations from readers and fans, who often demand her to be, what she calls, an opinion vending machine. “When something terrible happens, people expect me to have an immediate response,” says Gay. “It’s singing for your supper.” Fortunately, with three best-selling books under her belt, she is at a place in her career where she can be reflective, taking more time to formulate her opinions—a privilege she would like to see extended to other thinkers today. “Now I’m allowed to be more thoughtful in how I respond to things. But when you’re first starting out, you’re always expected to have an immediate response, often for ‘exposure,’” she reveals.

Still, when it comes to the subject of bodies, Gay is always armed with a lightning rod response. Particularly fat bodies, and the way the world treats them. Gay deals with a lot of pushback from the world about her body, and despite her growing level of recognition, she is constantly expected to answer for it. “I really wish people would see fat people as humans. Our bodies are vulnerable, our bodies are strong; they matter just like other bodies,” says Gay, whose third book, Hunger, is a powerful memoir about food, weight, and self-image. “They are not all necessarily diseased,” she continues. “A lot of times people see fatness as sickness and that’s not necessarily the case, just like thinness is not necessarily equated with health. I wish people had more empathy and consideration for different types of bodies and didn’t immediately start to approach fat bodies as, ‘Oh, this is a problem and this problem needs to be solved.’ That’s just such a bad way to go about treating other human beings.”

So I was wondering...

Over the past couple of weeks, my blog has absolutely slowed down to a snails pace as far as activity goes and why. I was also wondering how I went from over 100-200 page hits on a daily basis, to maybe fucking 10. Like this shit is incredibly off. Normally when I put out new materials, things pop off in my activity. It hasn’t been doing that lately. 

Come to find out, that would be because Tumblr @staff fucked up the entire way your stuff now gets seen now. Smh.

They’ve implemented what’s called the “Best Stuff First” feature – and it’s killing content creators chances of being seen. So if you can, please be sure to GO TURN THAT SHIT OFF IN YOUR SETTINGS!

Apparently if your posts aren’t popular straight out of the gate, you’re not really going to get seen.

Also, another way to defeat this: be sure to visit your favorite tags on the desktop (not the mobile app) through as it’ll still pull up materials in their proper order in the tags. But you have to be on the desktop site to make it work, as the mobile app is shitty.

First of all, this new “Best Stuff First” implementation defeats the entire purpose of Tumblr. Tumblr is an open blogging platform for everyone and gives everyone – a chance to be seen. Now some actual living and breathing jackass on their team, has completely fucked over everyone else. 

I’ve used this site since 2012 – I use it because it’s open and it’s much easier getting seen / interacting with folks on here, than it is on almost ANY other Social Media site (this includes Facebook and Twitter). Now, they’ve went ahead and sincerely screwed over people from getting seen… Unless they’re already popular on the website. It defeats the purpose. 

Also, you’ve heavily screwed content creators (such as myself and countless others). We spent hours or even days getting our materials ready to share with the world, only to realize “hey it’s not getting seen like it once was because we totes can’t have you little guys out shining our sponsored blogs / blog posts!”

So Tumblr Staff, you’ve screwed up — now you need to fix this utter bullshit. Get rid of this feature. It’s hurting content creators and it hurts our followers as well who are having trouble seeing our stuff unless we’re directly tagging them. You fucked up, time to own it and fix it.