from now on im going to be a little less fat

US Presidents As Dril Tweets
  • George Washington: another day volunteering at the betsy ross museum. everyone keeps asking me if they can fuck the flag. buddy, they wont even let me fuck it
  • John Adams: "ah boo hoo hoo i want to post Foul comments to content leaders" Fat Chance, Dimwit. I will annihilate you under bulwark of the Law and God.
  • Thomas Jefferson: Q: If your post was proven by a counsil of wise men to be racist, or bullshit, would you bar it from the record? A: I do not delete my posts
  • James Madison: (sniffing a crumpled up one dollar bill i found on the floor of a dog kennel) ah.. thats greenbacks baby
  • James Monroe: for decades i have traversed the unforgiving mountains and rivers of south america, hoping to catch a glimpse of the fabled "ass downloader"
  • John Quincy Adams: "This Whole Thing Smacks Of Gender," i holler as i overturn my uncle's barbeque grill and turn the 4th of July into the 4th of Shit
  • Andrew Jackson: handing Faves over to my enemies is FRAUD !! base, contemptible FRAUD!
  • Martin Van Buren: Food $200
  • Data $150
  • Rent $800
  • Candles $3,600
  • Utility $150
  • someone who is good at the economy please help me budget this. my family is dying
  • William Henry Harrison: (spends all of 7 seconds skimming some blog posts) yep. just as i knew all along. having pnuamonia is good
  • John Tyler: fuck "jokes". everything i tweet is real. raw insight without the horse shit. no, i will NOT follow trolls. twitter dot com. i live for this
  • James K. Polk: thhere is no such thing as charisma, and art is fake. the only metrics by which we must determine the worth of a man are Strength and Wisdom
  • Zachary Taylor: the doctor reveals my blood pressure is 420 over 69. i hoot & holler outta the building while a bunch of losers tell me that im dying
  • Millard Fillmore: trying to heal..... please donate to my go fund me... $10 will make me less racist... $100 will make me extremely less racist...thank you...
  • Franklin Pierce: blocked. blocked. blocked. youre all blocked. none of you are free of sin
  • James Buchanan: #NationalGirlfriendDay please cherish your gal's.. in honor of us, the single Boys who must sacrifice all companionship to #CarryTheBrand...
  • Abraham Lincoln: unloading an entire belt of ammo at me with a minigun or some such device will now get you "Blocked"
  • Andrew Johnson: who the fuck is scraeming "LOG OFF" at my house. show yourself, coward. i will never log off
  • Ulysses S. Grant: i regret being tasked the emotional burden of maintaining the final bastion of morality and Nice manners in this endless ocean of human SHIT
  • Rutherford B. Hayes: using the toilet when i hear Our national anthem start to play. i do what i must. i stand tall in complete agony; as shit runs down my leg,
  • James A. Garfield: too much truth in such little time. feeling the heat cominh down to silence me... signing off........ for now
  • Chester A. Arthur: i WILL wise the fuck up. i WILL super charge my content for 2017. i WILL get blue check mark
  • Grover Cleveland: the way i see it, people who come on here and submit content that is not up to par, could possibly be considered the "Villains" of this site
  • Benjamin Harrison: i help every body, im not racist, i keep myself nice, and when i ask for a single re-tweet in return i am told to fuck off, fuck myself, etc
  • William McKinley: boy oh boy do i love purchasing large amounnts of Fool's Gold. wait a minute... fools gold fucking sucks. this stuff is no good..!! Fuck !!!
  • Theodore Roosevelt: IF THE ZOO BANS ME FOR HOLLERING AT THE ANIMALS I WILL FACE GOD AND WALK BACKWARDS INTO HELL
  • William H. Taft: ah.. the perfect Souffle! cant wait to dig in to t(*EVERY PIPE IN MY HOUSE EXPLODES AT THE SAME TIME, COVERING ME IN SHIT AND BOILING WATER*
  • Woodrow Wilson: the conflicted supersoldier stares over the horizon as he smokes a cigarette. "war is the most fucked up thing ever." he takes a sip of beer
  • Warren G. Harding: somebody please Bribe me
  • Calvin Coolidge: aggressively joyless oaf hhere. painfully obnoxious respect demander checkign in. extremely dim witted frowning man looking for pals
  • Herbert Hoover: it is really quite astonishing that I have yet to win The Lottery, given how good I am at selecting six numbers and saying them out loud
  • Franklin D. Roosevelt: ive never heard of this “europe” but it sounds like a big bunch of shit to me
  • Harry Truman: everybody wants to be the guy to write the tweet that solves racism once and for all because it would look good as hell on a resume
  • Dwight D. Eisenhower: my "F*&k It!! Let's Go Golfin" t-shirt maintains a tenacious stranglehold on my life. after 1,125 days of Golf my body is twisted, deformed
  • John F. Kennedy: when you do sutuff like... shoot my jaw clean off of my face with a sniper rifle, it mostly reflects poorly on your self
  • Lyndon B. Johnson: incredibly handsome , charismatic famous boy credited with ending income inequality after saying that slumlords should be called "dumblords"
  • Richard Nixon: i attribute the complete failure of my brand to the actions of detractors, oor my “trolls”, as it were, as well as my own constant fuckups
  • Gerald Ford: shutting computer down until the shitty moods & attitudes can fuck off., if you need me ill be on my other computer, sititng 60° to my right
  • Jimmy Carter: i warnned you all that bad things would happen if you kept letting your wives wear jeans. AND NOW LOOK! the damn gas prices are up again
  • Ronald Reagan: spend a lot of time thinking about how sometimes even war criminals can be heroes sometimes... Dont like it? Click the unfollow buttobn
  • George H.W. Bush: just thought off an idea i believe to be bad ass. lets find the address of the leader of isis, and mail him/ her pieces of our SHIT
  • Bill Clinton: were at the point now, that when i offer to impregnate my girl followers, people assume my motives are sexual. disgusting, grow the fuck up,
  • George W. Bush: friday night gathering up together a big pile of things i like to respect (flags, crucifixes ,etc) and just roll around in it ,give kisses,
  • Barack Obama: my IQ has increased 10 points ever since i stopped tollerating people mucking about, on the time line
  • Donald Trump: no
Shut Up

Richard x Reader One-Shot

Warnings: Fluff. Severe flirting. Make him stop.

Today had been tiring, but tonight was proving to be incredibly boring. You had half a mind to go straight to bed at 9 pm. You sat on the sofa watching a reality programme on your TV, not really paying attention to anything happening. As you went to change the channel the table next to you buzzed quietly. It was your phone. You picked it up and clicking the home button you found two new messages. You unlocked your phone to read them in full, seeing they were from Richard when you did.

The first one read. This was a little odd considering Richard literally never messaged you a hello.

The second one said. You wondered what he wanted from you and the idea of him texting you first made the butterflies in your stomach do somersaults.

You decided to reply three minutes later. The problem was you were stubborn. You loved rich to pieces but god forbid he ever found out of your feelings for him. So waiting a while to text him was a common occurrence in your life.

Sure it wasn’t a romantic line but it was to the point, you answered his question. You placed your phone back down on the table and went to grab the remote. Before your touch grasped the end of it your phone began to buzz once more. You picked it up and read the next message.

Your butterflies were doing nose dives now. Come over wasn’t a question, it was almost a demand. You didn’t want to seem eager so you replied to him instead.

You couldn’t think of anything else to say but asking why he wanted you there seemed fair to you.

Rich had replied with the simple word “movie”;. You had no idea what movie you’d be watching with him tonight and as much as you wanted to be subtle with your feelings you really wanted to spend time with the man. You replied to him quickly and picked up your car keys to leave.

You were in your pajamas but you were too cozy to change, so you slipped a hoodie on with some trainers before hopping into your tiny car. You were nervous to spend time with the guy, which you knew was darn right stupid because you were fine if more people were around. You hung out with him a lot, but never alone and never at his place. You knew where he lived from where you borrowed certain things from him and the drive there was quick and quiet. It was almost 10 pm so the city had settled down and there wasn’t as much traffic as in the day.

When you pulled up into Richard’s driveway you picked up your phone once more to send him another text. He had already responded with two very typically Richard emoticons. You smiled to yourself and replied. You waited in the car where it was warm for him to come and let you into the house, but he instead texted you back again.

That lazy asshole couldn’t even be bothered to come and let you in. You locked your car and made your way over to his house, letting yourself into his house. You took off your trainers in the hallway and announced yourself.

“Richie? Where you at?” You called out towards the ceiling, for some reason expecting the roof to have answers for you. You heard that southern accent echo down the stairs to you.

“Im up here!” He called out. “First door on the left!” He called out once more. Trust you to fall for a lazy man. You chuckled to yourself and began making your way upstairs. The stairs were dark as were the hallway,only being illuminated slightly by a warm lamp on the wall.

“Rich?” You asked quietly, poking your head through the door. You weren’t expecting to see the man in sweatpants and nothing else and you definitely weren’t expecting him to be laying in bed.

“Hey, Y/N….” The man said, still looking at the television he had mounted on the wall. He finally put the remote down and turned to look at you, immediately bursting into a fit of laughter, probably because of your outfit choice. “…You’re wearing Disney pajamas, seriously?” He was cackling to himself and causing you to blush severely. You couldn’t help but smile back though, the more you tried hard not to the bigger your smile got. “…You look adorable!” Richard exclaimed. As you were about to walk across his bedroom to a chair on the side of the bed, the man got out of his bed and waltzed on over to you, grabbing you and pulling you flush to his bare chest. You thanked god for the low lights in this room right now, because beetroots had nothing on your face.

“Honestly when you say ‘movie’, a girl assumes you’re downstairs with popcorn. Not in bed, half naked.” You began to make conversation with him, trying not to think about how good it felt to feel his bare back as he hugged you. His skin was hot to the touch, and boy was it soft on your fingers. Stop it. You mentally scolded yourself. Richard laughed at you, breaking away from your body now.

“Well if you look behind me….” He pointed behind himself at a table he had that had plenty of snacks. Popcorn, chips, a little bit of candy and some beer.

“Holy shit, you outdid yourself tonight, Rich.”

“My lady needs feeding if she’s gonna watch a movie.” Your heart jumped in your chest at the phrase ‘my lady’. You swallowed hard, trying to smile and not appear as awkward as you were certainly feeling. You walked over to sit on the chair by the side of the bed, but Richard turned around and gave you one hell of a glare.

“The fuck you doing?” He walked over to you and grabbed your hand, pulling you up from the chair with one pull. He pulled you so hard that you ended up stumbling into his chest again, somewhere you really didn’t want to be right now. He grabbed you, chuckling. “Get in the bed.” He commanded, alarmingly.

“S-sorry?” You asked, barely a whisper leaving your mouth.

“I didn’t invite you over to my house, late at night, to sit on an old wooden seat next to my bed. I wanted a cuddle buddy for a movie. Now get in the bed.”

Wh- okay!- okay! I’m moving!” He pushed you towards the bed and eventually you climbed up and sat down against the headboard, waiting nervously for him to climb in too and turn the movie on. You vauegly saw the dvd he was holding and you could just make out that it was some kind of war film, very typical of him. But it didn’t matter much to you as you enjoyed spending time with him. Tonight you were on red alert however as the man was shirtless and in bed next to you.

You were silent as you began watching the film, two dim lamps illuminating the bedroom walls. You were very aware of Richard’s chest heaving up and down slowly as he breathed heavily. He seemed very tired already. You wanted to do something, to look less awkward and feel less but you didn’t know what to do. You placed your hands on your lap and played with the materials of your pajama bottoms. Rich was eating his way through an entire bag of pretzels, offering you one every two minutes. Every time you shook your head, too scared to go near him. 

About half an hour into the film the table next to you began to vibrate. You looked to your left and noticed a phone going off. 

“Oh I left my phone on that side…” Richard realised. 

“That’s alright I’ll pass it over…” You replied, reaching to grab it. Before your fingers touched the metal gadget, Richard had leaned completely over you. You shrieked to yourself as you hadn’t expected the man to be virtually on top of you.

“Richard!” You shouted. He simply let out a throaty cackle. The bastard knew full well what he was doing, teasing you and mocking you. “Get back over there, you big idiot.” 

“You calling me fat?” Richard sounded serious now, though you knew he was teasing again. He sat back against the headboard and looked back at the tv.

“I wish you wouldn’t say things like that.”

“What do you mean? I’m joking.”

“I know it’s a joke, but I know that there’s bits of that joke that you believe now and again.” You hated Richard’s self esteem problems, even though he didn’t show them very often. 

“Don’t worry about it, it’s fine.” Richard shrugged and pretended to be distracted by the movie. You didn’t mean to, but you snapped.

“It’s not fine! You’re gorgeous!”  You yelled.

You instantly realised that you’d just screamed your attraction at him, but you remained calm and pretended you didn’t care. Rich sat there silent for a few moments, you assumed he was thinking about having you sectioned under the mental health act for your outburst. 

“You think im gorgeous, huh?” Rich said softly, breaking the silence. You sighed loudly at his response. Richard chuckled. “I’ll never be on your level of gorgeousness. You’re like…..a goddess or something.”

“What?” You furrowed your brows and squinted his way. “Im sat in a god damn hoodie and pajamas, I’m not agoddess. You need new glasses.” You turned your attention back to the movie. 

“Y/N…..a blind man would know you’re a goddess. A straight women or a gay man would. Pajamas don’t take away that, they just make you god damn adorable along with it. I just wanna scoop you up into a blanket.” Richard giggled to himself at the image of you wrapped up in a blanket like a tiny animal. He’d finished his pretzels and disposed of the rubbish. 

“That why you wanted me to be a cuddle-buddy?” You asked. You were trying to remain normal and maybe even sane. 

“Nah. Called you over to get in your pants, obviously.” He wiggled his eyebrows at you and you covered your face in shame and embarrassment. 

“You’re so not funny.” You winced at his teasing but continued trying to watch the film. 

“Ah. Shut up.” Rich retorted. 

“Make me” You shot back quickly without thinking any further. Before you could think about what you’d said the man was leaning heavily over your legs, his right hand planted onto the pillow next to you and his lips attached to yours. 

It was….bliss. It felt like somebody had taken every little anecdote, every happy story, every funny memory and smile you’d ever made. Like they’d put all of that happiness into this kiss. The kiss lasted all but three seconds, but it felt like it lasted a lifetime. When you finally opened your eyes, auspicious looking eyes were staring back into them, long eyelashes brushes across the bottom of his eyes as he looked down to your lips once more. Then he kissed you again, for two seconds longer than before. And you felt the same buzz and energy. 

You spoke when he broke away for a second time. 

“That was a figure of speech…….I didn’t mean it.” You said quietly. He chuckled lightly. His face was so close you could almost feel his laugh against the skin of your face.

“I meant it. Shut up.” Richard repeated, and he dove back in to kiss you once more. You moaned into the kiss this time and Richard took it as an ‘ok’ to kiss you deeper and for longer. After several breathless moments he broke away, resting his forehead against your head and closing his eyes.

“Stay with me.” He whispered.

“What?” You asked.

“Stay here tonight. Sleep next to me. Please?” He asked you very sweetly, and who were you to deny the man of his cuddle buddy?. You switched off the lamp on your side, as he switched off the television and his lamp. He then lifted the covers for you to slip in with him, then snuggled up an inch away from you. For about twenty minutes all he did was watch you, as you peacefully fell asleep next to him.


Issues- Part Eight

ISSUES
Negan x you

When the saviours turn up early Negan comes face to face with one of the secrets Rick has been keeping from him. His eldest daughter.

Warning
This chapter contains a sexual nature and of course bad language from the start.  Enjoy :)

Word Count- 2,131

Read previous parts- HERE

Part Eight

Negan” I whispered, loud enough for him to hear. A hum was my response “Thank you”

“Any-fucking-time doll” he pulled me tighter but this tugged on my stitches and I couldn’t stop the ‘ouch’ that escaped my lips “How is your face?” He moved up on to his forearms to look at it.

“Sore” I admitted. Like someone was constantly stabbing my face with teeny tiny needles.

“Are you in pain?” He looked a little worried.

“A little” I admitted.

Huffing he got out of bed and cracked open the door. What was he doing? He did know he was in just a black pair of underpants and a white t-shirt? Right?

“Get some painkillers from the good old doctor for y/n. Her face is hurting and be fucking quick about it” Turning to me he said “I don’t like him being outside your door” so it wasn’t Joey tonight? I don’t know why but I suddenly felt a little less safe. Oh.

“Thank you” I said as the door closed with a click behind him.

“I told you, you need anything, and I do mean fucking anything you tell any of my fucking men and they will get it for you”

“I dont..”

“Just ask y/n” he said frustrated as he sat back down on the bed “I won’t keep fucking telling you”

Sorry

He stayed silent for a little while before turning to face me.

“Three stitches?” He asked running his finger so gently I barley felt it over them “God I wish I could be angry but Joey said you saved his life”

“I couldn’t let him get hurt, he wasn’t harming me or anything” I couldn’t let Daryl kill someone who didn’t deserve it.

“Fat Joseph is a fucking pussy cat” Negan laughed as his fingers moved down to my neck, leaving a trail of goosebumps. God this man is… I don’t even know how to explain it. Fuck.

“You like him” I smiled.

“I trust him” was his response. He fucking liked him and he knew that I knew it.  Maybe Negan was the fucking pussy cat. To me.

“You need to rest, give your beautiful face some time to heel”

A knock at the door surprised us both.

“That’ll be your painkillers” Negan smiled as he got off the bed and opened the door. I didnt see who was on the other side but soon enough Negan was back holding a glass of water and two white pills in his hand “Take them”

“I don’t want to sleep” I mumbled after swallowing the painkillers. I hope they kick in fast. That would be fucking nice.

“Ohhhhh damn” he had a glint in his eye that made me squirm “What have you got in mind y/n” he fucking winked at me.

I couldn’t fight the laugh that was building and had to let it out. Dropping backwards on the bed I could feel tears run down my face from laughing. How could this man just… fuck what was he doing to me?

I felt rather than heard him get back onto the bed, crawling so that his body was hovering above mine.

“You’re so beautiful” he said as I quietened, his fingers running up my ribcage. God those fingers.

Instead of speaking I lifted my head and kissed him.

His lips moulded to mine instantly. God he tasted so fucking good.

Moaning into my mouth he pressed his body onto mine, his entire body weight was on me. I could feel him. He was hard.

I couldn’t help the smile that tugged on my lips as we kissed. I did that.

I wanted more.

I needed more.

His hand pulled my t-shirt upwards, exposing my breasts to the cold air of the room.

Negan” I breathed heavily as his mouth left mine and found their way downwards. Oh my god.

My body felt like it was vibrating.

“I need you

You’ve got me” he told me as he came face to face with me again.

My lips found his as his hand found its way inside my underwear.

Oh my god.

Is he going to..

Yesssss

This man was not what I had expected.

His fingers were sliding in and out. Never faulting in movement as I writhed on the bed. Oh my god.

I could feel myself tightening. I was going to explode.

“Come on baby girl”

Negan

“Oh god, I’m going to….. I’m go….Im going to cum

“Yes come on y/n, cum for me”

Lights flashed under my eyelids as I did.

Holy fucking hell.

Woah.

“That was a fucking beautiful site” Negan spoke as he removed his hand from my underwear “Jesus y/n you are going to be the death of me”

“Don’t say that”

“Yeah I guess that has a different bloody meaning now, huh?” He mumbled running his fingers through his hair. Wet fingers. Holy shit.

“You won’t leave, will you” he said suddenly catching me off guard as I came down off of my high.

“What?”

Me” Leave him?

“I’m not going anywhere Negan but I won’t become one of them” Why would I leave him? Unless he did something to hurt me or, or Judith. God I missed her.

“I know

“Joey told me that th..” I paused. Did I really want to have this conversation after what just happened? I wanted more to happen.

“What?”

“He told me that you hadn’t been, to see them” I asked pulling my shirt down to cover myself once again suddenly feeling exposed “Is it true?” The man just had his hand in your underwear and now you feel exposed? God.

“Doll I haven’t fucking so much as been in the same room as any of them since the day you made me a fucking lemonade” he admitted turning his back to me.

“Why?”

“Because I met you

“You’re so confusing” I admitted because he was “Apparently they talk, about me”

“Pay no attention to it, I told you that…”

“I’d say yes if I was the only one” cutting him off from whatever he said.

It was the truth.

I had never paid any thought to it before but it was the fucking truth. If they didn’t exist I would be his, forever. You already are. Just admit it.

He stayed silent but I could feel the tension in the room begin to build. I should not of said that. Fuck.

“You don’t get to tell me what to fucking do here y/n” he said slowly but there was anger there. Shit

“I wasn’t I was just stating a fact Negan”

But it was no good he was already standing up and pulling his jeans on.

“Dont go” I begged “Please, I’m sorry I..”

“Sleep, I’ll be back I just gotta think”

He didn’t look at me as he left, slamming the door behind him making the mirror on the wall shake.

Fuck.

He didn’t come back before the sun had risen.

I felt numb, for the first time Negan hadn’t kept his word.

He hadn’t come back.

———

Unable to sleep now it was light I got dressed. I was hungry.

Opening my door I was shocked to see that the chair that always had somebody sat In it was empty. Why?

Had Negan got so pissed off with what I had said last night he decided I wasn’t worth protecting anymore? My heart hurt at this.

God why couldn’t I just bask in the glow of a Negan induced orgasm and let him… god what I wanted that man to do to me. I was so messed up.

My stomach rumbled reminding me I was indeed still hungry.

Fuck it.

There is no one here to ask about breakfast so I was going to have to try and find my own way to the cafeteria.

Closing the door to my room behind me I started walking the way Dwight had taken me the first day I had been out of the room. Was that really only the day before yesterday? Jesus.

A few men passed me as I walked, a couple looked at me but no one said anything. I guess I was allowed to wonder then?

Y/n?”

Surprised to hear a recognisable voice I looked to my left to see Eugene walking towards me. He was wearing a long black coat that I had defiantly never seen him in before.

Negan gave it to him?

Negan. Fuck.

“Eugene” I smiled, he looked good. He was safe and hadn’t been injured. This is good.

Part of me wondered if he was being held like Daryl.

Hugging him I felt a little better.

“What are you doing?” I asked as a couple more men passed. These I recognised. They had been at Alexandria. One winked at me and it shot shivers down my spine, and not in a good way. I didn’t like him.

“Breakfast” Eguene said. He had never been one for many words.

“Me too” I nodded “Its this way, right?” I pointed to the corridor I had been just about to walk down. This place was like a maze. I needed a map or something.

“It most certainly is” he nodded “Shall we?”

It felt nice to be around someone I had known for a year or so I guess? Time was a funny thing now. I was never really sure of what day or even year it was anymore. It didn’t matter I guess.

Having breakfast with Eugene was odd, it felt like I was in Alexandria. He had always been a little bit of a weirdo but he was smart. Negan saw that too and that is why he had him working for him.

Apparently he had him working on the walker wall out front, making them better, whatever that means and making Negan bullets. That didn’t surprise me. I mean the night we came here Negan called him ‘the bullet maker’.

“Have you seen Daryl or Rosita?” I had almost forgotten about her being here toowith everything. I wonder where she is?

What did Negan have her doing.

For a second I wondered if he had made her a wife and then I remembered he had confessed that he hadnt even been in a room with them since the first day I met him.

Part of me was worried that was no longer the case.

What if he went to see them last night after he left? What if thats why he didn’t come back?

“No” Eugene answered. He was about to say something else but stopped the moment someone sat on either side of him. Women.

Two women.

In black dressed.

Shit, his wives.

I didn’t want to be here. I didn’t want to see let alone have to speak to them.

One with almost black hair whispered in Eugenes ear while the other, a fiery red head just starred at me.

“You’re her aren’t you?” She said suddenly “You’re the reason”

“Amber!” She was cut off by the other one.

“What don’t tell me you haven’t been curious on what she looked like?” She laughed twirling a perfect curl in her fingers. She looked at me again and I just knew she was the one Joey had mentioned yesterday. The one who had a meltdown that time.

I felt uncomfortable. Every fibre of me wanted to bolt out of the room.

“Ladies, me and y/n are having breakfast we can discuss this later” Eugene spoke up. There was a nervous expression on his face. They were up to something.

As Amber glared at me the one with dark hair, who’s name I didn’t know gave me a small smile.

“What are you discussing with Negans wives?” I asked as they moved away. The sound of their heels echoing around the room. Whatever it was it couldn’t be good.

He wasn’t able to answer my question though as the double doors flew open as Dwight and another savior walked in. Looking me dead in the eyes he almost rolled his own before speaking into a radio he was holding.

What is he doing?

Turning back to Eugene as he finished eating “I think..”

“Y/n, come on” Dwight spoke coming to a stop at the table we sat at “Negans been looking for you” 

“I’m having breakfast” I told him. Once again everyones eyes were on me “I’ll find him when I am finished” He kept me waiting, it was his turn now.

“Y/n you should most certainly go” Eugene spoke. Now I was the one rolling my eyes.

He was right. I fucking knew it but still I wanted to finish my breakfast. Picking up my bowl I stood up and followed Dwight out of the cafeteria as I ate. This was ridiculous.

———– 

If you would like to be tagged in future parts please let me know you amazing lot :) <3


tags-

@arwa-alii @negans-girl @aalexandra2712 @mylittlefandomfanfictions @amy-2496 @capricorn795 @aaaaaaand-its-gone @namelesslosers @norman1967 @fullofnegativity @climaxcal @lukas-stava @karlamoriarty @imaginesforthepeople @sarasmismyonlydefence @princess-katelyn-devitt @writer-foreverx @kingbouji3 @telltheking-cassetoi @m3ment0m0ri @laaadygisbooornex3 @its-bri19 @h00p3 @youtubelover027 @loveforfilm @jml509 @missmich14 @akavet-aliens @jeffreydaddymorganx @jenniegs @beingsad-is-kindofrad @sarahvlove @skeletonskillet @seriesmoviesstuff

Wouldn’t let me tag-

@negan-winchester @littlephoeonix-fire @pebbleheadd

The best and worst quotes from @straightcharactersoftheday

Today i took it upon myself to quote my favorite source of entertainment!
The fantastic blog @straightcharactersoftheday
I reeeaaallyyyy love that blog and i 10000000% think that straight characters need more representation??? like they are so right????????? straight characters are practically NON-EXISTENT NOW!
wowzers! 
all vry fantastic vry good statements are bolded

Keep reading

yikes-my-face  asked:

Bc I'm a sucker for angst and hurt and comfort was bby Hunk ever bullied in elementary school? I bet Daddy Keith would put a stop to it with his best sidekick Daddy Shiro!

[The Voltron Family] Hunk was a happy kid. He finally got adopted and he had two amazing daddies who loved him. Not to mention two siblings who were both lovely. They were a few grades down below him so their rooms were never near each other in school. It was Recess Time so lil Hunk pulled out his lunch box and took out his snacks: six slices of homemade butterscotch, one chicken and egg sandwich and one box of cold chocolate milk. He looked at it in delight and decided to dig in.

Classmate #1: Why do you have so many food?
Hunk: *puts down his sandwich* Oh, it’s because—
Classmate #2: IT’S BECAUSE HE’S FAT! *laughs while pointing at him*
Hunk: *frowns* Daddy Keith said I’m healthy. 
Classmate #2: That’s what they all say! *rolls eyes*
Classmate #1: Your mommy is overfeeding you.
Hunk: I don’t have a mommy. I have two daddies.
Classmate #3: Ewwwwwwww, that’s yucky! *makes weird noises*
Classmate #1: *laughs* I have a mommy and a daddy! Are you jealous?
Hunk: I’m not. I told you I have two daddies. 
Classmate #3: *approaches him* Maybe that’s why you’re weird. *grabs a butterscotch and eats it* You have a weird family. That’s why they overfeed you. That’s why you’re fat. No one loves fat people.
Hunk: *almost teary eyed* That’s not true! 
Classmate #3: This butterscotch tastes weird. Maybe I should get more to find out if it’s really delicious. *gets another one*
Hunk: You give that back to me! Daddy Keith baked that one for me!
Classmate #3: *munches* Hmmmm. Nope. I need more. *gets more*
Hunk: *teary eyed*
Classmate #3: *munches while raising an eyebrow* You could use less food.

During dinner that night…

Keith: Hunk, do you need more mashed potato?
Hunk: *shakes head* No, I’m okay, Daddy Keith.
Keith: You sure? You haven’t eaten a lot tonight.
Hunk: *smiles* Yeah, I’m sure! I ate a lot in school this morning. I’m not hungry.
Keith: Really? I just packed your usual one though?

That night, Keith came down to grab a glass of water when he saw little Hunk by the fridge. He had it opened and he was just staring at it. He reached out his hand to grab a banana but retracted it quickly. He closed the fridge and left. Keith went back to the master bedroom and woke Shiro up.

Keith: *taps Shiro’s arm to wake him up* Something’s wrong.
Shiro: *opens sleepy eyes* W-what? Are we being robbed?!
Keith: No. Even worse.
Shiro: *quickly sits up* *in defense* Did someone get murdered?!
Keith: Yeah, it’s my baby. *frowns* Someone murdered his love for food.

The following day, Keith and Shiro made it a point to be free and meet up at their children’s school. They met up at the parking lot and nodded in understanding. They slowly made their way to Hunk’s classroom, it was recess time. And they could see their child looking sad just eating his banana. The other kids teasing him and getting all of his brownies. Calling him names.

Keith: *eyes widens* What the shit?
Shiro: Keith. *holds his husband’s arm* Don’t do anything too drastic.
Keith: My child is being bullied for loving food, Shiro! What the hell? First it was with Lance being bullied for having two daddies, and now Hunk? What’s it gonna be for Pidge now? Why does this keep happening to our children? People don’t know jack shit of what we do to raise them properly in a very friendly environment. What do they think we do at home? Show them the homo ways of how to—
Shiro: So what do you want to do?
Keith: *huffs* I’m going to enter that room and tell them they’re idiots.
Shiro: Keith. 
Keith: I’m going to enter that room and do something. I can’t just stand here!
Shiro: You’re really hot when you get so fired up and ready to commit murder for our family. *smiles* It’s really cute.
Keith: You bet I am ready to commi— *realizes what Shiro said* What the hell? Stop flirting with me! I’m angry! 

That was when Shiro entered the room and everyone looked at him.

Shiro: Good Morning, children. I’m Doctor Takashi Kogane.
Keith: *from the outside* What the—
Hunk: *eyes widens* Daddy—
Shiro: *hush gesture* *winks at Hunk* Today I’m going going to tell you about the food pyramid! 
Classmate #1: But why? You’re not our teacher. *raises an eyebrow*
Shiro: I’m not. This is a special occasion. I’m here on special request. 

Then Shiro lectured them, about proper eating and how to eat healthy.

Shiro: *points at Hunk* That cute little boy over there. Come here.
Hunk: *nervous* *stands up*
Shiro: Now. Look at this boy. What’s your name, sweetheart?
Hunk: H-Hunk.
Shiro: *smiles* Hunk. Lovely name for such a lovely boy. So now, if I could just call in my lovely assistant. *looks out at Keith*
Keith: *slowly enters the room carrying a Tupperware
Shiro: This is Keith and he’s carrying brownies. *turns to Hunk* Hunk, sweetheart. How many brownies have you eaten today?
Hunk: *shakes head* N-none.
Shiro: *gasp* None!?? That’s not good at all! *turns to Keith* Keith, love. Give this poor boy your brownies. 
Keith: *smiles* *hands Hunk brownies*
Hunk: *takes them and eats them*
Keith: How do you feel?
Hunk: *smiles* Good! C-can I have more?
Keith: Of course. 
Shiro: They’re all yours now for being brave just being in front here with me. *turns to the children* If you look at Hunk, he has the perfect body of a healthy boy. Everyone should be like him and pretty much eat like him. Now remember kids, eat food and don’t bully people who have more appetite than you. Don’t call them fat and other stupid names. It’s going to hurt their feelings and will affect how they eat. Chances are, they’ll live longer than you. *winks*

When they were leaving the school grounds, they heard someone running and they looked back to see it was Hunk. He glomped at them and hugged them so tight while crying. 

Jealous [Anders/Fenris]

Insp. by this post: ‘we’ve been fucking with no strings attached but i just saw you go upstairs with another guy and im drunk and following you both upstairs to punch the shit out of him’.

Wrote this a while back and finally decided to post it, since I don’t think I will ever write a second part as I originally intended. I do feel I got it to a good enough stopping point that it stands on its own though, so enjoy!

Fandom: Dragon Age II
Pairing: Anders/Fenris
Rating: PG (no actual sex, but sexual references)
Words: 1892
Content warnings: Alcohol use, jealousy/possessiveness

Fenris growled and downed another gulp of the swill Varric had placed before him earlier that eve. The dwarf had given it high praise as “the only thing actually worth paying for at The Hanged Man” (though he’d later revised his claim after Isabela reminded him that she had a room there). Perhaps Aggregio Pavali had simply ruined him for all other spirits, but Fenris honestly couldn’t tell it apart from the usual piss water they drank on card nights.

He was now three pints in and nearing physical illness, and the shit still wasn’t doing its job. Oh, he was drunk. Perhaps drunker than he’d ever been, but damned if that meant anything. He still hadn’t managed to tear his attention away from the mage. His mage. His mage leaned heavily against an attractive blond human by the hearth fire, face pink from laughter, his amber eyes wide with unmistakable desire for the man at his side.

The drink had all but reduced Fenris’ world to a dizzy swirl of colors and light, but Anders alone remained bright and in focus, like some mortal lighthouse mocking him across a rageful sea.

Keep reading

Dan x Reader - Food Quarrels

Just a little bit more y/n, just a little bit more. I push my two fingers back against the neck of my throat once again, and more of my dinner comes out. Don’t look at me like that, it’s your own fault for eating too much tonight. I wipe the drool from my mouth while catching a glimpse of my red eyed neutral state. I’m neutral because I’ve done this so many times now, two fingers down and two minutes in I can already feel it coming up from my throat. A gag followed along with a cough and punch to my stomach, and hello food. How have I’ve gotten here again? Well, after pigging out tonight with Dan and him falling asleep with me while watching a movie, I slipped out of his arms and into the bathroom. Dan seemed really sleepy and with the T.V on, he’d probably wouldn’t hear me nor wake up. I’m good at this now, the food comes up like habit. I’m stealthier too and more quiet so I’m able to control the noise. Unfortunately I can’t control myself and my stupid eating habits. I don’t deserve to recover, I say as I look into my reflection before sticking my fingers in throat nice again. More coughs and gags and more split up food, stupid awful food. Bleh. Look how freaking weak I am, I don’t even throw up enough to need a toilet, just a sink and it didn’t even fill it up. As I run the water on low careful not to wake up Dan, and grab my toothbrush, the back of throat freaking burns. I rinse my mouth and my teeth feel gritty and hard together, as I feel my throat begin to purse, swelling slightly while still burning. As I clean myself, I realize I’m not good at hiding this as I once was. A once sleepy but now aware and awake Dan is standing there, plain faced with his hair pushed back and expression pale and grim, while I stand frail.
I look at Dan’s eyes and they just look sad, but he can barely even bring himself to look at me just at the remaining food in running sink. Before I can can say anything, Dan comes over instantly puts his arms over my shoulders gently going to rest them at my waist. Dan pulls the back of me into him tighter, but remains silent. He looks disheartened by the damage to myseld. I’m surprised he hasn’t said anything, just trying to hold me and remain calm about the situation, but Im also very appreciative he hasn’t said anything. He knows my past and has helped me immensely, but of course it comes with ups and downs. As I continue to wash the sink and myself letting my tear slip down my face, Dan suddenly leaves and I’m worried at first that he’s mad. The thought of Dan being angry and disappointed at me killed me, so I then let all my tears fall. The weeping is soft and whimpered, like a sad little puppy I am. I remain crying quietly as I finish cleaning myself up, but Dan quickly comes in concern painted all over his face just merely in front of the bathroom door. I look up at him quickly with watery eyes and quivering lip to see his hand gripping a mugged cup with warm water and the heat coming off form it. But then I realize he isn’t mad, no he’s just trying to make me feel less crappy. What an angel.
“D-Ddu-D-Dan.” I choke out from a wreck of different emotions, sitting down on toilet top looking down at the restroom floor.
“Here, drink this.” His voice is soft and touch gentle handing me the warm drink, gently sitting beside me rubbing circles on my shoulder. I sip the water and I instantly feel the warmth soothing my throat. Dan’s attention is carefully grasped on me and I nod at him sending him a sad closed grin. Dan doesn’t try to lecture me nor does he push me, just purely tries to make me feel better and take away the pain. Holding me in his arms and grazing my face lightly with his long fingers, I lean into him trying to forget the events that just occurred.
“Dan– I’m so sorry. Th–” My voice burns as the tears trickle down.
“No no, baby don’t talk it’s going to hurt you more. The water will make you feel better.” He shakes his head, still trying to soothe me.
I obey and drink a little more, but manage to whisper out, “I just wanted to say… Thank you, Dan.”
“Of course love.” Dan nuzzles his head o my shoulder, giving me a little peck n my cheek.
“I just want to take care of you now, so you can feel better.” Dan whispers looking me in the eye, I feel my throat burn yet I’m calming down more.
After about three more minutes of sitting, it starts to get uncomfortable with the two of us sitting on the top of a toilet so Dan gently pushes me up and then we walk into the bedroom. No words are spoken because none needs to be, yet. I change out of my clothes and into one of Dan’s old baggy t-shirt. Dan then stands behind me and catches off guard while I’m between a step with my figure displayed on the gigantic gothic silver mirror.
“What do you see?” Dan asked softly in a sweet tone.
As much as Dan tried to sway my feelings and bring things in a positive light, I couldn’t help but see a gross, sad body. But I knew Dan wanted more than to spare my feelings that he wanted my honesty. I nodded shakily at him questioning him and myself but Dan continued to reassure me with those kind chocolate orbs and a soft squeeze, along with a sweet smile.
“I see a sad body. That’s ugly and fat.” I confessed looking at how huge my thighs and my arms were, along my tummy and my chubby cheeks. “Big thighs, legs, face, not to mention my chubby cheeks arms and stomach. Look at my stomach.” I told Dan staring directly at myself. Dan looked a bit saddened, but he still remained reserved and careful. He was discouraged of my words at first, but then began to speak whilst wrapping his arms gently around my chubby awful waist.
“I don’t see that, you know what I see? A beautiful girl, who has an amazing mind not to mention her imagination. Someone who has so many different interests and passions, and has done and will do so much more. She has complex layers and has a heck of a good humor. She’s intelligent, funny, and also [cough cough] hot, and so freaking talented you wouldn’t even know. I see the girl who’ve I fallen in love with. The girl I love.” Dan sweetly kissing my cheek and swaying me. I was so taken back that I started tearing up, again, but this time it was happy tears to know that somebody loved me. That someone was Dan. I knew that he meant it with all of his heart.
“I love you so much Dan.” I cooed into his neck as my eyes watered. I gave him a kiss then shakily walked over to bed. Dan followed along going on his side, and then holding me in his arms while we laid, legs curled up against one another’s, fitting each her perfectly..
“y/n?” Dan whispered in my ear.
“Yeahhhh?” I mumbled, while I heard a slight chuckle.
“Next time you need help, me or anything please wake or call me up. I’ll be right there. I always want to be there for you, just let me know if you’re feeling down.” I nodded averting my eyes.
“Alright?” He brought my chin up to his face with the hand.
“Yes, Dan thank you. ” I nod but then yawn sleepily. Dan notices and adorably smirks at little, before kissing my forehead.
“Rest well angel.” Dan said while tucking me into bed. I couldn’t help but blush at what he’d just said, that he had called me angel and wanted for me to rest well. I did rest well actually that, drifting away to rest knowing that I was loved and cared for.

Day by Day

A/n: guess whos back,,, back again. also i believe the fic itself is much better than the description bc im bad at summaries soo,,, keep that in mind 

Summary: Dan has struggled with weight issues his entire life, whether it be from elementary school kids on the playground, or his own mind supplying him with bad, destructive thoughts. When he meets Phil, he has someone to share his troubles with. Phil wants to help, and they agree to take things day by day.

Words: 5.6k

Warnings: angst, weight issues, self image, ed characteristics (binge eating, starving etc), swearing, food mentions, light smut. stay safe and dont read if you think it’ll bother/upset you <33


Keep reading

this is an evanstan rec list because i’m a dumb asshole.

i haven’t read a few of these they’re from my bookmarks so be sure to read all warning in the author’s tags :)

Fork and KnifeThree years ago, Seb wondered how sustainable it could be to feel about someone like this. Man, would that guy have been in for a surprise if he could see them now. BITH!!!!!!!!!T HIS IS MY SHIT OK???? like this is one of those fics where ur like…. ok if it were to Happen, this is how It would happen. i love it read all of it. also, every title is a brand new reference which like???? wow. 47k

Keep reading

So much Tension: Harry x Plus size reader

Summary: Y/n and Harry build tension

word count: 1.6k  

Smut or Fluff 

School. High school more or less it was something everyone had to go through, a part of life: for some it could be the greatest years of your life; which is sad, or the worst which is also sad. You were the normal girl, well as normal as you can be for a bigger girl, with arm fat, tummy rolls and thick thighs but that didn’t stop you for trying to have fun during your years.

It was the end of the year you were excited because the last year after this you go to uni and actually start living as adult, It was another morning of groaning that you didn’t want to get up for school, sitting up on your bed still asleep when you heard a pounding on your door,

Keep reading

Reverse Dipifica

Last Stop to the Left

The familiar chime of the bell at the entrance caused Pacifica’s head to snap to attention. Freshly polished designer shoes clicked against hardwood floor and a black cape of fine silk fluttered in the wind. Upon seeing the boy who had entered the shack, the blonde rolled her eyes. It figures he would pick a day when she was working the cash register on her own. Gideon was out with his friends, Robbie didn’t work Sunday’s, Granny Carla was out giving a tour of the creepy part of the forest, and who knew where Melody was. So now she was forced to be all alone with the magician, aside from the guy browsing quietly in the far corner of the gift shop.

“I’m afraid we’re fresh out of hair gel sir,” she said with mock politeness. She leaned heavily over the counter to flash the boy a cheeky grin. “You’ll have to come back another time.”

Sharp sea green eyes shot her a look of irritation. Dipper Pines fluffed the edges of his flourished cape as he approached the cash register counter.

“Can I be spared the banter Pacifica,” Dipper replied, his tone bored and expression uninterested as he examined the card rack to the side of the register. “I have a serious matter to discuss.”

“Oh joy.”

Dipper continued as if he hadn’t heard her. “I’ve encountered something odd in the town and I need your help to capture it.”

Pacifica let out an overdramatic gasp. “Something odd? In this town?” Her tone flipped from enthusiastic to deadpan. “What a novel discovery.”

Dipper glared at her before motioning to the quiet man in the back of the shop. “It’s that guy.”

She glanced over his shoulder. “You mean the guy who works at the bowling alley?” she asked.

He nodded. “There’s something strange about him,” Dipper whispered, his eyes flashing in the sunlight that shined through the window.

Pacifica nodded as the man idly picked up a Gravity Falls snow globe. “I’m sure he says the same thing about you,” she stated. “Though I think lots of people probably say that about you.”

He let out a forlorn sigh and rubbed his temples in agitation. “He looks normal but he’s not,” Dipper stated without a beat of doubt. “Wherever he goes he’s always facing left.”

Pacifica looked over at the man again and saw that he was indeed facing left. “Uh huh,” she nodded again slowly, unable to keep a smirk from splitting her face. “You’ve got a few screws loose huh?”

His scowl stayed in place, deepening ever so slightly as he turned his head away from her to look at the man again. He reached up to touch his amulet with the tips of his fingers, but it’s paranormal glow was absent and it lay useless at his throat. He knew it wouldn’t work while inside the shack, but that didn’t stop the subconscious impulse at his fingers, begging him to use his magic.

This sort of thing was a bit ridiculous for Dipper Pines. Usually he shot a little higher when investigating the supernatural. He thought himself above the regular conspiracy theories of the average joe. So a guy that preferred his left side was a bit of a step down from his usual stuff, which mostly consisted of hunting down big terrible monsters and then using their organs for blood rituals or whatever.

She was starting to wonder if this was some sort of distraction. Pacifica absentmindedly reached underneath the countertop. She felt the familiar rough texture of her journal’s spine with a breath of relief. It was still there in her sight and out of his clutches. He didn’t seem to concerned with finding it either. His eyes didn’t scan the shop with that calculating gaze, they were fixed on the man across the room and occasionally darting towards her. So if he wasn’t here for her journal, she would have to assume he was here for the second reason he would come around to the shack.

“This isn’t just some lame excuse to come creeping around me is it?” Pacifica asked with her arms crossed and her eyes narrowed. “Because I’d rather not deal with that right now.”

“Don’t flatter yourself,” he sneered, looking at her from the corner of his eye as he continued to speak flippantly. Though, Pacifica could see the nervous flex in his hands and the tension between his shoulder blades. “Despite what you may think, I have a life outside of you.”

Pacifica rose a skeptical eyebrow as a corner of his lips twitched upwards and revealed a set of white teeth. The sharp edges of his smiles had always reminded her of a shark. But this smile looked more vampiric and suggestive than predatorial.

“But perhaps that’s what you were hoping for,” he said, green eyes flashing as he glanced back at her. “I think you’re starting to like the attention Northwest.”

Pacifica scoffed loudly. “As if.”

“Well God knows you need the company,” Dipper stated with a nonchalant shrug. “I believe you’re here by yourself for the next three hours until Carla returns.”

“Memorized my schedule huh? That’s not obscenely creepy at all,” Pacifica commented sarcastically, leaning away from Dipper so she wasn’t in such close radius. “I thought it was a little suspicious when you came here just after Granny Carla left with the tourists.”

“I simply waited till the place was mostly deserted so I could confront him out of the public’s eye,” Dipper admitted. “Being partially alone with you is more or less a somewhat happy coincidence.”

Despite what he seemed to think, Dipper wasn’t the least bit charming off the stage.

“Now, Im going to use my amulet in order to force him to turn to his right side,” he explained. “So I need you to remove your hex bags from the shack.”

A big fat red flag shot up in her mind. God, did he really think he could fool her with such an obvious trick.

“Yeah, that’s gonna happen never,” Pacifica snapped, her glare fixing onto his placid face. “I’m not an idiot Dipper. Do you think I’m just going to let you have free reign on this place for any length of time after everything you’ve done.”

Judging by the way he was turned completely away from her now, he wasn’t listening to her. Apparently he stopped paying attention to what she said when she denied him what he wanted, which was Dipper’s usual response. She tells him she won’t give up her journal until she’s dead, he keeps trying to take it. She tells him she doesn’t want to date him, he keeps asking. She returns a bouquet of flowers that he sends her, he sends the biggest freaking bouquet that he can buy.

He sauntered over to the man with a passive expression. The guy didn’t turn to face him. He kept facing left and looked at Dipper from the corner of his eye. Pacifica had to admit that was a little strange.

“Hello good sir,” Dipper greeted with the bravado and eccentricity reserved for shows and public occasions. “I was wondering if you could reach the shirts on that top shelf. The one to your right side.”

“I’m sorry I don’t work here,” the man stated before going back to examining the snow globes.

Dipper let out an embarrassed laugh that almost sounded real. Years of stage productions and magic acts with Mabel had perfected his acting technique. Pacifica noticed him pull out a small jar from his pocket as he continued to converse with the man. She had to wonder what the heck that was for.

“Yes of course. It’s just I can’t reach them on my own and the cashier girl is no help at all.” Pacifica crossed her arms and scowled as Dipper sent her a smirk. “I’m just wondering if you could help me out.”

After a moment the man shrugged and replied. “I don’t see why not.” He started walking backwards towards the shelf instead of just turning to face it. As he was reaching for the shirts on the top shelf, Dipper shoved him hard so that his right side was in full view.

Pacifica was not prepared for what she saw. It was like someone had sawed a robot in half and said robot was controlled by a bunch of creepy little green blobs that wore belts for some reason. Seriously what the hell was she looking at?

The green blobs looked towards her and Dipper with expressions of shock and horror. Then without warning they all started pulling out these glowing red balls and yelling out “the time has come” before swallowing them. They vanished in a small flash of white light.
Before the last one had the chance to swallow his pill, Dipper swiped it from inside the half robot and stuffed int into the jar.

The robot crumbled to the ground in a pile of metal bits and screws. A fire ignited when it crashed to the ground setting off all the sprinklers in the shop.
Pacifica could only gawk at the sight in front of her as Dipper straightened his cape and adjusted the amulet around his neck.

“Apologies,” he said. “I needed one of them for a spell. I’ve tried to capture them about three times now.”

Pacifica looked at the mess of burning robot bits and felt the water from the sprinklers soaking into her hair and clothes. She shouldn’t have been the least bit surprised at this point. After everything she had seen while in Gravity Falls, this didn’t even crack the top five. But she was sure as hell pissed at the fact that this guy was messing up her clothes and work space for another one of his damn spells.

She glowered at Dipper Pines and he simply smiled that shark smile in triumph at the creature he had captured.

“Get out!”

He turned to face her with the slightest bit of curiosity on his face, his grin still in place. “Yes of course,” he agreed with her order, which was a shocker in itself. “You have quite the mess to clean up here. So I’ll leave you to it.”

With that said he turned to the exit, that damn cape waving behind him, leaving with his same elegant stride.

“Jackass,” she muttered under her breath.

Xxxx

Don’t know what the point in writing this was. Just wanted to get a Drabble out with these two. If anyone wants to see more feel free to message me drabbles cuz I love writing for these guys.

Prompt(s): Truth or Dare + Beca initiating something + Strip Tease/Lap dance

~Sorry for the long wait I had no idea how to go about a strip tease or lap dance so… I hope this is suffice?

It turns out a group of drunken a capella nerds were a lot easier to get along with than a group of angry, competitive giants.

DSM took their second place standing with a lot more humbleness than Beca had thought. As soon as they had a couple of drinks they were a lot less robotic. Beca along with everyone else found it much easier to talk to drunken DSM. Although it still frustrated Beca that Kommissar was as witty and graceful as ever. The blonde held her liquor well. Having downed about nine drinks and no Beca was not counting and no Beca’s eyes had of corse left the blondes form at some point in the night and no Beca was not at all distracted at her dancing her the fact that her hair was now loose and she was wearing a top that was see through and shorts that were far too short and tight-

No. Beca was having a lot of fun with her boyfriend Jesse. They were dancing with distance, Jesse wasn’t a bad dancer but when he was drunk his moves were sloppy. Beca often found her gaze wondering away from her dorky boyfriend to the blonde who moved with elegance that no one should be able to have while dancing to a stripping song.

“Beca Beca Beca!” Chloe and Fat Amy found Beca at the bar about four hours after the party had started.

“A handful of us are playing truth or dare and you have to come with us!” Chloe tells her, practically dragging Beca.

“Woah woah woah. What if I don’t want to?” Beca says rolling her eyes. At this point she is basically ready to just go to bed. Jesse had passed out drunk ages ago and Beca had lost sight of Kommissar. Not that she would admit that was the reason she was in a sour mood.

“Too bad.” Chloe tugs again but now Beca resists.

Chloe pouts and Fat Amy adds, “Kommissar is there.”

Neither of her teammates miss the way the light returns to Beca’s eyes and the brunette lets herself be dragged. “One round.” She insists.

They lead her to a secluded room, divided in half by a curtain. Pieter and Kommissar sit on a couch, Stacie and Cynthia are on the floor, and a few members from a different group are scattered around the room. It is a fairly big space. The lights are dimmed dramatically and there are chairs and sofas backed against the walls. A low coffee table sits in the middle of the room and in the center of the table is a bowl full of small slips of paper.

Beca’s eyes unintentionally find cold blue ones. She can clearly see Kommissar still isn’t drunk but actually pretty sober considering how much the blonde had been drinking. When their eyes meet Kommissar smirks a little, never breaking her gaze as Beca sits and squirms under the blonde stare. There is something in her eyes she can’t quite place. Her attention is back at Chloe as the game starts.

They go around the circle picking things from the basket. Beca only had to scream into the hallway “Im a mouse” and eat something awful which Fat Amy concocted for her. After drinking it with an unamused face, Beca decided there was definitely some spit in there and then threw the remained small drops at her fellow Bella.

Kommissar on the other hand, ending up getting the most sexual things. She gave Stacie a lap dance and had to take off one of another team member’s pants with only her teeth. At the end of the third round which was supposed to be Kommissar’s and Beca’s there was only one remaining slip.

“Who takes it?” Chloe slurs, she had been drinking throughout the entire game and Beca can honestly admit she is surprised Chloe hasn’t passed out.

Pieter moves forward and grabs the paper. A smirk growing across his face. “It requests a private strip tease. So this is perfect. One of them can do the strip tease to the other. Kommissar-”

“I’ll do the strip tease.” Beca interrupts him. She looks over at Kommissar who raises an eyebrow.

“Feeling feisty now? Very well. I like a challenge. Is there something I have to do?”

Chloe smiles. “You have to sit back and enjoy it. And no touching.”

Beca rolls her eyes. “As though that will be a problem.”

“You just have to be good enough to make her touch you.” Cynthia tells her like it is the simplest thing in the world.

Kommissar stands and moves past Beca behind the curtain. So close to touching Beca but not quite. Beca takes a deep breath. She can do this. Its a strip tease after all she will be fine.

Kommissar waits patiently for Beca, sitting on the small couch. There is almost no light but enough for Kommissar to see Beca clearly if she stands in the center of the room. Music begins playing before Beca reveals herself and Kommissar listens contently, humming a long a bit. She finds it odd that the brunette would choose a Christmas song to dance to but its is okay nonetheless.

“Fat Amy told me to.” Beca said as an explanation.

Beca sashays toward Kommissar with a little more sway to her hips than usual. Beca didn’t stop until her knees met Kommissar’s. She bent forward, until her face was inches from the blondes.

“Have you been a good girl?” Beca asks, inwardly cheering that she hasn’t messed this up yet.

Kommissar raises an eyebrow, “So far.”

Beca smiles, a finger tracing down Kommissar’s neck and over her collarbone. The German’s eyes stay on Becas despite the cold finger traveling over her skin. Beca stands slowly, unbuttoning her shirt a bit more to reveal just a small part of her bra underneath. Kommissar watches her with a blank expression.

Even if she wouldn’t admit it, Beca was a little nervous about her choice to try to break the Kommissar. She was stubborn though. Beca’s main goal was to get some sort of reaction out of her. She liked a challenge but at the moment the blonde was focused on proving that it wasn’t just the blonde who could make her flustered.

When Fat Amy told her to do a Christmas song Beca had tried to back down but of corse everyone had to agree. At first Beca was definitely sure that she should have let the Kommissar take on the dare but then Beca would’ve lost the no touching within five seconds tops.

Beca let herself move in time with the music as she ran her fingers through her tangled hair before dragging her nails over her neck. Beca’s hands then moved down her own shoulders and clavicle before ever so slightly palming her own breasts. Beca dropped her hands before she stepped forward and, tucking her lips close to the shell of the other woman’s ear, began to sing to the tune of ‘Santa Baby’, “Kommissar, baby, just slip-“ She pushed her leg between the German’s thighs, brushing purposefully against the girl’s center - “a sable under the tree for me…” She turned and swayed her hips tantalizingly back and forth before she finished unbuttoning her shirt, turning around and ever so slowly letting her shirt drop to the floor. Looking over her shoulder, she plumped her lips and continued, “Been an awful good girl, baby…“ Beca arched to reveal her toned back as soft, tanned skin became exposed.

Kommissar fought to keep her expression blank. Her fingers tingled with the want to run her nails down Beca’s back. Her breathing almost hitched but she caught herself. Instead catching Beca’s eyes as the brunette sang and licking her lips in a teasing way.

In response Beca lowered herswlf down onto the Germans lap. "So hurry down the chimney tonight.” On the word ‘down’, Beca tangled her fingers in her own chocolate hair and ground down hard against Kommissar’s lap, moving her ass in circles against the blonde’s center. She ran her hands tantalizingly over the curves of her own body, tweaking sensitive nipples through the silken material of her bra. Feigning innocent doe eyes, Beca sang, “Think of all the fun I’ve missed. Think of all the German’s that I haven’t kissed.” She winked and leaned forward, brushing their lips together ever so slightly. “Next year I could be oh so good, if you check off my Christmas list.”

It took all of Kommissar’s willpower to resist the temptation to actually kiss the brunette or grab her hips. Beca grabbed one of Kommissar’s hands and placed a feather soft kiss against the pulse point of her wrist. Kommissar stifled a moan deep in her throat as Beca left a chain of open mouthed kisses over her palm then ever so slowly took her index finger between her tongue and teeth.

Beca’s mouth was hot and wet, and Emma began to writhe. It was driving her crazy, the circling of the brunette’s center against her lap combined with the feel of a warm, velvety tongue sucking her digits. She wouldn’t be able to control herself much longer, she feared. Beca continued to arch and grind her body against her. Kommissar waited for the music to end before letting he rbody relax as Beca stood. The American was impressed. Kommissar certainly had a lot of self control. However she wasn’t at all happy.

"Congratulations. You win.” Beca let Kommissar stand before she slammed the blonde into the wall and kissed her fiercly, unable to wait for her to break. Kommissar sighed as she was finally able to dig her nails into Beca’s hips, pulling her to flush completely against her.

Pieter and Chloe exchanged looks from the curtain, having been peaking the entire time.

“Should we lock to door? Or get headphones?”

“Shes not a screamer.” Pieter replied and Chloes eyes widened at him.

He laughed. “No Ive just been in the room next to her. No worries.”

Chloe hands him a pair of headphones. “Kommissar might not be a screamer but Beca is.”

06. distortion

Genre: Fluff/Slight Angst

Content: Park Jimin. The rocky unraveling of a high school mishap.

Request: High School AU (barely) w/ Jimin [for my smol bean @chimmyneutron]

Word Count: 2,279


Blue. Green. Orange. Blurred.

Jimin blinked once, twice, but his vision still lagged in fragmentary pieces. The laughs and shouts sounded like murmurs against his own breath as the pungency of sex and alcohol filled his nostrils.

Your laugh. He could’ve sworn he heard it. Jimin frantically looked around the turbulent atmosphere, but his sight wasn’t something he could depend on at the moment.

Hands. Warm and soft. He felt the lingering digits trail up and down his rib cage. They were familiar and foreign at the same time.

Y/N?” His words were slurred and indecipherable. Your expression, sultry and dark, flashed in Jimin’s mind causing a uneven sigh to escape from his lungs.

Lips. Plush and smooth. Jimin eagerly moaned into the kiss. He had waited so long, so goddamn fucking long for this moment, for you. The taste of sour beer never tasted so good against his lips as he deepened the kiss.

“Jiminie?” Your innocent voice called from far away and Jimin knitted his eyebrows together in confusion. He could’ve sworn it was just a drunken hallucination, but at the same time he wanted to be sure.

His hands lingered on the prickly bangs pressed against his forehead. You didn’t have bangs. His fingers slowly traveled down the gaunt cheeks, the sharp jawline, then the prominent jugular. This…this wasn’t you at all.

“Hyung, don’t…don’t stop.” 

That voice. 

Jeon Jungkook.

Keep reading

The Writing’s on the Wall

well, its been a while. and i’ve been slacking on my comments on fics too, but i have been reading! promise! just uni is super stressful right now. and if anyone has any idea for a feature article? that would be appreciated.

anyway, this is a little one shot where i just wanted to write fluffy fanfic to cheer myself up. its fanfic through and through, no long descriptive paragraphs to bore anyone, no convoluted language. just a little fluffy (hopefully a little funny too) piece. no tags because who knows whose in my tag list? seriously if you have an idea let me know. that is all


Rae fell ungraciously onto the toilet seat, banging her elbow against the door on the way down. “Shit,” she mumbled before getting down to business.

As she sat – ignoring how cold the seat felt pressed against her thighs – she tried to count the penned notes that were scattered all around her on the cubicle walls. One, two, three, four…wait, she had counted that one already…six, seven…wait, that wasn’t right. Fuck, there was too many swimming around her eyes. She really had to stop with all the tequila shots. Bloody Chloe. Blooming Izzy. Lovely Izzy. Lovely hen night. Too much drink.

Keep reading

i’m never going to be one of the pretty girls,
never one thousand notes on a selfie in the sun
too fat, too gawky, nose too long
hair too dark (i dyed it blonde
but my dad’s cuban genes are hard to get rid of
so it came back darker and my eyes are always the color of
mud)

i’m not flat stomach, not ballet grace, i’m
fall-on-your-ass at the first mention of ice
i’m hitting your hips on the edge of like,
every counter, ever, i’m flinch-about-it,
no hand to pull me back to standing,
i’m ugly girl takes a fall and it’s honestly
pretty funny

and my personality is kinda fucked i mean
i’m hyper fun in some moments and
the saddest little tick in the others i mean right now
i am waiting to hear back from like 3 people i messaged
about being too sad to swallow myself which is actually
pretty unusual that i asked for help but not
altogether unexpected that they completely
ignored the fact i said
“I’M FUCKING DYING PLEASE GOD HELP”
but i’m sure in the morning i’ll apologize and
everything will be good
right

i’m sure in the morning
everything will just look better in the light
i mean
except for me

i don’t get pretty i never get
anything but
slightly less
ugly.

—  r.i.d
Let's Talk About How Badly Girl Groups Are Treated

Either by Korean society, antis, K-netz or even their own companies! So let’s start!!

Brown Eyed Girls: They are considered too old to be a group for much longer even though they’re barely in their 30s. They will be coming back with another “best of” album (even though the last time they came back as a group was with a “best of” album) to celebrate their 10 years as a group. I’m so proud of them for staying together for so long but I just hope they won’t disband after that.
On another note, Jea, Narsha and Miryo get shit thrown at them for the plastic surgeries they’ve undergone. They have replied to that however with a rather humorous parody song “Plastic Face” .
Meanwhile Gain was trash-talked for her recent sexy performances of “Paradise lost” to promote her new album “Hawaah” and had to start performing “Apple” instead.

Girls’ Generation are unlucky enough to be signed under S.M. Entertainment and Jessica Jung had to pay the price as she was kicked out of the group…
Taeyeon got shit thrown at her for dating Baekhyun, as if he’s worth the drama… I would have preferred her going all “Fuck you cunts” and all but heaven forbid a female in Korea express her opinion about her own life publicly! So she ended up crying in public instead…
Jessica still gets shit thrown at her and is pretty much treated as an outcast even though she’s obviously the victim in this situation. I mean, she didn’t just leave, she was kicked out!!
Tiffany is constantly called an attention-seeker simply because she doesn’t fit the quiet timid docile Asian female stereotype and her precious boyfriend Nickun says controversial stuff that concern her to haters on Twitter…
Yuri is considered fat because of her glorious thighs (I’d let her and/or CL choke me with their thighs any day) .

After School are forever unlucky with their comebacks and their company is in debt. They are all (past and current members) amazingly talented and I’d love to see them receive some more recognition, the amount of recognition they deserve!

2NE1 are forever screwed over by “papa” YG. He has made diminutive statements about them in the past and he seems to forget that they are his most relevant cash cow right now, their album surpassed even his “precious” G-Dragon and Taeyang on the charts. But he keeps saying stuff like “New 2NE1 are debuting soon […] I couldn’t possibly make a 2nd BIGBANG group, they’re unique” Well fuck you too!
Park Bom is forever terrorized by netizens for the plastic surgeries she’s undergone and even by the media, concerning her most recent amphetamine incident, and even fellow artists (yes, I’m talking about Kemy the frog) . She’s currently into hiding; for the record, I don’t approve of this type of reaction either but I’m almost convinced that this is one of YG’s “marvellous” plans, you know, keep her hidden until things cool down and stuff (which they have by the way, almost half a year ago so I don’t know what the fuck he has in mind) even though he did absolutely NOTHING when G-Dragon actually did drugs other than halt his promotions for what? A month? CL and Minzy are also occasionally considered fat and/or ugly but I’m glad they don’t give a fuck. CL is also constantly brought down for any possible reason, yes, even existing, but she still doesn’t give a fuck so good!

4minute are constantly criticized for their sexy concepts and more specifically Hyuna, who is over promoted by her manager over the rest of her fellow members (same goes for Gain, Nana and Suzy) and “forced” into doing sexy concepts even though she’s said she doesn’t feel OK mostly because of how everyone reacts to them, which ranges from shitty to really shitty. I’m glad they seem to have changed that with their latest comeback as the rest of the girls are equally promoted in the MV and during performances.

T-ara’s career was almost completely DESTROYED because of the “bullying thing” which, just as in Bom’s case, wasn’t officially proven by anyone involved other than the “proof” provided by netizens.. I’m glad that they started doing CFs again and that this whole thing was kind of forgotten and I’m really happy every time I see a photo of Hwayoung or Areum proving that they are happy and doing okay!! Same goes for Jessica and any other member of a group which left under “difficult” circumstances…

f(x) ; does that even need an explanation? They are, evidently, the most mistreated group in history and still manage to deliver awesome material with each comeback. On another note Sulli should really break the next person’s skull if they call her fat and/or ugly in front of her face again!

miss A; as mentioned above Suzy is promoted more than the rest of the girls but that’s mostly about CFs and stuff. As far as her position in the group goes, she and Min are put above their Chinese band mates Fei and Jia as they are Korean, or non-foreign, and also younger. Fortunately, this seems to have stopped in their latest comeback; Fei and Jia sing for less than half a minute combined in “Hush” but they have longer parts in “Only You” . Now, on another note, dear J.Y.P, when a group hasn’t had a comeback in three years you don’t have your own comeback during their promotions and then proceed to announce 2PM’s comeback, who have like a comeback per year. This is not good managing. Oh, and fuck you!

4L, four really talented ladies got major shit thrown at them for debuting with a rather provocative concept. I agree, the choreography went a little too far, but you know what’s also gone too far?? THE FUCKING HYPOCRISY!! You can’t go all “slut” “whore” “skunk” on four girls from a small company who are trying to make it into the industry with a concept I’m not really sure they felt comfortable with to begin with while at the same time you not only approve but LUST over a bunch of androgynous pre-teen-looking boys who thrust their half-naked bodies on stage claiming that 4L are offensive and this is not. Fuck you and your fuckboy-oppas!

Lastly, Red Velvet were really mistreated during their debut, acting as S.M.s “cover up girls” but I’m glad to see that they now receive the recognition they deserve!!

One Of The Other Boys Say Something Rude (Muke)

request: can you do a preference ( can be muke and cashton separate if you dont want to do to all at once) where one of the boys would have said something rude/mean to you(intentionally or not). Whoever is the boyfriend, he would be mad at his bandmate and since you’re feeling sad about it, he would try to cheer you up?

IM GOING TO POST CASHTON LATER

Luke: You sat in your room, stressing out about your upcoming final. Running your fingers through your scalp was a constant thing when going anywhere near your school work. You had thrown your hair up in a messy bun and walked down stairs in one of Luke’s shirts and sweatpants. You honestly could care less what you looked like at the moment. You went into the kitchen to get some water and saw a new box of cookies and took it up to camp out in your room for the next few hours, hoping the cookies would calm you down a little bit. You looked into the living room and saw all of the boys sitting there watching TV with your boyfriend. 

“Hey (Y/N). How’s studying going?” Luke asked, once he noticed your presence. You smiled and shrugged, grabbing the cookies and started for the stairs. 

“Are you sure you want that whole box of cookies. I mean sitting down all day and eating crap doesn’t help your figure at all.” Calum brought up. A lump formed in your throat as you continued up the stairs, tears threatening to fall. 

“Dude what the fuck? That was not fucking cool.” Luke growled as he walked after you. You walked into your room, placing the cookies on the counter and cried silently to yourself as Luke came in. 

“Don’t listen to him. That was just a dick move. You are not fat, you are so beautiful. I love you so much. He probably wasn’t even thinking. You are so amazing and I hope you know that.” Luke said, as he kissed your cheek. You stopped yourself from crying. 

“Now I’m going to help you study and help you finish those cookies, because damn, those look good.” Luke stated. You laughed and he helped you study, thankfully. Later Calum came up and apologized and said how he wasn’t thinking and you forgave him. 

Michael: You were going out to a club with Michael and his band, just to get out of the tour bus for a little bit on their free night. You finished getting ready and came out in your dress, which you thought looked nice on you. You finished up your makeup to match. You grabbed your phone and clutch and walked outside where the boys were waiting for you. 

“Jesus (Y/N), calm down with the makeup. We know you want to cover your face but no need to go over board.” Ashton said. You swallowed a huge lump in your throat and gripped your clutch hard. You were really insecure about how you looked. You never thought you were pretty, but you soon started to gain the confidence when you met Michael. But hearing that comment made that go way down low. 

“Ash, shut the fuck up. She looks amazing.” Michael said, holding your hand, in which he squeezed slightly. You smiled a little at Michael’s response. He came closer to your ear and whispered, “Don’t worry, later I’m going to show you how beautiful you are to me." 

You blushed and looked down, biting your lip. 

"I didn’t mean it like that, I’m sorry that was a totally douche thing to say.” Ashton told you. You forgave him and went on with your night, only to end the night with Michael showing you your true beauty in a very physical way. ;)

REQUESTS ARE OPEN BUT IM GOING TO POST CASHTON EITHER LATER OR TOMORROW

Baby 2 (N.M)

PART 1

PART 3

|AYE ITS BEEN A WHILE BUT IM HERE WITH A PART 2! I am working on like 5 different imagines rn but I’m caught up with everything because I’m trying to lose weight before school starts and be happier with myself and ya be happy😌|

|2.7k words, it’s not edited lol, ANOTHER DADDY NATE IMAGINE FOR YALLLLS, masterlist is in my description|

It’s been 7 months since I’ve been in LA and 7 months since I’ve seen Nate. After our fight, he drove away and didn’t look back once. I haven’t spoken to him or seen him since.

Toby, Myleen’s boyfriend, drove me back to the apartment to grab all of my necessary stuff and they let me stay the night at their place. I knew that if Nate didn’t contact me within 2 hours, he wasn’t going to contact me at all.

I might have acted too fast, but I brought a one way ticket back to Nebraska. Myleen and Toby said that they’d go back to the apartment, with a few of Toby’s friends, and pack up the rest of my stuff and ship it back to me.

So now, I’m back in Nebraska, living in a small, two-bedroom apartment with my friend Lisa. I moved back in with my parents for a month before I saw Lisa and she offered me the room. I had to spend a lot more money on furniture than I intended to, especially after a trip to the doctors office.

The Gods were not on my side that day… Or they were never on my side at all. And they all just really love Nate.

If I had told Nate, which I haven’t because he hasn’t spoken to me in 7 months, he would have been on his knees, begging for me to take him back because this is exactly what he wanted, and I didn’t. Maybe he already knew, like he had planned it, and that’s why he was practically begging for me to have a baby with him.

Well, I am now.

I’m pregnant.

With a little girl.

“Y/N!” Lisa sings as she walks into the apartment, slamming the door behind her. “I brought pizza home from work!” Lisa is a trainee chef at a pizzeria in town so she brings a lot of free pizza and desserts home after work, it’s pretty awesome. “And we’re going out tonight!”

“Going out where?” I ask curiously, laying my baby magazine down on the couch next to me. “And did you bring what I asked for?”

“Double cheese and double ham? Yes, yes I did.” She drops a box of pizza on my lap with a smug smile.

“You’re a lifesaver, holy crap, I love you.”

I’ve been craving cheese and ham pizza for the past week. And every day this week, I’ve had a cheese and ham pizza. I ordered from Dominos, Pizza Hut, my mom made me one, I made my own, I cooked a frozen one, and now Lisa brought one from work.

I haven’t had the typical pregnancy cravings at all, I’ve had cravings for pizza, apple sauce, cookies and ketchup (it was disgusting, I threw up all day long after eating it) and gummy bears with whipped cream.

“It’s Marie’s birthday so Lauren organised a surprise meal for her last minute, and we’re going.”

“I don’t have a present for her though.”

“All you have to do is give Lauren twenty bucks, she’s pulled together some big present from all of us.”

“Oh, okay then.” I say with a mouth full of pizza. “Who’s going?”

“Me, you, Marie, Lauren, Mandy, Anna, Peggie, Alicia, Myles, Jude, Kaylan and Tommy.”

I instantly swallow the food in my mouth and stare at Lisa with wide eyes. She can’t be serious. She can’t be talking about the one Kaylan I know.

“Kaylan?” She nods briefly. “Kaylan Maloley?”

“She’s friends with Marie, I can’t do anything about that, I’m sorry.”

“Shit.” Kaylan is Nate’s sister, and if she sees me pregnant, she’s going to tell Nate and then he’s going to talk to me - for the first time in seven, long months. “What can I wear to make me look less pregnant?”

Lisa dramatically rolls her eyes and slaps her hands against her thighs. “Y/N, you’re fucking huge and you’re not even full term or carrying twins, you can’t even make yourself look fat, you’re carrying out wide! You can tell you’re pregnant from standing behind you.”

I’ve tried to wear a hoodie and just pass of as fat. “I’ll just hold my bag in front of my stomach.”

“You better have a big ass bag then.”

“Shut up!” I whine, stuffing down another slice. If I can’t wear anything to make me look less pregnant, maybe I’ll just wear something that makes me look more pregnant. I don’t think that’s even possible, I am huge. “Maybe I’ll just wear a bodycon dress.”

Lisa nods frantically and bounces on the couch excitedly. “Do it! You look adorable when you do, it makes baby girl look so much bigger.”

“That’s not a good thing! It just makes me worry how big this baby’s head is going to be! I have to push her out you know.”

And her shoulders… She better be a goddamn tiny baby or I’m gunna be slightly pissed. She could be a tiny baby, she could be really small and there’s just a lot of room in there from all of the water and juice I’ve been drinking. And from the pizza I’ve been scoffing.

“Stop worrying, you’re having an epidural, you won’t feel it.” I might not be able to feel the stretching and stuff down there, but I’ll still be able to feel all of the contractions in my stomach.

“I’ve still got 2 months, let’s just get tonight over and done with.”

-

Two hours later, we’re sitting in a small, family owned restaurant in the heart of Omaha. Marie got here a few minutes ago and the buzz of the surprise is starting to calm down as we all indulge into our own conversations.

The Gods above are definitely against me, Kaylan is sitting directly opposite me and giving me weird stares. Everyone knows why. I dated her brother for a couple of years and then we broke up, I moved back to Nebraska and no one actually knows why and now, I’m pregnant and they don’t know if the father is Kaylans brother.

I had one person ask me if I moved back because I cheated on Nate and got pregnant and that’s why we broke up.

But if they actually knew me, they would know that I would never do that to my partner.

“Kaylan, how is your brother? I haven’t seen him in a while.” Peggie asks, leaning over the long table.

“He’s good, he’s still living in Cali, his career is really taking off.” It’s relieving to hear that he’s okay. “He’s coming home soon, so he’s going to be in a bit of a shock.”

“I would be too, it’s not something you would want thrown at you when you’re coming home for a break, to relax, it’s pretty stressful.”

I roll my eyes and slam my hand on the table. “If you’re going to talk about me in front of me, say my fucking name.”

“So are you going to tell my brother that he’s got a kid or are you gunna let him believe that you cheated on him and got pregnant?”

“If he wanted to talk to me, I would tell him!” Would I though?

Kaylan rolls her eyes and shakes her head. “Maybe you should make some effort, Y/N.”

Why are the Maloleys so freaking stubborn? They have to have everything their way or they will run away. They really love to start drama and arguments, too.

Basically, the Maloleys are a piece of work.

“I should make some effort? He walked away from me after I made a valid fucking point and he didn’t bother contacting me in any way!” The entire table is listening to what we’re saying. “Stay out of it, Kaylan, the baby might be your niece but it’s none of your business.”

She looks taken back. She’s lost for words, she actually knows that I’m right. Nate probably only told her his side of the story, from his perspective, where he did nothing wrong and he’s the victim.

Kaylan looks down at her lap shortly before taking a breath and looking back up at me. “You’re right, I uh, I’m sorry for getting involved.”

“Thank you.” I whisper with a short smile.

“So, it’s a girl?” She asks after a few minutes of silence between us.

“Yeah.”

“That is crazy.” I nod in agreement - of course I was pregnant after Nate and I broke up after arguing about me not wanting a baby yet, it’s the most cliché timing ever. “Do you have any names yet?”

“I like Tabitha Jade, or Madison Nicole.”

I sat down for a really long time and tried to come up with some name combinations but personally, I couldn’t think of anything. I was completely stumped. So, I gave up and searched for names to go with my surname and picked out the ones that I liked the most.

“Y/L/N or Maloley?”

That also took a very long time to figure out. Physically, Nate isn’t in the baby’s life, so legally, I cannot give the baby his surname unless I have his permission. And for future issues, I would rather her have my last name so she doesn’t ask questions in the future. It’s just what’s better for both her and me.

“Y/L/N.”

“Understandable.” No matter what the baby’s surname will be, she will always be a Maloley by blood. Kaylan looks down at her fresh plate of food. “Do you want me to talk to him?”

“If he wanted to talk to me, he would have by now. So, sure, you can talk to him - you can say anything you want because neither of us made an effort so we shouldn’t now.”

-

3 weeks later, I have my entire (immediate) female family squashed into my apartment, helping me redecorate and organise my bedroom to get ready for the baby.

My mom and aunt are putting the crib together whilst my cousin, Amy, and I fold up all of the onesies into their designated draw. My other cousins are putting together the draw structure and pinning up the small, pink bunting above where the crib is going to be placed.

“Have you decided on a name yet?” Amy asks, picking up a pink and white striped onesie.

“No,” I huff. “I’ve taken a liking to old fashioned names recently.”

“Oh really? Like what?”

“I really like the name Rosalind.” And her nickname would be Rosa, because Rosie is too common nowadays. “Or Rosalinda.” I widen my eyes at my sudden thought.

I really like Rosalinda, too.

Amy nods at me with a bright smile. “That’s different.” She begins to fold another onesie, one of hundreds. “I don’t know anybody named Rosalind, or Rosalinda.”

“Rosalinda Kai.” I stop what I’m doing and drop the pink material on my lap.

I think I just came up with my daughters name.

Amy has the same reaction as I do, “Y/N, you have to name her that, it’s a beautiful name.”

“I really like it.”

“What do you like?” Mom asks, butting into the conversation.

“Rosalinda Kai for the baby’s name.”

“Rosalinda?” She makes a face and I sigh heavily. Of course she doesn’t like it. Typical mom. “That’s old, are you sure? Why not Rosalie?” Rosalie is too Twilight for me.

But of course my mom is trying to get me to change my mind on my own baby’s name, as if she wasn’t controlling enough? “You named me Y/N because you liked the name, I like Rosalinda for my baby.”

“If you use Rosalind, you could literally just add the last A from RosalindA to Kai to make KaiA.” Amy suggests, keeping the names I like personally in mind. “Rosalind Kaia Y/L/N.”

“Or Kaia Rosalind!” My aunt suggests, shrugging her shoulders with a screwdriver in her hand. “They’re all beautiful names, Y/N.”

“Oh yes,” Mom nods encouragingly at her sister. “I like Kaia Rosalind, that’s gorgeous.”

“You’re all confusing me, I like them all-” My phone started to ring. I take a look down at the name flashing across my screen and my heart starts to race.

I knew this was going to happen sooner or later. He’s back in town for a couple of weeks, of course he’s going to try to talk to me after what he just found out.

“We’ll give you a minute…”

Everyone put down whatever they were doing and scattered from my room quickly. Before the door could even close, I pick up the phone.

“Y/N?”

“Hey.” I breathe. It’s refreshing to hear his voice.

It’s takes him a few seconds to reply. “How- how are you?”

“Well, I’m good now, but later on I might not be.” You never know with a person inside of your stomach. “How are you?”

“I’m doing okay, a little bit better now though.” He stops for a second, I don’t know how to respond to that. “I, why didn’t you tell me?”

“Because you walked out on me, you left because my own reasons weren’t good enough for you.” If the conversation is like this the whole way through, I might end up in tears. “You never even bothered to contact me in anyway to fix it, you didn’t even tweet about it, so I knew you didn’t care.”

“Of course I care, Y/N, I wouldn’t have got so worked up if I didn’t.” You wouldn’t have left if you did. “And why would I want all of the fans involved in our personal relationship? I knew you wouldn’t appreciate it, either. So I just left that away from social media.”

That was really nice of him.

“Well, thank you for that, I appreciate it.” I really don’t want thousands of die hard fans up my ass about my own life. “I suppose you’ve been told everything?”

“Kaylan told me that it’s a girl.”

It. Ugh, I hate the word it. “Yeah, she’s a girl.” The amount of pink fabric surrounding me right now kind of freaks me out, she’s definitely going to be a girly girl toddler.

“Have you picked a name for her?”

“I was just talking about it with my cousin, my mom and aunt, but no, I haven’t yet.”

“Oh. Well, what names do you like?”

“Rosalind.” But my family have confused the heck out of me, “And Kaia.”

“They’re both beautiful names. You should choose whatever you like the most, not what everyone else likes.” He’s so humble, I can’t deal with it.

And then it goes silent between us. The only noise is the quiet breathing that’s crackling through the line. And it’s awkward.

It’s never been awkward between me and Nate, ever. This is a first and I really don’t like it.

“Why’d you call me?”

He hesitates to start. “I just needed to make sure you were okay.”

“You mean, okay without you?” I’ve been coping fine for the past 8 months, I don’t need to have a boyfriend for me to be able to survive.

“Yeah…”

We’ve never had a conversation like this before. Probably because I’ve never been pregnant before and because our silent treatments have never lasted more than two days. This is new to everyone.

“I’m fine, Nate. I’m healthy and so is the baby. We’re both fine and we’re okay doing okay without you.”

“I know you won’t want to, but will you please come and meet me?” I knew this was going to happen, just like the phone call. “Please. I need to see you.”

I have to do it. “When?” I have to see him.

“At the grill? For dinner.”

We always went to the grill when we were in high school. We went there for our little date nights and we hung out there after school. I had a part time job there. It has a lot of sentimental value to us.

“Tonight?”

“Yes, if you can make it.”

All I would be doing is watching Cake Boss and Say Yes To The Dress with Lisa and scoffing down pizza… Just like every other night. “I’ll be there at 5.”

“Thank you, Y/N, so much.” He lets out a sigh of relief and I feel a small weight lift from my shoulders. “I’ll let you get back to your family, I’m sorry for interrupting.”

“It’s okay, I’ll see you tonight.” I hang up before he or I can say anything else. We haven’t spoken in months, who knows how that could have ended before I ended it.

I’m going to see Nate tonight.

Holy crap.

What To Order & What To Avoid At Restaurants

There is nothing that halts your weight loss progress more, than eating out and making bad food choices. However it is just a part of life that sometimes we are going to be put into situations where we need to eat out, such as dates, birthdays or catch ups with friends. Instead of feeling bad and saying no (I know you really want to go) try these useful tips when eating out at restaurants. There is no reason to punish yourself or go completely crazy, just learn how to make the right choices and you won’t put your eating and exercise plan into jeopardy.


External image

Italian
I think we can all agree that there is nothing better than a hearty pasta dish filled with tons of creamy goodness, however we know it is not the best thing to be eating all the time. When dying out in an Italian restaurant ignore the bread basket and start with something like a minestrone soup for an entrée, it is full of vegetables and beans which have fibre to help keep you full. Stay away from the fried stuff like chicken or arancini balls. Choose your sides smartly; there is no need for garlic bread when you can have sautéed garlic spinach and greens. The best mains to order are the ones with a large serving of protein and a side of veggies such as fish. Don’t worry; you can still have pasta however be aware of what you order. You can enjoy it if you keep the portion size small, and stay away from creamy sauces. The best sauce is a red marinara one and if you are with a friend sharing a pasta dish is the best idea, as you can still get a taste for it without having the whole plate. 


External image

Greek/Mediterranean
Greek and Mediterranean food is generally quite healthy as they use a lot of whole grains,  vegetables and fish. However there are a few things you need to look out for. Stay away from fatty cuts of meat and things with excess olive oil (sometimes very difficult I know, Im greek!). If you usually order a yiros, skip the bread and garlic sauce and instead have the yiros meat on a large salad. Tabouli is a great one! Hummus is also a great entrée option, with wholemeal pita if available.


External image

Chinese

As much as we all love deep fried spring rolls, dim sims and chicken drenched in heavy honey sauces we know they are bad for us. Instead opt for steamed dumplings, steamed greens with soy sauce and dishes with light sauces. More things to avoid are sweet and sour sauces, fried rices, and Chow Mein. Try broth soups, mixed vegetable dishes, lean meat dishes and skip white rice opting for brown instead.


External image

 Mexican

I feel like Mexican food is all the rage right now, there are tons of food trucks and small shops popping up with delicious creations. However you may not realise that some of the options aren’t actually as healthy as they seem. When eating Mexican try to order tacos filled with grilled chicken, steak or fish. Avoid dishes with heavy, creamy sauces and burritos filled with rice. Stay away from the heavy cheese toppings and opt for fresh salsas and guacamole. Be careful with the gauc though, although avocados contain healthy fats overindulge too much and it becomes a bad thing. Also avoid the refried beans, which are usually cooked with lots of lard or oil. Order corn as a side, but hold off on the butter or ask for it on the side so you can control how much you are eating. 


External image

Appetisers/Sides

We all get in those moods where we enter a restaurant and could literally eat everything off the menu! Try to remember that portion control plays a huge part in weight loss, so next time you study the menu try to weigh up what you really want vs what you actually need. If you do want something such as an appetiser to start off your meal, stay away from anything with white refined carbs such as breads and any types of fried foods. Munching on that piece of bread because you are hungry and impatient will cost you between 200-300 calories. Try order green salads with plenty of vegetables and always ask for the dressing on the side. Stay away from creamy ones such as ranch and mayo and go for the balsamic and olive oil ones. Always order sides of veggies instead of fries, and try to eat them first as this will fill you up and you will be less likely to overeat.

Also try to skip the soft drinks, as they add sneaky unwanted calories to your meal. Instead go for sparkling water or flavoured mineral waters.


External image

Take Away 

Sometimes its not about the fancy restaurants but simply hanging with your friends, getting ready for a movie night in and grabbing some take away. You will be pleased to hear you can still make healthier options in this scenario! If you are getting hamburgers avoid the usual drive through joints and find a smaller burger bar. Here they will generally serve turkey burgers and vegetarian patties (even large Portobello mushroom ones). Skip the bun and eat it on top of a large salad with mustard and relish as a dressing on the side. If you love your beef burgers too much opt for organic, grass fed beef and eat it served on a wholegrain bun. Take the top of the bun off to eat it open-faced. When choosing sauces stay away from the creamy ones.

Baked potatoes are another popular take away option. Try buying a plain baked potato and topping it at home with things like greek yogurt, sliced veggies, turkey and a small amount of shredded cheese.

Here is a tip for all the pizza lovers. You can still eat it, you just have to be aware of what is on it. Always go for a thin crust, wholemeal if possible. Ask the waiter to half the amount of cheese they would normally put on it and choose toppings that are smart. For example, tons of veggies and lean proteins such as chicken breast and other lean proteins. Order a salad before your main meal so that it helps fill you up.


External image

Portion Control

 I love eating at restaurants, but I know it can be very easy to get carried away when there is an abundance of choice.  Remember half the reason you are there is for the social aspect and not necessarily the food. Just because you have a massive plate filled with food in front does NOT mean you have to eat every last crumb. Be aware that MOST restaurants portions are waaaaay bigger than they need to be and it is up to you to use your common sense and know when to stop. Stop eating the second you feel full and remember it takes about 20 minutes for your stomach to recognise its full. Skip dessert, if you really want something sweet either share it or choose something like a fruit salad or light hot chocolate. 

I hope these tips helped you and remember, it is okay to splurge a little once in a while and treat yourself - just make healthier choices and your body will thank you for it!

Kayla

x


External image
Welcome To Stamford Earl

Okay guys, I know that I started a story months ago called trepidation and this isn’t it. This is something I threw together to get my writing juices flowing. This is set in 2016 and might be a bit different to what I have written or read. I don’t know I’ll see how it goes. Hopefully you all enjoy this first chapter, im unsure how many more there may be. I’ll keep them short, but there will most likely be a few. I will be working on my old stories seeing where I will need to improve.

This is un-edited and haven’t proof read. Sorry I just didn’t have time.

Read A/N down the bottom too…

So ladies, are you ready?

Keep reading