from my new music book

I am beautiful, don’t get me wrong. But I am beautiful like a forest fire, or a car crash. I’m the beauty of light shining on broken glass stained with red blood. I am beautiful like chaos. Stunning, but utterly terrifying. I am not the kind of beauty you want to touch, or get close to. I am the kind of beauty you should run from. The kind of beauty you should hope never to see.
—  A beautiful Disaster
  • me: i love trying new things!
  • other person: ooh, here, try this new thing!
  • me: oh.... no thanks.... *goes back to my favorite thing*
It’s not good that you only slept two hours last night. It’s not good you could only eat half a meal today and keep it down. It’s not good you only caused yourself a little harm today. It’s not good that You’re barely functioning. It’s not good, but it’s better. You’re getting better, and That’s all that matters.
Even if I were to never get to See you again, even if I could never hear your voice or feel your skin against mine, even if you cease to exist in my entire universe, everything in that universe is forever changed by who you are and What you did.
Your best friend messaged me again, asking Why. I didn’t know how to explain to her, or to you Why I just couldn’t stay away. Because I know we would never work out, and too much has happened. Things are so different from how they were, and things will never go back to the way they were this winter. But I guess I couldn’t stay away. I saw you hurting and I knew I could fix it, Cause even after all that I still love you , just not in the way you need me to.
—  Part of a book I’ll never write about you