from my momma

From That’s so Raven - They Work Hard for His Honey. All the times Raven calls Chelsea “Biscuit Head”

you never need to carry more than you can hold

Birthday fic for @whoacanada.  

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               It takes four pies and more loaves of bread than fit onto the counter for Bitty to admit he’s stressed. He knows he’s in denial, but he really thought that avoiding his problems with baking was something he would grow out of by the time he’s graduated.

               He’s been wrong about a few things lately.

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Remember! What you’re working on right now is so important, even if you don’t think it is. It’s a part of you that has taken shape in the form lines, colours, words, sentences. Don’t compare yourself to the next person. Express what’s inside of you. The only person who can do that is you. Be proud of the things you create, that are uniquely yours. You made that! That’s awesome! And if there is room to grow, allow yourself to grow and improve. Don’t get frustrated at yourself because the latest thing you made wasn’t mind-blowing or earth shattering. It doesn’t have to be. Every single thing you create has meaning even if it is simply a lesson.

And say “well done” to yourself more often! And if you don’t, allow me to say it to you instead…

Well done!!

Joker’s Daughter Part 2

“Daddy! You’re home!!” You cy, scrambling down the stairs, “I missed you!”

“Hello, Princess! How’s my favorite girl?”

“I’m the best, daddy! I had so much fun with, Uncle Frost! “

The Joker grinned, “I’m sure you did, Pumpkin. Did Frosty keep you busy while daddy handled business?”

“Yup!” You glance behind him, confused, “Where’s momma?”

“She wanted to spend some time with Poison Ivy tonight.” The Joker grinned, “The girls have a plan for Batsy”

You giggle and clap your hands, “I hope they have fun! But” you clear your throat, “daddy can I have something?”

“You can have whatever you want, princess! You know that!” you can already see the manic glint in your daddy’s eyes, he’s already plotting how to get whatever it is to you.

“I want the Red Hood” You try to sound confident, but don’t know if you managed it.

Daddy stiffens immediately and hold you at arm’s length, “Why would you want him? You can have anyone, Princess! Why would you choose him?”

“He isn’t scared of you! That’s why!”

“Y/N …”

“You make everyone scared of you, daddy! I just want someone who will love me for me! Not for your power!” You can feel tears building up in your eyes.

“Sorry to interrupts, Mr. J but your wife is on the phone”

The Joker growled and pushed you towards your uncle, “Take her up to her room, Frost. I have business tonight”

“Daddy!”

“No, Princess. You are gonna stay here tonight, I need to take care of a few things”

You nod and quietly turn to follow Uncle Frost. You really wish that you had waited fro momma to come home, but you were just too excited to wait! Momma and daddy’s relationship had gotten better ever since she got pregnant. According to Auntie Ivy it had been really bad in the beginning, that daddy had hurt momma a lot, but it hadn’t been that way for a while.

“Do you think daddy’s mad at me, Uncle Frost?” you whisper.

“I think he was just surprised, Princess. You know he would give you anything, but you asked for a vigilante that is constantly trying to ruin Mr. J’s plans. The Red Hood seems to have a particular disliking for Mr. J too, so your father might have been a little upset”

“I met him today, Uncle Frost. I met the Red Hood, he saved me”

Frost stopped and quickly spun you around, “What do you mean he saved you?”

“When I ran away, there was a guy in the alley who grabbed me” You didn’t really see it as a big deal, but uncle Frost’s eyes widened in horror, “He didn’t touch me! Don’t worry! Red Hood beat him up for me!”

“Why didn’t you tell me about this?” Frost hissed.

“I don’t want you to tell daddy! Please don’t!” You beg, you decide to pull out the puppy-dog eyes. Uncle Frost can’t resist those, so reluctantly he nods, “And then Hoodie and I started talking, and I gave him a kiss! And he said that he wanted to see me again! But I want to see him outside of the Hood. I want daddy to not hurt him!”

Uncle Frost sighed, “I know you really want this, and I know you don’t want him to be hurt. I also know you and Mr. J know exactly who they are under the mask. You have to give him a little time, sweetheart. He has to get used to the thought of you growing up, you know he’ll always see you as his princess.”

You wrap your uncle in a tight hug and nuzzle against him, “I really want him, Uncle Frost”

“I know you do, but you have to be patient”

“I will, promise”

“And you can’t run away anymore! You scared the shit out of me! If something had happened to you …”

“But nothing did! Nothing happened! Red Hood stopped it! It’s like I have a guardian angel watching over me!”

“Yeah, a guardian angel who likes to beat up your father, and who likes to use a gun”

You giggle, “But you like to use a gun, Uncle Frost!”

“I suppose I do, but Mr. J know I’ll die to protect you. Will your Red Hood?”

Once again you manage to slip away from your guards, this time however you head up to the rooftops instead of into an alley.

“Y/N!! Y/N!! Not again!! Where are you?!?”

You can’t help but laugh at your Uncle Frost’s distressed voice, “Silly Uncle Frost, as if I would give up this far into the game!”

“And what are you doing all the way up here, Princess?”

You whirl around, your blue and purple streaked hair twirling around you, “Hoodie!!”

Red Hood jumped down from the taller building, landing silently next to you, “Did you run away again?”

“I had to!” You jut your bottom lip out in a pout, “Daddy’s been trying to keep me in the house. I wanted to see you. I missed you”

Jason chuckled, pulling his helmet off, “You missed me?”

“Of course I did, sugar! Daddy tried to get me to forget about you! He brought home a bunch of guys from his club, but I didn’t want any of them!! I only want you, Jaybird” You whisper, wrapping your arms around his neck.

Jason grinned, “It’s been a week, doll. I thought you forgot about me”

You put one hand on your chest, “I would never forget about you!”

The safety on a gun clicks off from behind you and in an instant Jason had you pushed behind him.

“Step away from my daughter” Your momma snarled

“No momma! Don’t shoot him!!” You try to get around Jason, you know that momma won’t hurt you, but she has no problem hurting anyone in the Batfamily.

Jason just continues to hold you behind him, “I’m not going to hurt her, Harley. She hasn’t done anything wrong”

“Yeah, and the minute she does you’re going to turn against her. You’re going to hurt my princess, and I’m not going to let you do that, I’m not going to let anyone hurt her” Momma ended up screaming at the end. She raised the gun, ready to shoot.

“Please!” you sob, “Please don’t hurt him”

“Your daddy told me about your infatuation, honey. Puddin’ said you wanted to see him for a date, and then Frosty said that you had managed to get away from the guards and from the house. I knew exactly where my girl was heading, so all I had to do was find Red Hood here, and I knew I would find you”

“Momma please, I’ll go with you. I won’t see him anymore, I promise. Just-just don’t hurt him” you beg.

“No” Jason snapped, “I won’t just give up on you like that, Y/N! You’ve proven that you’re different, that you aren’t a killer, or at least that you don’t kill without due cause.”

“You’ll let her go, Hood, or I’ll shoot you”

“I said no” Jason growled

“Jason please, just let me go, I don’t want her to hurt you, you know momma will. She won’t hesitate”

“You have until the count of three to let my Princess go. One” the gun cocked, “two” momma aims right for Jason’s chest, and you tense, “Three” the gun goes off.

My mom is an elementary school teacher and I’m helping her get stuff set up and there’s this super cute teacher down the hall like oh man she’s so cute and nice and talks to me whenever I’m here I’m like “pls can u feel my lesbian vibes should I wear plaid I need you to Know I’m definitely hitting on you right now”

Witch song from Fantastic Beasts

My momma, your momma, gonna catch a witch
My momma, your momma, flying on a switch
My momma, your momma, witches never cry
My momma, your momma, witches gonna die!
Witch number one, drown in a river!
Witch number two, gotta noose to give her!
Witch number three, gonna watch her burn
Witch number four, flogging take a turn.

Jason, 45

“I’m wearing a putty-colored Ralph Lauren linen jacket, pink Richard James shirt from an ex, big old Levis with army surplus suspenders, Chinese military shoes called Jiefang Xie, a checkered Kangol by Marc Jacobs and a neck wrap stitched by my momma from an old scarf. I’m a child of the 80’s, so I like an outfit… something pulled together in details no matter how casual. Denise Huxtable from “The Cosby Show” had a lasting impact on my point of view.”

May 9, 2017 ∙ Madison Square