from lust

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Your boyfriend shifts around a little, unable to sleep. It’s 3am and he’s exhausted, but he just can’t seem to get comfortable. He rolls over and pulls you against him for cuddles, and you stir only a little, murmuring goodnight as you shift further into his arms. Unluckily for him, that means your ass is pressed right u against his hardening length. He tries not to think about it but he tenses up beside you, suddenly feeling his boxers tighten more and more as his mind wander even further.

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You see, at first, I did regret you. I regretted ever giving you that satisfaction of having me so easily. I used to regret ever being so vulnerable for you. I would regret the memories we had created at 2PM as well as the ones at 4AM. Now, I’m just so thankful for you. You taught me that there is nothing wrong with showing a man just how crazy you are for him, it is not my fault you were incapable of loving me back. You taught me my worth. That I should not lose an ounce of sleep, crying over something that is completely out of my hands. You taught me how to love myself enough to let you go. Because of you, I know what I deserve now and I will never settle. You did that. I am forever grateful for you.
—  You were a life lesson. Thank you R.
I had to let us go. Not only for me but for your sake. I didn’t want to be around, constantly reminding you of what could’ve and what would’ve been.
I know what i have to offer and i know that i just might have been the best thing that you ever got to call ‘yours’. But you just weren’t ready.
So i had to let us go.
—  September 26, 2017
11:15 PM

There’s something so different about him…
Most make me anxious, nervous, and unsure.

He makes me feel safe.

I want to crawl into his arms and feel his warm hand on the small of my back, tracing circles over and over.

I want to thread my fingers through his hair and sigh into his ear, content and happy.

—  Safe
I compare him to you a lot,” she says, a smile growing on her lips.
“The way he looks at me, you never looked at me like that. Like I was something precious, something to cherish. You never listened, you’d brush away my views and opinions and insist you were right. He doesn’t. He listens, takes in my view and respects it. You never held me like he does. You’d make it seem like a chore, something you had to do. He takes my hand when I don’t expect it, pulls me close and kisses me like he can’t stop himself.” Her smile is beaming, but it’s not for him.
Not anymore.
“I compare him to you a lot because now I see how bad you were for me. I thought I was happy with you, but now I know I am so much happier with him than I ever was with you.
—  Excerpt from the book I’ll never write
I’m tired. It’s exhausting giving your all to a person who continuously breaks you. I’m mentally, physically, emotionally worn out. Chasing you drained me. Putting my all into you drained me. I stay up until four in the morning thinking to myself how crazy you have made me. You did this to me. What hurts the most is that we both know you are hurting me, but neither of us want to do anything to stop it.
—  How can i love him without hurting myself?
Shades of purple with hues of red, line your neck, where my lips collide with your skin. A catastrophic explosion, pulsing with energy leaves my mouth. I fall into your gravity. The intensity of the gravitational collapse emitted from the rush of passion between us is cosmic. This lustful supernova triggers the emergence of exquisite artwork that now stains your neck. The space above your collarbones now radiates an illustration of a nebula.
—  love bites and galaxies within us // m.b.
i remember i used to spend my time writing about you.
i used to lose sleep crying over you. finally okay.
i’m happy that i suffered..
in both life and relationships because i’ve learned, i grew, and i’ve evolved into the version of myself most necessary for survival.
i’m a work in progress and i’m still working on a happier, wiser, more loving and accepting ME-daily.
i’m still under construction.
whichever mistakes i made today-
i pray i learn and grow from, but i’ll never give up.
i’ll always choose love.
and i know some days i stumble, but i try my best.
for a long time after you left, my dreams beat my reality.
i used to think about life and shit like everything we could be and everything that should be and all the dead-end promises you gave that fooled me.
i used to pray that you’d find yourself
and someone who could love the baggage you carry on your back and i prayed that i’d find some clarity and the strength to move forward, without you.
i depended on your love for so long
that i didn’t realize you became a part of me.
it was hard to see that
God placed you in my life for a good reasoning.
i’m thankful to you for noticing me.
i’m thankful for our love and all the shit you taught me.
i’m thankful for our ending, i was broken-indescribably.
i’ve faulted myself for loving too hard, for too long.
today i applaud myself.
in a generation where falling in love is conditional and frowned upon, i’ve spilled my soul.
i’ve let you see my naked, and sometimes ugly, truth.
this morning i finally saw my silver lining-
crazy how it used to be you.
—  “ex lover” -Reyna Biddy