from almost 2 years ago

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(Side effects may include: Mutuals reblog this please.)

7

My very favorit shooting from almost 2 years ago! We shooted the priest versions of the italy bros in Venice (thanks to Lewys dad xD) and man it was wonderfull

South Italy + Editor: @lewyko

North Italy: Me

[Art belongs to Hidekaz ofc]

(a lil something from my zine)
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Almost 2 years ago I discovered Hiller Godspeed and he had this simple yet very poignant illustrations. But one of his works kept haunting me: a tiny pink piece of paper used as a memo for Massachusetts Institute of Technology and it said “You get better and better at everything and then you die.” And it hit me so hard, because I realised it is true. It kinda made me depressed and it was ridiculous because it was only an image on the internet made by a person hundreds of miles away. All I could do was to make an updated version of Hiller’s work just to remind myself that everything’s not completely pointless.

we met at work and instantly fell for each other. I was drawn to her in such an inexplicable way; I knew from the beginning that we would end up with a story together. I never imagined it would be this one. we had an indescribable connection and we would stay up for hours at night talking about everything– religion, the universe, our feelings for each other. she is the most intelligent person I’ve ever known and she has the most poetic mind. every word that came out of her mouth left me in awe. we were only together for a little less than 4 months but it was the most passionate love I’ve ever experienced. I knew her family and she knew mine. I fell in love with her beautiful baby niece, and she was so good with my little sisters. everything felt so right, like we were always meant to find each other. we planned our whole future together. we talked about getting married and starting a family one day. but eventually issues started to arise. we were both dealing with mental illness and it was difficult for us to find a way to handle it while still managing a healthy relationship. eventually I began to grow suicidal. the night of my suicide attempt was the night everything fell apart. my mom separated us and told us we weren’t allowed to speak anymore. we still did, but in secret. and it worked, for a while. until it didn’t. the stress left us both on edge and we fought constantly. there were multiple times where she tried to end it, but I wasn’t ready to give up and I kept fighting for her to come back. I should have let her go. it was what she wanted. it kept getting worse, and the fights grew nasty. I will never forget the night she told me about an almost lover from 2 years ago, one that she never moved on from. she described him with the same infatuation, passion and admiration as I’d always felt for her. I knew she never loved me as much as him, and it was the single most gut wrenching feeling in the whole world. she kept trying to end it, I kept not letting go. I wouldn’t respect her decision, and I wouldn’t leave her alone when she asked. I still don’t know why. it was manipulative, it was disrespectful, and it was wrong. and I know it’s the thing that ruined what was left of our chances. after telling me some things I’ll never be able to forget, she sent me this. and it’s the last thing she ever said to me. I finally let go, when I should have a long time ago. but I’ll never forget about her. I will never stop loving you, angel. I’ll always be your padini pie.

anonymous asked:

Hey dye, sorry in advance but I figured since you've made characters with other people you might be the best to ask for advice about this but, I have this friend who I made characters with and is also my gm and he's turned really toxic over the last few years but he is like he also has prevented me from taking my ocs and putting them on the internet because "They're not just mine, and they're a part of a thing we made" like, he used to be really nice, and would make lgbt ocs for (p1)

Lgbt ocs for my characters (if they’re lgbt since I dont make straight ocs) to romance and stuff… but like, he gets really really angry when I can’t like, rp straight sex? I’m a lesbian with like a history of sexual assault from men and women and physical assault from a man when I was 5 and he used to be understanding and now he says that it’s not fair to him when he wants straight rps and stuff that divulge into sex when I become like super uncomfortuable. Especially since he insists (p2)

I play female characters only. And like gets mad when I make trans characters, and like it’s getting super hard to get motivation to make characters for anything even if it’s just by myself because I keep hearing his reactions in my head. He also makes me feel like shit for being gay and brings up an argument from almost 2 years ago when I “offended his penis” (I just mentioned my literal phobia) and has made comments saying that “I probably would of been bi” and how he would of had a chance p3

What I’m about to tell you is really heavy, but please don’t panic. I’m not asking you to do anything immediately, I mainly want you to be aware of what kind of situation you’re in.

A lot of people won’t take “nerdy” online activities seriously, but there are predators out there who use role-playing and fiction as a way to control others. If you imagine yourself in place of your characters– being isolated and kept private, having your self-expression controlled, being sexually compromised or coerced– all of these would equate to real-life abuse. As creators, we put a lot of ourselves and our emotions into our characters, this isn’t something to take lightly. For all intents and purposes, he is abusing you and he sounds utterly disgusting.

Some other red flags I want you to think about:

  • is he’s older than you? or did he start talking to you when you were still under 18 (whether or not he actively knew your age)?
  • does he write characters that exhibit toxic tropes? Like aggressive men who constantly require the emotional labor of your female or non-binary characters?
  • are his requests for sexual rps becoming more common or more insistent?
  • does he take peer critique poorly? especially if it’s feedback that you think would be healthy and benefit the relationship between the two of you?
  • does he talk badly about your other rp friends behind their backs with you? does he keep a lot of secrets with you, often making it seem like an “exclusive” relationship between you two?

Even if he doesn’t do the things I listed above, just the simple fact he’s acting like a victim over your sexuality is warning enough.

Again, I’m not asking you to do anything immediately. Jumping out of this relationship may put you at risk. Instead, try these steps:

  • talk to other friends first. Ideally, talk to people who also know him, and start expanding your support network. Find like-minded people who know how weird or bad he is to rp with, or understand and empathize with you. This will help you not only with venting, it will help remind you you’re not wrong
  • I know it’s hard and you feel discouraged, but start making new characters unrelated to him. post about them publicly from the get-go so they are out in the world for you to have fun with on your own terms (if you need to, I can even help you with this personally)
  • try to roleplay with other people more often. If he’s your primary rp partner, it will only heighten the toxicity of your situation. Spread your wings and reconnect with others, find your individual voice again
  • slowly try to ween him off of you. This step may include things like blocking him on websites, messengers, or even changing accounts if you feel he’s becoming too dangerous. Be careful of stalking and angry behavior, take this step very cautiously
  • If needed, put the characters you shared with him away for a couple years. Your negative experiences with him may make them feel “dirty” for a while, even if that’s not true. But it can help your mental health immensely to retire them for a bit and focus on your other creative outlets. A lot of the characters I write even today are ones that have been through really bad rps with past abusers, don’t lose hope

Again, I am not trying to scare you, but i want you to realize you are in a dangerous situation with a dangerous person. He has obvious vested interests in you romantically and sexually, and cares more about a fucking body part than your emotional well-being. Take this slowly because it won’t be easy, but please please start getting away from him.

If you need anything from me, please don’t hesitate. I’m here for you