I never understood a mothers bond, from the mum’s side before, but I do now. It’s the most amazing feeling. Everyone says clingy babies are bad, but i’m a sucker for mummy/Lucas cuddles.
Carrying Lucas around in my stomach for 9 months, carrying him with me everywhere i went, sleeping with him every night, feeding him, protecting him, keeping him warm, everything I did I did it with Lucas. So the moment that umbilical cord was cut and he was handed to Brad in the operating theatre a part of me felt a little sad, like a part of me was being taken away, and I thought that the bond we had would be really difficult to continue and would take a while to build up. I guess that was also my anxiety telling me “are you sure you know what you’re doing?” “Are you gonna be a good enough mum for him?” “Will he love you as much as you love him?” I still get these anxious thoughts, but not as strong as before.
The moment we got back to the room on the delivery ward and Lucas was put on my chest for skin to skin and he latched on so very easily for his first ever breastfeed, made me heart go all giddy. I knew from that moment I was going to love breastfeeding and knew Lucas would be so easy to bond with. It became more clear that night after Brad had gone home, Lucas wouldn’t sleep in the hospital cot, he screamed every time I put him in it, he wanted to sleep on mummy’s chest. The following day after my catheter was taken out and I could make my own way to the toilet, He would be fast asleep on a cushion on the bed, I would pop to the toilet (opposite my bay) and within seconds of sitting on the toilet, I’d here his cry and would stop the moment he was back in my arms.
Since being home mine and Lucas’ mother/son bond has grown stonger and stronger. I think breastfeeding has played a huge part and I love him more and more everyday and he mean’s the world to me.
I love his cuddles, his kisses, his cute little noises he makes, the funny faces he pulls, his little froggy legs, his huge wide eyes and well everything about him.
I was terrified of postnatal depression and falling ill with it. You hear all these horror stories of mothers getting postnatal depression and not being able to grow a bond with their baby, not wanting to cuddle their baby and with all the thoughts going around in my head with my anxiety and past depression diagnosis’ i was so worried about this. This *touch wood* hasn’t happened and wont ever happen. I have grown a lovely bond with Lucas and hope this stays like this forever, really.
He is such a mummy’s boy and I am so lucky to have that.